Ah Cena. What a puzzle you are big yin. I went through an intense period of being mibbe overly pro-Cena for a bit there. I’d find myself waking up in the middle of the night wae dynamite ideas for slogans and once I’d jotted down the idea, I’d slowly walk towards a blackboard and write “Its ok if ye cannae dae a hurricanrana, it really is, I accept you” repeatedly tae the chalk became nuhin but dust. Ever since he entered this feud wae Bray Wyatt its aw changed. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the fuck out of Cena, both as a wrestler and as an ambassador for wrestling, but as a character? Naaaaaaah. No for me on this occasion. At times he’s been masterful at selling his fear for the work of Bray Wyatt, but since Mania the cunt has made me want surgically remove that square hairdo (square-do?) of his wae a machete. He just stoated oot this week n started saying “why?” ….why whit John? Why are you so acutely unaware of what wrestling fans want outta ye? Why is the sun round? Why does Bob Backlund always look like he’s stoatin about a car park lookin for his Ford Focus, when he’s drove a Cavalier aw alang? Who gies a shite. He actually cut a decent promo here right enough. His best since Mania. After lamenting the WWE Universes decision tae make him face all 3 Wyatts last week. He goes on tae big up everyone fae Daniel Bryan tae Sami fuckin Zayn, before warning us about the dangers of buying in tae Bray Wyatts message. Bray Wyatts message on a larger scale wisnae important the night though, he had a particular message tae be sendin Cenas way tonight, and that message wis “STOP EVERYTHING YER DAEIN AND IMMEDIATELY PISH YER JEAN SHORTS!”
Aye. Bray had a squad of weans oot singing He’s Got The Whole World in his hands, and it wis…..I don’t really have the words. Naw I dae. It wis fuckin scary. Chilling in the best way. They surrounded the ring in sheeps masks, like a merry band of tiny Erick Rowans, and continued tae drive home the message. Even the weans dont want ye anymore John. I mean there’s a gid chance this particular squad of weans are hired actors n that, but the message is that naecunt wants ye anymore. Yer time’s up. Yer tea’s oot. Its over. Find a new profession.
The way Bray almost narrated whit wis going on, as he urged the “Little bitty babies” tae sing with him. Laughin maniacally while one of them sat on his knee. “He’s got the whole Cenation…in his hands” was the cry, and even if that isnae quite the case yet, that has tae be the aim eh? Get aw these daft bairns that wear the wristbands, the heidbands, n the fuckin nappies or whitever else they sling wae his slogans on it, and turn them intae demons. Make them grow beards, get weird and disappear intae the mountains. Make them follow the buzzards.