ICW – The Goggles They Do Nothing Review

goggles

So Edinburgh got pumped again. In perhaps the most chaotic way yet. Admittedly I missed the first show ICW ran in Edinburgh, but unless there wis a tank and an incredibly hungry Lion involved somewhere, there’s nae chance it matched the carnage that came wae ICWs first ever Edinburgh Street Fight. Glesga’s been tore enough new arses, it wis time tae show the capital how orchestrated violence can look so convincing sometimes, it leads tae the polis being phoned. I reckon the polis showing up is a sign that yer doing it right more than anything else, so I’m sure everyone involved wurnae bothering their arses when it occurred. Before that utter mayhem got under way, we had a stoater of an undercard tae get through, so I’ll try n walk ye through it eh. I know the Square Go review wis a wee bit sketchy on the details, but I have various personal excuses fur that naecunt will really gie a fuck aboot, so we’ll move past it eh. Water under the bridge.

I got in 5 minutes late, so unfortunately I missed most of the bold Billy Kirkwoods patter, but I didnae miss him introducing his broadcast colleague for the evening and I didnae miss how much of a hilarious cunt he is. It wis yer DCT, retired ref and 2 time Square Go entrant (totalling about 3 seconds of action) and he wis now apparently a PIMP, as he came strollin oot shirtless, wae Leah Owens in tow, and the maist baw huggin tights on ye’ll ever see. Tae cut a ong story short, if ye ever need DCT, just dial 69-69-0-0-0. Also, if ye were in the crowd, you’re carrying DCTs wean noo, and it already has a tash.

Noam Dar vs Jackie Polo

Its a bit of a jarring turn of events where the match ye’ve been recklessly replenishing yer fluids for is on first. Noam Dar had the better of it early on, as he got things going wae a huge dive tae the outside on Polo as he was polishing off his beautiful entrance. Wisnae keen on Noam cutting short our wee sing song, but ye have tae respect the giant set of baws that took. Dar had the better of most of this tbh. Going tae work on Polos legs wae some stiff kicks, and a dropkick when Polos leg wis propped up on the bottom rope. I wis hauf expectin Hearto tae bring back the fan in zipper gimmick, after seeing it make an appearance at SWA a couple of nights before, but it wisnae tae be. Noam went for a figure 4 but had it blocked. Went for the STF no long after and wis roundly booed for it for some fuckin reason. I know Cena does it, but here’s 2 reasons ye need tae wrap that patter. Firstly I know Cena’s shite at it, but a lot of other cunts dae it anaw, and they dae it well, so its no like he busted oot the 5 knuckle shuffle or some shit. Secondly, Cena’s no that bad. Aye he’s been a face for the best part of a century, and his haircut belongs on an esteemed pub dominoes player, but the cunt can wrestle, so simmer the fuck doon. If Noam Dar wants tae make use of a smidgen of hustle, a lot of loyalty, and a gallon of respect, thats uptae him.

Noam attempts tae pay homage tae his big pal Herto next but his Rock Bottom attempt is blocked. Polo goes for the Polo Plex but thats blocked anaw. Noam goes for the big Khali chop aff the top rope, but Jackies having none of it. Catches him, and delivers a shoulderbreaker, followed by whit looked like a crossface, but I didnae have a great vantage point. He tapped though, and Polo rolls on tae Still Smokin lookin strong as fuck.

Fight Club vs Kenny Williams and Joe Hendry

Kenny Williams just fuckin has it eh? It’s blatantly obvious the cunt just gets it. He knows how tae make this pro wrestling thing make hunners of sense. A lot of the talk going in tae this one would have been about the meteoric rise of yer Joe Hendry, and the potential friction wae Fight Club, but Kenny Williams stole the show. I love him and Joe being a team tae, cause in terms of self promotion and charisma, Joe Hendry has a wee special something there anaw. Theres some tension between the two early on though, as Kid Fite and Kenny kick us off wae some fast paced brawness. Good tae see Joe finally get in amongst a proper match, and he managed tae get a cracker of a fallaway slam in towards the end, but at times the pace the other three were going at was a bit too frenetic for yer local hero. Nearly got knocked aff the apron by Kenny early on but, he stopped himself, only for Kid Fite tae send Joe fleein intae the barrier. Snap suplex fae fito, and wee sidewalk slam fae Liam Thomson as yer Fight Club are looking cohesive enough, despite some shenanigans wae blind tags and the like throughout. Kenny gets back in and hits a lovely spingboard flying elbow. Then..it finally happened. After months of teasing a Fight Club breakup, only for the dastardly teasin bastards tae turn heel instead, finally the months of snidey looks, and Thomson quietly starting “ginger baws” chants when Fitos in the ring, the boys finally met their end. Or Thomson at least filed for divorce when he jumped aff the apron when Fito went lookin for the tag. So wae nae fight, that just left The Local Hero and The Bollocks against..Club well Club’s nae slouch and he proved that by rolling up Hendry for the pin.

Then the two dafties called out big Damo and got battered. I had this completely wrang the first time. Thought they battered Thomson n Damo saved him. Fuck sake.

Jack Jester vs Joe Coffey vs James Scott (ICW Title Match)

It’s important tae let ye know for future reference that it wis apparently announced as an elimination match before it started. Well so my pal tells me anyway, I didnae hear it personally, so if thats shite, aim yer gripes at him. I also feel that its important tae tell ye that I think James Scott might huv an addiction tae buyin wrestling gear. Anytime I see that magnificent bastard wrestle, he’s got different gear oan, and the night he busted oot the all white singlet. As much as I enjoy seeing aw the different kinds of gear he’s got, if it comes at the expense of fillin yer fridge or anythin, its just no worth it Jamesy. I spose since we’re apparently daein a gear check, I might aswell tell ye Joe Coffey has the tighty whiteys on anaw, and Jester had his usual gear on. Pirate stuff, complete wae sadistic bloodthirsty smile.
We kick off wae James Scott departing the ring tae gather his energies and be a right cheeky bastard, as Joe and Jester lock up. Scott sneaks back in and is hit by a double hiptoss, followed by a double back elbow fae the boys, amidst his wails of “heres that no fair, they two are gangin up on me!”

Next we had yon chest beating spot Sheamus does, followed by a dropkick that caught MAD air. Coffey gets some swings on the go next, and wae every rotation James Scotts white singlet started turning a faint shade of green. Coffey follows that up wae the superfly splash aff the top rope, but for some reason Jester broke up the pin. That’s the part I didnae get, did any of the 3 folk involved know it wis an elimination match? Next we had a Northern Lights Suplex fae Scott, followed by a spot in the corner involving all 3 men which I’m gonnae refer tae as the “Humpty Dumpty” spot, cause whoever ends up sittin on the top rope, ends up huvin the maist significant fall. (of course I might be gien it a gimmicky wee name cause I cannae remember the move specifically, but lets keep that between us eh. Pals n that) Then ma man Joe Coffey kicked it intae high gear as he had Scott and Jester set up at opposite corners and started splashin them lit a madman. That was followed by the gutwrench suplex and a big spinning lariat, but his attempt tae lariat James Scott wis ducked, and turned intae a Full Nelson Suplex. All of a sudden fae looking like he might be about tae take both of his opponents out, Joe Coffey found himself struggling in the same chokehold that’s got the job done for Scott previously against Coffey, and he had tae give up. So thats James Scott yer NEWWWWW ICW CHAMPION then eh? Well…no quite, as Simon Cassidy gets on the mic tae inform us (for the second time apparently) that this is a triangle match, and we’re down tae Scott vs Jester for the belt. James wis in the middle of huvin a custom spraypaint job done on the belt tae match the white singlet (here I might have a wee white singlet fetish, cause I keep gaun on wee tangents about it and deleting them…I dunno whit it wis, but he was rockin it…I mind Red Lightning tried a white singlet once and got slagged tae fuck for it, so its no for everycunt, but by fuck, wis Jamesie pullin it off)

So we’re down tae Jester v Scott for the belt, wae my pick and probably my favourite wrestler in Scotland Joe Coffey, papped oot. I know I shouldnae play favourites, cause journalistic integrity n that, but I also know that I’m nothing even approaching a journalist, so I play favourites aw day long. Didnae even watch the rest of the match, instead I used that time tae draft an email tae Mark Dallas, my local MP, Alec Salmond and Barack Obama that just said “Joe 4 Champ” in huge green neon letters. Nah I’m at it, I watched the conclusion and it happened in a fuckin instant, as Jester took advantage of James Scotts outrage at huvin nae belts by Tombstoning him tae buggery. Jester retains. Being the charmer that he is, he also brought a fan intae the ring after the match and celebrated wae her. I think it was her birthday or somethin. So she got a wee haud of the belt. Is that no just awffy nice?

Carmel Jacob and Kay Lee Ray are fuckin…..aye

Folk fuckin dae my nut in man. Here we had Carmel Jacob, cutting the promo of her career, in the midst of a hot streak going aw the way back tae the piece of artwork her and Kay Lee created at Dave’s Not Here Man. A promo that actually managed tae top the fuckin captivating brilliance that was the Maryhill promo, and ye had wanks interrupting her throughout. I’m aw for wrestling fans showing emotion, and investing in the product, but when yer shite patter becomes detrimental tae the show, ye become a fuckin nuisance. Anyway, Carmel talks about how the Square Go wis fulla trainees, comedy acts and sex toys that Davey Blaze has slung up hauf ah Glesga. Nae Carmel though. Oor Carmel didnae even get an invite. Know who did though? Kay Lee Ray. Despite them BOTH having an equal hand in one of the greatest female wrestling rivalries I’ve ever had the fortune of seeing, Kay Lee wis the favourite once again. Carmels fuckin sick ae it mate. She sick of seeing folk like The Owens Twins featured in magazines cause they know whit boabies tae sook (im paraphrasing Carmel there btw, these arent my words, just incase The Owens Twins want tae batter me)
So d’ye know whit? Carmel QUITS. She’d had enough of huvin tae settle for the supporting role. Kay Lee’s no happy wae that patter but, and out she comes. Fair play tae her, she praises Carmel highly, and basically said that without Carmel, she wouldn’t be where she was today. A grudging mutual respect had blossomed between these two recently, but aw that went oot the windae when Carmel ignored Kaylee’s insistence that there’s nae way she would quit when they still has business tae conclude and all of a sudden we’re scrapping. This isnae yer WWE Divas type scrappin either, these two were proper leathering each other, but as Kay Lee started getting the better of it, out came Liam Thomson tae break them up, providing the hauners for Carmel. Kid Fite came out tae gie Kay Lee hauners in return, and letting us know beyond reasonable doubt that Fight Club wanted tae batter fuck out each other.
Dallas is huvin none of that though, and the maist topsy turvy “will they/wont they?” storyline since Ross n Rachel (fuckin Friends reference in an ICW review, is that sacrilege? I’m genuinely sorry for subjecting ye tae that shite) He insists he needs a united Fight Club. They’re invading England in 2014, and he needs one of the best tag teams in Europe as part of his army. So the boays shake hauns and thats that. Fight Club are still a unit it would appear, and as things stand, Carmel Jacob has walked away fae ICW. I hope with every fibre of my existence that its aw just a swerve though. And these two magnificent burds will be knockin 11 shades of shite out each other at Still Smokin.

Mark Coffey vs Lionheart (ICW Zero-G Title Match)

Carmel interrupted Mark Coffeys entrance tae cut her promo, so this time Mark actually gets tae come out…cept haud on! he’s got unfinished business tae address first. Apparently his opponent for Still Smokin, the bold Solar, wisnae convinced he’d still have the belt when their match happens so he wis gonnae bury the wee cunt RIGHT HERE N NOW. Impromptu match alert.

Mark Coffey vs TAFKA Solar (or Toalar if ye prefer)

Out comes Solar tae his usual high energy, bumped aff an auld Bonkers CD entrance music. There’s somethin no quite right here though. Dont get me wrong, this guy wis similar tae Solar in terms of charisma and stature, but I dunno. This Solar looked like he’d seen things man. He’d seen stuff. He’d seen a combination of things…and stuff. This wis like Solar after coming back fae a tour of Afghanistan or something. The mask hid the pain that lay behind his eyes. If Toalars face wis the window tae whit lay behind his tortured eyes, the mask wis the curtains. Or eh…something. I had my suspicions this wisnae Solar ataw, as Mark Coffey pinned the usually resilient wee bastard in a matter of seconds, but I’ll tell ye whit. If it wisnae actually Solar, whoever was dwelling underneath that mask is my new favourite wrestler. Hauns doon. Nae contest.

Mark Coffey vs Lionheart (Zero-G Championship)

So aye. Mark Coffey actually did get round tae wrestling Lionheart, and it was fuckin superb. Started wae some sideheadlocks, and armbars, then we got tae runnin the ropes. Leapfrog followed by a dropkick attempt from Coffey which wis evaded by Hearto. Forearms in the corner, were followed by a successful dropkick from Coffey. Then a wee exchange of chops, wis followed by some jabs straight outta the Dwayne Johnson playbook. Then…Polo happened. Sporting nothing but a dinner jacket, a sharp long sleeved fluorescent pink tee, and nae troosers. Polo wis out tae gie Billy Kirkwood and the International Shaggin Machine DCT a wee haun on commentary. He took tae a mic where everyone could hear him though, and that’s when an already excellent match, took on an added element of fuckin sheer genius. Polo starts calling the match, and predicts Lionheart hittin the Brogue Kick in the corner before the thought even pops intae his heid. The Brogue is indeed delivered, as Polo tries tae get a Lionheart chant going, and gives it some patter about Hearto being best pals wae Jeff Jarrett. Coffey hits an emphatic clothesline, and thats followed up by the two exchanging forearm smashes and jabs. Polo continues tae narrate aw these shenanigans, as Coffey hits a backdrop. Hearto goes for the Rock Bottom, buts its blocked and all of a sudden we’ve got a full nelson locked in. Hearto goes for the Rock Bottom again, and this time hits it for a 2 count. Being the astute observationalist (I’m fully aware thats no a word, but neither’s “stoater” and I say that hunners, so simmer doon) that he is, he judges this as his time tae intervene. He announces that its time for him tae depart, and that distraction caused gies Coffey an opening tae hit the Pumphandle Slam tae retain that belt for whit…the 5th time the night? somethin like that anyway. Some shift fae Coffey.

Another wee staredown between Polo and Hearto. Polo gives him patter about how he could never be Scotlands BEEEEEEST wrestler, cause tae be quite honest, he couldnae pull off the dinner jacket n nae troosers combo. Hearto disagrees wholeheartedly, and a scrap breaks out between the two, but its swiftly broken up by Mark Coffey and Noam Dar (sporting trainers withoot socks btw, or trainer socks at best, a bold fuckin move, but I think he pulled it off) this isnae the time for solving this debate troops. Save it for Still Smokin where Jackie Polo extended a challenge to Lionheart to make their match a Kiss My Ass match.

Mikey Whiplash vs Yum Yum (Grado Special Guest Ref)

Wrestling surprises ye in the best way sometimes. Nae offence tae Yum Yum btw, but when a guy emerges for a match wae a borderline homicidal Mikey Whiplash, lookin like he’s fillin his tights wae a different shade of shite wae every step he takes, ye just assume its gonnae be a brutal squash. Yum Yum’s no the most physically imposing guy either, although coming out tae Last Resort by Papa Roach got a nice wee pop. Anyway, the point here is, don’t judge a book by its extremely pale cover, as YumYum can fuckin go. Never have I been more pleasantly surprised by a wrestler who I knew little about. Never have I been more intae a match that I has such modest expectations for. After some shenanigans between Grado and Whippy, wae Whippy refusing to let Grado pat him down for deadly weapons, the match gets under way with Yum Yum sending Whippy tae the outside with a dropkick tae the leg. On the outside Yum Yum delivers some thunderous forearms tae a clearly shellshocked Whiplash, but Mikey hits back with some stiff elbows, and some patter towards Grado about him knowing fuck all about wrestling. Back in the ring, European Uppercuts are exchanged, before Yum Yum gets a near fall. Whippy followed that with a scoop slam and a huge legdrop and thats when the match started tae resemble the doing I expected it tae be.

Elbow in the corner, followed by an elbow drop, and Yum Yum looked deid, but Whippy deliberately stops his pin attempt at 2. He’s no done with the poor cunt yet. Some slaps the the chops are followed by an Enziguiri by Yum Yum and suddenly we’ve got a match again. Then Yum Yum performed a move that I really cannae even begin tae describe. Basically a sitout powerbomb on Whippy as he held on tae the middle rope wae both hands. So basically he had tae loosen Whippys grip on the ropes tae land it. I dunno if I’ve ever seen such a move, but I know I popped like a dafty for it. He followed that up wae some dropkicks in the corner, after Grados (rather quick) count only managed tae get a two. Yum Yum then goes for that spot Daniel Bryan does wae that numerous kicks tae the chest, followed by the big roundhouse, but Whippy blocks the roundhouse and sends Yum Yum intae the corner. Whit else is there tae do with yer opponent slumped in the corner? I mean the bronco buster is always an option, but when the man yer currently locked in a brutal feud with refereeing yer match, its only right that ye take his signature move, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways and eh…well, ye kinda rub it in his face. Whippy proceeded tae rub a Roll n Slice in Grados face basically, as he hits the Roll n Slice on Yum Yum. Whippy still isnae ready to put the poor cunt out his misery though, and just when it looks like he’s about tae become detached from his limbs, he rallies again. Theres nae haudin David Devlin doon it would appear as he hit a top rope missile dropkick. The ultimate fuckin underdog. It wis surely game over now though. As Whippy gets him up for the F5 and lays him spark out wae it, but he’s still no done yet. Amidst Grados pleas for him tae let up, he dingies it and goes for the Wee Boot, but Yum Yum only goes and fuckin ducks it, wee boot intae a rollup..1…2…3. Fuckin………eh? 

Aye. Yum Yum pinned Mikey Whiplash.

Naturally he celebrated wildly, and Grado took great pleasure in joining him. The one thing Grado didnae seem tae factor in here, is that the quick count he made use of tae help Yum Yum get the job done, could potentially lead tae a wee mood swing fae Mikey Whiplash. He’s prone tae these ye see, one minute hes got the stockings and suspenders on and oiling up his pinky finger tae playfully stick in yer ear, and the next he’s knockin yer cunt in and slinging barriers in the ring again, tae impale yer skull on them. He drags Grado back intae the ring and delivers an utterly sickening piledriver on top of the steel barrier. Then he proceeded tae pull Yum Yum and a wee bucket of water intae the ring before legitimately trying tae drown the poor cunt. I know wrestling is aw storylines n that, but a very real part of me wis convinced that wis a shoot. Mikey Whiplash genuinely tried tae kill two men in front of my very eyes. Yum Yum did survive though. Cause thats what he does. He’s a survivor. And he will win you over. One extremely surprising missile dropkick at a time.

The NAK vs The Bucky Boys and Wolfgang (Edinburgh Street Fight)

See before I even attempt tae put this chaos intae words, I’d like tae ask ye, how the fuck does one ‘review’ carnage? How in the name of christ am I supposed tae accurately depict the antics of the criminally insane? I’m no the maist stable of cunts myself, but for 90% of this fuckin war, I wis cowering in a wee corner unconsciously screamin at them tae make it stop. I really dunno where tae begin. Well I suppose the beginning is as good a starting point as any eh?

So we started in the ring, as The Wee Mans patter regarding Davie Boys triumphant appearance on Take Me Out the night before (during which he became the first contestant to successfully penetrate all 30 of the burds by winking at them….oh you were in the audience hen aye? congratulations…yer pregnant) is interrupted by everycunt knockin lumps oot each other. There were chops. There wis Wolfgang absolutely frothing tae get his hands on BT Gunn. There wis some triple team stuff fae the NAK on Wolfy. There wis a successful 3D on Divers, followed by one on Renfrew that didnae go as swimmingly, but I think the boays more than made up for it. Some suicide diving, and I’m sure Wolfy flung somecunt anaw and all of a sudden it wis decided. This is a fuckin street fight, so fuck this pish where everycunt can see whit we’re gettin uptae, lets take this tae the sewers! Or at least that whit it resembled, as some fuckin arspiece in the crowd decided tae spit on Divers, and got his shit dismantled for his troubles. There’s few things I hate more in the world than folk spitting, especially when it’s directed at a guy who’s putting his body on the fuckin line so ye can get yer 12 quids worth. Hope yer next shite’s an alligator covered in jaggy nettles ya fuckin cretin.

Anyway…I seen fuck all of this stuff at the bar and I seen even less when we got outside cause I’m wee as fuck, but there’s a video of it floating around the internet, so I’m gonnae pick that apart and just kid on I seen it when I wis there anyway, ye cool wae that aye? aces. So everyone takes a shot each of scuddin somedys napper wae a bin. Stevie hits Renfrew wae a low blow. BT puts the bin on Stevies heid and leathers it wae a huge kick. Then we went outside. Then people nearly died.

Wolfy is first tae emerge, but hes quickly turned back round, straight intae one of they world altering chops fae BT Gunn. I swear tae ye, see when Liverpool were 3-0 down in the CL Final aw they years ago? it wis a BT Gunn chop that got them back intae the match. The reverberations fae it gied the Liverpool boys superhuman strength, and 2 hours later ye’ve got Stevie Gerrard drinkin Blue MD ootae the cup wae the big ears. BT Gunns chops change lives. BTs next weapon of choice is one of they metal crates used for transporting things fae one place tae an alternative place, as he sends one of them intae Davies ribs. Divers is the next tae feel the wrath of the delivery cage, as Davie sends him intae it wae an Irish Whip. Then Renfrew tried tae “Take Davie Out” wae a piledriver on the road, only for Davie tae reverse it intae a spine shattering backdrop on the road. Ye cannae just dae backdrops on roads btw. Roads are not padded. I dunno how ye’d even warn folk off that. A don’t try this at home VT wae an added bit about no trying it on the M8 either?

I heard various lies, damned lies and half-truths as we shuffled back intae the venue. The main one floatin about is that someone got put through the windshield of Mark Dallas’ motor. I also heard fae a few folk that Wolfgang flung a couch. Anyway, back intae an area that resembled a venue for a wrestling event and back tae some sheer brutality. After more thunderous chops, Wolfgang went for the Slam Dunk, but BT blocked it. Superkick fae BT wis followed by the spear by Wolfy as we finally got tae see these two go at it after months of boaby teasin. Tornado DDT fae BT followed that and then Davey reemerged tae hit a beauty of a spear. Then it wis time for the move that reduces me tae a greetin mess everytime I see it. The mechanics of it always have fuckin mesmerized me. I cannae fathom how two cunts cant dae some much movement in such a short space of time, and it astounds me even mare than I’m yet tae see someone end up with their heid embedded up their arse as a result of it, but Stevie busted out the Canadian Destroyer on Divers again. Then we had some fuckin utter carnage wae chairs. First its yer run of the mill chairs gettin leathered aff Stevie. Before three of them were set up in the middle, and that wis used at the landing strip for a sickener of a Triple Powerbomb. Wolfy’s huvin fuckin nae mare of this though. As he entered the ring with quite possibly the most frightening piece of hardware I’ve ever laid eyes on. A fuckin steel chair wae thumbtacks attached tae it. I had a nightmare once about a clown wae 4 arms, wielding a baseball bat wae stanley blades poking oot it, and the harrowing memory of that is fuck all compared tae the reality of what I was about tae see. Didnae help the NAK that Wolfy seemed content tae hurl this instrument of death about like it wis made oota polystyrene or or suhin. A shot tae Renfrews arm in particular got the claret flowing freely as we were reaching a stage in the match where ye were genuinely on the lookout for deid bodies. Davie and Divers appeared at the barrier near us, both looking decidedly burst. Stevie got scudded wae some kinda baking tray so hard, he looked like he wis genuinely huvin a wee greet, and I recall of a white dildo making an appearance in the hands of Renfrew, but mibbe he just whipped his dick oot and I’m remembering it in a slightly more PG fashion.

Renfrew gets the pin on Wolfy wae a rollup, bringing the most chaotic thing in wrestling since The Ultimate Warriors cocaine fuelled late 80s promos, tae an end. I’ve probably missed hunners of shit out. I know I have, but try keeping up wae a trainwreck. Try it. Its no easy. I think we should all count our blessings that we made it out of this alive.

Renfew gets on the mic after it and cuts an impassioned promo about how despite being on the run of his career, he keeps getting overlooked for the big matches. Despite proving that he’s one of the best hardcore wrestlers on the planet right now, he’s no involved in the match at Still Smokin which includes a guy who’s world-renowned for having a lack of regard for his ain wellbeing. So Renfrews got a wee suggestion. How about that Wolfgang and Sabu match pencilled in for Still Smokin, becomes a 3 way dance, wae Chirs fuckin Renfew in amongst the latest instalment of death-defying carnage. Dallas grants him that wish, but only if he’s awrite wae pullin a double shift cause he’s already booked a fuckin TRIPLE THREAT LADDER MATCH for the tag belts involving The NAK, The Bucky Boys and the fuckin Sumerian Death Squad. I dunno how we aw didnae evaporate after hearin this really, the double announcement tae end aw the double announcements. I hope Renfrew makes the most of this upcoming month, cause his odds of making it out of the ABC alive are slim tae fuck all.

Crackin show. Has us perfectly poised for the madness that will ensue at Still Smokin. Still nae word on whats happening wae Paul London and Brian Kendrick yet, but the card as it stands looks fuckin unreal. Another choas laden trip tae Edinburgh done n dusted. Smashin. I dunno what Sean David done tae get barred fae Studio 24 btw, but it cannae be worse than crackin somedy wae a steel chair lined in thumbtacks. It just cannae.

dar

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One thought on “ICW – The Goggles They Do Nothing Review

  1. Fun review! I agree wtih you that there was some total Shanter out there in the crowd at Edinburgh – and that wee prick spitting on wrestlers isn’t cool in the slightest.

    Re: the final match, When Wolfie threw BT Gunn out the ring to start the street fight he careened into me in the front row. My glasses went flying and It bought I’d bitten my fuckin’ tongue off. (I was fine, I’m just a bit of a girly man.)

    Fair play to Wolfie, he took a few seconds to check I was OK, probably thought that speccy wee nerdy bloke that Whippy seems to know had lost a tooth or something. He then slammed BT Gunn off the wall….. and asked if I wanted to chop BT. I was all like “…..um…. er…. aye, on yerself, pal”. So the man mountain that is Wolfie hoists up BT in front of me….

    And I give the girliest chop imaginable. It’s fuckin’ BT Gunn, Mr Scissors, and I’m a D&D playing nerd! What am I supposed to do?

    “Naw, no like that, son, try again!” Says WOlfie. And I do, moderately more impressively but my girlfriend reckons it woudl still be to BT Gunn like getting tickled off an angry kitten. Wolfie gives me a pat on the back and off they go outside.

    Glasses may be scratched to fuck but let me tell you, that was hilarious. THough I’m not sure how the NAK will respond to me rocking up with a sign marked “I WANT A REMATCH WITH BT GUNN” though…. actually I do know, and it probably involved dildos.

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