Edinburgh. Week 2 of the 4 week Fringe run. Its a wrestling show with good matches on the card. Last weeks show was sold out, this shit is sold out anaw, they’re ALL sold out, so we’re no shiftin tickets here. We’re gettin hype with the aid of words. Thats it. I’m no gonnae really predict shit either, cause I was right with a couple of things last week, and it kinda ruined the show for myself a wee bit, well maybe ‘ruined’ is the wrong word, but it made it less surprising, so the wanky amatuer booker patter will be left out. Probably. We’ll see. I might predict a Darkside and Divers run in for the main event, and they’re thwarted by Wolfgang and CM Punk, but dae I really think that’s gonnae happen? Is “You Have The Right To Remain Dead?” aimed at Wolfgang and his current status? We’ll find out. Wrestling.
Damo vs Lewis Girvan
Lewis Girvan is essentially Kenny Williams without the momentum that comes with being the bollocks. A young and naturally gifted wrestler with endless potential, but hasn’t quite found his niche yet. He had one of the most entertaining matches Grado’s ever had in my eyes, when he replaced William Grange to work with Grado in a match last year, and considering pretty much every other match I’ve seen him in has been a straight up wrestling match, to be able to work a more light hearted thing wae Grado shows his diversity. This is yer fuckin chance. In there with one of the most unique wrestlers in the country today, polar opposite to yerself in terms of size and appearance. I reckon this has all the potential to be the best wrestling match on the card. They’ve supposedly worked some belting matches together in the past, and if the big man’s feeling charitable, he might no do the chest stand/senton thing, and not only will Lewis Girvan have had a cracker of a match on an ICW card, he gets tae leave wae his ribcage and sanity in tact. I fancy big Damo to win, but I reckon this could potentially steal the show regardless of the outcome.
Nikki Storm vs Viper
Then again…so could this. I count Nikki Storm as one of my favourite wrestlers tae watch in the fuckin world right now. So gifted in that ring and captivating as a character. Tae me shes at her best when shes playing that cheeky wee vaguely villainous role, with undertones of hilarity. Cause shes a naturally funny performer. Viper is a cracking wrestler and an imposing (and by that I mean, she gives me the fear) figure, and they’ve got great chemistry in the ring together so this could easily steal the show anaw. Glad to see a womens singles match for the first time in a while, and I honestly cannae remember the last time Nikki Storm actually wrestled for ICW. Viper hasnt since the end of last year either. I fancy Viper to win, for absolutely nae reason at all. Just fuckin dae, right?
Joe Hendry vs David “Yum Yum” Devlin
One of the more notable things for me is Yum Yum no longer just going by “Yum Yum”, says to me that he wants to be taken more seriously. No just the guy who used to be a ref, see him as a guy who took an absolute tanking aff Mikey Whiplash and kept on coming back for more. The guy who took perhaps even more of a severe kicking aff Renfrew, and kept on getting up. He can fuckin go anaw. This missile dropkicks and suicide dives are eye catching, but generally he’s an intriguing guy tae watch. Interested to see the dynamic here. I said I wisnae gonnae predict things, but assuming Kenny is no longer in the employ of the Kennedy Administration, I reckon they might try tae entice Devlin into the fold after a spirited, but losing effort. OR Hendry will make a big song n dance about being back in Edinburgh, and how he’s Edinburgh favourite internationally known son, and yer man Yum Yum will sneak the win. Or maybe Joe Hendry will Fallaway Slam him all the way back to Glesga. Who fuckin knows. I said I wisnae gonnae predict shit, and here I am predicting shit. In any case, it’ll most certainly be wrestling.
Mark Coffey vs Kenny Williams (ICW Zero-G Title Match)
This is always a good time. It was a wee bit shorter than I thought it would be in London, but I reckon it’ll get plenty of time here. Nae offence tae Solar, but in both of his matches against Mark Coffey, I’ve personally not really seen him as a threat for the belt. As talented as he is, Coffey is too much of an intimidating figure to drop it to Solar cleanly. Kenny Williams is a different kettle of fish. Bags of charisma, and certainly capable of heading up that division whenever Mark Coffey moves up. Which is inevitable int it? Unless he gets on the bad Ket, and forgets his name and loses his Pumphandle Slammin’ ability or somethin, he’s far too good no tae go on and be a factor for the big belt. This is pretty much the same ‘prediction’ as the last match, but fuck it. Polo Promotions keep trying to get Kenny on board, so I reckon they might raise the stakes a bit. Kenny wins, he gets the belt and gets left alone. Coffey wins? He retains and Kenny joins the crew. Its a time limit draw? Everyone gets a free box of Chicken Nuggets fae the nearest McDonalds, courtesy of Polo Promotions.
The N.A.K (Chris Renfrew and BT Gunn) vs Irn-Jew (Grado and Colt Cabana)
Right looking forward tae this, cause as fun as both Colt vs Grado matches have been, them as a tag team makes so much more sense. They’re basically the same guy fae different corners of the world. They have the same philosophy on wrestling it seems, and the same dedication tae entertaining folk, so them fighting each other no longer makes sense. I reckon the crowd will get right behind them as a team, and The NAK will get the proper reaction to the type of characters they are. Its too rare a thing these days, that heels who do it right get the crowd reaction they should get. Jimmy Havoc gets it in PROGRESS, and has managed tae get it on more of a consistent basis than I’ve seen from anyone in this modern era of wrestling, where fans kid on like they know their shit. The NAK could easily have that same thing going in ICW anaw, but too many folk love them as wrestlers and individual to see past that. On this night, I reckon it’ll be back to the loyal wee band of NAK followers, against everycunt else. Goodies against baddies. Also looking forward tae finally seeing Renfrew and Grado in the same ring, first time since the Square Go I believe? Thats what folk tend tae forget. Renfrew nicked the Square Go fae Grado, and stands on the edge of becoming “the guy” because of that, but that’s what the NAK are. They take names and smash skulls in the name of taking over. I reckon ye can stuff all yer romantic notions of Tea Irn-Jew taking the belts in a sack, and punt that sack intae the Clyde, cause there are few better tag teams in the UK at the moment than BT Gunn and Chris Renfrew, and I’m afraid the NAK are keeping the shiny belts. I do reckon it’ll lead to another team handed NAK beatdown anaw, with Wolfy maybe returning tae make the save. Assuming he isnae actually deid btw. I definitely seen him wrestle at PWE the week after the doing he took in London, but I’ve heard fuck all sense. Maybe that was a doppelwolfie or suhin. NAK to keep the belts though. If Irn-Jew took them, you’d assume they have tae drop them back quick unless Colts moving here (sidenote…mon Colt, just move here mate, its awfy nice….sometimes…when yer no in one of the more stabby areas)
In terms for surprise stuff, nae Noam or Joe Coffey announced, so the dream would be those two going at it again. Nae idea what’s happening wae Jester, but I imagine he’ll show up and knock fuck out of someone. Darksides title shot is supposed to be on this show, but who knows if that’ll actually happen. Ye cannae book a guy in a match if ye cannae find him can ye? No matter what happens, it’ll be wrestling n that. Enjoy it. Every week. From now, till forever.