The Davey Thing – Episode 2 (WWE Live Tour, Jeff Hardy Singles Run, Conclusion)

MS (Editor, all round chief/good cunt) – This focusses more on a wrestling related subject and not hating me, so my bits in italics will not occur often, unless he tries tae make oot like I wasn’t at this show with him. Oh he done that in the very first sentence? Sound. His career is OVER. 

Recently, I attended the Glasgow leg of WWE’s Wrestlemania Revenge tour. It was always my intention to pen a review and have it featured on Snapmare Necks, until Martin and I had a misunderstanding and I was unceremoniously dismissed from the blog. Truth be told, I wasn’t going to divulge this information, but I haven’t been on the roster of writers for the blog in a long time. Any blog post I’ve written I have had to purchase the bandwidth from Martin and pay for my words to be featured. So I will be using my spot today to include a short review of my experiences at WWE’s live event.

Quite obviously lies on the bandwidth thing, and here’s an auld trait of Daveys creeping in. Whenever WE’D go tae gigs or any live event of significance together AS A UNIT. Or A DUO if ye prefer. He would completely overlook the dynamism that comes with that duo status, and chat about the gig HE went tae. Here it is is again “I attended the Glasgow leg” not WE attended. So I wisnae sittin next tae ye telling ye to stop offering Ryback a high 5, encouraging him to “slap it big guy…go ahead and slap it” Naw? That must have been another handsome bastard eh. 

Roman Reigns Vs Randy Orton

I wisnae there yet. Ended in a no contest after interference from Curtis Axel and Ryback, henceforth known as Curbackis.

Brad Maddox came oot tae announce that the main event would be a STEEL CAGE match with Roman Vs Randy. Or so I was told. I wisnae there yet. Brad allegedly also announced the following match:

I wisnae there yet either. Cause contrary to popular belief, I was wae Davey at this show. Really. I was. Honestly. 

Rytis Baxack Vs Dean Ambrose & Scumbag

After a wee bit of fuckin about I finally found my seat, and sod’s fuckin law, guess who I was sat next to? Marvin Bloody Smith. I initially thought it would be difficult to relax sitting next to the gaffer but all my worries soon oozed off me on to the sticky, sticky floor once this lovely match kicked off.

FINALLY! Some recognition. 

The strong Axbaxberg team bullied Dean in their corner, showing the tag team intelligence that will surely result in a title opportunity in the newr future. I’ll level with ye’s right now btw, I don’t know which is which. A lot of people complain about this problem with Los Matadores or The Usos, well I cannae fuckin tell which one is Ryback and which one is Curtis Axel.

It looked like a very one sided competisch until Dean finally go tae his corner and we got a HOAT TAG! The traitorous wank burst oot the corner, done some flippy dippy shit, and lied to his brothers and his fans. He eventually hit the curb stomp on either Curtis or Ryback and got the pin. 1, 2, 3 fuck up ya fuckin turncoat prick.

Marvin says relax mate. Relax. He’s spot on though. Fuck Seth Rollins. For being a traitor and for making me agree wae Dangerous Dave. 

Fatal 4 Way Match Bad News Barrett Vs Rab Van Dam Vs Big E Vs Jacques Swagger

This wis a crackin wee 10 minute match, all 4 talents showing just why they’re the cream of the crop of the midcard right now. RVD hit the frog splizzy on jack swag, only for BNB to pull him aff and steal the pin, retaining the Intercontinetal Championship. I think he mighta retained it anyway right enough cause I’m no sure if it wis actually being defended.

It was for the belt, but the last time a belt was dropped at a house show was the same time Craig Brown was shaggin burds 40 years younger than him. No that he’s stopped shagging young burds like, he’s just a lot older now. Cause as I’ve said before, a leopard never changes its dick mate.

Dance Contest Fandango Vs Mark Henry

And this Fandango continues his surprising losing streak in dance offs. This wis a fun wee bit wae Marky dancing to Billie Jean, and he had a wee boay in the ring dancing wae him anaw, it was sweet. He’s such a sweetie. He also battered Fandango and then continued the sweetness.

Rusev Vs Sin Cara

Rusev won. They say a picture’s worth a million words so here are my photographs documenting the high points of this match.

LANA PHOTOS.

Keeping this in as it was sent tae me, just so folk know what I have to deal wae. I am not sent finished articles guys, I’m sent poorly formatted nonsense wae INSTRUCTIONS. Nah I jest. So far this yin has barely had any defamatory patter about me, so I should stop slandering Davey eh? Here’s photos of Lanas erse. Enjoy. I know I did (Cause I was there btw)

Last Man Standing Match Big Show Vs Kane

This wis shite. Kane wis setting up a table at one point and broke it. Then when he was meant tae go through the table he rolled over it and they had to do it again for Big Show to win. Cannae wait for the intermission.

Worst match of the night by a fuckin mile. I’m sure Davey actually acknowledged my existence during this cause it wis such a snoozer. Fuck masked Kane. 

Intermission Yas.

Adrian Neville Vs Bo Dallas

This wis terrific. A lot of people were still away at the toilets or oot having a fag which meant nae arseholes about sooking aw the fun oot the atmosphere. Bo Dallas, honestly, if ye had sat that cunt in a bathtub for an hour he would have filled it up. How can a man’s boady be so soaking wet? Adrian won wae a pin, before slipping aff Bo’s body and sliding oot under the ropes, until he finally hit a bit of friction hauf way up the ramp.

He’s no lyin. I was transfixed by his wetness for days man. He stayed wet throughout the contest, so was the original wetness replaced by sweatness? Fuck knows. Mesmerizing. 

Paige, Naomi & Cameron Vs Tamina Snuka, Layla & Rosa Mendes

This was gorgeous. Aw they erses man. Martin didn’t believe me at the time, and you probably won’t either, but I swear this happened. Paige looked right at me and made eye contact, then looked away and looked back again. Then throughout the match whenever she wasn’t tagged in she was looking over in my direction, trying to catch my eye again. I know it sounds unlikely but it definitely 100% is the truth. She thinks I’m a cutie. She also won by pinning Tamina Snuka.

This didnae happen. Jay-Z didnae look at him the first time we went to a gig together either and he wisnae on the big screen for ‘at least 5 seconds’ . Davey Curren. Career liar. 

Steel Cage Match Randy Orton Vs Roman Reigns

A lot of people might have thought this match was a wee bit slow, but for the enlightened among us we knew we were witnessing a chinlock masterclass. Unfortunately, this fine contest was marred by an accident resulting in both participants bleeding. The rookie Reigns charged into Randy after missing his cue, with both falling awkwardly and blood soon showing up.

romrand5

I call this the “Standing Chinny”

romrand4

Call this one the “On the ground Chinny” I got mad chinnies bro.

This when I elevate the chin slightly. Elevated chinny.

This when I elevate the chin slightly. Elevated chinny.

romrand1

This right here is when I take it back down. Ground and pound chinny baby. ASK UHM REF! ASK UHM RIGHT, HE’S TAPPIN. ANY MINUTE NOO.

It almost looked like Reigns was going to win this contest, before Curtelbaxary showed up, with one of them hilariously struggling for 15min+ to lock the cage door. This interference was matched when Dean Ambrose and a fucking cunt who’s dead to me climbed into the cage and both done some amazing shit. Traitorous Scumbag dives from the top of the cage, taking out Rybergaxis so Reignsy could hit the Superman Punch and secure the pin.

I wasn’t really into wrestling during Jeff Hardy’s singles run in WWE, but I’m glad it happened.

Thanks for reading! As always, if there’s anything you’d like to see me speak on don’t hesitate to contact me via emailing the blog, or on twitter @dave_eh_rave

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