ICW Shugs House Party 3 Preview

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On the 4th of November 2012, ICW hosted Fear and Loathing 5 in The Classic Grand. At that time I still didn’t know a huge amount about the company but I’d already seen Stevie Boy jumping off a balcony, Big Damo (medium-sized Damo at that time) run a cheese grater over Jimmy Havoc’s heid, and the debut of Fergal Devitt in ICW, up against Wolfgang in a match that completely changed the way I saw wrestling as an adult, so I knew I was interested in whatever the fuck this mental shit was. The main event that night was supposed to be a fatal 4 way between the former members of a stable known as The Gold Label for Red Lightning’s ICW Title, but a personal issue meant James Scott was unable to compete in the match. Would have been easy enough to explain the situation and still go with the triple threat eh? Maybe even more simple in terms of keeping the story about The Gold Label storyline coming full circle, but instead Mark Dallas chucked a 19 year old Noam Dar in at the deep end and the special talent we see trotting all over the globe bringing joyous Judaism to the masses didn’t disappoint. Putting in a fine performance before being eliminated first and allowing the storyline to play out in his absence. The fact that Dallas wanted him in that main event when a spot opened up, and the fact that he had been booking him since he was 16 is proof that while Noam Dar has always been an immense talent, that talent needs a platform before it really matters a fuck, and ICW gave Noam Dar a platform to grow in front of mature, at times more difficult audiences than he would ever face on family friendly shows. ICW, Mark Dallas, and Noam Dar have forever been synonymous with each other and at a time where Noam Dar’s star has never shone brighter, he has the chance, alongside his best pal and a partner yet to revealed, to write himself into ICW folklore before no doubt jetting off into the sunset to become everyone’s favourite Scottish jew at the performance centre.

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While Noam Dar was in main events for the ICW Title as far back as 2012, Joe Coffey was almost a mythical figure back then. I’d been to a few shows and heard a bit about him but was yet to see him wrestle. He was that guy over in Japan learning his craft. It was only when I eventually did see him in ICW in a match against Sean Maxer, that it became apparent why people had been talking about him even in his absence. Joe Coffey could fucking go. Between that match and where he is now, he’s went on a journey that’s seen him add various strings to an already impressive bow and on the same night Noam Dar has the chance to make his name part of ICW legend, Joe Coffey also has the opportunity of a lifetime at his feet. A match in the main event of an IPPV against one of the most heralded talents in Europe and good friend into the bargain in Big Damo for the richest prize in European Wrestling. That’s what the ICW Title is, like it or not. The audience you are exposed to as ICW Champion is bigger than any audience you might be exposed to holding anyone else’s belt in Europe, and Joe Coffey has earned this. He earned it with show making and on the odd occasion show saving performances in that ring, and there’s no doubt in my mind that even though its took a while to get there, the position Noam Dar and Joe Coffey find themselves on the eve of a huge show and ICWs first IPPV on the Fite Network is one that reflects the immense amount of talent they possess. Folk like to talk about how politics and the auld pals act allows others to have opportunities they deserve in wrestling but fuck aw that. Its shite and it always has been. If you’re good enough and you work hard enough, you’ll get to where you want to be no matter what and there’s no doubt this is where Joe Coffey and Noam Dar want to be. The main fuckin men. The boys who could be kings.

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Lionheart vs Kenny Williams (ICW Zero-G Title Match)

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When the bold Hearto won the Zero-G in April, it didn’t immediately feel like it might be a long-term thing. If you said he’d defend against Kenny a few months later at the time you’d probably reckon it was Kenny’s belt. His first run with it was excellent and he lost a lot of momentum when he dropped it to Danny Hope over a year ago now, so it would make all the sense to fire it back on him but then Lionheart fucked it for everyone by being stupidly good at being Zero-G Champion. There haven’t been many better matches in Scotland this year than Lionheart vs BT Gunn for the Zero-G Title, and Lionheart has been tremendous for months now. If you think hating him means he must be shite, yer just not getting it pal. That means he’s got you eating out the palm of the hand he lays the smack down wae, and you’re gonnae hit rock bottom when you see him retain that belt (I wish I was more sorry for that patter, but I’m sittin giggling away to myself about it so fuck ye) and the more upset you get about his success the more it fuels him to be as much of a dick as possible in plain sight. The match could sneak in the back door and steal MOTN, but regardless of its quality, I fancy Hearto to retain. The possibilities of dickishness that come with him continuing to be Zero-G Champion are endless, especially if Dallas gets back to 50/50 and has some sort of scope to fuck with him a bit. Don’t get me wrang here guys n gals, if Kenny wins it he’ll do another standup job with it but with the help of mild shenanigans I reckon Hearto will retain and oh boy, they will boo hard and they will boo long.

Predicition – Kenny Williams commandeers a milk van, drives it into the ABC and gives everyone in attendance a free pint of semi skimmed, completely transforming his gimmick from being the back to the future guy, to being the guy who makes sure your diet has sufficient calcium. Or ye knew….Lionheart retains.

Final Of The ICW Tag Title Tournament – The Local Fire vs Bird and Boar or The 55

It was a gutter when Polo Promotions announced they were done with ICW and we’re probably past the stage of asking its actually legit and not a part of some elabourate storyline involving strike action and the long awaited creation of a wrestlers union. It certainly weakens the tag division to not have talent like that involved in or indeed leading it, but you can only work with the tools at your disposal and the tag tournament up until this point has been entertaining as fuck. Moustache Mountain vs The Filthy Generation had a proper old school ICW feel to it, heavy on gid patter and even heavier on right gid wrestling, and with Joe Hendry and Davey Boy booking their place in the final in Manchester last night that leaves one spot up for grabs to be taken by either The 55 or a cuttla mad Welsh yins called Bird and Boar. With the greatest of respects paid to Bird and Boar, it would be very odd if they’re on ICWs first IPPV and an established ICW team like The 55 aren’t. Having said that, if Bird and Boar win it opens up the possibility of Sha Samuels turning face and joining his real life bestos Grado and Noam Dar in the big 6 man, and how fuckin tremendous would that be? Sha Samuels should never ever ever ever everrrrr be asked to play the good guy. Why would you ask the best villain in British Wrestling to be anything other than a bad bastard? But for one night only it would be sound and cute if the three amigos were allowed to be amigos in the wrestling instead of just cuttin about Silverburn together gien wedgies out to any wee geek that looks twice at them. Feel like we got a bit off topic there.

Prediction – The 55 win in Birmingham and in Glasgow, become 2 time champions, and volley a priest in celebration because that’s whit hard bastards dae when they win shiny belts. Unless the hard bastards are catholics, then the priests volley them. With their boabies.

DCT vs Bram (Steel Cage Match)

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When DCT took a literal whipping off Jack Jester around 2 years ago, it was all leading to this. He might as well have whipped his massive baws out, sat them down on the ring apron and went “this right here…this is whit DCT’s workin with…OH!” because he took a fuckin vicious beating and never asked for anything in return. The exposure from being in a match with the ICW Champion at that time was enough to justify getting brutally leathered and now he has a steel cage match on an IPPV against a guy fae TNA. If you’d have told DCT back then, he would have most likely believed you tbh. He’s a guy who has worked his aforementioned giant baws off, so why the fuck wouldn’t he believe you. No matter if he doesn’t even get to chuck a punch at Bram’s exceedingly jabbable face, getting here is victory in itself, but imagine the scenes if the bold yin won. Imagine the carnage if the International Sex Hero calls upon his 15 inch emergency erection and uses the fucker as a javelin pole to propel himself to the outside without even having to fight the big bastard. I mean he probably wants to get a few dunts in after the cunt piledriver’d his wife through a big cake and that, but if it can be avoided and victory is still his he probably widnae mind that much. It won’t be flippy, it won’t be a catch as catch can classic. It’ll be two guys throwing each other about a big steel box, one attempting to avenge a moustache that was cruelly taken from him and a wife with a cake shaped dent in her skull, while the perprator of those crimes doing what he loves best. Knocking fuck out of cunts and being a pure unadultarated dick about it.

Prediction – DCT wins and his tash grows back immediately after the referee’s hand slaps the mat for the 3. 

Legion vs Moustache Mountain and Lewis Girvan

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If it unfolds as yer run of the mill,major incident free 6 man tag it’ll be a cracker. That’s what tends to happen when 6 very talented wrestlers combine in 6 man action to settle such matters, but there’s nae way some kind of massive storyline shit isn’t occurring here. There’s too many variables for something big not to go down. Rumours are rife that Tommy End is heading off to pastures new, Trent cost The Sumerian Death Squad their match in the tag tournament, and while they do enjoy battering fuck out each other, there’s clearly a mutual respect between Trent and Whiplash. Whiplash accepting a handshake from Trent when he’d knocked back the offer from the likes of Damo and Joe Coffey in the weeks before says it all. If the result of it is somehow Tommy End vs Mikey Whiplash in ICW, it can’t be a bad thing, but something’s happening. I smell some kind of Trent and Whiplash alliance but maybe I’m way off base. Maybe all 6 of them will stop fighting 5 minutes in, look at each other and go “mon we’ll patch this and be best pals” and all of a sudden you’ve got a 6 man stable of killing machines. Intrigued as fuck by this no matter what happens, and even if Whiplash and Trent do somehow end up on the same side, I hope we see some mouth-watering wrestling from them that makes you openly question how both of them are still alive.

Prediction – Cody Rhodes shows up in full Stardust gear with his hands cupped, before opening them to reveal a dove. The dove starts singing “fuck yer tea….we want Coffey” while the 5 fans in attendance who get the reference nod in acknowledgement, before it flys on to Billy Kirkwoods shoulder and stays there for the remainder of the show, occasionally giving Billy a wee peck on the cheek. 

Team Dallas vs The Black Label (Team Dallas must win for Dallas to remain part of ICW and regain a 50% stake in the company)

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With people assuming the third man on Team Dallas will somehow be Renfrew, they might be forgetting the bold BT Gunn also declared himself a Mark Dallas guy the same night Renfrew did, and while it never needs any declaration, there’s also the small matter of BT Gunn being one of the finest wrestlers on planet earth, so why the fuck wouldn’t he be the third guy? I reckon now that it’ll be BT Gunn with Renfrew somehow getting involved and tipping it in Team Dallas’ favour before Dallas re-instates him on RAW the next night (PPVs on a Sunday are followed by RAW on a Monday ok, that’s how wrestling works. I really hope I don’t have to teach you this again) Folk are getting hung up on the possible outcome and that’s all well and good, but the make-up of the match could make it an absolute stoater. Noam Dar vs Drew is always outstanding. Drew vs anyone on planet earth is usually pretty nifty if we’re giving the big evil bastard his due. For me Jack Jester’s best opponent is Grado and they’ll get to lock horns at least a wee bit and Wolfgang could drag a good match out of Viscera. No even 500 pound, could barely move when he was about Viscera, Viscera as he is now. Deid. Whit I’m saying here is that Wolfgang could have a match with a large amount of dead weight and that match would still be good. That’s the joke we’re making, and now that you’ve all laughed yourselves inside out, we’ll proceed with talking about the match. Nae way The Label are winning though, even if its a storyline, I don’t think Dallas would be able to stomach being completely exiled so the fightback starts tonight. Even a team comprised of a Disney prince, a mad chainmail dildo wielding shagger and the big bad wolf wae the sexy suitcase can’t stop Noam, Grado and whoever joins them chalking one up for the good guys. Unless Red Lightning decided to cancel the whole thing, the event itself and wrestling in general. Something that still might happen if we don’t aw shut the fuck up. I don’t even mean at the show mate, I mean right now. Shut it.

Prediction – The third man on Team Dallas turns out to be Jeff Hardy and the match never airs because Brother Nero, and everything ever concerning him both past, present and future has been DELETED!

Big Damo (c) vs Joe Coffey (ICW Title Match) 

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I love Damo. Ask anycunt. Aside from his ability and obvious physicality setting him apart, he happens to be one of most genuine and nice guys plying his trade in this mad wrestling carry on and its nice to see a cunt who went from perennially flying under the radar get the rewards years of hard work were definitely due. If you have a problem with Big Damo elbowing the living shite out of anyone who tries to take his belt, that would make you very silly indeed. The rules dictate that if Damo wants to elbow everycunt on planet earth to within an inch of their life, he can. He could elbow all 1,000+ in attendance at this show into oblivion and the only people who could take issue with it are the polis and perhaps military reinforcements if he predictably demolishes the whole police force. ICW is no rules unless stated otherwise and in that circumstance, a guy who has the weight advantage over everyone else in the company would be very smart to lean all of that weight on his opponents, enabling him a free shot to pummel fuck out their skull (with elbows, no boabies) so if ye don’t like it? Fuckin lobby for a rule change or button yer lip and watch the big man smash fuck out of everyone in his path. Damo worked his baws off to get in to a position where utilising such tactics means he STAYS on top instead of seeming to be in an endless battle to get there, and there isn’t one opponent out there he’s too proud to knock the fuck out in the name of remaining the ICW World Champion. Or maybe there’s one and only one…

I do love Damo, I said it at the start there and said a lot of things to back that up so we’ve established I love the big barra, but Joe Coffey has always been my guy and this might finally be his time. It’s always been Joe’s belt, even before he knew it and for 3 years he’s been the guy having the best match on the card more consistently than anyone else. He’s been the guy constantly adapting and improving the overall product he puts out there to create the best impression of himself possible and that hard work led to some of the best feuds and even some of the best one-off matches in ICW history. The feuds with James Scott and Noam Dar produced some fine contests, while his one time only wars against Brian Kendrick and Rhyno were both standout encounters on the shows they were on. Twice in a row he’s been voted as wrestler of the year by the fans. The people who pour their hard-earned money in to this wrestling carry on believe in HIM. The mighty wrestler, the Iron Man, the guy who gets paint on everyone, whitever the fuck you want to call Joe Coffey, he has another opportunity to become ICW champion after over a year of almost haggling with Red Lightning to earn it and he might not get another one if he doesn’t prevail. He might be the one exception to the elbows. He might be the one exception to the win at all costs mentality Damo has adopted because (and I might be wrong here, but as far as im aware….) Damo’s last clean defeat in ICW was at the hands of Joe Coffey in an absorbing match Edinburgh and even putting aside the respect he has for Joe, he’ll want to avenge that properly. Above all else, he’ll want to prove he’s better than Joe and while he very well might be, it’s that professional pride that might be his downfall because it gives Joe a chance. It gives him a glimmer of hope, almost like someone briefly whipped Damo’s magnificent beard clean aff and gave Joe a clean look at his chin for one time only. If he gets a split second, he has to take that chance. He has to wind up that arm and aim high and true. If he does that, it might just happen. We might finally see Joe Coffey reach the mountain top. The ICW World Champion. The king of kings.

Prediction – Nae joke shite. I predict this will be match of the night/week/month/year/decade/century/millennium. 

Aside from all that, we have Liam Thomson revealing his true feelings for Debbie Sharpe, which will do well to top Massimo shoving a haggis pizza in his gub but god bless them for giving it a go. There’s also nae women’s title match and Stevie Boy isn’t on the card so who knows where they end up involved. Will Ospreay is about right now, so if they fired Ospreay vs Stevie on the card for shits and giggles that would be my dream, but yer man Ospreay’s injured so who the fuck knows. I reckon one match will happen that isn’t currently on the card but who participates in it is a fuckin mystery. Maybe it’ll be Juventud Guerrera against Rey Mysterio and we can aw kid on its a 1998 Nitro. Shug’s will be gid. There’s still tickets so get them off ticketmaster and go to the show. Bring a pal. Bring 5. Bring a minibus fulla badgers if ye fuckin want. Its aw happenin and you should be there to oversee the happenings.

Cheers to David J.Wilson for the lovely photos I used. 

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ICW – What’s Your Boggle Preview

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ICW returns to London on Sunday, and that means a number of things. First thing it means is that I might die. I’ve crunched the numbers, and my chances of dying by getting lost in London and being bludgeoned tae death by Boris Johnson and his extremely pointy elbows increase by 100% when I’m actually in London. Second thing it means is that ICW’s coming tae fuck shit up. With a stacked card, a tidal wave of Scottish charm, and an intention tae introduce the concept of ‘gettin chibbed wae a two heided dildo’ tae the London crowd…expect big things. You might have a wee glance at the card and see no ICW Title match…think to yersel “eh whit?” and decide to watch the world cup final in a pub where the bar’s covered in actual real life herpes instead, but fear not, cause the third, and perhaps most important thing, is that Chris Renfrew is in a match with Jack Jester, and Chris Renfrew has a title opportunity any time he fuckin pleases, so if Chris Renfrew decides tae pull a colt 45 out his back pocket, shoot Jack Jester in the head, and cash in right there and then. He is more than entitled to do so. Legally it might be a bit of a grey area like, but the point is, the belt very well might be defended. Even if it isnae, we’ll have 4 guys with death wishes battering each other until there’s no fluid left in their bodies, so ye can fully expect London to be left covered in blood, sweat, pish and probably a wee bit of spunk anaw. Like the dirty midden that it is.

I’m personally going down for two days cause I don’t like money, so if ye fancy buying one of my organs aff Ebay between today and tomorrow, that would really help buy a round when I’m down there. Last I checked it was £5.50 a pint. Even that’s just an empty glass, that yer encouraged tae fill with rain water or yer own tears. Tears you’ll shed as you’re served with a court order to pay the £2000 bill ye got fae Wetherspoons for a plain hamburger. Not getting where I’m going wae this patter? London’s expensive mate. Read between the lines.

Fuck the World Cup Final.

Stevie Boy and Greg Burridge vs The London Riots (ICW Tag Title Match)

Are the belts still on the line here aye? I was hugely excited about this yin anaw, cause as much as I vehemently hate The London Riots, they’re fuckin good. A pair of combative big bruisers, and more importantly…a proper tag team. A cohesive unit of bad bastards. The Bucky Boys also fall intae that category, and both teams are part of an incredibly impressive tag scene in the UK at the moment, so it’s a shame Daveys injury serves to deprive us of this stoater. I won’t lie, I don’t know much about Greg Burridge other than he’s supposed to be fucking good at what he does, so I imagine the match will still be stoatin. No sure if the lineup change increases or decreases the chances of the belts staying in London though. Really depends if there’s plans to book The Riots more regularly eh? I’d fuckin love that tbh, cause as much as my adult cynicism tends to dull any dislike I have for wrestlers, particularly ones from the local indie scene, who appear to be hard-working, decent cunts no matter how unpalatable their wrestling characters seem to be; I manage to successfully despise the Riots. I feel like they’d call me a ‘jock cunt’ and ridicule my fat hamstrings, and even if I tell them my hamstrings urnae that fat, they’d persist until I developed a complex anyway. Fuckin bully boy bastards. But aye. Buckies (or one Bucky and a Burridge as I’m gonnae be calling them) will likely retain.

Grado vs Sha Samuels

This was supposed to happen at the first London show, but Sha Samuels seemed tae be a bit preoccupied making new pals, and proceeding tae batter fuck out of Grado with the help of said pals. Grado had some stellar pals of his own though, as Noam Dar and Wolfgang emerged to take on Sha, Jackie Polo and Rob Cage. This time we’re gonnae get the big guy wae the braces going one on one wae the Grado-one (fuck me, that has tae be the worst patter I’ve ever hit out wae on this blog…I’ve been doing this for over a year mate, I’ve hit out with some honkin shit, but that has to be a candidate for the worst yet, utterly shameful man)
I’ve seen a decent amount of Sha Samuels lately, and he’s a captivating big fella. Proper nasty looking cunt, but technically excellent. Seems the type that would heider ye and knock ye clean out if ye started getting wide wae him in the pub, then he’s calmly wipe your blood from his forehead, sit back down, and continuing doing the right wordy crossword in The Guardian. Cannae see past a Grado win though, because Grado is over as fuck down in London, and if folk are gonnae volunteer to miss a World Cup Final (fuck the World Cup Final though) they want tae see the Stevenston dream land a few haymakers, a wee shake rattle n roll, a bionic elba tae the coupon, mibbe the wee boot/F5 combo (finisher daft) and up the road with the victory in his back pocket.

Joe Coffey vs Noam Dar

I’m no gonnae say a great deal about this. I had a big thing typed out, and it just didnae fit. This speaks for itself really. A match which for some reason has either never happened before, finally gets to see the light of day in London town, as opposed tae you sitting fantasy booking it in yer heid. That sounds a wee bit homoerotic right enough, sittin picturing guys in their pants gettin sweaty; but this is in the name of two of the most talented wrestlers in the country finally getting tae pit their wits against each other. Two of the finest young talents in the whole of Europe having a bit of a grapple for our viewing pleasure. I have only one hope for this, and that hope is that it’s given plenty of time. Even if the finish is full of interference, or Noel Edmonds narrates it by reading his favourite monologue fae the Red Shoe Diaries, I want tae see at least 10-15 minutes of these two engaging in a wrestling masterpiece.
I just cannae see any other outcome than that. A masterpiece. On the odd occasion, two brilliant wrestlers can come together and not have the chemistry most folk expected, but if that’s the case here, I’ll pull ma left ear aff and eat it in front of 500 or so Londoners. Don’t gie a fuck mate. I’ll dae it, and the pain I get from doing that wont even come close tae the pain I’ll feel at the match not meeting my admittedly sky-high expectations. This is gonnae be fuckin AMAZIN. And I really don’t care who wins, cause I love them both equally. If I had tae pick one match between two Scottish talents that we’d yet tae see, it would be this, and considering Drew Mcintyre is a free agent right now, that says a lot.

Aye…mind I said I wisnae gonnae be saying a great deal about this? I lied.

BT Gunn vs Wolfgang

Easily one of my favourite matches of the year when they went at it in Newcastle, seemingly a match we had waited on for the best part of a year, so it’s quite the fuckin privilege to have it happening again so soon. BT Gunn has been having nothing but stoaters for a good while now, and Wolfie seems to have the same momentum he had when he was right at the forefront of the hunt for the ICW Title last year, so this one will be another storytelling classic. The match in Newcastle saw BT gain the win when he cracked Wolfie with Renfrews briefcase, so I expect the big man to have plenty of hauners on standby to ensure this one goes off without a hitch. I fancy Wolfie to win it, evening up the score between the two, setting up a “next goals the winner” type situation where they inevitably go at it again to determine who rules the roost. Who’s it tae be? Will it be the guy that once chopped a trainee so hard, he jump back up his maws fanny for shelter, or the guy who flung his cousin fae 30 feet in the air, down to a baying mob, made up mostly of men who kinda wanted tae kill him. I wouldn’t be quick tae mess with either of these unhinged cunts anyway.

Darkside vs Damian O’Connor

This was perhaps my favourite match from the last London show. Purely because I didn’t expect to be seeing it and it was quite honestly a fuckin belter. That German Suplex James Scott pulled off when Damo was clinging to the ropes might be my favourite move of the year. The shock value of it fuckin blew me away. This will be similarly brilliant, and if he’s in the area, I could see some Joe Hendry involvement clouding it, cause ye fuckin know Damo and him are not done by a long shot. Especially considering the fact that he saw fit to marr the big hitting war Damo and Joe Coffey engaged in down in Newcastle, with a sleekit count handing Joe Coffey the win (after a move which might have got him the win anyway) Either way, I fully anticipate another intriguing match, involving a bear being flung haufway tae Camden taaaaaaaooown via another jaw dropping German Suplex, and that bear no being very happy about the situation. Should I stop referring tae Damo as a bear? If it offends ye big man, let me just say, it’s not intended to. It’s just a laugh cause yer really big, really hairy, and you spend yer winters up the loft sleeping 20 hours a day, and spending the other 4 eating the severed limbs of any motorists who have ever aimed an obscene gesture in your direction. Also, I fancy Darkside tae win, although I’m no hugely confident in that one, cause for a really huge, and seemingly immovable big bastard, Damo has had his fair share of losses since emerging as a true heavyweight wrecking machine in ICW. Know what keeps scary bastards looking scary? Clean pinfall victories mate. Clean pinfall victories, and a solid murder rate. At least 2 or 3 a month, tae keep the levels of fear up.

Mark Coffey vs Kenny Williams (ICW Zero-G Title Match)

It was kinda inevitable that Kenny would find himself in the Zero-G Title picture eventually, and he has a cracking in-ring rapport with Mark Coffey, so we’ll inevitably see some mouthwatering shit here. I’ve got a sneaky wee feeling we’ll see a Coffey vs Coffey feud in ICW before long, so we might see Kenny take the belt eventually, to facilitate that at some point in the future (Thats a feud that really disnae need the Zero-G Belt to make it special if ye ask me, but who’s askin me? Naecunt. I asked myself, and proceeded tae answer myself. Cause this is my thing, and I’ll dae whit I want) but I cannae see it happening right now. I reckon these two have got a few braw matches in them, having seen them go at it at a recent SWA show, they have all the tools to produce something that captures yer attention in a one on one feud. Another sneaky wee suspicion I have here is Joe Hendry interfering out of jealousy at Kenny being given a title shot ahead of him, and that finally leads tae Kenny splitting from the Kennedy Administration, starting up a wee Kenny vs Hendry feud. So aye, I feel like this has been more patter about what might happen in the future than the match itself, so I’ll finish off by saying it’ll be really good. Like ye know how puttin eccies and pepperoni on a pizza and calling it Eccieroni Pizza is really good? It’ll be the wrestling equivalent of that.

Jack Jester and Jimmy Havoc vs Chris Renfrew and Dickie Divers

I wisnae sure about this when it was announced, but as the event draws closer and they continue to etch it in some brilliant storytelling, I’m actually right fuckin intae it. I dunno if thats maybe partly down to seeing Jimmy Havoc work masterfully as a villain in PROGRESS and being absolutely fuckin thirsty tae see him adopt a similar character in ICW via a heel turn here, or maybe its fully down to the wildcard element of Renfrew having a free shot at knocking fuck out of the guy who he has a contract for a title shot against at any time. So he can either wear him down in the match, which will inevitably descend intae blood soaked chaos. Or he can wait tae the match is finished, survey the landscape (and by that I mean…make sure he’s still got a pulse) and if he sees fit, he can pull oot a crossbow and shoot an arrow throw Jesters heart. Deid guys dont kick out. Unless they’re convulsing or somethin. In fact aye.Thats the trouble with that. I’ve nae idea how long it takes deid bodies tae go fully deid, so there’s a chance Havoc could get his tag partner tae safety, and Jester would become the first reigning ICW Champion wae nae heartbeat.

Seriously though, it’ll be a brutal match and there have already been suggestions far pretty much everyone involved in it, that Jester and Havoc cannae trust each other, and they know they cannae trust each other, so that leaves it wide open for some heel turning, belt grabbin, highly violent action. Can Chris Renfrew trust Dickie Divers? Is the sky blue mate? The NAK are more than a stable, they’re a fuckin brotherhood, and no matter the outcome in their respective matches, they will leave their stamp on London. A dominant stable who don’t monopolise every single segment on the show. Refreshing eh? I fancy Jester and Havoc to remain a cohesive unit, but they’ll be a cohesive unit left lying in a heap by the time this is is over. Will Jester emerge fae that heap wae the gold? We shall see.

ICW came, saw, conquered and came again when it rolled intae London last time, and England’s capital can expect another arse toe-ing, diddy slapping war this time around.


 

Tickets are still on sale, so get yersel along. Fuck the World Cup Final.

Either get them on the door or via this link.

http://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/icw-whats-your-boggle-london-13-07-2014/event/1F004C9C897C1EDA?artistid=825377&majorcatid=10004&minorcatid=27

The Daily Thing – Day Eleven (ICW Fear and Loathing 6 Review)

Aye so, I’m cheating the day. I’ve wrote a lot over the past few weeks, and I cannae be fucked arsed the day. Was going to watch the show Progress put up and review that, but I’ve decided to do that for tomorrows thing instead, cause I’ve designated this day do half hourly masturbation, and putting 15 different flavours of crisps in a bowl so that every handful I scoop up is a TASTE EXPLOSION.

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ICW Show Me Your Lizard Review

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Show Me Your Lizard was quite a beautiful saga when ye think about it. A show that sold out over a month in advance without a match announced leaves the company with a bit of a unique perspective, because really, they’re under no obligation to announce anything. So instead of announcing matches to cultivate ticket sales, say nothing. Make it a big surprise. Leave the possibility of the whole thing being a front for an adult orientated Singing Kettle show well and truly open. ICW weren’t quite that bold, but with only 4 matches announced, there wis plenty of scope tae make it a night packed with twists, turns, stauners, heart attacks…mare stauners….probably tears, blood? Aye I reckon there’s gonnae be some blood somewhere, and most importantly of course…hunners ah fuckin wrestling!

We had out obligatory opening gambits from the bold Billy Kirkwood, and his co-presenter of ICW Worldwide Veronica LeStrange, and naebdy gets a party started like Billy. That man has called me a sexy motherfucker on countless occasions now, and it still gets me soakin every time. Nothing can really compare tae the level of satisfaction ye get from knowing that a hairy, tatooed man fae Ayrshire finds ye sexy. So with nipples suitably pointed, and baws with a warm welcoming glow aboot them, we were introduced tae his co-commentator for the evening. The recently retired Jackie Polo. Still favouring the neck injury he picked up fae cunnilingual activities wae yer maw and/or sister, he stood by his retirement announcement and spoke of his future prospects as a top class talent agent, and full time advocate for the wearing of suit jaickets without the accompanying suit troosers..anyway. WRESTLIN!

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