Driving Miss Davey

He wanted to call it something else. Editors decide titles m8. You brought this on yersell

Spose he did make a picture. I respect that effort. Logo making sites have a lot to answer for.

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A lot of people might not know this, but my career path here at Snapmare Necks has not been typical by any means. Before I rose through the ranks as one of the hottest young writers in the roster, I was originally employed to be Martin’s driver. Be it Glasgow, Edinburgh, Motherwell, Coatbridge or Ayr, I was the Mr Smith’s main driver. On those long drives, employer and employee struck up a friendship of sorts. We got to know a little about each other, and one day he asked me my aspirations. I reached into the glovebox and pulled out my writing portfolio. He was impressed with what he was able to read, and confused by the sophisticated elegance of the rest. After initial reticence, he gave me a shot. He asked me to submit a review of WWE Extreme Rules 2014, and the rest is history. (Here dae that thing where if the ye click on where it says extreme rules there it takes you to that review eh. It’s called hyperlinking but I didnae want tae make you feel stupid and have to ask what that means. I know cause I’m smart.)

Anyway, after over a year now of being head writer, I started to feel pangs. I wanted to get back into the driving game. A Snapmare Necks tourbus or suhin. Just get myself back behind the wheel and back to what I truly love. I expressed this to Martin and he came up with a brilliant idea.

Why not mix the two disciplines? Like when Michael Jordan combined his talent for basketball with his talent for space fruit preserve and made space jam (that’s what it is eh? I’ve never seen it). Or when Yamaha mashed up their talent for creating motorcycles with their gift for making keyboards and made the Musicbike. Or when Steve Blackman mixed his love of kendo sticks and his love of cheese, and ate a lot of cheese while waving kendo sticks.

After a wee bit of initial confusion about what this idea entailed, (I thought he meant I should write blogs while driving, fuckin 6 points on ma license noo, insurance is gonnae fuckin skyrocket), I received my first assignment. The basic idea is that I pick up a wrestler or someone involved in the business, and drive them to their destination whilst conducting an interview with them. Gets vital interviews, and also I charge fuckin criminal rates, which Marty takes a cut of. I still say £70 for paisley to glasgow city centre is reasonable though.

My first client and interviewee is Chris Toal. He’s been an enforcer for ICW owner Mark Dallas. He was part of the victorious Team Hemphill at the Kelvin Brawl. He’s been the best in the world. He’s been Scotland’s very own luchador. He’s been a global hero. Put it this way. He’s done a lot of things. A man who has lived a life quite unlike any other, but all of that has been left behind in favour of making stars. Finding diamonds in the rough, shining them up real nice, turning them sideways, and sticking them straight in to wrestling rings up and down the country. In other words, if your career is lagging, you better call toal! (Marty I was thinking here I might put in a wee joke where I cannae get the catchphrase right and I’m like ‘you should phone Chris’ and shit like that. You think that’s funny?)
I arrived at Mr Toal’s house in Coatbridge at 4pm on a Sunday. He was to be escorted to a meeting with Mark Dallas at the big tesco in springburn, and then ikea. I had a slight feeling that maybe Chris was abusing my services and just getting me to help him do his messages, but I was duty bound. I was able to find Chris’s residence easily, I had been here before, having dropped him off once after a wrestling show cause he was bursting for a shite.

I waited over an hour, before I recieved a text from Marty, he had read my pre-interview notes, and decided that he would be conducting the interview instead. To Chris’s credit, he also text me to apologise, but also asked that I go to tesco for him anyway.

If you’re wondering why I still wrote this blog if I never got the chance to do the interview, let me tell you a callous and evil man martin smith is. He stole the interview from me, but still insisted that I submit a blog that reaches the word limit, or I wouldn’t be paid this week. Anyway, I’m gonnae drive to Stevenson now and wait outside Grado’s house, gie Marty a taste of his ain medicine when I steal an interview from HIM!
If you are a wrestling personality in the Scottish scene and require transport, get in touch with me on twitter @dave_eh_rave. Please note that I don’t go near East Kilbride, so don’t even ask

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