Seth Rollins Is The Epicentre Of The (WWE) Universe


When he turned, a thousand hearts shattered into a thousand pieces. It was a moment so large in magnitude (pop pop!) that even Bret Hart gave it a 5 out of 10. He stabbed his brothers in the back, mercilessly slaying them with the cold hard feel of steel (chair). Its strange considering that Seth had slowly crept up from being the most annoying, nasal pain in the arse in The Shield, to become the coolest (besides Ambrose) and most accomplished wrestler in the group. He could always wrestle like. That’s not a new phenomenon, but it was always somewhat diluted by the fact that he was annoying as fuck. Always hogging the mic with his incessant whinging and committing the cardinal sin of keeping Dean Ambrose off of it. Little did we know he was only getting some practice in. Practice for when the whole company would revolve around him being an utter wank. Which is exactly what’s happening right now.

Daft eh? First reaction to reading that, even me reading it back is “naaaaaaah, is he fuck leading the company” but think about it. No matter what you think of the product WWE are putting out there (and if yer not thinking “largely fuckin shite”…why not?) right now, the glue holding everything together is Seth Rollins, and that’s been the case for a long time now. Everything is surely an exaggeration though eh? It cannae be EVERYTHING…well aye, it can. It is. Listen to some very well thought out, and not completely made up as I write this, reasons for that being the case.

  1. Dean Ambrose gets the most emotive pops in WWE. In the PG Era, a weird, probably homeless loner, who likes beating people hauf tae death with microphones, and coaxing his ex best pal to dive off a 20 foot high cell with him, is the guy people care the most about besides Daniel Bryan and John Cena (hatred counts as caring, although if you’re a blind hater of Cena, and cannae give me a reason other than “5 moves of doom” please stop reading this, and consider yourself banned from the famous Without Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose had no starting point when The Shield broke up. He needed a launchpad…that launchpad was hating the man who betrayed him, and leathering him at every opportunity. The unerringly brilliant Jon Moxley tribute act we all love these days is only possible because Seth Rollins is so good at playing that character. The physical manifestation of “the man” Dean Ambrose has hated all his life.
  2. He gives the feeling of a false champion in the sense that he carries the MITB briefcase with the genuine feeling that when he cashes in, he can do a decent job of leading the company. So in the case of Brock Lesnar being absent for 3 months at a fucking time, Seth Rollins becomes the main man, and the briefcase becomes the WWE Title. That’s why, as mediocre as it often is, WWE programming without Brock on it still feels like a full show. I’ve had many problems with Raw and Smackdown lately, but there being no WWE Champion present isn’t one of them, and that’s down to Seth Rollins being a wee dick so effectively.
  3. He gave Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury an opening to be on TV every week, and they main evented RAW last week. They call themselves J and J Security ffs. If those opening two sentences don’t scream “yaaaaassssss” at you, you’re probably dead inside (or your knowledge of mid 2000s wrestling is fucking shite. I’m no judging if it is like, thats undoubtedly my weakest era wrestling trivia wise. Well that, and the spell I had huffing bleach and sticking sunflower seeds up my erse in 2012, that wis awffy hazy)
  4. Last but not least. He’s really fucking good at professional wrestling. Perhaps my favourite to watch currently working for the company. With the exception of Cesaro, but even then, he probably gives just as many “awww that wis fuckin amazin” moments as the Pepperoni nipped Swiss genius. His work makes sense always, and he’s not scared to put folk over either. Look what he done for Ziggler at Survivor Series. As much as that moment was about Sting, the match itself was a thing of beauty because of what Ziggler and Rollins done. After Ziggler got rid of Harper and Kane, he took on a relatively fresh Seth Rollins, with a severe case of burst arse-itis, and he took him the fuck down. The Sting interference might have led to Ziggler getting the final pin, but he had it in the bag anyway. Zig Zagged yer Rollins to buggery, and had the 1,2,3 in his back pocket before the beak stuck his Triple H in and saved the match (see whit I did there? guys? naw??) The exchange between Ziggler and Rollins could be the catalyst for a Dolph Ziggler push. It didn’t have to be that, but because of Rollins willingness to make Ziggler look strong as fuck on the big stage (as opposed to them stealing the show on every RAW and Smackdown they work with each other on) now Ziggler’s got some genuine momentum.

Nae idea why we went with the numbered list there right enough. This would probably have read a lot easier if I wound those four points in to the main piece of writing. A lot smoother. But listen, now you know there are exactly 4 reasons for Seth Rollins being the centrepiece to the whole WWE right now, so thats good. You’ve got a number to tell yer pals when you’re done enjoying the shit out of this mediocre piece of writing. Ye told them yet? Go on…do it now. I’ll wait…..

PSYCHE! I’m not even done mate. There’s a 5th reason. See that “last but not least” shite. I caught ye on my deception hook, and reeled in a dafty. The 5th reason is simple. Randy fuckin Orton. He’s absent right now, but Orton needed a proper hot feud to slide into off the back of his new found vine popularity. He needed something that isn’t John Cena, or chucking him against a midcard guy they don’t give a fuck about and hoping for the best. Seth Rollins was the natural counterpart. The prodigal son of The Authority against Randy Orton. Once the undisputed future of the company, now another forgotten almost has been. Well not anymore. RKOs for days. The architect lies slain at the feet of the nae eyed viper, and all of a sudden people give more than a passing shite about Randy Orton. Vine can only get you so far there, but I imagine that if the feud happens properly, it could be the thing to properly thrust Orton back into the limelight.

The common theme in all these things is of course Seth Rollins. This “article” is about him, so its hardly going to be anycunt else is it? Anyway. As much as you might whine about WWE right now, and as much as you might sit up at night, praying that things will improve, the fact is. Without Seth Rollins things would be truly fuckin dire, and completely aimless. Seth Rollins is the guy right now. Seth Rollins is the television all of the WWEs metaphorical furniture is pointed it. Seth Rollins is the epicentre of the WWE.

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