The Top 10 Reasons Why Queue Jumping Is A Sin, And Why The Perpetrators Of It Should Be Ashamed

We’re gonna get straight to the list on this one folks. The title pretty much explains this one for you.

1. I was standing here

That’s the first thing. I stood here so that means this is where I stand. You can stand behind me. Away from the direction I am facing, but the fact that I am standing here, near the door of a venue which is currently closed. You do not have the right to stand in front of me. I earned this right by coming here at 3am, when drunk people still in there from the night before were filtering out and calling me names. So don’t stand in front of me, ok?

2. Seriously, I’ve been standing here for ages

I wanted to go to the shop and get a can of Lilt, but I remembered the golden rule. Once you step out of the queue, you are dead to the queue. You no longer exist. Back of the line, ye fucked it.

3. Like, I got up early n shit

Had my pieces made up. Ate them fast, so I could quickly respond “no, you cannot” to anyone who asks politely if they can go in front. This is not a game. Once you set multiple alarms for something, it ceases to be a joking matter. Back of the fuckin line you go, amateur.

4. I would pull you up, but I’m terrified.

Thats the main problem. Ultimately I know that in the event of being skipped in a queue, it’s up to the victim to raise the issue. You and you alone are responsible for your place in the queue. I remember once I was at a cup final at Hampden, and these two young fandans asked an older gentleman and his grandson if they could swap seats so they could sit with their fandan pals. I was enraged and so was the grandson, but the auld fella said aye, and off they went to shiter seats. I could have went “haw yous, dont be dicks” but it wisnae my decision. You can’t expect others to intervene on your behalf in this cold cold world of ours, you are your own human. Be it. Own that spot in the queue, or own the fact that someone took that spot from you. You got punked out.

5. Ultimately, once you’re in the venue, if you’re willing to say “excuse me” to enough unwilling people, you’ll get to the front, so what does it fucking matter where anyone stands in a queue?

The queue means nothing. Once you get in the place, ultimately if you’re polite enough you can get near the front at least. I’ve seen folk come in to shows dead last, and they’ve crowd surfed their way all the way past the front and into the ring. Imagine that. Imagine getting a view of the show FROM THE RING. How amazing would that be, cause then you’d be like…in the show n shit!! haha. Yass man. The only thing better than pretending to be a part of the show, is actually being a part of one. Thats the dream right there.

6. Queuing is shite

It really is. There’s pubs right there.

7. When you queue early at shows outwith Glasgow, no one else is there. Because they’re in pubs socialising or doing a jobby in the comfort of their own homes. 

Pubs are right there. So’s Primark. Get a latte, and some new joggies for under 3 quid. Get a foot massage. Dae something else. Or queue if ye want, its your life. I don’t judge people for wanting to give themselves a good chance of getting a good spot at all, just don’t be really pissy when folk go in front. Or confront them if they do and punch them right on the hipbone. Straight shot. Right to the mobility maker.

8. I’m running out of reasons, ten was too many. 

The last two were the same thing. Honestly though, I don’t like queue skipping myself. Its poor. But at the same time, fuck all ya’ll.

9. Its like this, a queue only actually starts meaning something when the doors for an event open. Anything before that is just standing in a loose formation, spanning half of Glasgow. 

I said this earlier, but it deserves its own number, because that’s true. Until the venue opens, the queue means fuck all. There is no reason for cunts to adhere to it, its just polite to do so, but you could be standing there for a hunner reasons. Why am I assuming because you’re facing a certain building, that you’re in a queue for something pertaining to that building? Sometimes people just stand. When the doors open, if folk decide to jump in front of you then, by all means have a stern word with them, but before that, you’re fresh outta luck mon frere.

10. Who cares

Seriously. Who cares. Stop talking about queues, and what people should and shouldn’t be doing, cause unless its throwing beer in the ring, or wiping yer manky fingers on a wrestlers kickpads, it disnae matter. Watch the show.


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