Fuckin London. Petrified.
Soon as I wis informed its a half hour drive fae the bus station tae the venue, I started freakin the fuck out. A half hour drive between places in the same city? Fuck sake. I’m so gonnae die here. London’s too big. It needs tae be a lot smaller or we’ll aw just end up deid. Or at least wae sick doon us. Right doon the front ae yer jumper. Mom’s spaghetti. Nae two ways about it. It took cunts ages tae get intae a routine wae Edinburgh travel that didnae involve blind panic, and now its London. 8 hours on the bus. Only an ipod and a notepad wae survival strategies scribbled in code tae keep me company. Lets dae it.
Wrestling though. It’s aw for wrestling. It’s aw for showing these English punters what ICW is all about, by filling London fulla confused Scottish people, have them inevitably get frustrated, and start fuckin wreckin the place.
Joe Hendry In Concert
No a great deal tae say about this other than that I hope the whole Kennedy Administration comes oot, and I hope they haud hands and sing Kumbaya. Then Damo comes oot flanked by two actual bears, and a camera follows them as Team Bear chases the Kennedy Administration through the streets of London. Culminating in a fight tae the death in Leicester Square. Or ye know…Joe Hendry could just sing, and that’s that.
Carmel vs Erin Angel vs Kay Lee Ray
Well it has Carmel and Kay Lee Ray knockin lumps out each other again, and that’s never not a braw time, but with the wildcard of Erin Angel in the mix, this’ll be an interesting yin storyline wise. I think it was originally supposed tae be for the FF Belt, and Erin Angel is involved cause she was the Number One Contender, but with Fierce Females and ICW going their separate ways I don’t reckon the belt will be involved. Should be a cracker of a match no matter what, but interesting tae see how they develop the long-standing Carmel vs Kay Lee feud.
The Sumerian Death Squad vs The NAK (ICW Tag Title Match)
Wee bit of a strange yin considering The NAK usually dae things under Freebirds rules, will it be all 4 or a selected tae take on the SDS? Nae Bucky Boys booked either, so I reckon we could see this turn intae an 8 man tag. The SDS are nasty bastards, but no nasty enough tae contain the heeliest, most homicial force in ICW. Well maybe no the most homicidal, considering Sabu genuinely tried tae write his name in Jack Jesters heid wae a corkscrew at Still Smokin, but as a collective unit, they definitely gie ye the fear more than Sabu does. It’ll be fuckin crackin anyway, and impossible tae keep up wae. I fancy BT Gunn and Tommy End tae kick and chop each other directly tae A and E, and the SDS will somehow emerge wae the belts.
Grado vs Sha Samuels
Sha Samuels is a bastard. Grado has also proven his hard bastard credentials during his wars wae Whippy, but is he hard enough? Will Sha Samuels outhard him? Will Grado make up for his lack of natural hardness wae a wee cheeky eye poke here and there? Is that too many consecutive questions? Much like The Coffeys vs London Riots match, I’m no entirely sure what tae expect here, but I’m sure it’ll be smashin. Sha Samuels is a London cunt anaw, so depending on the split in the crowd between locals and travelling Glesga punters, we might even have a split crowd. Even mibbe slightly in favour of Grados opponent, which I cannae recall ever happenin in ICW.
The Coffeys vs The London Riots
Never seen The London Riots before, but I’ve heard they’re a coupla burly bastards who specialise in crackin jaws and pumpin maws. Been a while since The Coffeys tagged together in ICW, and with them going in slightly different directions as characters, it’ll be interesting tae see if perhaps a wee Brother vs Brother feud materialises fae this. Either that, or Joe joins up wae Polo Promotions anaw, and they start a feud wae The NAK in order to decipher whit stable hates Grado more. Probably The NAK at this stage, cause they kinda hit him wae a car n that. That’s usually quite serious business. This’ll be a cracker of a hard-hitting affair I reckon, wae The Coffeys either emerging triumphant, or emerging divided.
Liam Thomson vs Kid Fite
In a lot of ways, this is the match I’m most intae on the card. Nothing like a tag team splitting, but managing tae generate real heat between each other in the process, drawing ye intae their feud. The promo at Show Me Your Lizard was the perfect follow up tae Thomsons meddling in the Paul London vs Kid Fite match at Still Smokin, and left ye choking tae see these two kick fuck out each other. Hopefully Carmel is involved anaw, she’s been one of keys in building this feud. I could see Thomson taking this yin, but there’s a few mutual doings tae be dished out between these two yet.
Jack Jester vs Jimmy Havoc – London Street Fight (ICW Title Match)
These cunts are probably gonnae kill each other, so make sure yer mentally prepared for that before this kicks off. Incidentally, if yer in the London area the morning after this occurs, and ye see a pool of blood that looks like its recently had lifeless bodies dragged through it, feel free tae assume this match is responsible. I cannae see Havoc taking the belt, but I have a wee feeling we could see him turn on Jester after the match. No necessarily joining the NAK, but giving Renfrew an opening tae cash in. Kinda saying “Well if I’m no taking the belt, yer no leaving London wae it” In fact that disnae work. Havoc’s as LANDAN as they come. It’d be more like “Oi Oi.. You fuckin MUG! No chance you’re walkin out this FACKIN ring…wiv that belt” Or suhin. Sorry, I can type in my ain accent, but anyone elses I’m fucked. The match will be a bloodbath, and Jester will detain by using an electric tile cutter tae remove Havocs fingers one by one, tae he says “UNCLE!”
Still smelling a cash in though. I dunno. Yer first show in London, ye want tae gie the locals a ‘moment’ tae draw them in eh? I reckon that might be the cash in.
Nae Mikey Whiplash, Noam Dar, Wolfgang or Jackie Polo booked tae name a few, so I reckon there’s gonnae be a surprise or two as usual. Maybe one last Devitt match? Devitt vs Whiplash would be mind bendingly good. I cannae see Wolfgang not being involved. So I reckon we’ll see the continuation of his feud wae BT Gunn. Possibility wae some kinda of chop slinging war on top of Big Ben.
So ICW in London. Ye gaun? Lets aw huddle together and make sure we don’t die. Strength in numbers mate. Strength in fuckin numbers.