WWE In Your House 1 Review

WWE started the In Your House shows at a troubled time for the company so there’s some absolute screamers on the early ones that will make you feel silly for hating on some of the modern stuff.  First up however is Bret Hart. Might as well tell yees since he’ll feature heavily in these reviews, I fuckin love The Hitman and as much as everyone is entitled to their opinion, if you disagree you are wrong and I am entitled to hate you for it. 

Bret Hart vs Hakushi

Double fuckin duty on this PPV btw. When Bret should have been in the main event every show he was still happy to do what the company needed. That included occasionally pulling double duty when WWE needed him to. Which in 1995 was a fuckin lot. Hakushi was a strange one. Clearly very good in the ring and had a look that made you take notice yet he never really took off in WWE despite coming in during a lean period. This match has always been an underrated wee gem of a scrap. Bret works with such fluidity that he regularly made terrible wrestlers look decent, decent wrestler look great, and great wrestlers look like suplex kings. Dons of the ring. 

Hakushi tries to sneak up on Bret a few times in this but his cat like reflexes saw many of these sneak attacks turned in to some manner of arm drag. Hakushi hit a Vader Bomb for a near fall while Jerry Lawler watched it on a wee screen slevvering. Bret gets tossed out and kicked a bit by Hakushi’s manager, a man in a white suit with white facepaint. One of many illegal incidents that occur in Bret Hart’s matches over the years as his foes realised his good nature was wide open to exploitation and deception. Hakushi all over our Canadian hero while women and children all over the world weep at his plight. 

Mad handspring back elbow from the Kush master had him right on top but Bret kept swinging. Even after a sexy tilt o whirl backbreaker Bret refused to lose. The diving headbutt didn’t even do it and the springboard splash was a move too far. Bret turned this technical masterpiece round with a bodacious bulldog, before an atomic drop followed by a skelper of a clothesline had Bret firmly in control. My man could wrestle on every match on the show and would still look like he had a few headlocks in the tank by the time the main comes around. He even broke out a suicide dive on Hakushi’s mad manager before succumbing to an aerial assault moments later from Hakushi himself in the form of a glorious middle rope moonsault to the outside. Alongside some absolute shanners in the early In Your House shows theres a few gems tucked away. This being one of them. Bret rounds it off with a lovely wee Victory Roll round off a tremendous opener. A true gem on the network. 

Razor Ramon vs Jeff Jarrett and The Roadie

This won’t get the same treatment as the opener purely because its not very good. Jeff Jarretts wore a singlet in this era that made him look like a big guitar. If yer man actually was a guitar he’d never be done pluckin himself that I will tell ye. Razor hits a big thunderous clothesline over the ropes on JJ before Jessie James comes bolting round the corner to attack the bad guy from behind. By bad guy I don’t mean his nickname at this time, I am referring to him calling Martina a dumb female dog on twitter as such actions are the very definition of being a bad guy.

Its mostly JJ vs Razor and Jeffrey had the IC Title so fuck knows why they didn’t just have that be the match after Razors partner the 1-2-3 Kid was attacked in a hate crime by the numbers 4,5 and 6. The future outlaw finally gets in and does some jangly elbow drops before swiftly getting the human guitar back in. Razor goes for the Razors Edge right next to the ropes which always bugged me cause even a successful Razors Edge in this scenario chucks the opponent clean out the ring. Probably to his death. Finishers are supposed to finish the match, not your colleagues life. Stay safe. Stay 2 metres apart at all times. 

Double J gets a bad rap sometimes but he always has been a talented wrestler. One of the best at being an absolute pain in the baws to the point that you want to slap the smug aff his mug. On this viewing this wee match was actually far better than I ever remembered but The Roadie took me right out of it by getting the hot tag and following it up with an ice cold knee drop off the top. Looked like he seen a tenner while he was in mid air and tried to catch it with his knee. 

Razor finally sees the plan that was there all along. The course of action he should really have taken from the start as he decides to launch Double J right at his partner. Finally separating one goon from the other before putting this entertaining wee scrap to bed with the Razors Edge. They obviously do big Razor immediately after the match because there’s two of them and one of him. That’s just science. I think you’ll find the man who ended up trying to save Razor to be Just Incredible but after he tries and fails he gets some top quality hauners from the debut of Savio Vega as Vince McMahon asks “Who’s this guy?” on commentary. You own the company mate. Whit ye askin me for? Check payroll. 

Mabel vs Adam Bomb

This is that shit we came to see. Two hefty big heefers, wailing on each other for the right to just be in the King Of The Ring tournament. Why these two behemoths had to suffer the indignation of having to qualify is a question I doubt we’ll ever see an answer to. Truly baffling. Adam Bomb’s gimmick is exactly what it says on the tin. He’s a damn bomb. End of story. 

I love Mabel in this era because he’s the only tag team guy to ever go solo without breaking up with his partner. He threatened to eat wee Mo’s leg while he slept if he even thought about trying to go out on his own so he was forced to be his valet. No even a manager. No advice was sought from Mabel at any time, he just liked knowing Mo was there.  

Adam Bomb is apparently mad over in 1995 and has a “Bomb Squad” in the audience which just sounds plain dangerous. Bomb hits a couple of early cross body type situations making a pure mockery of my earlier jab at the mobility of these competitors. He goes for one crossbody too many but and Mabel just squashed him. One way to stop a bomb going off eh! Smother it in belly. R.I.P  Big Daddy V.

The Smoking Gunns vs Yokozuna and Owen Hart (c) – Tag Title Match

Never had a minute of time for The Smoking Gunns. Liars is what they are. I’ve seen at least 10-15 of their matches and at no point during that time were either of these wrestlers having a fag. Not a cigar between the cunts. No even Bart having a bifter. Billy lightin a ciggie. Fuck all. 

Yoko was near his fattest at this stage and it constantly impressed me how well he moved even when he did go from huge to suuuuper huge. Maybe I just romanticise his career but I’ve always felt he was underrated as a baddie. There’s something terrifying about a man who would have you beat by performing the simple act of sitting on your throat. 

Yoko and Owen boss it early, being villainous as fuck, before The Pornstashe Billy Gunn reverses some serious offence from Owen to get over and tag Bart who tries a pin after one scoop slam meaning you can add “bad at making decisions” to the list of negatives alongside “known liar” and “terrible cowboy”. Yoko turns the tide back in the favour of the MLSC (Maple Leaf Sushi Connection) by hitting a big leg drop on the outside on Bart before rolling him back in for Owen to get the pin. This was certainly a wrestling match. R.I.P big Yoko and of course The Rocket x

Jerry Lawler vs Bret Hart

Bret comes out limping but its a RUSE. A play right out his opponents playbook which is absolutely fine if you’re the patron saint of all that is good and pure in pro wrestling. Bret goes to work with rapid jabs. Properly chucking this sentient jobby all over the squared circle. Bret Hart had free condoms on his desk at home during this period so he could feel like he’s running a clinic at work AND at home. Bret nails Lawler with a move called the piledriver which was outlawed in 2002 when Chuck Palumbo done it the wrong way round and broke Scott Nortons big toe. It was big news at the time. Look it up. 

Hakushi and his mad mime of a manager appear just as the ref gets his foot all tangled up in the ropes. The reek of tomfoolery swept the arena as ‘Kushi hit a trio of diving headbutts before Lawler took the pin with the worlds slowest rollup. Seriously Bret’s shoulder were down for about 3 and a half minutes. Another example of how much of a team player he is letting leery Lawler have body contact with him for that long. 

Right so in between this match and the main event Todd Pettengill and his pal Samantha Pittengell give away a hoose in Orlando? Is this a thing WWE done in 1995? Raffles for hooses? Its all mail entries and the burd jumps in a massive box that contains every entry before emerging from the pile and leaning over to whisper “I farted on all these envelopes” softly in to Todds ear. Michael Rappaport won the house and turned it in to a gigantic Biggie Smalls poster.

Diesel(c) vs Sycho Sid  – WWE Title Match

I unashamedly have lots of love for both these big lumps. Kevin Nash has always been my guilty pleasure in wrestling. He has never not looked like the coolest guy you could ever meet. I feel safe looking at him know what I mean? He looks like he has patter and gives out some real warm cuddles. Sid I always liked for the opposite reason. A terrfying veiny man. As if someone put a terrifying heid on top of the worldest angriest penis and taught it how to wrestle. Individually they were always excellent when working with guys like Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels, but put them together? Well lets just say this. It was nae Mabel vs Adam Bomb. I’ll tell ye that for free. 

Sid completely no sells a couple of decent clotheslines before the Deezman fires himself into the ropes and takes Sid down with the runner. Ted DiBiase manages Sid at this stage of his career before he went solo and started doing they promo’s where he’d talk in a really breathy low voice. Really wanting the people to smell what he had for his dinner. Do you smell what the Sid was chewing? He gets Diesel outside and hammers him in to a post and its all just real slow hard hitting stuff while Vince says stuff like “OH NO!” pure dramatically. Vinny Mac really knew his product wasn’t great back in 1995 and really makes a point of trying to put the talent over on commentary. Love the wee inside jokes with other commentators giving it “You dont run this place Mr Commentator Man” cause he actually does. Quite famous for it in fact. 

Sid boots Diesel for what feels like hours before locking in a Camel Clutch for even longer because that’s what this match really needed. Something to slow it right down. Send the crowd home nice and relaxed. The REAL aim of pro wrestling revealed right there. Diesel eventually starts to rally but he’s been in the Camel Clutch so long they’re actually having RAW around this match. Whole show happening with these two in the middle and a sleeping ref waking up every 3 or 4 minutes to ask Diesel if he wants to give up. Diesel finally gets loose just in time for France 98 kicking off before he raises up with some elbows to the gut before Sid hits a chokeslam and a powerbomb rapid style. He inexplicably took ages to cover him despite the powerbomb being his finisher leaving Diesel free to hit all three of his moves, the last of which being a spine shattering Jacknife Powerbomb that would have undoubtedly got the job done before Tatanka interfered and led to the DQ. 

A mild beatdown ensues from heel Tatanka and Sid before Bam Bam Bigelow sprints after him and breaks up the scrap. I have no memory of these sets of guys ever being aligned in any way but thats 1995 for ye baybay. 

Hope you enjoyed the first review of this new veture. Let me know what you thought! Unless its negative then keep it x 

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