A Magically Mysterious Chat With Chris Renfrew

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“Sometimes we just get bored and decide to see what someones blood looks like” – Chris Renfrew 


When I interviewed Chris Renfrew back in July, it was more of an informal chat with a sound cunt. Even sound Renfrew carries a certain degree of menace, but he’s a personable guy. Articulate, easy going and clearly very passionate about the wrestling business. That’s the every day Renfrew you’ll encounter a lot of the time. A guy who has a lot of time for fans, and perhaps even a moment to spare for humanity in general. He’s a man who endeavours to give everything he can to wrestling, but doesn’t let it consume him. Essentially a good cunt.

There’s two sides to Chris Renfrew though. Whilst both appear to be similar on the outer shell (skinheid, tattoos, expression that says “fuck you and everything you stand for”) the man who exists outwith the wrestling bubble, who often steps back from the drama and showmanship of it all to give informative, well-mannered interviews, is a cracking guy to be around. The guy I spoke to recently was less “cracking guy to be around” more “guy who would take great pleasure in cracking yer jaw” . The thing some people don’t understand about the two Chris Renfrew’s is that he’s not some kind of demented skitzo who can snap in to his other persona just as quickly as he’s finished talking to you as he normally. Both are facets of a very complexed, driven guy. The normal Renfrew persona chooses to pursue this wrestling shit like a civilised, human being, and then there’s the other guy. The bad guy. The guy who will destroy everything you love, and that’s not just referring to trivial possessions, and even commodities like  “family” and “shelter” . Nah. If you find yourself growing attached to your teeth? He’ll knock those fuckers clean out anaw. Like that pasty, locked in a dungeon, sun deprived skin tone yer rocking? Better get accustomed to black and blue. That’s the guy who’s so deeply invested in the NAK cause, and making his own personal mark on the wrestling business, that it threatens to consume him and everyone who crosses his path. A man who’s assembled a team of skilled hoodlums like nothing ever seen before in pro wrestling. A man who’s not to be fucked wae.

I’m no entirely sure if its fortunate or unfortunate that I was met with the unhinged one. On one hand, it made for a compelling interview. Seeing a torrent of concentrated evil filter out the big mans gub. When you’re met with shit like that, these things pretty much write themselves. The other side of that captivating coin is that when you interview the borderline homicidal Chris Renfrew…well…yer interviewing someone who’s borderline homicidal….and that shit is fuckin terrifiyng.

Realising that this was a different animal from the Chris Renfrew I interviewed the last time, I felt it best to keep it relevant. Keep it wrestling. Nae stupid filler. Nae attempts at humour, with the fear of my stupid smiling gub being kicked down my throat looming large. How does he rate the chances of him and BT Gunn still being tag champs when they face their biggest challenge yet against Paul London and Brian Kendrick at ICW:Helter Skelter in Newcastle. 

 We have beaten everyone there is to beat within ICW, The Coffey Brothers, Fight Club, and we have made the Bucky Boys our bitches for over a year now. We are now the measuring stick of tag team wrestling in this country. We even expand that outwith ICW becoming the first ever PWE tag team champions.
London and Kendrick are one of the most accomplished tag teams of the past decade and though they have been around for such a long time are still young and at the peak of their physical condition.
To be the best, you have to beat the best, and keep in mind this is our turf they are walking into, we have home field advantage and we control the elements.

 

Fairly standard stuff up until “we control the elements” …that has shades of “if they’re getting the better of us, we’ll probably just set them on fire” or something like that. If that gies me the fear, imagine what the bold London and Spanky would be thinking. The subjects of Renfrews ire. As accomplished as the boaysies are, they probably haven’t met anything like the level of violence and no-gien-a-fuckery that comes with the NAK. Tag titles secure, and being actively defended by the NAK, you could be forgiven for thinking Renfrew’s eyes are maybe off the ball a bit when it comes to cashing in the Square Go title shot. With just two months left before his time’s up. Renfrew disnae see it that way.

When it comes to the big matches, we tend to come out on top, the Edinburgh Street Fight, Irn-Jew, The Bucky Boys at Shugs Hoose Party, when we are placed under pressure we thrive. We are like animals, we hunt in a pack and we are even more dangerous when we are backed into a corner. Better to be confident than negative, you go in thinking you’ll lose, you will lose. There is also the fact of how far are they willing to go? You know by now how far we are willing to go, human health is of no interest to us when we are in ICW.

As for the title, that situation is quietly taking care of itself. As both Jester and Galloway focus on each other, all their hatred and anger festering, ready to explode, they always have that niggling feeling, knowing that I’m always watching them. The pressure isn’t on me, it is on them. Timing is everything and I know exactly what needs to be done, I just have to be patient

 

Patience is a virtue they say. Fuck knows what that cliched pish actually means, but if Renfrew thinks patience is whats needed in his quest to become the top dog, who the fuck am I to argue? And more to the point…why the fuck did I argue? Cunto here had to ask. Does he think his time is running out to cash in? That’s when things took a turn for the “shitein masell”

You ask me that out of ignorance really

*gulp*

Think on it, how often have you assumed you knew exactly what we were where going to do? How many times did you assume you knew a scenario would play out only for us to change the card?
We have had ICW by the throat for the entire of 2014. Beyond a few mis-fires we have destroyed everything you love. We put Wolfgang on the shelf, we have dominated the tag division. We are the masters of manipulation and we have the winning hand with all the chips on the table.
Don’t you get that there is a high chance of the Jester Vs Galloway ending in serious injury for both men, both challenger and champion at their weakest in the main event of the biggest show in ICW history? We control everything and time is our ally whereas it is others enemies

 

Fair fuck’s. Poking the beast probably wisnae my smartest move, but in my defence, I’m not the smartest guy. Watching, writing about, and talking about wrestling are pretty much the only things I’m good at. Something I’m not very good at is sensing the tone. Particularly when that tone goes ever so slightly violent. Focus it up eh! Get his mind on the team. The Kliq. That merry band of Outlaws, proud to declare that the only thing they ever stole was your innocence. Are there plans to expand the NAK?

We have always had the mentality that you can be one of us as long as you are willing to live and die for the cause. It’s us vs them and anyone can open their eyes to what is really going on around them and become one of us, but very few have either the brains, the heart or the baws to do it.
Who says we haven’t already expanded? Who says there isn’t more than four of us already, who says that one of your hero’s is already part of the cause but we are just waiting for the right moment to reveal?

When you wake up that tribalistic side of a guy like Chris Renfrew, all of a sudden you’ve become an enemy. Anyone not NAK is part of the problem, even villains like Liam Thomson who live by a similar ethos can find their jaws well and truly tapped. If a cunt who goes by the “bad boy” moniker isn’t safe, is anyone? The NAK aren’t bad bastards for the sake of it ye see. Their evil comes with a message. A very clear goal, which each and every member buys into, so it really doesn’t matter how bad you are, if you’re not NAK bad, it disnae matter a fuck. Watch your back. Even if you’re a blood relative, you aren’t safe. Blood might be thicker than water, but it isn’t thicker than the bottle of Buckfast’s finest wreck the hoose juice being implanted intae yer skull. That being said, I wondered how active a role the NAK would play when both BT Gunn and his cousin/mortal enemy Wolfgang take on Drew Galloway over the course of the Magical Mystery Tour.

It seems very clear to me that Wolfgang is beyond help, he is a lost cause. He just ain’t smart enough to realise we are the future. But BT insists he can make Wolfgang wake up. It worked with me after all, I will forever have the scars of the scissors wounds to remind me.
The NAK keep an eye on everything that goes on. We watch everyone. Of course we will be watching these matches eagerly but at this point, fair play and sportsmanship is long gone. Fuck yer better man shit, this is survival.

 

Goat a bitta red on ye mate

Goat a bitta red on ye mate

Survival indeed. If you’re talking to a guy who calls a man who nearly killed him a “brother” then you’re talking to a different sort of dude. Best not to antagonise him in any way. Certainly don’t poke the bear by implying that he was maybe in a bit of trouble when he took on a young man with a hefty set of baws on him in Lou King Sharp, at ICWs recent Spacebaws show.

All I had in mind was eating some Divers cake and getting baked but he decided to crash my party. He could have walked away and he chose not to.
I actually like the kid, he reminds me a lot of myself when I was his age, except I was around a foot taller. I admire the fact he walked in and picked a fight with someone of my

status, fuck waiting in the queue he’s skipping the line.
Thing is though, Spacebaws 4 was a rare evening when I was in an ICW ring in a good mood, he caught me at my best. That was just the warning shot. Now he is booked to face me December 21st at Spacebaws 5, he has “called me out”, pity that because now I will have to make an example of him. Christmas dinner through a drip.

 

A bit of grudging respect from Renfrew towards the bold yin there. Could Lou King Sharp one day call the NAK HQ his home if he smartens? Renfrew did think they had Stevie Boy for a brief moment, before he double crossed them and re-aligned himself with The Bucky Clan, so with BT Gunn set to take on Stevie during the Magical Mystery Tour, at the show in Dundee, do the NAK have revenge in their sights for Stevie’s betrayal, and his recent victory over Renfrew in Edinburgh? Bit of a fuckin stupid question I suppose, it’s the NAK. Violent revenge is their middle name (well technically its “Age” but ye know whit I fuckin mean..)

Lou King Sharp won’t be a part of the NAK now, sadly I have to break him, as I said, he called me out and I’m making an example of him.

Stevey Boy breaks my heart, it really does. I always thought considering our past he would have opened his eyes and joined the cause but his mind is clouded, cannae handle his bevvy and its melted his mind. Loyal to the wrong cause, a bunch of reprobates. The once golden team of the Bucky Boys is dead, RIP, we killed the Bucky Boys, Stevey Boy stands alone.
He beat me straight up, I’m man enough to admit that, he played me at my own game, changed the card and pinned me. But on that tour our focus was Irn Jew not the Bucky Boys.
BT Gunn is demented, he kills what he loves if he cannot have it as his own. he adores Stevey, he saw him as a wee brother, this will be on the same level of aggression he had with me and currently has with Wolfgang. Stevey Boy is soon going to join his Powdered Toastman looking cousin on the shelf and get “taken out”…belter

 

Folk tend to forget the reason Stevie Boy has been flying relatively solo for the past wee while is the NAK kinda bludgeoning Davie Boy’s eyes oot, and further bursting his already decidedly burst leg. So are there any more enemies to seek other than the blatantly obvious ones as the Magical Mystery Tour takes the NAK to places their bastardry has yet to reach.

Oh aye plenty of fresh ground to cover here. There is course me and my friend the live mic, I am really looking forward to endearing myself to the locals. Dundee….fucking Dundee though…why? It’s like Kilmarnock with Herpes, gutted we even have to go near that shit hole! I fully intend to leave a huge skid mark on that city! We have plenty of people in the cross hairs, London and Kendrick, Galloway, the Sumerian Death Squad are all marked straight off the bat. I’m sure we will have a few others looking to get some semblance of revenge for our past exploits so we are of course ready for that, when you create as much anarchy as we do you must have as strong a defence as an offense.

Everyone is marked, everyone should be on edge but because sometimes we pre-meditate and plan the attack, sometimes we just get bored and decided to see what someones blood looks like.

 

Pants suitably lined with excrement, I was about done with this white knuckle ride dressed as an interview. There’s only so many times you can shuffle nervously in your seat before folk start to worry if you’ve got the yips. Standing there on the 18th green. Sweat pouring down yer back, and you stand over a 2 foot putt to secure. Keep it simple. Don’t fuck up. Tap it in. Give it a little tappy tap. The equivalent for that in this case was me simply asking Renfrew to sum up how he personally, and the NAK generally plan to impact the Magical Mystery Tour. Fuck all can go wrong, or make him want to stab me from asking that eh?

Its called the Magical Mystery Tour, it is meant to be all fuzzy and fun with cute names for the shows. A celebration of all things ICW, and another opportunity for us to create memories for the wrong reasons.

You all sitting watching with a morbid fascination to the carnage and pain we inflict. Conflicted by the fact you know what you are viewing is wrong but you are curious, you want to see it, you crave it. It is human nature to enjoy violence, and you are either a voyeur or a perpetrator, or in some peoples minds, entertainer.

Since the dawn of time we have gathered in groups to watch atrocities, executions, fights to the death. See with me just saying this I have got you thinking, is what we are doing so wrong when placed in the world we are?

I will leave you with a song lyric that has always meant a lot to me ” The Death of one is tragedy, the death of millions is just a statistic”

Wrestling eh. Just when you think nothing can shock you anymore as a fan, Chris Renfrew decides to tell ye he likes dangling folks lives by a thread cause he fancied seeing what their blood looks like. Remember that the next time you settle in to listen to yer everyday, man of the people Chris Renfrew. Remember that he probably isn’t entirely real. Elements of him are, but then there’s this guy. The other guy. The villian. The orchestrator of violence, but above all else?

The heel.

renfbt

 


Full credit of course to the right honorable David J Wilson for his crackin photos.

Also, shift yer dick to the Magical Mystery Tour and see Renfrew make good on all these violent, probably illegal promises. Details and ticket info can be found in the links below.

Newcastle 
Dundee
Leeds
Liverpool
Birmingham

Sometimes we just get bored and decide tae see what someones blood looks like? Fuck me. Cannae get over that at all. That would gie ye the heebie jeebies.

Come to the tour though. Seriously. It’ll be good. Wrestling n that.

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