Wrestling With Depression In Isolation

This article isnae really about anything so I wanted the photo to be something in wrestling that makes me happy. A lot of folk fire digs at ICW these days and everyone has a right to an opinion but it has always been an enjoyable wrestling product. A show that has often given me a bit of relief in depression filled days. I know at some stage I’m gonnae have a laugh at ICW and usually its Jack Jester and Sha Samuels who provide that.

Just a couple of pals from opposite ends of the social spectrum having the time of their fucking lives together and I’ll tell ye what, there has been some high quality tag matches throughout their run. Kez Evans and Leyton Buzzard have grown from prospect to fully patched in members of the main event mafia (I’ve been gettin in to sons of anarchy sorry) and both have offered engaging characters while improving week after week in the ring. I’m no really sure if this is a wrestling article but those are indeed wrestling opinions.

I’ve never felt this bad. I think its important to admit that if this piece of writing will mean anything to anyone. I have not wanted to continue living my life. I was fired from my job because I have depression. I am so fucking lost. But I have people. Before I didn’t have people or any desire to find any but I have Emma. She has been incredible. I’ve cried. I’ve shook countless times. I’ve been snappy. I’ve been needy. I’ve been distant but shes stuck with me through it all despite the grief she has suffered recently.

That’s what keeps me going. My cousin Robert who is so used to being around people and doesn’t understand why he can’t see anyone. I’ll go see him from a safe distance for a wee half hour and make a difference to the world. I have to be doing something or its just constant. The self doubt. The suffering feeling that you’ve wasted it all. Every single step has been a mistake. But this one wasn’t. Writing about this art-form. This sport. Whatever you want to call it. It has changed my life for the better and that’s what keeps me coming back to it.

I met my best friend who joined a team of best friends that I bonded closely with by going to ICW shows. I miss that but I realise life moves on. I met my missus because she followed me on twitter and saw me on a night out after and ICW show where I was steamin and gettin people to chop me in the Cathouse. I was a wreck but she had DM’d me and I replied that night. She might tell ye I patched her that night but I will tell ye this; Aye I definitely did patch her but in my defence I’ve never been able to believe an attractive female would want anything to do with me and by fuck is she stunning. She disnae even realise how much she’s just. I’m just lucky as fuck and we’ve got through this shit together but right now this is a sticky patch for me and I’m hoping writing this does me some sort of good. Maybe reading it will do someone else some good.I hope so.

This shit has been hard man. I lost my job. I’ve no seen my nephew and niece in nearly 3 months when I was seeing them every other day for weeks before hand. Life has been turned upside down and my wonderful partner has had to deal with losing her gran to this horrendous disease. A disease that has tore the arse out this country because rich idiots decided we needed to keep the fitba on one more weekend. Lets just see what happens eh troops. A few thousand die? We’re trying our best. 50,000 die? at least we’re all clapping. Where’s the PPE? Where’s the security for the working man? Where’s a law that says people cant lose their jobs because a pandemic has knocked fuck out the world. Wrestling is still on and I’m appreciative of everyone who’s putting themselves at risk to produce entertainment at this time but I do find it hard to watch at times.

That’s why the slagging of NXT UK gets me because its just snobby. Its based on a judgement of what NXTUK’s existence has meant for everyones favourite promotion without giving the product even half a chance. I get it. I’ve been a snobby cunt about stuff before but look at that roster. Wolfgang, Tyler Bate, Mark Coffey, Joe Coffey, Dave Mastiff, Ashton Smith, Noam fuckin Dar, Flash Morgan Webster. Mark Andrews, Walter, The Other Imperium Guys, Kay Lee Motherfuckin Ray, Toni Storm, Viper and so on and so forth. Ye telling me they aren’t a top class collection of wrestlers and if they’re given a good platform to do their thing that they aren’t producing a weekly wrestling product worth watching? Cmon noo bro Yes this venture has absolutely hurt independent wrestling but people are getting a wage and getting better at their jobs. Don’t hate, appreciate.

I guess what I’m trying to say is its alright to be fuckin away with it right now. Smoke the jeebs, drink the beers, do the fuckin yoga. Just cope with it. That’s all we can do. I’m gonnae be quiet for while as I try and work my way through the worst spell of anxiety ive ever experienced. Anxiety attack after anxiety attack. I fell and have a stoater of a black eye because I was pished and decided to try n dae a rolly polly aff the toilet pan. I’,m struggling. I got the sack. If you’re struggling my brithers and sisters I am right there wae yees/ We can do this together. I’m gonnae do it by playing NBA 2k20. relaxing with a pretty lady, chatting to the main troops and just trying to get through it till I can see my sister, lil man and my lil lady again. I’m gonnae go see my wee gran anaw. I really want to interview Bret Hart Never take yer maw and da for granted. They have been absolute saints throughout this horrendous spell. The wind beneath my fuckin wings. Be safe and take care of each other.

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