Card. Subject. To. Fuckin. Change. Always.
Its Shugs House Party on Sunday troops. I’m sure ye might have heard a thing or two about it, but one thing that might not have been broadcast to ye as loudly and proudly as things like “Its a sellout” or “We’ve booked Martin Stone vs Jack Jester!” or even “Joe Coffey and Jack Gallagher will put on a stauner inducing clinic that might lead tae heart failure” is the fact that a certain dominant villainous faction aren’t booked. Its Mark Dallas’ birthday ye see, and the last time he had a party for anything in ICW was the awards night, where the NAK knocked the living fuck out of him. Perhaps he disnae want tae see repeat on his special day eh? Who can blame him. I certainly widnae want my head imprint to be joining Wolfies on that briefcase, and I certainly wouldnae want any part of any sort of Killer Boots action involving a steel chair. So Dallas is the boss and he’s decided NAE NAK at his perty. Fair enough man. There’s gonnae be well over 1000 folk there anyway, so who need four more guys? They’re just guys after all. Human beings. Human beings who might bring some decent booze and swedge wae them, but that disnae make them special does it?
The thing about the NAK is that they kinda are a bit special. A faction led by the holder of a contract for an ICW Title Shot. Anytime, anyplace. Even if Jesters away pickin up his curtains fae the dry cleaners, as long as theres a ref present, Renfrew and the boys can bury him under a pile of a million coathangers. Renfrew can flick a stubbed oot fag on top and tell Eddie Sideburns to “FUCKIN COUNT….THAT FAG DOUT IS AN EXTENSION OF ME….COUNT THE 3” or maybe it’s no anytime, anyplace rules like. I’m no entirely sure, but ye get my point. Flanked by his best pal BT Gunn. Who on his game is most likely the best wrestler in Scotland. He also happens to be a former 2 time ICW Champion, and when you throw intae the bargain that he’s a fuckin nutjob. You have a recipe for a baw kickin. The third recruit to the fold was Dickie Divers. Much maligned by the fanbase, but criminally underrated. One of the best tag wrestlers in the U.K, and easily one of, if not the best bump taker in ICW. He sells Stevie Boys Candian Destoryer like he’s been chucked heid first intae a moving rollercoaster. Facial expression afterwards reminiscent to a man who’s suffered an anal prolapse, and had it reversed with the use of a lawn dart, some TCP and a big boot up the arse. In other words, it looks sare. Then the latest recruit, and creator of one of the best moments in ICW history. James Scott retired after putting on another wrestling clinic with Joe Coffey, and the NAK had their (former 2x ICW Champion) Darkside.
So a team like that surely can’t be left of the biggest show of the year can they? Of course not. BT Gunn and Wolfgang still have a fuckin shit tonne of unfinished business tae take care of, and whilst that attack on Wolfie in London was brutal, seeing him at PWE on Saturday at least proved that it wisnae fatal (Is that breaking kayfabe? I mean eh……he’s still heavily concussed and assumed dead, but he sometimes breaks ootae it tae wrestle wisecrackin English guys) I fully expect something involving those two to happen since the ABC wis the venue for their first big ‘moment’ of this spellbinding feud. As Wolfie chucked his cousin from about 1000 feet in the air, intae a pile of humans who had spent the previous 10 minutes trying tae kick his cunt in. Then theres Divers and Darkside, and NAE tag title match announced yet. I’m no sure if Davie Boy is still injured or not, but I cannae see a scenario where Divers and Darkside aren’t on the card, and I could fully see them taking advantage of a depleted Bucky Boys squad tae take home the shiny belts. As for Renfrew. Is it time? It feels like it might be time. As much as Jimmy Havoc signalling his intent tae take the belt off Jester at the first show in ICWs Fringe run should hold plenty of weight, the fact of the matter is…Jack Jester took another fucking tanking in that match, and then he took a brutal one after it. One where Jimmy Havoc threatened his life as well as his belt. As much as I think Jimmy was undoubtedly serious about his intentions to take the belt and the life, I think if ye had tae make him choose one, the life would come first. Belts are just shiny baubles that make his evil empire a lot less sare on the eyes.
I’ve nae doubt that no matter who holds the ICW Title, Jimmy Havoc is coming to Edinburgh regardless, and he’s gonnae make Jack Jester suffer. Jester has suffered a lot up until this point though. As valiant as his title defences have been, he seems to be a lone wolf going up against a rabid Wolfpac. 1 wolf vs 4? (5 if Rob Cage is an official member, I think his status at the moment is ‘bloodthirsty affiliate’) Games a fuckin bogey mate. Especially since Jester has to battle it out with one of the hardest bastards British Wrestling has ever seen and Renfrew officially has the night off. Has excluding the Kliq fae his house party unwittingly led Mark Dallas to sign the death warrant of his champion?
Time will fuckin tell eh. One thing’s for certain is that Shug’s House Party is happening. It’s gonnae be ICWs biggest show to date, and the New Age Kliq are gonnae crash that shit. If you don’t have a ticket, I suggest you pop yourself over http://www.ImaFuckinFannyWhoDidnaeGetTicketsWhenTheyWentOnSale.org and lick yer wounds wae the rest of the outcasts, cause this shit sold out ages ago.
The NAK are coming. House parties were made to be crashed. Mark Dallas will have an idealistic view of how this is gonnae go down in his heid, but sometimes these things don’t go tae plan. Sometimes Chris Renfrew shites in yer kettle.