The Davey Thing – Episode Tres (Midcard Belts, Bo Dallas, Good News)

Editors Note – I was asked…no, I’ll rephrase that, I was ORDERED to accompany this piece with various candid shirtless snaps of Davey with a replica Intercontinental Title belt. I will not be doing this, because Snapmare Necks isnae a fuckin scudbook. We’re a tasteful site, aside from all the swearing, references to death, references to lewd sexual acts, references to weird bondagey shit, a few begging letters from me to Lana, asking if she’ll bite my earlobe aff and spit it at me, and well…ye get the picture, but one thing we do NOT do is nudity. So Davey mate……see this middle finger? Naw well, of course ye cannae, but ye can SWIVEL OAN IT ANYWAY. 

Enjoy Daveys latest thing though. I will be undermining him in italics as usual.

I love the Intercontinental Championship. I love the belt, the way it looks, I love the wrestlers that have held it, I love a lot of the matches that were held for it. But it’s a fuckin piece a shite now. A silly wee toy belt for Kofi Kingston tae hand oot tae other wrestlers who will in turn accomplish nuhin. In ma heid they can give world title tae aw the big guys that look good and sell merch, but the IC belts the REAL yin. The wrestlers belt. The one that cunts on the cusp of main event status feud for. Why not create an IC scene wae Ziggler, Barrett, Sandow, Fandango, Del Rio, Cesaro aw havin storylines and rivalries and generally giein a fuck about it? Why not have a ladder match for it? Steel Cages?With the WH belt absorbed intae the WWE one, the IC belt should have took it’s place as an almost main event.

Right up until he just got injured there, it genuinely looked like Wade Barrett wis daein it. Interesting feuds, great matches, great wrestler, great gimmick. Even the run up tae it with the No. 1 contenders tournament wis fantastic. Aw well eh! I’m sure Kofi’s next run wae it’ll be quite gid.

Also, Michael Cole needs tae fuck up wae his soundbites every single time. “Prestigious……world champions that have held it……Pat Paterson” EVERY SINGLE TIME.

EVERY SINGLE TIME MAN! LIKE…I WISH THESE GUYS WOULD BLOODY STOP IT Y’KNOW?? JEEZ. 

ric rude

2 belts and a smooth airmpit, whit mare dae ye need?

Instead of the R-Rated grot Davey requested I accompany this section with, I’ve dug in the archives and found a tasteful shot of ex IC Champ, and sorely missed legend, Rick Rude.

 

I’ve also seen a few folk comment on the US title, sayin it should be hingied. That word, like ‘absorbed intae’ but no that word. The hing that the WWE and WH belts done. Sayin it should be that. In my EXPERT opinion, a wee third belt is absolutely necessary, just like the European title. It wid create storylines and gie relevance tae lower mid card cunts. If it wisnae for a third belt, we wouldn’t have been blessed with D’Lo Brown and Val Venis’ 5 star summer slam 98 match. The only way you could eff it up is if ye gied it tae a cunt like, I dunno, Sheamus or suhin.

Unified is the word. Unified. Un-E-Fee-Cayshun.

Secondly, one of the recent NXT boays tae jump up tae main roster: Bo Dallas. I am a HUGE fan of his gimmick, no so much of his wrestling. See whit’s hilarious but, the sheer amount a fuckin idiots that just don’t seem tae get it. Look at any blog or whitever that asks about him and Adam Rose and what peope think of them, and I guarantee at least a third of commenters will speak on being confused by Bo’s character. Are you that simple that you can’t comprehend a bad guy not being completely, black and white, evil? It’s a hilarious, original, new gimmick and he pulls it off tremendously, yet cunts aren’t sure on him cause ‘what is he? He’s all over the place’ FUCKIN SHUT UP STUPID WRESTLING FAN ARGH.

I know this didn’t have the usually humourous tone of my regular work, but I’m due a break. I’ve earned it. In fact, I’ve been working so hard that I’ve recently been given some GOOD NEWS.

Not only will the blog be sending me on an all expenses paid trip to London to cover ICW, but Martin has asked me to cover Monday Night Raw. The highest accolade. I’m finally getting that main event push. And for that, I thank no one but myself. Barry Horowitz back pat for Davey. Ye see Jack Swagger wae the reverse Horowitz tap oan btw? Wae the haun outline on the front? His legacy lives on, cept backwards, cause Jack doesnae dae hings front the ways.

I asked Connie first btw. The member of my staff who actually writes about wrestling sometimes instead of using Snapmare Necks as an archive for all the evidence I might need tae mount a Defamation of Character case against ye. Yees are gettin a shot each. 

Anyway, he asked me to review Raw next week. I’m still considering my options, although the official contract signing is scheduled for 8pm at iQue in Kirkintilloch this Saturday? Will I be there? Will I sign? Find out this saturday Saturday SATURDAY. (Also here mate, ye wanty play pool on Saturday? The contract signing hing wis my cute way of askin ye. Franca’s away tae Aberdeen wae her pals so I’m free tae get NAWTY. NAWTY as ye like. Bring on the foam.)

Needs his burd tae be out the country (I do not consider Aberdeen part of this country btw) tae have a game of pool wae his best pal, yet implies that I’ve nae time for him. Cannae win neer I cannae. But yes. That would be most good indeed. I gave my da a tanking last week though, and he’s a far higher standard of opponent than this clown, so you gon get GOT. 

As always, we’re gonna finish off the post with me answering a question pulled from a mainstream wrestling magazine. Today’s comes from issue 235 of Power Slam.

Was the WWF close to going out of business in 1997?

Neil Young, via e-mail

Haha mate, yer name’s Neil Young. To answer your question, probably not naw, they were a big company and woulda got by somehow. Now fuck off.

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