So the prodigal son returns to then ‘shire, after a globetrotting couple of months that have saw him bounce between New York and Newton Mearns (wis the only place I could think of right? Leave me alone) at a rapid rate. Winning belts, teaming wae Jewish heroes, taking on ghoulish monsters like Dave Mastiff and Johnny Moss, and fuckin WINNING. The legend of Grado has grown arms and legs lately, but as it stands he has no title defence on this card, so up steps Noam Dar tae defend his “best wrestler in Ayrshire” crowd against the one and only, Fallen Angel, Chrissy Daniels. As ever, PWE have a beezer of a family friendly card in store for us, but its up to the rest of the boaysies. Local or otherwise. To raise the bar to a ridiculously high standards for Noam and Daniels. Can they dae it? Course they fuckin can. Especially when you’ve got titanic battles between the likes of…
Andy Wild vs Liam Thomson
(see how I transitioned intae this bit? smoooooooth)
The battle of the underrated ones. Although Thomson has been red hot of late, and Wild is the first ever PWE World Champion, so maybe “underrated” is the wrong word nowadays. Maybe “rated a wee bit lower than they should be” is more fitting, but its less catchy so fuck knows. If ye prefer catchyness, underrated is the one ye need tae be going with. Why this is of any important I don’t know. I reckon this could be a genuine contender to steal match of the night. Two of my favourite wrestlers current plying their trade in this possibly soon tae be independent nation. We really need an agreement in place wae Andy, so he isnae immediately deported when we get a Yes!…thats how it works eh? Everyone that’s not at least 95-96% percent Scottish gets turfed out on their ungrateful immigrant ear. Anyway, for some reason I’m fancying a Liam Thomson win, with an air of sleekitness about it.
Joey Hayes vs El Ligero
I know this is big time shit. And I should be super excited, so guess whit? I PURE UHM. This is one of the things I like the most about PWE, guy’s like Joey Hayes only get sporadic bookings up here, so its nice to be able to see guys like that do their thing live. The fact that ye need tae go all the way to fuckin Ayr for it is a small price to pay 😉 Nah but, this is yer straight up exhibition type match I reckon. Hayes the baddie, Ligero the goodie. Fight to the death. Or fight till Wolfgang comes out and leathers Hayes wae a chair, then HE causes the death. Which may or may not be a DQ depending on this “fight to the death” stip being officially sanctioned .
Damo vs Johnny Moss vs Dave Mastiff vs Iestyn Rees
I’ve taken a wee liking to these “Big monster vs other big monster” type of battles lately, after growing up in an era where most of the big units where steroid charged robots who could barely move, the fact that we have so many monsters working in the UK who can actually fuckin GO. Its refreshing as fuck. Although christ knows how the ring’s gonane survive all four of these cunts in at once. You’ve got team behemoth with the bears Damo and Dave Mastiff, and then yer more cut, veiny armed monsters in Mossy and the bod Iestyn Rees. A collective a huge guys knocking fuck out each other, whats not to love. Cannae wait to see Damo and Mastiff do that double suicide dive of theirs which i’m fairly certain is a figment of my imagination. Cause he has a school now, so he’s here to show he’s a (wait for it….) CLASS apart. Amiright? Fuck me, thats awful. I wish I was more sorry. Sticking with the Mossy to win patter right enough, despite that awful joke.
The NAK vs Martin Kirby + Pal (PWE Tag Title Match)
This is the guy right here. Nae belts. Nae project ego. As it stands, not a lot’s gonnae happen here. Other then The NAK not leaving Ayr wae some belts that they undoubtedly would have shat on and slung in the nearest skip anyway. The belts not being there on time is probably a blessing in truth, cause they wouldnt have survived the night. If I was Martin Kirby, first of all I’d take a moment out of my day every day to appreciate being a bald man named Martin, then I’d stay the fuck away from the probable doing I’m about to get aff Chris Renfrew and BT Gunn. I have a wee feeling Stevie Boy Xavier will be his tag partner, only cause I really want it tae be Stevie tbh. There is no logic behind that other than me going “Please be Stevie….pleeeeeeease” but aye, I have a feeling amongst the chaos, we’ll somehow…someway get a beauty of a match, with the Kliq being crowned the tap boays at the end. Cause they’re taking over troops. Open yer eyes, or get steamrollered.
He’ll be there eh? Cause if not, we might have a revolt on our hands. The people of Ayrshire need a hero. They need a guy wae a shiny belt that they can relate to. They need the dream. They need Grado. Kid Fite and Grado have had a wee bit of bad blood between them in PWE so I fancy an impromptu defence against Fito. Fito wins, and in celebration he spraypaints “Glesga!” on the foreheid of anyone living outwith the Glasgow catchment area, leaving to the mainest of all the events kicking off at 2 in the morning cause they’d tae wait on Fito finishing…and that main event is of course….
Noam Dar vs Christopher Daniels
An absolute dream of a wrestling match. Noam Dar and Christopher Daniels scarcely engage in things which don’t fall under that category, but fuck me. This is…suhin else. A dream. Two of the most exciting, charismatic pro wrestlers in the fucking world having a bit of a Square Go. I cannae. Too much goodness. Noam got the nod before when PWE first had a big time TNA import over and as good as that match was, this’ll be better. Cause Christopher Daniels is not a dick. Seriously though, I’m genuinely expecting some top drawer, match of the year type stuff here and I’ve nae doubt the lads will deliver. Then hit up Club De Mar together in hopefully not matching Ben Sherman shirts, so Noam can reel in a few durties by telling them about “His pal fae America that does the wresslin!” Really frothing for this yin though. Have been since it was announced. Dar has to win surely eh? Then he of course proceeds to win aw the belts cause NOAM IS THE PRESENT.
Here, PWE is almost sold out, but there’s still tickets on the door I believe. Get yer erse along to the Ayr Town Hall. Doors at half 6. Be there, or be somewhere where Dar vs Daniels ISNAE happening. Like a fuckin chump.