6 Possible Winners Of The Square Go You Might Not Have Thought Of


Aye ok. I do lists now. So whit? The titles make people click it, then they get tae marvel at the terrific writing inside. Its like when British Wrestling companies get big name imports on shows. It gets people in the door, and they get to see how good all the British wrestlers are. So fuck all ya’ll. Read the thing. 

I’ll make this much shorter than usual, cause who has time to read 2000 odd words every day??! Eh??? Amiright??? Ha! Anyway. Folk are thinking of the usual suspects for the Square Go. Fair play to them. Its safe as houses to bank on someone like Big Damo for example. A real life human bear. Maybe Grado gets to avenge the injustice of last year and re-ignite his ICW Title dreams. Then there’s guys like Mark Coffey. One half of the tag champs, and the Zero-G king. The Zero-G prince Kenny Williams. Mikey Whiplash, BT Gunn, Wolfie (if theres anything left of them) Tommy End, etc etc. You could list names who have a convincing case to win it all day long. Did you think of these 6 though? Well…some of you probably did, but you know it all bastards can GTF.

1. Andy Wild


Photo credit goes to whoever was brave enough to stand 5 feet fae this tank

Photo credit goes to whoever was brave enough to stand 5 feet fae this tank

Look at the fuckin size of him. Seriously. He still moves pretty much like he did when he was a skinny cunt, but check the meat on the cunt. He’ll be hard to move an inch, never mind someone actually transporting him over the top rope. He probably wont win, but I wouldn’t bet against him being in the final 4.

2. Nathan Black


Gien cunts the fear since whenever the devil farted him oot

Gien cunts the fear since whenever the devil farted him oot

He’s massive. There’s nothing else to say really. He wiped the floor with whoever was left when he entered the Spacebaws mini Square Go, and showed off an absolute wrecking machine of a physique to go with being 6 foot 10, or whitever the fuck he is. He’s massive, skilled and unhinged. If the bookies offered odds for this, I imagine he’d be at about 20/1, and I don’t gamble anymore, but I’d stick a score on that. Easy. Big man’s got a chance.

3. DCT


We know Polo Promotions are going to be dangerous, but I think everyone assumed it’ll be Polo himself and Mark Coffey that could potentially win it. Why not the bold Tashio’d maestro? A solid scoop slammer himself, and a world renound shagger. It would be oddly beautiful to see him win it, after being papped out 2 years in a row by Renfrew chopping him over the top rope. Don’t even lie to yersells man, you’d mark out for it. We all would. And then we should all turn to each other simultaneously and say “did ye enjoy that?”

4. Sabu


Think I’m bleedin, is it my nose?

Not a trace of him since he knocked fuck out of Jester, and went home with a box of shortbread soaked in his blood. Giving new meaning to the term “soggy biscuit”. I wouldn’t bet on it, but theres a chance he could make a shock comeback and win it.

5. Martin Stone


What the FACK you gawpin at, you fat MUG

He’s not been back on the scene long, but few have made an impression quite like the big man has. Him and Sha Samuels have a right good shout, but a lot of people will back Sha to win it. I don’t think many would think that Stone might be a candidate, but why not? he’s been in the title picture before and undoubtedly wants to be there again. Theres only so many times ye can leather Grado before it gets proper boring anyway. Time for him to move on.

6. Chris Renfrew


Whits that? Ye want tae see me pap him out a Battle Royal he's already technically won? For the second year in a row?

Whits that? Ye want tae see me pap him out a Battle Royal he’s already technically won? For the second year in a row?

Aye I know. Nae chance right? But what if Drew vs Renfrew isn’t on last. What if Renfrew loses valiantly, and comes out half beaten to death, so desperate for one more shot that he’ll do anything to win the Square Go again. After all, the finish for last years Square Go was “borrowed” from the way Austin won it in 97. I suppose it would be oddly poetic if Renfrew done the same, and also won it the next year as well. I genuinely don’t think this will happen, but never say never. No matter what, I think Renfrew will come out of this show looking strong. Either by becoming champ, at least beating Drew within an inch of his life, or winning the Square Go for the second time.

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