Getting over is one of the most vital things for a wrestler to try and achieve. You can have absolutely everything in the ring and still not connect with an audience. Sometimes it takes years. Sometimes a wrestler can have that connection right from the off, but for other people it takes a lot of painstaking effort to find the right mix that has an audience at the very least giving a flying fuck about what you do. I’m not a wrestler. I’m a fan who is occasionally given opportunities to write about wrestling for reputable outlets. That gives me the divine right to sit down at my laptop today and write a 12 step plan for wrestling FANS to get over with eh….wrestling fans. For a bit of context, the last review I wrote was 13,000 words and I’m not half as passionate about ICW as I am about helping my fellow fans get “over” so expect a rollercoaster ride of advice, emotion, more advice, camomile lotion, smarties, additional advice, a camel clutch, some guy wearing sandals and Big Mommas House 2 on VHS. Also advice. This is wrestling. You are a fan. Its your time to shine. BE THE SHOW!
Step One – Fuck Off
I forget the other steps now. A wrestling show happens when a promoter hires a venue, sets up that venue with all the necessary tools to do wrestling stuff, and hires trained performers to perform on the show. As a fan your money is to gain admission to see that show. The show run by and performed at by professionals.
Step Two – Naw
Here’s Joe Coffey jumping on a bunch of fans. If you were a part of the show, he’d do this often and there wouldn’t be a hunner other folk around to take some of the damage. He will literally crush you like a literal bug mate. He’s built like a stane shitehouse.
Step Three – Don’t
Or Sha Samuels will shite in yer onion soup
Step Four – People on the show get paid
Next time you’re at a show. Look at what’s in your hands. If one hand’s cupping yer baws and/or fandan, and the other one is clutching a ticket stub….you aren’t part of the show. If you look in your wallet and see a sum of money that someone gave you to be on a wrestling show. You’re on the wrestling show. That’s how it works.
Step Five – I Honestly Don’t Care
Folk must think I’m some preacher. Fans need tae dae this. Fans shouldnae take books to shows. Fans shouldnae masturbate on the subway and ask patrons to sniff their fingers. In response to that, I’ll tell ye this. Dae whitever the fuck ye like. Everyone pays the same price for a ticket and unless you’re doing something against the rules, come to the show and do your thing. Dae whitever the fuck ye want. Just know, that if its pish patter you’ll be told. This is where I struggle with it all because you’re made to feel like a buzzkill just for saying “This is shite patter and I hate it”. I’m not saying don’t try and get yourself over. I’m not saying don’t try to draw attention away from the performers and onto yourself. I’m saying its shite patter and most people will probably think the same. How much of a slammin gif is that but? Matt Hardy looking like he emerged from one of Joe Hendry’s sneezes.
There isn’t any more steps. None of these steps are real steps either. I used this vague format to be a bit snidey because the whole point is, wrestlers train for years to be on shows. ICW shows in particular are now of a standard where extremely talented active WRESTLERS cant get on the shows because they’re so talent heavy. Maybe I’m fuckin daft, but I think it’s sound if we buy into the product and invest in it as fans, and not use it as a vehicle for our own wee persona to have its 15 nanoseconds of pretend fame.
Or look at this picture of The Undertaker before he was The Undertaker, and Paul Heyman before he was baldy. Who really gives a fuck at this stage.