Everything’s bigger in Texas they say. Including levels of disappointment in significant events. Continue reading
All photos provided by the excellent Warrior Fight Photography.
I’m not entirely sure what it is about Scott Steiner that makes him endearing, but if I learned one thing from this show, its that he undoubtedly fucking is endearing. Maybe its the fact that for a man so brash and brutally honest, that there was still a hint of nervousness about him when he spoke. Almost like he was unsure about being so sure of himself. Maybe its the fact that he legit threatened to shag one of hosts maws. Poor Kenny though, I mean its probably a bit naive to bring Scott Steiner to your country and expect him NOT to shag yer maw, but still, while he took it in good humour, there was definitely real fear in his eyes at the prospect of Big Poppa Pump’in his maw into oblivion because most people don’t like their maws to be dwelling at some unknown location in the stratosphere. Maybe its the fact that this show wasn’t some deeply thought out, well rehearsed routine. As good as those are. William Regal’s Q n A nights are pretty much the polar opposite to what Scott Steiner’s was, yet I loved them both equally, because for all of Regal’s eloquence, intelligence and well thought out delivery, his show did lack that feeling that absolutely anything could happen. With Scott Steiner there are no other feelings. Just the impending sense of doom. Is he going to turn the show into a 2 hour tirade about how Psycho Sid never gave back his broadsword? Is he going to produce a broadsword and go “Psyche! I’ve never even met Psycho Sid” before chopping someones ear off with it? Is he going to hit a German Suplex on The Wallace Monument and call it a piece of shit? We don’t know. Its the not knowing that makes it exciting.
He invented the Hurricanr…..sorry Frankensteiner. He invented it from scratch. Anyone who says different is a liar. A Mexican liar. Scott Steiner resents anyone who refers to that move as a Hurricanrana and I feel like I’m risking my life even speaking its name in this article just in case he reads it on the plane home and tells the pilot to “Turn this cunt-o-plane around, I got a guy from ‘Glassco’ to kill!”. The first thing they asked him was obviously Hogan, because if you get the guy who hates Hulk Hogan the most in the world (apart from Nick Hogan probably) on a show right after Hogan’s won 140 odd million for gettin his dick out (I didn’t really keep up with the specifics, but as I understand it, Hogan got his dick out in front of a guy called Gary Gawker, then sued Gary for not telling everyone it was 10 inches long, is that pretty much it aye?) it would be negligent not to ask him about it. He poked fun at the fact Hogan wore a bandanna in court, which he has a fair point with really. Even if its a low key black bandanna, its still a bandanna and yer no on a fuckin basketball or tennis court mate. Its a court of law. Serious business. Get that scalp shined up real nice and get it on display immediately. He laughed at the fact that Hogan claimed to have a 10 inch penis, while admitting Terry Bollea’s penis was only 2 iches, or 5 inches, or I don’t fuckin know. Not as big as 10 anyway, before hilariously remarking on how amazing it was that Hogan was sitting upright despite having no backbone. You know who has plenty of backbone? The guy who invented the Hurric….I mean FRANKENSTEINER, thats who. Without a functional backbone its nigh on impossible to do that move, and without a keen sense of morality, its impossible to tell people the TRUTH about who invented it.
He briefly touched upon wrestling in front of 190,000 people in North Korea after a question about Japan, and even spoke about meeting Muhammad Ali and seemed to have a real sadness about Ali’s condition and how he’s deteriorated. For all the calling people cunts he done, and for all the generally seeming like a belligerent no fuck giving type of dude, deep down you sensed that Steiner wasn’t really that guy, and as much as he’ll speak his mind and call people out on their shit, there was an inherent decentness about him and I think THAT’S why I found him strangely endearing. Because anyone who starts off a show that’s supposed to be all about them by telling the audience about a child suffering cancer definitely has a selflessness. A bit like Daniel Bryan telling a global audience about a charity he was supporting while giving his retirement speech. There are times where its understandable to be a bit self-absorbed, so people who chose to use those times to shine a light on something worthwhile deserve respect. He told us about his friends son Wyatt who was battling cancer at a very young age, before urging audience to throw up a W for a photo in support. The brutal honesty of it all was at times difficult to fathom. Kenny and Robert done well to keep him on topic for the most part but to do that took Saint like patience as he went off on numerous tangents. Each one more bizarre and hilarious than the last.
During The Steiner Brothers portion of the show, maybe about 5% was actually specifically about the Steiners. Aside from that we found out Scott’s Uncle had about 30 bears, and that the bears would be fine with him up until they turned 15 and tried to eat him. There was no indication as to what happened with them once they got near that age and if any of them had a wee nibble before that magic number. Before this I had no idea humans could even keep or be within 50 feet of bears at all, far less 30 of the fuckers, but I do know that Scott Steiner invented the Hurric…Frankensteiner, and he commands your respect as a result. So does his Uncle with all the bears. He demands your respect because he owns a lot of bears, and that’s scary. I’d say this was more the ‘Animals’ portion of the show than Steiner brothers as he also went on to talk about his dog Arnold and how amazing he was, and this is the real reason I found him so endearing I think. He loved that dog more than anything and spoke about how he used to lie on top of Scotts bag in the locker room and not move because loyalty. Maybe also slightly because bags full of clothes are more comfortable than floors, but that dog loved him so he did. None of that is the reason I found him endearing. I think I found him endearing because he taught his dog how to high five, and I also taught my dog how to high five, so we’re both guys who have taught a dog how to high five. A rare skill and I consider us to be part of a brotherhood as a result. Scott has very little choice in this matter.
Insults to Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon were peppered throughout the night. He pretty much called Flair a scumbag who would cry while suckling on an imaginary tit whenever someone took a shot at him, and spoke about Rick Rude berating him so much at a show that the cunt just left the show they were at. Berated clean out the building he was. The core reason for him hating Flair was that he had too much influence and didn’t always use it properly. Although Scott’s way of saying that was pretty much calling him a cunt. See this is definitely the real reason I found him oddly endearing. I’ve never heard an American use the word cunt so often and so brutally. Its a multi-purpose and often positive word in Scotland, but in Scott Steiner’s world its a word used to describe fuckin cunts. In his eyes that’s what Flair is, but he apologised 5 or 6 times if he was shattering anyone’s illusions about their all-time favourites and that was probably the most endearing part of it all. He genuinely and vehemently hates these cunts but still realises that in wrestling they matter and peoples memories of them matter. Peoples perceptions of them matter, and if he was going to shite all over those perceptions he did feel the need to apologise for doing that. Heavy nice of him I’m sure you’ll agree. He did not however, apologise for anything he said about Triple H……
According to Steiner, Triple H is the Kevin Federline of wrestling. If he didn’t shag who he shagged he’d be nothing. His wife, Stephanie McMahon is a cunt. She thinks she can tell wrestlers how to wrestle, and is also a cunt. On screen she might not be that much of a cunt (Never thought I’d feel fatigued at typing or reading the word ‘cunt’ but we’re getting to that stage here guys) but off screen? The biggest one oot. One big enough to fit a whole family of beavers. A cunt full of beavers. I dunno what I’m even saying at this point, but he doesn’t like either of them and he isn’t a big fan of Vince either. He got visibly emotional at telling the story of how Joey Marella (Gorilla Monsoon’s son) died from a car accident while fatigued from all the travelling required with WWE and how Vince didn’t seem to care much. Throughout the show there was a consistent thread of of decency about the man. In amongst all the patter about shaggin peoples maws, there’s definitely a softer side. That’s probably not the side he shows peoples maws right enough (sorry Kenny) but he seems a good guy. Even had sympathy for paper of all things, after starting a story about how he was annoyed at being handed a piece of paper with a written promo on it, someone in the c crowd shouted “Fuck the paper!” and Steiner took a second before calmly telling him “Its not the papers fault” because Scott Steiner only has problems with you if you do something wrong to him, and to that point paper had been nothing but good to him.
Triple H however, had apparently been blabbing in the locker room about how he couldn’t get a decent match out of Steiner, which Steiner pointed out is probably because for some reason Steiner was the good guy in their feud. In wrestling, Scott Steiner is a lot of things. Large for example. Good at Camel Clutches also. Proficient in the art of suplex for sure. A good guy? Never. Especially not as a WCW guy coming in to WWE, going up against a guy who was known for being one of the guys who ‘invaded’ WCW with DX. It was never going to work because it didn’t make sense. Apparently one of their matches was due to run 18 minutes, but ran closer to 30 without any time prompts given. They were trying to tire Steiner out and make him look bad according to him. Who fucking knows if that’s why, it seems really daft if it is because if one guy looks bad the match looks bad. Steiner rounded off his verbal stab at Triple H by bringing up a picture of Chyna and making reference to the strength of her jaw, or words to that effect. As much as he slagged her, I’d put money on it that if given the opportunity, he would do a sex or two with her. When asked who he’d “Fuck, Marry or Kill” out of Stephanie McMahon, Brooke Hogan and Charlotte Flair he said “I’d fuck em all” without missing a beat. He might hate a lot of folk, but he don’t discriminate when it comes to freaks.
Nick “Magnus” Aldis was a curious addition to this tour, appearing in the final section to help aid things and it did make sense because at that point Steiner needed a pal. He was maybe getting a bit tired and needed his pal to come through and hand him a beer. Thats what Magnus done and he helped the last bit go as smoothly as it possibly could. Even answering a question of his own about how he dealt with his wife surviving being hit by a train in TNA. Steiner looked like he did not have a fucking clue what that patter was about but he had a beer and at that point was not giving a fuck. He looked even more confused when an “ICDUB!” chant started, because he does live in his own bubble a bit and the chances of an over 18s promotion from Glasgow (or”Glassco” as he said it) coming to his attentions are slim. Too busy cutting about with lions, tigers, bears, dugs, felines of all description (get it? ah your a smart kid, you get it) and whatever else. Him and Magnus spoke about how they became pals, basically by causing a riot in India. Well Steiner caused it, Magnus just observed, but before that Steiner saw potential in Magnus and was keen to help him get better. As a wrestler, a man, a pool player, whatever he needed Scott Steiner was his life coach.
We had a question from a decidedly tired looking Jeff Jarrett, who asked Scott what he spent 100 grand that he won in some kind of match, or bullfight or something. Fuck knows. We’ll reveal the answer the that question right at the end to provide intrigue to keep you interested in these last two paragraphs. Trickery n that. But before he signed off on a chaotically engaging show, he spoke about the classics. Not his finest matches, or his proudest moments in wrestling. None of that carry on. The promos. The one where he cant stop talking about the Dudleys having “faaaaaaaaaat asses” which he explained came about because Bubba had asked him not to call him fat, which Steiner took to mean “Wait a few years, and if I’m still fat, cut a promo on how I can’t run because of the size of my humongous arse.” We then rounded off the show with the infamous promo he cut on Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle while he was in TNA, and as funny as he was on the night, there’s nothing he could ever possibly say from now until his dying day that would come close to how hilarious that promo was. Thing is, he knew it was hilarious and admitted he wasn’t the brightest bulb in the bulb drawer (that’s the saying eh?) which kinda fitted in with the image of a guy who while appearing quite serious at times, never took himself too seriously. He spoke about how he could never understand why Hogan, Flair, Triple H and others never liked to lose, because “Everybody loses, its about how you get there” For a guy who claimed he got into wrestling because he was athletic and he knew he could make money from it, that was a simple but poignant thing to say. It is about how you get there. Any suggestion otherwise can only be about ego. And even if he does claim money motivated him, the thing that got him into wrestling specifically was being able to wrestle alongside his big brother Rick.
If you’re looking for a Live Q n A to be a performance, there’s plenty of people touring who fit the bill better than Scott Steiner does. He isn’t up there because he was born to tell stories in front of an audience, he was up there because he’s interesting and isn’t scared to be honest. Nothing was off limits, even if the answers didn’t always necessarily fit the questions, if you asked him something you got a story of some kind in return. Oh aye, and the thing he spent that 100 grand on was pussy. Because above all else, if there’s one thing Scott Steiner loves. Its pussy.
Overall the Inside The Ropes team done a cracking job of keeping Steiner at least a wee bit under control. I left the show liking Scott Steiner more than I did when I went in. Quite a bit more actually. He was a bit of a rambler, and he loves his dog. Who doesn’t like a guy like that at least a wee bit?
All photos provided by the very talented Warrior Fight Photography. Like their facebook page here if you please.
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