RAW and Smackdown are two of the longest running episodic television shows in the history of long running episodic television shows. The difference between these shows and every other TV show is that they have no shelf life. No expiration date. No real competition for its share of the market at all, so these shows will never stop. Seriously. When you’ve been dead 300 years and the planet is occupied by floating virtual reality pods occupied by clinically dead “humans” who have been purposefully frozen with full brain activity to ensure eternal life, RAW and Smackdown will still be on TV. Wrestlers will still be wrestling. There will still be some kind of storyline involving authority figures and employees having friction with them, and the virtual reality pod people will just need to fucking deal with it like we had to. So to suggest Glasgow will be the scene of their most entertaining, action packed shows to date is some outlandish shit. That’s what known as a tangent, and the following will be the single greatest list article you’ve never read.
1. Glasgow crowds are super LIVE
This is an exclusive photo taken from an obscure Glasgow live event and I mean just look at these folks. With the flags and the patriotic passion ripping out them. Many of them are mid song, gesticulating wildly over something. It’s the kind of crowd entertainers long to entertain in front of, so when Bo Dallas stoats out at The Hydro with the exact same “I’m really happy! but with a sinister side!” gimmick he’s been rehashing for about 4 years, this crowd will give it exactly the reaction is deserves. By going to one of The Hydro’s many classy eateries and bars for refreshments, returning just in time to see Cutis Axel soaking in the adulation of the crowd after beating poor Bo down. What you get with a Glasgow crowd is something you simply don’t get anywhere else, and that’s a chant “Here We! Here We! Here We Fucking Go!” being shoehorned in no matter what event is being held in the great city. Even Songs of Praise LIVE! where many a boozed up nun has been caught chucking her knickers at the stage because for one night only they decided to put the “fun” in “look at that fun nun”.
2. The crowd will get behind their own. Even if they’re from Ayrshire.
Noam mate. Its too real for me. Every week I sit there in front of the stupid idiot box. Watching, waiting, wishing. Where art thou Noam? Did WWE sign you to ensure I tune in to RAW every week to see if you’ve finally graced us all with your presence. As a nation, we yearn for Noam. He was taken from us too soon, and if he doesn’t make his debut on at RAW in Glasgow, it is with no exaggeration that I say I will personally rip the roof off The Hydro and chuck it into The Clyde like a giant frisbee. If he does debut? Be prepared for the roof to come off a different way, because even though he’s from Ayrshire which is renowned for being full of mad roasters, we accept Noam as one of our own. I jest, Ayrshire’s lovely and it would be just perfect if Noam debuts in front of a “Home” crowd. Watch as WWE shite all over our dreams and give us Tony Nese vs Lince El Dorado instead.
3. If this goes well, we might get one a year, so the crowd will bring their A game.
We all know what this means. If the crowd are on their game and the shows go well, we’ll get a live show every year. I love the local scene more than anything, but to me the fact that the big boys might be running proper significant shows in our stomping ground is something huge and will only increase interest in local promotions. Because when WWE go away, folk still want live wrestling. They’ll go to that thing with Grado and Big Drew. They’ll see an outstanding show. They’ll see more. They’ll see themselves spending A LOT more time in The Garage nightclub than they ever imagined. They’ll get into their auld man’s tramadol stash and see wee bunnies jumping in to honey pots. Wait….one of them might not be related to the point I was making, but listen. The crowd will bring it because they know they have to bring it.
4. Becky Lynch defends the Smackdown Womens Title
Cards on the table here, running out of ideas that won’t be complete daftness so might as well write about a genuine wrestling thing that will happen. Becky Lynch couldn’t defend her Womens Title at the last Smackdown PPV because of injury so her match with Alexa Bliss happens here. Its one of those title matches on a weekly show they advertise beforehand which would indicate Alexa Bliss might have a shot at winning it off “Becky Balboa”. Love Becky and all that, love her to bits, but her patter’s shockin’ and maybe a wee loss followed by a patter tutorial from Glasgow’s finest merchants after the match could turn her patter career around.
5. The Hydro does a smashin sausage supper
This is a lie. I’ve lied to you here. When me and a few friends last visited The Hydro we’d all skipper dinner so when our collective tummies started making the grumblies, off we went seeking nourishment. What we found was a chippy type thing serving up the most horrendous Sausage Suppers you’ll ever eat in your life. I still taste this fucking thing every time I burp, so if you’re searching for a point in this article, this is it right here. If you go to these shows, live, love, laugh, take eccies, enjoy, but don’t eat the Sausage Suppers.
6. Braun Strowman will be squashing
That mean’s you could be next. If you’re under 200 pounds and have a startling inability to grow any significant facial hair, you could be the next “local enhancement talent” used to make Braun Strowman seem like something more than just a massive guy who’s finishing move makes no sense. A reverse chokeslam where you grip the back of the opponents neck isn’t “choking” and therefore is not a chokeslam but that’s fine mate. He’s 6 foot 10, 569 pounds of beard, and quite frankly he can call his finisher whatever the fuck he wants. Cannot wait to see who he squashes in Glasgow. I’m hoping it isn’t 1-3 wrestlers, and instead its 15 junkies tied together to make one big mega junkie.
7. NOAM EFFIN DAR MATE
Falling back into our lives as if Drew Galloway just kicked him off a ledge, and falling on to this list for a second time because I’m running out of things to list, Noam Dar MUST make his first RAW appearance on Monday or I’m never watching it again. For a full week, I will abstain from watching new episodes of Monday Night RAW. That’s how much I personally love Noam Dar, and tbh that’s how much all of you should also love him. GET HIM ON MA TELE.
8. The Hydro is a beautiful big bowl. Made for wrestling. Not a bad seat in the house.
Don’t even work there mate, just saying. Of all the live venues in Glasgow that could hold a pro wrestling show, this is the guy. Having attended no less than 3 wrestling shows there all from very different areas of the building, I can assure you all, there is not a bad seat in the house. I got there 20 hours early just so I could try each and every seat out to make sure and there wasn’t one where I felt I wouldn’t be bathing in the slick wrestling action. No obstructed views, no seats that seem deliberately designed to cause chronic neck pain. None of that. If you love wrestling, you’ll love The Hydro, and should continue to love it just a week after these shows when ICW run a show there on November 20th.
9. THE KEVIN OWENS SHOW – GLASGOW STYLE
Think about something for a wee second. Chris Jericho has been at his very best lately. Better than he has been in over 10 years. A legend who was maybe seen as someone a bit stale who only existed to lose to up and coming talent, suddenly feels like the megastar he is again. What’s changed? What’s different about this run to all the wee recent “Fozzy are doing fuck all for the next 3 months, so I might as well” runs? Kevin Owens is different. Kevin Owens is the focal point RAW needed and the focal point that also allows RAW to give the spotlight to other deserving talents at the same time. It doesn’t feel like they’re trying to force us to like THEIR guy, instead they’re just letting an extremely talented guy do his thing and he will do that thing in Glasgow, still champion, still running the show, still NOT on the list because he’s such a loyal and good best friend.