The 02 ABC is the single greatest venue in the world today. Shugs Hoose Perty 1 involved a lot of people simultaneously ejaculating over Drew Galloway. Now a lot of those people will boo him. The fickle nature of the wrestling fan eh. People used to face the bar when Polo was on as well, whilst they cried real human tears at Lionheart retiring, yet when the two met at Barramania, the crowd were slightly in Polo’s favour. Fickleness isn’t exclusive to wrestling fans, as you do get folk who will change their favourite football team/snooker player/water-skier at the drop of a hat, but in a world where the word “real” is open to interpretation, some folk change their allegiances more often than they change their skants. Polo Promotions vs Champagne Superbollocks (ICW Tag Title Match) The longest reinging tag team champions in ICW history against the shortest lived tag team in ICW right now. Nae contest is it? Doesn’t really matter if Noam and Kenny are both former ICW Zero-G champions, nor does it matter that they go together like peanut butter and jellies. They don’t stand a chance against the cohesive, no wasted motion brotherhood of Polo Promotions. Jackie Polo’s face is no longer burst, so the workload is spread once more. I own a Kenny Williams t-shirt and once spoke to Noam Dar in the Cathouse for about a minute. Clearly I’m very good personal friends with them, but I have to go with my gut. I have to trust the instincts, and they’re telling me that Polo Promotions retain. Of course, Champagne Superbollocks winning would annoy the fuck out of Red Lightning, so that could be entertaining, but at the same time, I think anyone experiencing joy annoys Red Lightning. Aside from Red Lightning himself experiencing joy. Even with the stag do hangovers running riot, Polo and Coffey will be fine. Especally if Coach Trip is out with them, cause if they need to whitey they can use his hat. Sorted. Prediction – Noam comes out on a hoverboard, Kenny kisses the wrist, and Polo Promotions retain the glistening belts DCT and Viper are joined in Holy Matrimony The idea that this beautiful union might be interrupted by shenanigans properly sickens me. Never have a couple been more right for each other. As soon as DCT saw his luscious tash reflected in Viper’s twinkling eyes, he knew she was the one. They twinkled for him. Luckily DCT has the pink and purple army to stand guard as he officially throws the international sex hero’ing to one side and takes her to be his lawfully wedded bride. If it does go wrong, I can only imagine the interruption will be caused by the 300 pregnant pregnant Cypriots he left behind after his 2 week stag in Aiya Napa, but they will see that the love that has taken DCT from them is true, and they will be proud to raise his bastard babies. If you’re not wearing a 3 piece suit to this, regardless of your gender, you have failed as a human. Cummerbund optional but favourable. Prediction – A life of happiness, and many moustachioed, kind hearted children. Kid Fite vs Joe Hendry Joe Hendry is telling his fans what they shall be referred to as at this show. I hope its bawbags. No one would even argue. Such is the strength of their love for Joe. Cuttin about with merch that says “number one bawbag” on the front. What a hilarious hypothetical situation that is eh! Oh my days. If we can be serious for a moment, for some reason I reckon this will be a pure belter. Fito always puts on a show in the ABC. Wrestling Paul London at Still Smokin in quite tremendous fashion, and then turning into red singlet villain Fito and joining The 55 at the Square Go this year. Yer man is daft for causing a scene at the ABC. There’s not a great deal of personal beef between them, so I wouldn’t be all that shocked if the match changed. Maybe a wee Fight Club re-union against Joe and Samoa Joe. The two Joes. Prediction – A riot Joe Coffey vs Sha Samuels Sha Samuels is good at his job. One of the best villains in the UK, if not the best. These are facts. Those facts make me fully aware that I enjoy him as a wrestler, but they also make me want to shout awful, unspeakable obscenities at him. They also make me hope and pray that Joe Coffey removes his heid from his shoulders with one of those earth moving lariats, and while the rest of his body swings wildly at Joe and misses, the removed heid calls the body a “fackin un-coordinated mug of a body” Who “needs a good slap about, like that mug Grado” In reality, this will be one of the better matches of the night I reckon. Because it has Joe Coffey in it, and that tends to be the case with matches involving him. I fancy him to win it, for no other reason other than him not winning it will be extremely upsetting. He’s also unhappy about the nature of Sha Samuels attack on him with a steel chair at the last Glasgow show, and whilst I can’t see Joe cracking Sha with a chair, because it’s against the spirit of competition n that, I could fully see him shoving one up Sha’s arse when the match is done and dusted. Prediction – HE’S A WRESTLER, A MIGHTY WRESTLER, HIS NAME IS JOOOOOOE COFFFFFFFAY. Grado vs Bram Considering the only two Bram matches I’ve seen were against Vader and him in an 8 man tag, I’m not entirely sure what to expect. How does a guy like Grado hurt a big beardy unit like Bram? Other than nun-chucks? Are nun-chucks allowed? I suppose anything is allowed in ICW at all times, so Grado. Bring some fuckin nun-chucks pal. Bring a baseball bat lined with stanley blades. Bring an ironcast bathtub. Anything you can carry and throw at Bram, dae that. I don’t think this will be a classic wrestling wise, but I think it might be the most ferocious doing Grado has had since the first ICW match with Sha Samuels. Don’t know if the wee boot will even reach the general vicinity of Bram’s face either. Might need a wee punty to deliver it properly. Wonder what The Great Khali is uptae eh? I assume he’s taking indy bookings now. Have him fulfil his all-time destiny of being Grado’s official punty giver ooter. Predicition – Bram will throw Grado into the crowd and he’ll get counted it cause so many folk ask for his autograph. BT Gunn vs Mikey Whiplash (If it happens) If it happens, it will be the most beautifully violent match we’ve ever seen in ICW. If it doesn’t, it’ll be because someone died in a pool of their disregard for their own safety at the contract signing the night before. We wont fully know what’s going down till the contract signing happens so aye. If this match takes place, it will captivate anyone fortunate enough to be 10 miles of it. Chris Renfew vs Dickie Divers (ladder match with Square Go briefcase on the line) Divers done little wrong when you think about it. He won a rumble, and earned a shot at the big belt. In Renfrews eyes, his actions were sacrilegious. Punishable by death. Since his exclusion from the NAK, Divers has seen the group become a 5 (possibly 6, is Darkside still alive? I assume so) person supergroup intent on killing him, while he walks alone. Temporary allies giving him some relief, but its a life not worth living right now. Always looking over his shoulder. Wondering who he can trust. Wondering if he has to worry about some piledriving him throw wooden surfaces. On Sunday, for better or for worse, it ends. Divers will either emerge with a beating heart and a briefcase, or he’ll meet his gory end. Love a ladder match more than I love my own family, so I’m buzzin to see them jump off things, and throw things at each other in innovative ways. Can’t see past Renfrew winning it though. There’s nae circumstance in a no DQ match, that the NAK will stand by and watch Divers climb that ladder and scoop up the briefcase, so unless he hires out the entire Scotland rugby team to form a human shield around the ladder everytime he tries to climb it, he’s fucked. Prediction – Renfrew will come out on a 20 feet tall tricycle and grab the briefcase while everyone looks on. Slack jawed. Wolfgang vs Rhino Wolfgang has forever been a guy I relate to happiness. Him vs Devitt made me love wrestling again. His feud with BT Gunn was filled with passion and excitement. Him joining the NAK was an earth shattering, heart stopping moment. I don’t give a fuck if he’s a bad guy now, I hope the big man knocks 53 shades of shite out Rhino. The big man is high profile right now after a decent wee run in NXT, so Wolfgang tossing him about like an empty wheelie bin will do nothing but good things for the big man. Won’t do great things for his back right enough (ye see that’s funny cause Rhino probably weighs a lot! haha! carry on….) but that’s a small price to pay. I have nae idea how the crowd will lean for this one, and tbh who cares. If the crowd favour the import with the tiny wee airms and huge big body, good on them. If the crowd favour the guy fae the east end of the city the show is held in, who once chucked his cousin from 30 feet in the air in that very same venue, they’ve made the better decision. The fuckin best decision of all the decisions. Wolfgang for the win, and Wolfgang for president. It’s all Wolfgang. All the time. Prediction – WOOOOOOOOLFGANG wins. Drew Galloway vs Big Damo (ICW Title Match) Wrestling eh. The only form of entertainment in the world that can demonise someone who has done nothing wrong. Drew Galloway has done ride all but win matches and showcase his opponents skills since coming back to ICW, yet when he emerges at the ABC, the very same venue where people cried, peed and probably spewed on themselves when he returned a year ago, will be a place where he is roundly booed and told to “go-away”. I get people not liking him because he beats everyones favourites all the time, but not liking him for wrestling with TNA is daft. TNA are still on TV, him being on TV means ICW get more exposure, that exposure leads to people like Jeremy Borash and Mick Foley saying nice things about ICW on social media, and that exposure leads to ICW Films becoming a reality one day. Imagine Big Damo in a Harry and The Hendersons re-make, but instead of being a friendly bigfoot everyone loves, he eats a different family in every episode. Renfrews Home Makeovers, where he comes in to your house, scratches aw yer XBOX games, and does all his pishes in a toilet marked “shites only”. Noam Dar and a fancy car, where Noam drives a different fancy car in each episode, and stashes a different flavour of hubba bubba in the glovey every time. Eh…aye. Wrestling. Title match. This is Drews biggest challenge since becoming champion, because Damo is probably the only physical specimen ICW have that you could consider MORE intimidating than Drew. They don’t call him a beast for fuck all. He’s big, he’s scary and he’s angry. For the first time, there’s more than forlorn hope for the anti Drew folk. He might actually drop that belt to the big man, and if Damo gets it in his possession, it’ll be a fucker of a job to get it off him. But when the boos ring out for Drew, I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets a flashback to all the adulation he received a year earlier, and decides to take his frustrations about the fickle nature of the wrestling fan out on all of us. Big boots to the jaw. One and all. It’ll be match of the night unless something amazing happens elsewhere, because Big Damo is tremendously talented and worthy of the stage we will see him on. I asked him about the match a few weeks back for something else, but since that wont be done till after the show, I thought it would be daft to waste the words. I asked Big Damo if he thought he has the physical and mental upper hand going in to the match.
Of course I do. While Drew is killing himself unnecessarily in TNA and Evolve, I’m roaring through the competition in Europe. I’m the healthiest I’ve been. I’ve recovered from all previous injuries. Physically I’m as strong as I’ve ever been. Mentally…well let’s just say my year has built to this moment. I’ve prepared for this. I’ve trained specifically for this. Can Drew say the same thing? Drew is worrying about some group who keep kicking his head in at TNA. I’m not like Joe Coffey and Chris Renfrew. Drew disrespected them. He said they were weekend warriors. He said they weren’t pro’s like he was. He can’t say that about me. This is my life. My living. This has been my job for 6 years. My passion for 11 years. My dream for 25 years. I’m the only threat Drew Galloway will face in Europe, maybe the world….and he knows that. More importantly, ICW knows that.
I reckon Big Damo is ready, don’t you? Prediction – A fucking belter Show is of course sold out, but maybe some kind soul will take pity on you and show you frame by frame Polaroids they took. Or eh…you could watch it On Demand 24 hours later. Whatever. Sadly I will not be able to attend the show myself, which is a shame because it’s being held in such a historic, beautiful venue. But if you do the crime, you’ve got to do the time. Jake The Snake taught me that.