Fierce Females are gaining some traction and quite right too. With a roster brimming with homegrown talent, there’s no reason for it not to prosper. The problem with all womens shows has always been getting folk to look past the guff mainstream companies serve up and have the audacity tae call “wrestling”. It gives womens wrestling a stigma it disnae deserve, and trivialises all the proper womens wrestlers out there bursting their arses to put on proper performances. So fuck that Total Divas shite, fuck it right in the eye. Get yer narra’ erse to Walkabout and see some real lassie hardcases do it properly. Nae barbies slapping each other about and botching simple shit, just pure, unadulterated wrestling. Strewth Sheila had plenty of that, and even though its nearly a week later, I’m gonnae attempt to cobble together some thoughts about that.
Leah Owens vs Rhia O’Reilly
Rhia O’Reilly for me was the standout “Import” (Ireland use the Euro awrite? She counts) from the first FFs show I was at last year, and considering Awesome Kong, Shanna and the brilliant Portia Perez were on that show, that’s saying a lot, but she’s fucking good. Properly combative so she is. Basically, she likes a fucking fight. Theres a certain skill to that. Being able to combine technically sound work, with carrying a vibe that says “do not fuck with me…do not come within 50 feet of me without permission, and dont even fuckin email me without having your words professional proofread and verified, cause if you waste my time, I’ll waste yer face” Leah Owens proved she can scrap during that beautiful no holds barred tag team battle at Mad Maxine tae, and this was a rock solid opener. Owens busting out a snap suplex that Kid Fite would be envious of, but she was on the receiving end of some brutal forearm smashes from Rhia throughout. Heavy strikes. An intriguing battle was brought to an end with a brutal DDT type thing from Rhia leading to the win. My favourite bit about her is that she looks equally pissed off at humanity after winning as she does before the match when shes shouting at a fan for being a shite representative of he Rhia O’Reilly name. I think he had her t-shirt on or something, but the poor fella got scalded for his services to fandannery, and we moseyed on to the next match.
Layla Rose vs Miss Cole
Fair play to Lucy Cole. In the face of one of the scarier performers I’ve seen take to the ring in womens wrestling, she was game as fuck. Taking Layla off her feet with a Huricanrana at one point, and generally giving her a right good fight. The big problem with the whole battle is that Layla is a lot bigger and scarier than her, and was always going to boss it. Its logistically impossible for any other outcome to unfold, unless Miss Cole got a haud of some of Popeyes spinach, and grew some instant bulk, she was never gonnae topple the Scary Swiss yin. Probably shouldn’t have engaged in a good old fashioned collar and elbow tie-up with her either, because that got her flung half way across the ring. The move that was the pre-cursor for the finish was probably my favourite of the night, and one of my favourites in wrestling generally in recent time, but I honestly have no idea how to describe it. It was a beautiful innovated backbreaker type thing, and its the first time I’ve seen such a move performed where it actually looked like it might have broke someones back. If Lucy Cole came out of that with her spine intact, she’s made of stronger stuff than most. Layla wasnt done there though, scooping Miss Cole’s battered body off the canvas and chucking her somewhere in the general direction of the Alps with a Fallaway Slam to seal the win on her FFs debut.
Mind I was talking about how much Rhia impressed me at that show last year with her hard as fuck demeanour and aptitude for scrapping? Exact same feeling with Layla. Extremely impressive, but hats off to Miss Cole for being as game as she was.
Viper vs Lana Austin
Really enjoyed this anaw. I usually prefer most folk as heels. Fuck knows why. Obviously with folk like Grado, and a few others, being the hero comes naturally, but for the most part I prefer folk as villains. Especially if they let loose and really turn themselves intae maniacal, wean eating psychos. Viper is one of the few I actually think suits the face persona better, and I witnessed a child stand on his seat and scream obscenities at her at SWA when she was a baddie. She’s fucking good at both, but theres something very easy to like about her. I’m totally not just saying that cause she came upto me at one point after her match and bumped my fist btw. That’s not a deciding factor at all and I resent the implication that it could be. My affections cannot be bought wae fist bumps. Maybe a cake? Sure. I’ve been known tae be won over by confectionery on occasion, but never a fist bump. Away on another fuckin tangent man. This was an excellent match though. Properly braw. Lana Austin tried her heart out god bless her, and she had plenty of support, but she was physically I’ll prepared for the low crossbody’in, earthquake splashin wonder of Viper.
Lana did get the upper hand on a few occasions, using her speed, skill and erse that wont quick to bamboozle oor Viper, but she had too much. She’s a smart yin so she is. Knows fine well that if a lassie half her size tried to Tornado DDT her, she’s well within her rights to dig her heels in and go “nut uh!…not today Lana” There was a beauty of a spinning sideslam type thing anaw, before Viper put the valiant challenger away with the Viper Driver after catching another crossbody attempt in vain.
This is what I mean about the likeability factor though, they shared a wee handshake after the match, and I swear tae fuck, ye could hear Viper gently muttering “stay golden Ponyboy” in the direction of her fallen opponent. Words from the soul. She did want Lana Austin to stay golden, and assured that she would do so by carrying her through the crowd whilst “I’ve had the time of my life” played in all of our heads, as we looked upon that beautiful moment. Whit d’ye mean that was just me? Fuck sake, yer aw soulless. Each and every one of ye. Fuckin robotic. VIPER HEARTS LANA 4EVA.
Carmel chats to her new bestie
Carmel is the best in the world at what she does. I firmly believe that. She’s probably not the best wrestler in the world, although she’s very fucking good at that. She might not even be the best on the mic in the world, but she’s certainly up there. The thing she “does” in my opinion, is captivate people. With words, with actions, with everything she is. She’s fucking fantastic, and this segment and the effectiveness of it proved that once and for all. She cuts a proemo (I was combining promo and poem there…did it work? Whit d’ye mean naw? Fuck sake) to begin with, letting all sorts of wondrous things spill out her gub regarding her and Sara’s new found alliance with Kay Lee Ray, and how its a tiny wee bit suss that after all these years of her and Kay Lee knocking fuck out each other, that suddenly she trusts her unconditionally and they’re the best of pals, so Kay Lee arrives on the scene to have a wee natter.
Kay Lee explains that she finally saw what Carmel had been trying to spell out to her for fuckin years. That they never cared. None of us cunts gied a fuck. We were all thirsting for Nikki Storm to toe her arse and take her belt, when she’s done nothing but give us pure solid wrasslin GOLD in her reign as champ. So she said hello to the bad guys. Or the bad burds. They bring Sara out to complete the trio, and she got on the mic and done wonderful things anaw. What a scarily good (and scarily…..scary) alliance this is. Sara started dropping bombs on everycunt. Including FFs promoter Mikey Whiplash, before they all seemed to come to a mutual agreement that Nikki Storm was never finding a partner for her match tonight, because nobody likes her, nobody loves her, and if she wisnae earning enough from wrestling and being braw to fill the fridge, she could always go and eat worms instead. Harcore Glamour are a squadron of scary as fuck burds, who combine promo geniusry with an aptitude for kicking fuck out of humans of all shapes, sizes, creeds and colours. Genders anaw. Don’t think yer safe if you’ve got a set of baws. If anything that puts you in the firing line even more.
Sammi Jayne vs Nixon
This took me by surprise a wee bit. Not because I expected it to be shite or anything, mainly because I didn’t really have much of a clue what to expect from it. I’ve heard great things about both, but having only seen Sammi wrestle twice, maybe three times and with this being my first time seeing Nixon, I wasn’t anticipating a cracker, and well….a cracker is what we got. Probably my favourite match of the night, if not the ‘best’ match if that makes any fucking sense whatsoever. I’m no even sure what I mean by that if im honest. Like…it was engaging to watch. Exciting. But Kay Lee vs April Davids was a better wrestling match ye know? Did I explain that properly aye? Why the fuck am I asking you, this isnae live action or anything. If you wish to let me know if I conveyed what I meant there in the right manner feel free to contact me at email@example.com. Seriously though, this match was a belter.
A successful suicide dive, a blocked suicide dive, aw the dives, aw the outcomes. Some lovely dropkicking action. A perfectly fluid wrestling match, thats what I mean about it being my favourite if not the best, it was so cohesive. Properly easy to watch and get invested in. We had some german suplex action, a beauty of a lariat from Nixon and a mouthwatering sitout powerbomb, before Sammi grabbed the win with that springboard flippy ace cutter type thing she does. Its a smasher of a finisher and it provided a fitting finale to a belter of a match. Nixon is top notch btw. Ye can instantly see where all the hype comes from with her, she knows her stuff. Made a fan out of me within the space of one match, and that was in no way related to my fondness for her form at all. Pure wrasslin. All day. Integrity and all that. Ye write for a magazine ffs. Stop looking at folks arses. Although to be fair, I spend alot of time drooling over Fergal Devitts abs, so its no a gender exclusive thing at all. I think I’ve got a problem generally. Anyway…whit? Wrestling. More of that. Nixon’s great though. If you’re currently unaware of her work, rectify that at yer earliest convenience. Like now. Stop reading and DO ITTT.
Carmel and Sara vs Nikki Storm and Pals
This one swept by in a wave of activity. So many things taking yer eyeline away from the actual wrestling match. Not in a bad way btw, it just got a bit….mental. Walkabout as a venue lends itself to that, which is why the Carmel and Sara vs Owens Twins match was so good, cause of all the room for pure carnage. That carnage space was utilised excellently once again when Nikki comes out and demands to start the match on her own. She disnae need any partner. Then all of a sudden we’ve got a came of chasies on our hands! Chasies at the fuckin wrestling man, what next? Carmel and Sara chased Nikki all over the shop, all the way in tae the cinema next door, where they all watched a special showing of Jurassic Park together, before coming back to an empty arena. Everycunt having head down the road to see some ICW. Nah I jest, eventually they got the match going, and naturally the Glamour Gym were dominant, but all of a sudden Nikki had a pal! The bold Nixon was out, and having missed all of Nikki’s misgivings in the past, she had nae reason not to step in and help her. She offered the tag for a while, but Fiona Fraser emerged and talked her out of it. “Dont dae it Nixon hen, she farts on yer gear hen yer no lookin…its rancid…told aw the lassies you dont even shave the back ae yer neck either, and we can aw tell ye huv, its smooth as fuck so it is, shes a fuckin liar pal, mon up the road wae me” and up the road she went. Another potential ally for Nikki shut down. Aw naw.
There was forearm smashes, and various slams aplenty as Nikki continued to take a doing, but then another friend arrived in the boldest of the bold, my main wuman and fist bump deliverer, VIPER! She aint scared of no ghosts, and she certainly aint scared of no Glamour. Bete Noire did try to talk her out of this endeavour. Seemingly warning her that proceeding could lead to a Kendo Stick over the napper, but she stood bravely in the face of Kendo and said “NAW BETE…I’M GIEN THAT LASSIE A HAUN..DEAL WAE IT!” in she went, and eventually she got that rid hoat tag she craved. Earthquake splashes and low crossbodies. Big clotheslines. The lot, Viper was in it tae win it, and whilst I’ve seen her wrestle against Nikki a few times, there’s nae doubt this is a bit of a dream team. Nikki wanted back in though, she needed to beat these Glamour Burds herself, she needed redemption for the numbers game catching up with her at Mad Maxine and her not managing to come away with the shiny belt, but Carmel and Sara have teamed with each other a thousand million times, compared to Nikki and Viper’s….well, haud on, I’ll do the math…..aye its one. One times. This time. This match right here is the one time. So aye. The sums dont quite add up dae they? Exactly. So Sara rolled Nikki up whilst Carmel took care of Viper and that was that. Nikki left licking her wounds once more, and we as an audience were all left licking ours as we didnae get a second opportunity to hear some Backstreet Boys. Its a hard life eh.
Viper offered Nikki her hand in friendship, or perhaps marriage, and after Nikki’s initial refusal, she seemed to come round to the idea that Viper actually had a big hand in her not getting murdered, so they shared a mutually respectful moment, and that was all just lovely. Viper was giving out all the love at this show. Hugs, fist bumps and aw the handshakes. Sport(wu)manship lives clearly.
Bete Noire vs Kasey Owens
Storytelling mate. I go on about it a lot. Broken record style. Wrestling is fuck all without it, and this was another contender for match of the night because the two lassies involved told a brilliant story in there together. Loved it hunners. I particularly enjoy how Kasey Owens seems to have that ability to adapt to her opponents. All the best cunts have that, and she always adapts. With Bete ye know its going to be hard hitting, so Kasey hits a bit harder than usual. Harder than Bete though? probably not. She was near cleaning Kasey out with some hard lariats, after Kasey kicked things off with some good ones of her own. Lariat daft these lassies. A belter of a running knee, and a northern lights suplex in the mix, and Bete also hit an FU (no fucking calling it an AA, I’m just no, its the FU and thats that, it fits Bete and its a better name, so THERE)
Bete didnae tap btw. The match goes on in captivating fashion, and Kasey gets Bete in what look tae me like the Kimora Lock, but it was a week ago, so that might be wrong. Either way, with an injured shoulder already being nursed, she admittedly writhed in agony. Maybe even screamed in pain a bit, but she did not tap. It was almost a bit Austin vs Bret Hart. Nae blood pouring down her coupon, but the pain felt so real, and the resistance to actually giving up felt similar too. Bete Noire is hard as fuck, but is her toughness proving detrimental? If she tapped out earlier, a lot less damage would have been done long term, but theres nae thoughts of that nature that enter her head. Only pride, and that has to be fucking admired.
Kasey Owens has something a wee bit different though. Technically sound and there’s a bit of an IT factor about her. Basically….she’s game as fuck. That’s what I’m getting at. She was in there with a lassie who took Saraya Knight to the absolute limit, and she did not budge. She took Bete to the edge of a meltdown before the ref eventually decided she’d had enough.
Debbie Sharp talks shop
Debbie Sharp wants us all to pray for her. A lot of folk have been asking her how she is, and d’ye know what? She’s awrite. But she’d be a lot better if these marks would get out her face and let her heal. So she urges us all to aim our prayers in her direction, and with a bit of luck she’ll be back annoy…i mean, entertaining us soon enough. Nah it was a good wee arrogant promo. I enjoyed the discontent she seemed to have for the existence of….everyone. #PrayFurDebz
Courtney vs Fiona Fraser
So this didn’t really happen. It was supposed to be the deciding rubber of their wee feud, but instead they both got a wee bit pre-occupied with flingin each other about outside the ring and we had us a double count out. The war didn’t stop there though, as Fiona got busy knocking Courtneys teeth oot and spitting them in her eyes, but with the fear of being blinded by her own teeth clearly taking her to levels of physical strength and violence she had never experienced, Courtney managed to gain the upper hand. Dragging Fiona tae the bar and asking for a “Martini on the rocks….hold the Martini” before smashing a glass literally filled wae rocks over her napper (I jest, she just battered her a bit, then they vanished)
Kay Lee Ray vs April Davids (Fierce Females Title Match)
A few things before any patter about the match. First of all, I really fucking love the tune Kay Lee Ray uses for her entrance in FFs, and its properly re-ignited my deep, unashamed love for Fall Out Boy. Secondly, I was so intae her making her entrance, standing on the apron, dodging a swing from April Davids, then deciding “ach ye know whit, I’m the fuckin champ…I’m the queen round here, and if they want my fuckin match, they’ll just have to wait” So she went through her whole entrance routine again in the brawest of fashions. Swagger man. All the fucking swagger. Bags of it. A bag bag fulla mad swag. She wears that belt like its an extension of her. Like she was born with it roud her waist, but that makes nae sense, cause she’d be tiny and the belt would be huge. Ye know what I fuckin mean eh. Wrestling.
April Davids started us off with a suicide dive if I mind right. She’s properly good btw. One of the best womens wrestlers on the go, and this might sound patronising, but its meant the total opposite way. One of the most impressive things about her is how believable and braw she is in that ring being as small in stature as she is. She slung about 10 German Suplexes at Kay Lee tae and it was so unerringly perfect in its execution that it drew ye in. That’s what its all about. Taking yer god given tools and making the best of them. Could you see a male wrestler of that stature having such an impact at the top end of the mens game? Nah. Lou King Sharp has potential to do so, but its rare. To make that work you have to have bags of character and resilience, and April Davids clearly has buckets of those things. Buckets of German Suplexes tae. I know I’ve already mentioned it, but man. That lassie slings mad Germans. A flying lariat from Kay Lee got her going, before she tried to but April away with yon finisher of hers, that backslide thing where she drops the opponent face first, but April reverse it into a real backslide for a 2 count. A Swanton attempt was missed, before Carmel and Sara came rushing out to provide hauners, just as April Davids looked like she might be taking the belt. A spear from Carmel helped Kay Lee on her way to retaining the gold, and proving that Hardcore Glamour are gonnae be hard to shift form the very top of the womens scene.
The problems might start to arise when Carmel and Sara once again get a taste for the gold, only time will tell if that becomes a problem for this baw booting troupe.
Overall Strewth Sheila was a cracking wrestling show from top to bottom. My favourite FFs show to date. Walkabout has proven to be a decent venue for it tae. A wee bit unorthodox, but it provides a unique atmosphere.
The next FFs show is a charity show, with proceeds going to Cancer Research UK. For all the info on that, and how to donate to a very worthy cause, go here
Aside from that, keep coming out, supporting wrestling in general and supporting womens wrestling tae. These lassies deserve a platform to perform more regularly, and the more folk who come to shows, the more shows they can run. Simple science innit?