Extremely difficult not to make this whole opening paragraph about William Grange coming back. More difficult than you could possibly imagine. This will perhaps be the last time ICW come to Maryhill, so there are more important things to discuss than Grange. Will the show do Maryhill proud? Will Divers make it to Shugs House Party 2 with his skull in one piece after Wolfgang gets through with him? Will Grange and Divers re-form and give Divers some much needed backup? See…even when its not about Grange, it actually is. It always is. Waynestock night one. Maryhill. A card full of wrestling, and a commentary booth full of Grange and Kirkwood. Cannae whack it. Grange.
Joe Coffey vs Lewis Girvan
Slightly ashamed I had no idea this was taking place. I don’t remember it being announced tbh, but on paper its the best wrestling match on the card. The two matches they’ve had in ICW so far were pure belters. This will be the same. Joe Coffey deserves to keep pushing at the top end of the card, and Lewis Girvan is an outstanding talent. I hope they dance a merry dance of wrestling, and Joe makes it through unscathed so he’s at full battering capacity for battering Sha.
Grado vs Liam Thomson
Could churn out the usual patter about Liam Thomson being underrated, and this being a classic bad boy vs good guy matchup, but that’s boring. You all know that already. Liam Thomson smashed his fiancée with a steel chair, and chucked the ring (the engagement ring like, he didnae chuck a wrestling ring at her) at her as she lay KO’d. We know he’s a bad yin, with mad wrestling skills. What’s slightly intriguing about this particular matchup with Grado is that Liam Thomson and Kid Fite have been friendly with each other lately. Seemingly united by their tendency to practice the art of bad bastardry. I can smell a wee alliance with The 55 here. Thomson softening Grado up for Bram the next night, with the whole team coming out and giving him a doing, only for the good guys to come out and make the save and we get a big meaty face off, with everyone pointing and pinging bogies at each other. Or Liam Thomson and Grado could just have a good old-fashioned grapple. Stranger things have happened.
Prediction – Liam Thomson joins The SNP.
Bram vs Noam Dar
It would be unprofessional to say “Hope Noam kicks his cunt in” and leave it there eh? Professionalism is key, so there is more to be said. Don’t get me wrong, I truly do hope Noam kicks fuck out the big lump, but I’m not sure if it’ll go down that way. Because Bram is quite huge. I saw him wrestle Vader recently, and whilst Vader is decidedly more wheezy than he used to be, he’s still huge and he didn’t dwarf Bram. Looking forward to this as a match more than Grado vs Bram tbh. Noam’s fleet-footed style will have the big man seeing stars. Thats why they call him hot heels Dar. The rubber burnin, money earnin, pinky raising, jumpin Jew. They call him none of these things, but they will call him “the winner” at the end of this match. Or Bram will batter fuck out him, and Kenny will need to wrestle Polo Promotions on his own at the ABC. One of those things will definitely be the outcome of this match. Hope Noam wins though, cause fuck The 55.
Prediction – Noam kicks his cunt in
Mikey Whiplash vs BT Gunn contract signing
The last time BT Gunn was involved in a contract signing, a lot of security guys got punched in the face as him and Wolfgang tried to tear each others eyes oot. The time before that Renfrew nearly bled out thanks to a scissors wound created on his head by BT. What do both of those people have in common with BT Gunn now? They’re in the same stable as him. By that logic, someone’s getting dismembered in this contract signing and in a few months time, Mikey Whiplash will join the NAK. That probably wont happen right enough, but I hope we do see a contract get signed before someone dies, because we need another match between these two.
Prediction – Signatures
Aaron Echo vs Kid Fite
This is one of my favourite things on this card, because it’s a wee bit out of the ordinary. Seems fitting that the venue that seen a lot of influential ICW wrestlers make their debuts should be the venue for another debut here. The bold Aaron Echo. A big bit ae a boay, who can go. In there with the man who taught him everything he knows. Kid Fite must feel a wee bit auld sometimes, with the amount of trainees he ends up having to actually wrestle. Might be teaching them a wee bit too well eh. It’s all competition at the end of the day, and Fito will be looking to snuff Echo out before he even gets to breathe in the rarefied air of the ICW main roster. I reckon this will shock folk and be one of the better matches of the night. If Aaron Echo has what it takes, he’ll rise to the challenge and knock it out the park (sorry I was trying to see how many motivational cliches I could fit into one sentence there, I think that was three) and if he doesn’t have what it takes, it’ll probably be shite. I fancy that he does have “it” and that will make “it” a fuckin good match.
Prediction – Good wrestling. Master vs sensei. At least one perectly executed snap suplex.
Jack Jester vs Kenny Williams
Kenny Williams might not actually be from Maryhill, but there’s nae doubt that Kenny Williams was born here. The Kenny Williams you know today, the bollocks and all that. That guy didn’t exist before ICW’s last visit to Maryhill. Which also happened to be the last time anyone seen his tag partner that night, the bold teen sensation Christopher. Not holding out any hope of him returning, and given that we’re already getting Grange, I’m no sure my heart could handle it anyway. However, wouldn’t it be a bit fitting that the same venue that saw him properly show the ICW crowd what he could do, is the one where he earns his biggest win to date? That’s undoubtedly what this would be if he could pull it out the bag, and it would give his ICW career a wee shot in the arm. There’s nae doubt that seemingly unstoppable momentum he had has slowed down slightly, but Jester’s not got a huge amount of momentum on his side either. Why the fuck have I made this whole bit about momentum? Who the fuck cares? Point is, Kenny and Christopher vs The NAK was fucking brilliant in Maryhill last time, but they wound up defeated. Jester won the last time he was in Maryhill, but ended up narrowly avoiding a maiming at the hands of Mikey Whiplash after the match. Someone’s gonnae leave Maryhill happier than they did last time, or eh. It’ll be a time limit draw.
Prediction – Time limit draw
Wolfgang vs Dickie Divers
Divers needs pals. The Buckies stood by his side a couple of times, then Stevie tore the heart clean out of them. Him and Whiplash were reluctant allies for a short while, but that as always temporary. He needs permanent pals. He needs the card to be subject to Grange (this might be the only show he’s on awrite, I’m using that patter as much as possible) Seriously though, there is an imbalance there so it would be nice to see someone back Divers up and make sure he makes it out of Maryhill with all 4 limbs and a briefcase without an imprint of his skull on it. Wolfgang might decide to treat Divers like he’s Rhino, and that means hitting him as hard as he’d hit Rhino, which in turn means DEID DIVERS. That fucking piledriver through the table really should have killed him anyway. Dickie leads a charmed life. One thing naecunt’s thought about is the possibility of Divers cashing in at Maryhill. Maybe Renfrew will want Divers dead to stop that happening. There’s nae rule in wrestling that says its illegal to wrestle a corpse, so we could have a Weekend At Bernies type of situation on our hands at the ABC the night after. It would be a beautiful moment if him and Grange did reform The STI, even though they were a pair of bastards when they were a team, they were talented bastards who had some very good bastarding matches with The Buckies. I fancy Divers to make it out alive, but it makes sense for Wolfie to win the match. Perhaps they’ll forego the match completely and Wolfie will powerbomb him off the top off Firhill instead.
Prediction – PAIN
Chris Renfrew vs Lionheart
A tale etched in mutual contempt and stiff hits to the jaw. The final instalment. Both men have changed considerably since they first met in ICW, and it must be a bit strange for Lionheart to be standing face to face with a guy who has evolved in every way over the past 2 and a half years, whilst Lionheart has been hamstrung by injury and uncertainty. This might be the match where all that goes away. Maybe this is the one where the Lionheart of old emerges and puts on an exhilarating belter with a man who might not have been at his level a few years ago, but a man who most certainly is now. Whilst Renfrew has re-invented his character a lot since the early days of their rivalry, the main thing that’s come on leaps and bounds is what he does in the ring. He puts on matches you need and want to see. Their match in London was decent, but this could be something special in front of a crowd that fully understands its importance. In Aaron Echo we could see the birth of a new star, and Lionheart will be hoping you see the re-birth of THE star of the past. What we’ll definitely see if these two hitting each other really hard in the face, I cant see past Renfrew winning, but it’ll be a better match than London and most likely the best match of the night.
Prediction – Ladders become involved in some way. Maybe an enchanted pair of ladders sets itself up, and climbs up itself to paint a roof. Or eh…..one of the two guys in the match uses a set of ladders as a weapon. Aye that probably makes more sense.
I put this last because there’s nae clear main event for the show yet and I can’t see Drew coming back to Maryhill and not putting the belt on the line. Stevie Boy isn’t on the card yet, and a large portion of the crowd are NAK daft, so the place would be red-hot if it was Stevie to challenge him. Could even be Mark Coffey or Jackie Polo, if either of them fancy a wee tune-up before defending their titles at the ABC, or maybe it’ll be William Grange himself. Grange for champ was a phenomenon for all of 5 minutes, maybe it’s due a return. Whoever might be facing Drew on the night, I reckon they’ll take him to the absolute limit, before Big Damo comes in and wrecks the place. In Damo’s eyes, Drew Galloway will be relieved of his ICW Title this weekend, but it’s no going to be in Maryhill. Nae way he’ll let some other cunt stroll in and scoop up his birthright. We’ll maybe even see a wee teaser involving both of them. A wee tag match or something. Drew and Grant Dunbar vs Damo and Glen Dunbar. A true grudge match. Give the fans a taste of what’s to come. Something involving Drew is definitely happening anyway.
Prediction – Something involving Drew will happen
Other than that, I quite fancy Stevie Boy vs DCT to happen. With DCT coming out and cutting a promo smothered in charisma and raw sexual magnetism. He is the number one contender. Him vs Stevie would be beautiful and I sincerely hope it happens. Something involving Stevie anyway. Pls.
Tickets for this show are sold out. If you want to maybe forge yourself a ticket, try asking a friend who has a ticket to show you a picture of it, trace that picture in coloured pencil, and Bobs yer maws brerr. You got a ticket!