ICW Shugs House Party 5 – Night One Review

SHPPPP

The 5th instalment of the Shugs series could potentially have been a let down. Key players missing with a big match unable to take place as a result, the venue having to be changed due to a fire wrecking the usual place, things were conspiring against them a bit. The potential was there for it to not live up to expectations and yet it turned out to be two very different, but equally excellent shows. For me ICW are a company who thrive when the chips are down. Finding solutions to problems and making them work. Sometimes even better than whatever the original plan was. For me, the wrestling show that happened on Night One is one of the most complete shows ICW have produced. Every possible style of wrestling you could call yourself a fan of was on display. Big time rivalries were settled. One off matches dazzled. Imports meshed perfectly with mainstays to make magic. It was just a really good wrestling show. From top to bottom.

Kid Fite vs Ravie Davie (Winner faces James Storm in Night Two)

Big fan of the basis of this rivalry being Fito wanting to establish himself as the king of ICW’s scheme division. Sick and tired of this upstart getting opportunities ahead of him, he decided the best way to establish himself as the king was the old-fashioned way, by slapping someone aboot. He smashed fuck out the young pretender at the last ICW show and cut a vicious promo vowing to steal his big match with James Storm on night two. Davie has a habit of making folk really fuckin annoyed at him eh? They are invariably mean looking cunts who look like they can chew tobacco without pulling that “aw man this is heavy boggin” face anaw. True hard men who can fuckin fight. Davie came out all guns blazing for this one though. Taking out Lou King Sharp and Krieger with a mad double drop kick on the ramp before setting out to take his revenge on someone who literally cut a promo while sitting on his heid at the last show. There was a chair between Fito’s arse and Davie’s heid like, but still. If you respect someone so little that you don’t hesitate to plant the chair you’re about to sit on right on their napper, its bound to make that person a wee bit angry.

1SHP-KFvRVDV

Kid Fite started the match strong. Taking advantage of Lou King Sharp and Kriegers distractions to back rake and forearm Davie until he was seeing wee birdies floating above his heid. Davie rallied and hit the blockbuster that everyone remembers so fondly from the time he hit it from the balcony of The Garage. A cracking move, but not as cracking as folk literally crackin each others jaws in a good old forearm war. They wailed on each other for a while, teeth flying all over the shop before Kid Fite hit the brainbuster for a two. A perfect sitout powerbomb didn’t do it either and an increasingly raging Kid Fite wasn’t having it anymore. It was time to drop all pretence that this was ever one on one. After all, Kid Fite wanted to be somewhat fresh for his big match with the big import on Night Two so it was time to wrap this up. In came Lou King Sharp and Krieger to deliver the team handed beatdown Kid Fite needed to get the job done a bit earlier. It was all going to plan….UNTIL IT WISNAE

A revved up figure emerged. A mysterious trackied man. Probably Davie’s cousin Zander but also maybe no Davie’s cousin Zander. With the greatest of respects to Zander, the hooded figure hit a T-bone Suplex so picture perfect that only a handful of folk in Scotland could be responsible for it. One of those people was someone we hadn’t seen for a while. Someone with a bit of history with Kid Fite. Surely……surely no….surely its no fuckin….is it? YASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

ell

The scarf came down and the trackie tap was removed to reveal LIAM THOMSON. Back from a long injury lay off. One that could have potentially ended his career but on this evidence it most certainly has not. There he was. Back in an ICW ring chucking folk about with reckless abandon. Kid Fite, Lou King Sharp and Krieger are three of my favourite folk in Scottish wrestling. The fact that the latter two weren’t involved in a match on this weekender was some sort of crime. But I couldnt have been happier to see them get chucked aboot on this occasion. Well Thomson actually didn’t directly hit Kid Fite which im sure was quite deliberate but the suicide dive that followed the t-bone suplex’in goodness on Lou King Sharp and Krieger tells its own story and that story reads “LIAM THOMSON IS BACK. FUCKIN YALDI!”

With Kid Fite’s hauners handled by Liam Thomson and Fito himself left dazed and confused by the whole thing, Davie sneakied in and won the match with a roll up to leave Fito stunned.

Davie gets his big match and his chance at revenge over James Storm on Night Two after a much needed assist from the bad boy. He joined Liam in saluting the crowd before leaving him to soak in the adulation on his own. Considering all the massive things that happened over the course of the two shows, it’s a big compliment to Liam that this was up there with Grado’s return in terms of the noise the crowd produced when it happened. An absolute pleasure to have the bold yin back in action. 

Lewis Girvan vs The Sam Barbour Experience

Sam Barbour is good at wrestling. Watched him absolutely kill it at the first GPWA Invitational and have wondered why he isn’t involved in more promotions since then. This was a huge opportunity to impress but he was in there with a guy who carries himself with so much more swagger these days. Lewis Girvan has always been a very good wrestler but its like any self-doubt he carried with him evaporated the minute he aligned himself with The Filthy Generation. Whatever may have been stopping him going to the very top of the card despite scarcely having anything even approaching a bad match and stealing the show at the Hydro 2 years ago against Ricochet (wonder what happened to that guy eh) is most certainly gone now. He’s one of the main men and folk forget when reminiscing about DCT and Stevie going from the main event of Spacebaws to the main event of the big show for the big belt, that one of those main events had a third man and that man was Lewis Girvan. In ICW for a long time he’s been seen as the reliable guy. A guy who always turns in a good match. A good soldier and a fine member of the roster and see now? He seems like a guy who could not give a fuck about those things. Fuck it all. Low blow some cunts, tombstone their brains out with yer best pal, have a right good laugh and be done with it. That’s the kind of attitude that gets ye belts. Beautiful, shiny belts.

1SHP-LGvSBX2

It was of course a very good match. Sam looking good early on, only for Lewis to completely sidestep a crossbody attempt as if it never happened. They nailed each other with a bunch of forearms before Barbour took Lewis out to the apron and kicked his chest repeatedly, a bit like that chest beating thing Sheamus used to do a lot, except y’know…..with kicks. Girvan hit that rolling neckbreaker he does where he leaps into the ring from the outside first. Lovely to watch. Top 5 neckbreaker of all time. A tombstone followed, but I particularly enjoyed the setup where he had him set up for a scoprion death drop only to scoop him for the tombstone. SBX came back into it but missed the mark with a moonsault and Girvan produced a mad suplex combo to seal the win (may be calling it that because I’ve no idea what the final suplex was called, it was very suplexy though)

Girvan’s tag partner Aspen Faith had provided commentary for the match and jumped in the ring to enjoy his pal’s victory with him. Girvan offered SBX his hand as a mark of respect. Instead of shaking it, Barbour took it as an invitation to dance, ordered the sound booth to play Reach by S Club 7, and the foes become friends through the power of dance to upbeat 90s pop. Majestically swaying around the ring while Aspen Faith looked on, confused about his role in the whole affair. Except none of that actually happened and The Kings Of Catch of course battered Sam. Apter Burner then a low blow after ANOTHER offer of a handshake that Barbour somehow thought was genuine. They’re scallywags yer Kings Of Catch but they do it well and have a vicious side to accompany their scallyness that makes them very good to watch. Won’t be out of the tag title picture for long, thats for true.

Mikey Whiplash vs Angelico 

Match of the weekend for me in a lot of ways. It didn’t have all sorts of crowd pleasing big time “spots” but it had people absolutely lost in it for 10-15 minutes. I certainly was as they opened the match with a series of holds with neither man managing to gain the upper hand. I could type all sorts about this one but really, no words will be able to do it justice so get it watched. Angelico had Whiplash tied in all sorts of knots only for Whiplash to wriggle out of it with a headstand before doing that corner pose that wrestlers do sometimes and shooting Angelico a look that was half “look at me, im pure good at wrestling” and half “lets have sex” I mean honestly, not to weigh a wrestling review down with smut, but Angelico is a good looking man. I say that as a man with a burd and everything. The only thing better looking than his face is his wrestling.

1SHP-MWvAngel

They exchanged near falls before Whiplash bent Angelico’s wrist so much it became several wrists all going in different directions. A wrist medley. Angelico went for his finisher only Whiplash to reverse it. Angelico locked in the reverse figure four he utilises, but Whiplash got free. They leathered each other with forearms, uppercuts, before Whiplash cleaned Angelico out with that clothesline he does when he rebounds off the middle rope. A zombiemaker (death valley driver) followed for a two count, but his attempt to do that same move from the top rope was reversed and Angelico hit The Falling Angel (think a running Razor’s Edge that ends with the opponent being launched heid first at the turnbuckles) to take the win. A brilliant contest and an outstanding showing from Angelico on his debut. Hope to see a lot more of him in ICW. 

Whiplash took to the mic afterwards and it seemed like it was over. He slowly untied his boots as he told the crowd maybe it was time for him to move aside. Maybe he just can’t keep up with the young yins anymore. Aivil emerged to pretty much tell him to shut it. She told him to remember who he truly is. The sadistic fucker who tormented Renfrew. The sadistic fucker who took and also dished out unimaginable pain during that run of death matches he had. The sadistic fucker who still has a lot left in the tank. Not only did Aivil’s words make Whiplash put his boots back on, but he also put the mask back on that has become synonymous with Legion and his darker side. Maybe a sign that he’s no longer accepting Mark Dallas’ ban on him doing anything but straight up wrestling matches and we could see that sadistic fucker re-emerge once more. As if he was ever gone. 

1SHP-MWvAngeli

Joe Hendry vs Chris Renfrew – Glasgow Street Fight 

1SHP-JHvsCR2

No gonnae lie, I loved this. It reminded me of an Attitude Era (bring it back! amiright?!) hardcore match and that is a huge compliment. As much as Hendry has built his character around hating this type of thing by god he isn’t half good at it. Done it very well with Lionheart to end that feud and this was outstanding entertainment to probably end this particular feud as well. Renfrew came out all guns blazing, chucking a chair at Hendrys face soon after he had made his music free entrance. One less new theme to get used to it might have been but his entrance being without the music that helped launch him to stardom was no accident. He wasn’t here to engage in mental warfare with the tunes. He was here to engage in actual warfare with his fists….perhaps a samurai sword. Who knows. That’s the beauty of the Glasgow Street Fight.

They chucked each other about at the bar, scudding each other with wee metal baking trays before Renfrew chucked Joe through a door that took them outside. They battled all the way along to the wee spar down the road, where Renfrew bought them a tin of monster each, before challenging Hendry to a footrace to The Garage where they completed the match Foley vs Rock style. Empty arena baybeeee. Nah that didn’t happen at all but it COULD have. The possibilities are endless in a Glasgow street fight. They were actually only outside for about 30 seconds before continuing to battle around the outisde. Renfrew setting Joe up on a chair, only for Joe to end up dropping Renfrew with a side slam. They made their way to the merch table and Joe balanced another table against the merch table and after a wee battle for supremacy, he eventually launched Renfrew through said table. Quite painfully.

1SHP-JHvsCR

They eventually made it back to the ring where Renfrew gained the upper hand. Planting Joe with a Death Valley Driver before calling on an old friend for a bit of support. It was none of auld NAK squad, not even new pal Kieran Kelly (yet) but instead it was a pair of scissors. The scissors that have become synonymous with demon Renfrew. The scissors that could end the match and the life of one of the folk in it. Leyton Buzzard was on hand to grab the deadly sheep shearers as Renfrew wielded them towards Joe’s dome. Joe hit the fallaway slam and Leyton decided that made it safe enough for him to jump in and stomp Renfrew out. Their team handed assault was brief as Kieran Kelly did finally emerge to provide some timely back up. Hitting a stunner (its only a stoner if Renfrew hits it I think but I dunno if Kelly can call it that through association, ask yer MP if it bothers ye that much ffs, trying to review the wrestling here) before Buzzard was quickly made to regret his previous intervention as Renfrew hit him with a sitout powerbomb off the top rope to pretty much end his participation in this one and perhaps his participation in being a person who is capable of standing up.

After all the commotion Joe gained the upper hand again, locking in that choke that he vowed could end Renfrews life if he locked it in properly. Renfrew broke the hold and hit a top rope stoner for a two count,  but was hit with an extremely uncouth low blow by Hendry. Matches with no rules bring that devil right out of him, and he chased it with two fallaway slams before they both had a wee shot of each other’s finisher. Hendry hitting a stunner that Renfrew immediately leapt up after to hit the freak of nature. It looked like Renfrew had it with the Stoner soon after but Leyton Buzzard rose from the dead to break the pin only to be quickly removed by Renfrew, before being on the sare end of a suicide dive from Kieran Kelly.

Renfrew found himself in deep trouble soon after. Hendry had his ankle lock welded in. Seemed like he was genuinely right on the cusp of twisting Renfrew’s foot clean off his body and using it to beat him to death to win the match if he wasn’t going to tap. Renfrew held on and gave Hendry the middle finger of defiance that was also the last thing Big Damo seen before becoming ICW Champion. Hendry locked it in even tighter and the pain was too much. Renfrew fully passed out and Hendry took the win. 

What a transition its been from the guy with the funny custom entrance music to a guy vicious enough to topple folk like Lionheart and Renfrew in hardcore matches. As entertaining as the entrance videos were, the best version of Hendry for me is this vicious bastard. Dead set on eviscerating anyone who dares to cross his path. Renfrew told him he had earned his respect after that war and I’m sure Joe appreciated that, but respect isn’t main events. Respects isn’t titles, the heavyweight and the Zero-G. Respect isn’t some sort of gift (christmas gift). Respect in the grand scheme of things means little to Joe because his goal is to get to the very top and he must feel like now is the time. 

The Kinky Party vs Alpha/Evil (Bram and Iestyn Rees) – ICW Tag Title Match

This kinda came from nowhere to be one of the highlights of the weekend which is a testament to all involved. Could easily have just went through the motions, kept it in the ring and got pass marks but they didn’t. They put their bodies on the line and went all out and you have to respect the fuck out of that. Guy’s the size of Bram and Sha Samuels going for death-defying dives that Jeff Hardy would baulk at. Blood pouring from Jack Jester’s face from about 30 seconds in. Iestyn daring to pull Martina off Sha Samuels mid grind. They all put their lives on the line in some way, shape or form and it made for a smashing tag title match. For me the best match The Kinky Party have had as champions and even up there with their match with Polo Promotions before they got the titles.

1SHP-KPvsBRIES

Sha and Iestyn quickly moved their battle to the outside, leaving Jester to pull out the corkscrew with intentions to maim. It was him who ended up maimed however, as he was wearing the auld crimson mask very early on thanks to Bram. Tell ye whit, I defy anyone to look at Bram’s body of work in ICW in the past couple of years and tell me he isn’t a good wrestler. He is as good a villain as independent wrestling has right now. Him and Iestyn have no redeeming features. No cool guy shit that makes folk cheer. They’re just a pair of big bad dudes who smash folk and it works. Jester hit Bram with a baseball slide before Iestyn joined the party with the worlds biggest suicide dive. The Kinky Party hit the Teamstone Paldriver but the pin was broken up. Nae way this was ending yet.

They ended up back outside with Iestyn set up on a table below. Sha decided to go, for the lack of a better term “fuckin mental” and attem1SHP-KPAvBrIept a moonsault from about 30 feet in the air but Bram blocked it, causing Sha to take a heavy fall as he came off the platform he had climbed on a bit awkwardly. Even when this match wasn’t intentionally brutal it was still incredibly sore looking. Bram then climbed on that very same platform and thanks to some help from Martina, Iestyn had ended up putting Jester on the table, for Bram to hit with a glorious Swanton through the table. Definitely killing both of them in the process. What a move.

After taking about 5 seconds to mourn the death of their respective tag partners. Iestyn and Sha decided life goes on and continued the match in the ring. A seemingly burst Sha rallied after avoiding Iestyns spear. Hitting out with some definat jabs and splash in the corner but Bram soon resurfaced. We’ll call him Zombie Bram from this point on since that Swanton killed everyone involved in it. Zombie Bram hit that big spike ddt he does, before Sha took a Bronco Buster from Martina that felt like it lasted a good half hour before Iestyn peeled her off. His tolerance for shenanigans had been exceeded and it was time to win some tag belts. Iestyn hit a powerbomb which Sha brushed off Hulk Hogan style, drawing the energy from the crowd, ready for the next assault. Iestyn hit his finisher after that but Sha still kicked out and they decided, perhaps foolishly, that he was no longer the best bet for the finish. Dragging Jester’s deid body into the ring was probably a smart plan when they thought of it. Its easier to pin a deid guy than an alive one, but what if he was playing possum? What if he had already become a zombie like Bram?

1SHP-KPvsBRIE1

They played a dangerous game and unfortunately for them, they lost. Iestyn took Jester up for the Doomsday Device and as Bram went up top to complete the job, Sha knocked him off the top, and Zombie Jester rolled Iestyn up for The Kinky Party to retain. 

Hard hitting chaos from start to finish. If you can watch this and say it wasn’t entertaining then you and I see wrestling quite differently. Big guys doing shit big guys shouldn’t be able to do. Leaving it all out there for your entertainment. Heavy good shit. A highlight of the weekend and another excellent title defence from Sha and Jester. Kinky Party 4 lyf.

BT Gunn vs Walter

A dream match for many and that just shows how highly BT Gunn is thought of in the European scene. Its been a great year or so for him and he’s finally getting some of the wider recognition his work has deserved for a long long time. Walter is arguably the biggest star stoating about the “indies” right now and BT Gunn didn’t look out of place for a second. Matching Walter’s chest melting chops every time…in fact naw, Walter matched BT Gunn’s chest melting chops. BT Gunn is the original chest melter and as good as Walter is at chopping he knew he had met his match as soon as BT landed one. He made that “fuck sake that was sare!” face that many an unsuspecting opponent has made when BT first lands a chop on them. Learning the hard way. The extremely hard way.

1SHP-BTGvsWALT

The early stages was mostly mind melting striking from both. BT fighting hard to stop his much bigger opponent getting him down and dominating. At times it felt like the a plucky wee scrapper having a pop at the school bully. The big man seemed like he always felt he had it in hand, but its hard to be that confident when you’re getting all sorts of chops, punches to the gut and kicks to the heid flung in your direction. BT left a noticeable hand print on big Watty that will likely be a permanent fixture on his chest from here on out. He recovered from that to catch BT coming off the top, turning him over into a Boston Crab. BT escaped that before he managed to take Walter down with a clothesline off the ropes before series of stiff kicks took the big man into the corner. It seemed that every time BT took the upper hand, the big man floored him with something. He locked in the coquina clutch before turning it in to a German Suplex that took BT Gunn down. For being built like a brick shithouse, Walter is well versed in the submission game and he had BT in trouble with an STF but once again he somehow escaped with all his limbs in tact.

1SHP-BTGvsWALT1

A superkick followed by the Gunnshot gave BT a near fall and it looked like he was heading for the win. He had the big man rattled anyway, only for the Austrian powerhouse to turn the match back in his favour with a thunderous chop followed by a Brainbuster. Following that by once again locking in that coquina clutch only for BT to roll him over for a quick three count. What a win for BT Gunn. Considering the status of Walter and the ability he has it felt monumental. It was something he should have been able to enjoy. Maybe go up the top rope and let the crowd give him the ovation he deserved. Kez Evans had other ideas. 

When Kez Evans appeared in the Square Go I ripped the piss out of him a bit in the review. Light heartedly of course. Its aw fun and games. But he’s proved in recent times he’s nae joke. Sick to death of seeing other GPWA trainees get chances and he gets ignored. This character definitely suits him because the frustration he spoke about when he simultaneously cut a promo and booted fuck out of BT Gunn is definitely real. He has at times felt like it wasn’t going to happen for him, so he’s going out and fuckin making it happen. He continued the beat down for a while, also admitting that he was the guy who attacked BT at the last show before disappearing to a chorus of boo’s. Ruining BT’s win over big Walter and getting booed out the building. A good nights work if you’re a bad yin. 

Jody Fleisch vs James Storm

This is what I really liked about this show. Matches like this turning out great. A match with no build between two guys who on paper maybe wouldn’t mesh well together, yet they went out and smashed it. Jody Fleisch is seemingly incapable of anything else. Since he appeared at this event last year he has been used regularly by ICW and is yet to produce anything but good shit. This was another cracker. Storm was in nae mood to fuck about with a Texas Death Match looming the following night, but Jody Fleisch wasn’t in the mood to be an afterthought either.

Storm favours a more methodical pace these days but he knew fine well Jody Fleisch goes at full speed and he matched him in that regard early on, before Jody floored him with a pair of dropkicks. They made their way to the bar, Storm seemingly intent on smashing a whole crate of beer bottles over Jody’s napper, but the pheonix dodged his attacked before hitting a beauty of a moonsault off the bar. Is there anything he can’t moonsault off of? I’d like to see him try it on a surfboard or a sinking ship. Something that’s moving anyway. See how far that moonsaulting talent can go. Maybe campaign to get Harry Maguire  to a show so Jody can try and hit a moonsault off the top of his gigantic square dome.

1SHP-JSvJF2

Storm proceeded to scud Fleisch with a full pint of cider he commandeered from someone in the front row. Never even asked if he could have it either. A true villain cause its 4 quid a pint in the 02 at the very least. Folk intending to drink in the venue on both days were selling their kidneys and taking out second mortgages to afford it. Back in the ring they battled up top before Storm chucked Jody halfway across the ring. Jody replied with a beautiful hurricanrana off the top, only for storm to hit back with an Alabama slam and a big lariat for a two count. Jody hit a gorgeous Spanish Fly soon after, never actually sure who’s ‘hit’ that move when it happens as it seems to be equally sore on both men but its lovely to watch so it is. Just a couple of veterans from opposite sides of the world, in the middle of Glasgow, having a belter of a match. Wrestling is beautifully odd sometimes.

1SHPJSvJF

Fleisch went up for the Shooting Star Press to put this one away, but Storm swerved it before hitting the Last Call then knocking Jody upside the head with a cow bell to make sure of the win. 

Storm took to the mic and acknowledged how good Jody is, but highlighting that as good he is, he still got his arse booted. The same would be happening to Ravie Davie, or Davie Ravie, or whatever the hell his name is. Davie didn’t take too kindly to Storm not getting his name right and emerged from the back with a mic of his own, immediately calling him “Stormy James” before vowing to kick the death match off a night early as he stormed the ring for a scrap. James Storm was fit for it though, catching Davie as he came in the ring and laying him out once more before vowing to finish the job the following night. 

Kay Lee Ray And The Great Big Ruse

1SHP-KLRSeg

Kay Lee Ray came out to her brand new music have a chat. I quite like The Filthy Generations new theme. Its in the same vein as the previous one and has that menacing feel to it that makes you feel like the person coming out to it is about to batter fuck out some folk, but I’d like to take this opportunity to commemorate the death of the greatest entrance music in ICW history. The auld Filthy Generation theme was so bangin’ I listened to it so much outwith wrestling shows that my burd fuckin hates it. Such a tune that even people who hated Stevie and KLR used to dance to it while holding up the middle fingers. Music patter aside Kay Lee Ray was out to bemoan the lack of a womens match to challenge Viper. Viper emerged and they exchanged words but it was all in the name of the ruse. Out came The Kings Of Catch to attack Viper, as Kay Lee knocked her daft with a belt shot to the head, before the Kings set Viper up for the Apter Burner, leading DCT with Coach Trip in tow to provide husbandly hauners and to prevent his wife going in to her title defence the next night with a concussion.

It was all a big ruse. A play for the upper hand, as Stevie came out and nailed DCT with a low blow as he set Kay Lee up for the spike DDT. He hit the destroyer before standing over DCT triumphantly. Belt in hand. A belt he would put his life on the line to keep in his possesion . They’re dirty bastards. They make a living off it, and Stevie isn’t giving up that title without utilising every trick in the book. Giving his opponent a scheme bootin a night before they main event the biggest show of their lives together is exactly what Stevie is all about. The best in the business at being a bastard. The filthiest player in the game.

1SHP-KLRSeg1

Lionheart vs Just Justice Jackie Polo

1SHP-JJJPvsLH

The term “big fight feel” gets chucked about haphazardly sometimes. For this it fitted what was about to happen perfectly. It deserved the main event and absolutely lived up to that spot. Lionheart needed it. Simple as that. He unravelled because a part of him doubted that he could beat Jackie after Barramania, so he avoided ever wrestling him again instead. Locked that pain away and tanned rapid whiskies instead. A slap from Sha Samuels seemed to kick him back into gear. It made him believe. He wanted the match and signed on the dotted line eventually. Only problem is, Jackie Polo dies not give a fuck about fairytales or what his opponent needs. Deep down underneath that deeply southern exterior he still fuckin hates Lionheart with a burning passion and he definitely wanted to break his spirit once and for all. He wanted to make it 3-0. No coming back. Career in the toilet. Ruined.

They kicked it off head to head. At odds with each other like they have been for what seems like forever. True enemies. Vicious jabs were exchanged, Polo getting the upper the hand and taking Lionheart down with a series of shoulderblocks. The first scoop of the match followed. Polo in his comfort zone. Knowing he has the beating of his opponent if he keeps the heid. He hit a double axe handle off the apron as Lionheart struggled on the outside before rolling back in to raise his fist towards the crowd Mark Coffey style. Perhaps not the time for it, but he gave off a vibe that said he had this in the bag and was going about his work like he had it all in hand. Not a problem. Lionheart tried to climb back in but Polo hit a lovely dropkick to send him back outside. In control.

He rolled outside to meet Lionheart and had a weird moment with someone in the crowd. I really don’t know what these cunts are thinking when they square up to wrestlers. Its a show and they are performers, unless they legit start shit with you there is nae reason to let your emotions spill over. It will not end well and you’ll either end up knocked out by a big burly bastard in a singlet or carried out the building. Usually both. The big walloper in the crowd was told to calm it before Lionheart acrobatically dodged an attempt by Polo to send him towards the ringpost. That led to Lionheart putting his stamp on the contest and he soon has Polo locked in a sharpshooter before he valiantly made it to the bottom rope. Polo does a jab then chop combo and its one of my favourite things to watch in wrestling, simple, well executed, good shit. He never invented jabs or chops but he does them in a unique way somehow. Lionheart dodged a splash in the corner and hit that big pump kick in the corner (he should defo call it the “get it pumped” kick imo) followed by the rock bottom for a two count. Back and forth. Lionheart fighting for his wrestling life. Compelling viewing.

Lionheart reneged on hitting the frog splash and instead rolled out the ring seemingly on the lookout for a weapon. That weapon was most likely the Polo mallet, and he thought he could gain the upper hand by utilising it first, but the problem was he went to the wrong side of the ring and over on the other side Polo had already grasped the mallet. Ready to pounce. Lionheart dodged a wild swing from Polo before they played a wee game of cat and mouse. Lionheart’s anxiety was palpable, knowing how vital that mallet has been in his previous defeats. He wanted it out the picture or in his hands, because it Jackies hands? It meant danger. It meant defeat. Jackie chucked it in the ring and they both went after it but neither man could get a good grip on it. Jackie tried to put Lionheart away with the electric chair drop that won him the match at the Barras but Lionheart reversed it into a hurricanrana, before hitting a huge dive over the top rope on to the ramp.

They battled on the ramp a bit. Polo having a piledriver attempt blocked, before he blocked Lionhearts rock bottom attempt, nailing the move himself. Lionheart hit that very same move on the ramp at the Barras so thats some lovely storytelling. Both men very aware of what’s done them damage in the matches before and trying to avoid those things. Lionheart going for the mallet. Polo hitting the rock bottom. Beautifully done. Polo hit the electric chair drop on the second attempt but this time it was only a two. Lionheart wasn’t done yet. This wasn’t just a match to him. Another chapter in this rivalry. This was pretty much his career on the line and it showed. He was desperate and it brought the very best out of him. A version of himself that could beat Polo. If he just believed it himself.

1SHP-JJJPvsLH2

He hit a beauty of a frog splash soon after but Polo kicked out. As strong as Lionheart’s will was to win this one, you’re aff yer nut if you think Polo didn’t want it just as bad. The bragging rights that comes with being the man who pretty much buried Lionheart is something he definitely wanted and he was willing to do whatever it took to get it. Anything. He looked right into Lionhearts eyes after kicking out of the frog splash. Undoubtedly in pain but not willing to show it. He had something up his sleeve that he was sure would do the job. He crawled towards the mallet but Lionheart stood on it as if to say it wasn’t going to end that way. Not this time. Up he went once more for the electric chair drop, which Lionheart once again attempted to reverse only for Polo to counter that by setting him up for….is he…..oh my fuckin god…..

1SHP-LHvsJJJP2

The Styles Clash. Not just The Styles Clash, but a Styles Clash hit with unerring perfection. Absolutely nailed it. Right in the middle of that ring. Lionheart’s career once again was in deep jeopardy thanks to that move, only this time there was no tragic neck break. Everything happened exactly as it should have, and as is the norm with that move, it would surely end the match. In any other circumstance it would have, but Lionheart faced his biggest fear and fuckin conquered it. The move that has no doubt been a central piece in his nightmares for the better part of 4 years. Haunted by it. Why did I tuck? It didn’t matter anymore. Its rare that being on receiving end of a move can be a cathartic experience but that’s exactly what this was. He triumphantly kicked out at fuckin ONE. Not this time.

Superkick, big pump kick in the corner, another one for good measure, rock bottom, down went Polo. This time. Maybe this time it might just be different. Emphatic frog splash. A cover that was dripping with fear, dripping with emotion, maybe it would be three this time. It was. Lionheart had won. Somehow. Someway. He pulled it out the bad when he truly desperately needed to. A triumphant effort. A magnificent main event.

In terms of getting the crowd engaged and evoking real emotion there’s no better feud in British Wrestling than this one. Sha Samuels vs Grado is always brilliant and is up there with them, but this has the edge for me because it carries that edge that it’s a bit real. They really don’t like each other but on the evidence of the last two matches, they work incredibly well together. Lionheart got the big win he needed and wants it to propel him to bigger things but something tells me ol Just Justice doesn’t want this to end on a loss and this might not be the end. After all. The score overall still reads Jackie Polo 2 Lionheart 1. Lionheart was played out by his brilliant new music as he toasted a massive win. He’s won a watch with this whole revamp so he has. They’ve absolutely nailed his tune.

A topper of a show overall. For me one of the best ICW have ever produced. So much variety in the matches and everything was quality. No lulls. Cracker of a main event. I gie it 60 stars. A hunner and fifty Meltzer badges. 10 outta fuckin 10.

Massive thanks to David J Wilson as usual for some stunning shots. The Fleish moonsault and Bram swanton captured perfectly and the shot of that Styles Clash is just art. 

Advertisements

ICW Barramania 4 Review

barr

The Barras has a special kind of feeling about it. Nothing that happens there can be considered throwaway. Nothing happens for no reason. It just, matters. When ICW first ran this venue it was the first time you knew for sure this shit was going to be huge. It had to be. The product and the talent on display belonged in venues like this and the atmosphere that night was electric. It’s almost a bit sad that running this venue has become normal thing but that’s what happens when you grow. There’s less scope to break new ground because you’ve already left your footprint everywhere. 

This felt a wee bit different from previous Barras shows. Previous shows have had crowning moments for the company and this era of stars, but this show felt more like it was introducing us to the folk who’ll be making memories in big time matches there for years to come. After Barramania 4 the picture for this year’s Fear and Loathing was bound to look a bit clearer, but perhaps more pertinently the card for Shug’s latest weekender started to take shape and one absolutely cash money match I’ve personally been frothing to see since day one finally looks like its going to be a reality in ICW. Honestly, as matches go, this yin is basically printing money so it is. As soon as it was announced, all the tenners in the world gave birth to a score. First, the gauntlet.

Andy Wild vs Aaron Echo vs Jordan Devlin vs DCT vs Mark Coffey vs Rampage Brown – Gauntlet Match For The Vacant ICW Zero-G Title 

Match 1 – Andy Wild vs Aaron Echo

Due to Jody Fleisch having to drop out with an injury, yer man Andy Wild kicked this whole affair off in a heartwarming tale of the man with a winning smile, a killer release belly to belly suplex and a heart of pure solid gold. Its hard not to like Andy Wild really. He has fought very hard to regain his place as an ICW regular after a few years of dipping in and out for various reasons. He’s battled his own mind at times just to get to this point. Redemption. What better way to reclaim his place than by taking the title that helped him make his name in the first place? Only problem with that was a big unit of a boy from Clydebank who happened to draw number two.

1Echo

This was an enjoyable scrap for the few minutes it got. Echo looked like a guy who wanted to maximise the ring time he was getting and you have to respect the shite out of that kind of nae wasted motion approach to the wrestling. No doubt in my mind the big man will one day be on the list of folk who have won this title but it wasn’t to be on this here night, although he did nail Wild with a stoater of a back elbow off the top in a style of a good good personal friend of his, but he was put away with the Gutwrench Powerbomb and ANDY WILD advanced.

Match Two – Andy Wild vs Jordan Devlin

Having just returned from an injury that saw him miss a recent Garage show, Devlin came out all guns blazing against his auld pal. Hitting a lovely backstabber with Wild suspended in the corner. Devlin had the better of this one for the most part but Andy Wild was here to reclaim his spot and nae amount of Devitt trained talent was stopping that happening. Even if walking out of the Barras with the Zero-G Title was going to be a tall order, big man was at least going to walk out with his name on the tip of people’s tongues and after taking a lovely floaty moonsault from Devlin, Wild stole the win with a small package to advance once again. ANDY WILD CHARGES ON TO MATCH THREE. Against none other than D…C….T

Match Three – Andy Wild vs DCT

We were the guts of the gauntlet at this stage and no one on the roster knows more about gettin up in some guts than yer man DCT. Perhaps he just caught Andy a wee bit out of puff. After all he had just beaten one of the best young talents in the country in Aaron Echo and the massively talented murderer of the non-Irish Jordan Devlin. A helluva shift even if those matches happened at opposite ends of the card, but one after the other? Hard graft. A cunt of a shift. DCT looked fired up to fuck advanced by driving his two knees into Wild’s chest, and a steak knife through his heart. DCT MOVES ON

Match Four – DCT vs Mark Coffey

1cmark

Dripping with intrigue this one was when Mark Coffeys jazzy new music hit. For anyone who wasn’t a fan 2-3 years ago, DCT was a part of Polo Promotions before they left, and to my knowledge this is the first time since the split (completely amicably, best pals 4 life) that they were engaged in fisticuffs. I fancied this to be the final pairing actually but on this evidence there’s certainly an excellent singles match between these two on the cards somewhere down the road. They thumped each other in the early exchanges. So many forearms, you’d think they did have four arms. DCT nearly put Coffey away with a running knee to the skull, but it was Coffey who advanced soon after thanks to that heid removing low forearm to the skull. MARK COFFEY ADVANCES

Match Five (Winner Becomes Zero-G Champion) – Mark Coffey vs Rampage Brown

Sam Barbour is good so he is. A charismatic guy who can fuckin go in the ring. When he emerged as the final entrant in this match I was delighted for him. A massive opportunity to make an impression. That brief moment of “yass, well done mate!” soon wore off however. Mostly because Rampage Brown knocked the poor cunt into next week and well. Anyone else I’d be more raging on your behalf Sam. Honestly. This bit here I’d be aw ranting and raving, like how dare they do that to you but well. I’m not going to do that here for a few reasons. Firstly, Rampage Brown is a fuckin fridge/freezer masquerading as a human and I don’t fancy getting my heid kicked in by a human with the dimensions of a fridge/freezer. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, Rampage Brown is THE BEST. Any set of circumstances that means he ends up wrestling on a card he wasn’t previously announced for is a-ok. Even if a few handsome men were harmed in the making of this match. It was a match we all needed to see. Mark Coffey vs Rampage Brown for the vacant Zero-G Title. Ooh aye. That’s the good stuff.

1coffpage

Rampage is far too massive and intimidating to catch people in mid air and powerslam them like he does, but there he was, aw up in The Barras, doing just that. It was a lovely 5 minutes of deceptively agile big guys doing brilliant stuff. One thing this match displayed is that whoever won it would instantly have 5 guys (make it 6 if yer counting Jody Fleisch) champing at the big for a title shot. Rampage will be no different but it was Mark Coffey who emerged a THREE TIME Zero-G Champion thanks to that low forearm he does which is most likely named after a That 70s Show reference because Mark Coffey is the best wrestler in the world mate.

1coff

His brerrs no bad either right enough eh. Oh my my. Since the first time I seen the Coffeys wrestle, them feuding against each other in ICW has felt like a thing that just HAS to happen. It has too much potential not to. Brothers wrestling each other is always a bit of a wildcard. A bit like how it’s always pish when the Williams sisters play a bit of tennis against each other. Naturally in a highly competitive sporting environment, your will to demolish whoever you face is diminished a bit when yees started yer careers in the same bawsack. At the same time though, wrestling is performance art and being paternal brother brothers is just an added bit of intrigue. A selling point. Joe openly questioned where else he could go in ICW after dropping the title he had coveted for so long, and this is it. This is where. He’s never really chased the Zero-G Title nor has he chased his brerrs jaw as mantelpiece memorabilia so finally he has a path less travelled. They stared each other down but wisely no blows were thrown. Keep that intrigue going. Get the people fucking clamouring for the first time you throw hands. 

Wolfgang vs Tor Atterhagen – Chain Match

If you were to build a wrestler from scratch you’d probably build something like big Tor Atterhagen. Huge. Distinctive look. Really fuckin huge. Swedish. Big massive huge cunt. Beard. Not to mention, hes HUGE. The difficulty with guys like Tor is that all the aesthetics are there before the in ring stuff has caught up. Feels really strange saying that about a Johnny Moss trained wrestler but at least from my point of view anyway, he’s not put it all together when it comes to in ring stuff yet. Reminds me a lot of Braun Strowman when he first debuted and was in The Wyatt Family for a while in WWE. He hadn’t quite worked out how to put all these attributes together to make it something that has a lasting impact, but it was all there. Just in need of refinement. Having matches with top quality pro’s like Wolfgang will only help the big guy improve but there was times it just looked like he wasn’t sure what to be doing next.

2wolf

The match didn’t officially start until the chain was hooked on Tor’s wrist and after some stiff jabs and forearms Wolfy finally got it under way. He done a stellar job of making Tor look like a superhero. Every clubbing blow to the back looked like it had shut down a vital organ and the spear the big Swede hit took every single one of Wolfys ribs down with it but the battle hardened big bruiser fae the East End doesn’t tend to fail when ICW hits The Barras (please no one actually verify if this is the case, I’ve no done ma homework here) and he put the probable murderer away with a Swanton on Tor’s back with the chain being utilised for extra added sareness.

It’s now been well over a year since Wolfgang lost the ICW Title and its about time the big man was back within pumpin distance of that shiny belt again. Few on the roster have the name recognition and talent the big man has and if WWE aren’t going to steal him full-time its high time the big yin was back in amongst the title picture. Not to be a spoilerin bastard but the show was over 2 weeks ago now, so if you don’t know, where ye been? but aye. One of Wolfgang’s finest matches as champ was against a certain leader of some sort of generation.  Would stand to reason that if that person ever became champion himself, he might owe Wolfy a wee shot. 

The Conclusion Of Chris Renfrew vs Joe Hendry – Falls Count Anywhere Match

What can you say about the longest match in wrestling history? Are there any words? I must admit, looking at the record for this in the past led me to believe there was nae chance on this earth I’d ever personally witness the longest wrestling match ever. The way wrestling is now? No promoter in the world is putting on a match that spans several hours/perhaps even a full show. No way. That’s suicidal stuff. That’s akin to taking a pile of tickets for future shows and using them as some extremely ineffective, probably painful toilet roll. Unless you’re clever about it. Unless you’re constantly “keeping an eye on it” so we, the fans, don’t have to.

3ank

In all honesty this whole affair has been one of the funniest storylines ICW have ran with in a long time. From the first night of chaos where Hendry continually shot down Renfrew’s match suggestions, to the brawl continuing in Edinburgh, and even all the way to Renfrew confronting Leyton Buzzard about Joe’s whereabouts in Glasgow only to be told he was a wee bit busy representing this fine country in the Commonwealth Games. Its been very entertaining from the start and has shined a very positive light on both men involved in the “match” itself. Not because they were producing high-octane, head turning, 6 star rated wrestling for 3 months, but mostly because they displayed an ability to laugh at themselves and get fully immersed in the daftness that wrestling ultimately is. Also, it’s the only wrestling feud I’ve ever seen where both the ref and one of the competitors “assistant” end up coming out of it looking fantastic. Step forward Kieran Kelly and Leyton Buzzard. The joint MVP of the longest wrestling match of all time. Heroes in short troosers.

Kieran Kelly is a very talented wrestler and has been a hot prospect for a while but in an environment  where so many trainees fall into that bracket these days and competition for places is hotter than ever, you need to have a willingness to do something else. To be a bit daft. To have a constant running battle with the assistant of one half of the match you’re reffing, then seeing that progress to actually laying hands on the competitor himself. Those antics only to be topped by the night where the other half of the match you’re reffing actually becomes the ref for your match with the aforementioned assistant, before both of you get frozen in time pointing to an imaginary sign and have to be carried out. It looked like it would roll on to the next show/possibly next decade when Dallas was about to tell Simon to keep an eye on it but they appeared actually at the ringside area and we were finally gonnae get it. The end.

Renfrew looked like he ‘d done it only for Leyton to pull the ref out at the very last minute. That led to another instalment of the feud within a feud, taking place within a match, which also included a match within the match at one point. This is all the one match btw. Every shite taken, nose picked, meal eaten, toenail clipped, knee skinned, flight boarded, pair of shoes tied, bowling ball shined up real nice, breath taken, all of the things that have happened since this match started until that point had been part of the match. This match was basically life itself and much like life itself as we knew it, it felt like it was finally coming to an end. Kieran Kelly hit Joe with a stunner, followed by Renfrew with a remarkably similar move called the stoner and that was finally that. Game, set and finally the END of the match that threatened to never end. 

3renf

That would’ve been that if it wasn’t for that pesky Conrad! Joe congratulated Renfrew on a career win and insisted on serenading him as a goodwill gesture to commemorate the journey they had been on together. He told him he was gonna be big in this business one day if he kept at it and as amusing as it all was, it was a dirty, stinky ruse I tell ya! Dave Conrad attacked Kieran Kelly before joining Joe Hendry and Leyton Buzzard on the stage. Seemingly formally joining their wee gang before being introduced by Joe as “Bantz”. The joke there being that he actually doesn’t say very mu…..ah you’re a smart kid. You get the joke. Renfrew carried Kieran Kelly on his shoulder like he’d just took a bullet for him on the battlefield and with that, a strange but oddly beautiful palship was formed. Don’t be surprised if this is the start of a very promising career in ICW for Kelly.  

The Kinky Party(c) vs The Purge vs The Kings Of Catch vs Rory Coyle and “Screwface” AJ Anderson

Rory Coyle has a way about him on the mic that’s for true. Undoubtedly it was his strength in that area that saw his tag team The Sons Of Ulaid catch the eye enough to be given a shot. A problem has arisen. His partner Bas Ban is either deid, has killed a man, has killed several men and a few sheep, or all of the above, and that means Rory needed a new partner. One a bit less dead. He needed “ScrewFace” Ahmed aka AJ Anderson (although a more accurate name would be “ScrewShoulderPads” because that’s literally where the screws were…wee  joke for ye there) the only person he could find close enough to his level of mental on such short notice. As much as it’s not the team they originally gained an interest in there’s something about Coyle that shouldn’t be ignored. Few people have that kind of special, almost creepy allure about them and if this change is a permanent one I sincerely hope it doesn’t spell the end of this opportunity in ICW for Coyle.

4kink

They were one of the teams making up the field for The Kinky Party’s first defence of the tag titles. The Purge and Kings Of Catch the other challengers. Card’s on the table right, 4 team tag matches are one of my least favourite types of matches in wrestling but I’ll blame that on WWE having one EVERY FUCKING YEAR at Mania when I was growing up. Dripping in indifference. How could we be indifferent to this one when The Kinky Party were finally home with they shiny belts. For something that didn’t really have much of a plan or direction to it, its done awrite eh? Two pals who didn’t have much else to do coming together to enjoy themselves and suddenly its 9-10 months down the road and they’ve won all sorts of belts together. That’s what wrestling’s all about at the end of the day innit. What gets you interested. What gets you properly invested. What gets you standing at a show smiling from ear to ear. Thats what the Kinky Party are. You won’t get aw sorts of intricate, complexed double team stuff that they’ve drilled 4000 times a week in training. They’re no out here to go flip for flip wae the Young Bucks, they are in this for the laughs, the pints, and the fuckin tag team titles.

4catch

While Coyle and Screwface were a brand new thing altogether, The Kings Of Catch and The Purge have been two of the main chasers of the titles. The Kings in particular have a decent claim for a title shot one on one considering they hold a tag team win over The Kinks, but perhaps a wee four way where they could utilise their expert sneakiness would work out better. They started out red hot with some high flying antics, as all of the teams had a wee shot of looking slick early doors. Sha and Jester had The KoC and the SickScrewCru (I’m no typing out both their names every time mate, although the whole point in that is kinda negated by this bit in the brackets eh? ah well) set up in the corners while they took turns each to splash them. As they passed each other on the way to each splash, they handed each other uplifting notes cause that’s just the kinda tag team they are. Powers of journalistic-ness led me to one of these notes from Jester to Sha and it just said “You are good at pints”. Never a truer word spoken…or written down.

The Kings do a cool thing where they break up pins with a senton, I dunno why thats noteworthy other than the fact I liked it personally but there ye go. It’s a fun and effective way to avoid losing a wrestling match. I also like this thing the Purge do thats like a sideslam, but Stevie James does a superkick at the same time. I suppose this is the wee things I like section eh. I also like how Jester flies sometimes now. Clearly inspired by Sha, who hit a fuckin Hurricanrana on Aspen Faith while Jester went up top and landed on the rest of the field with a big elbow. When he does that it’s no yer big floaty dive where the guy performing it barely touches the folk taking it, this is a cunt driving the point of his elbow into a team of folk with intentions to leave a Jesters elobow shaped dent in their eye socket.

4kinkkk

They made their way back into the ring to end these shenanigans and do what they really came here to do. Crowdsurf. A spike tombstone piledriver they call “The Teamstone Pal-Driver” on Screwface got the job done and they crowdsurfed the night away while the kings looked understandably gutted on the ramp. They also kinda looked like they wanted to crowdsurf a wee bit, but mainly the gutted thing. no tag titles for them but there’s undoubtedly another title match down the line for them. 

As for Sha and Jester? Keep being the most uplifting, fun thing on the show. Keep enthralling the masses with shiny jaikets and even shinier personalities. Shine the fuck on. 

“Just Justice” Jackie Polo vs Lionheart

5staaare

They still don’t fucking like each other do they. Perhaps not with the same ferocity as the hatred they had for each other 4 years ago, but it’s still there and its beautiful to watch that simmering disdain come to the forefront when you out them together. They bring the very best out in each other and in Jackie’s case at his very best he is the master of mind games. An expert pusher of buttons. Lionheart knows he’s having his buttons deliberately pushed at this stage but Jackie is too good at it for him to stop himself rising to it. Unfortunately for Lionheart, the big rematch didn’t happen. There would be no avenging of that loss from 4 years ago that cut him so deep and made him completely re-invent himself. No no. Not on this night. Because Lionheart would not be wrestling Jackie Polo. He would be the first opponent for the debuting “Just Justice” Jackie Polo. Or JJJP if yer into abbreviations. Aint he fuckin brilliant.

5jjjjjj

Even the stare down before they started beats most matches for intensity and entertainment value. Jackie with a few heidbutt feints, before they kicked things off by knocking the utter hell out each other. If you watched all the build up to their first match, then put this match on immediately, its perfection. It’s like all that dormant hatred had been reborn and there they were. Having it out the way they were always supposed to. By having the best match of the show.

Polo hit a scoop to break up the fisticuffs, only for Lionheart to spring up and slap the taste out Jackie’s gub. Oh right. So it’s that type of fight. Two guys getting as wide with each other as possible until one eventually out wido’s the other. Exactly what you want for yer Sunday night entertainment. Polo responded by sending Lionheart baws first into the ring post before launching him into the nearby barrier. Double sare yin. Polo continued to dominate and even made a rare trip to the top rope to hit a big double ae handle before following that with a knee off the apron. Well it would have been a rare foray up top for Jackie Polo anyway, but I hear JJJP has a beltin’ Shooting Star Press up his sleeve. You’ll never see it in a match because such a move would be uncouth, but its like Brock Lesnar’s Shooting Star Press in the sense that just knowing its in his arsenal is reward enough. Actually seeing it might just be too much.

Jackie focused on the neck before a clothesline took both men over the ropes. Lionheart reversed a piledriver attempt on the ramp into a Rock Bottom to turn it back in his favour but upon re-entering the ring he had a wee internal struggle. To scud him with the mallet, or not to scud him with the mallet. That is the question. That wee delay allowed Jackie to roll him up for a two count before Lionheart finally had the vindication he so craved. Even if this wasn’t the same guy he faced 4 years ago, JJJP’s striking similarities meant victory would be some kind of vindication regardless and it was surely in the bag after the big brogue kick was followed by the rock bottom, then the “Final Moment” frog splash, but it wasn’t the final moment. Somehow Jackie scraped his shoulder off the mat and on we went to the breathtaking conclusion of this fuckin stoater of a wrestling match.

5lionnn

Having chucked everything he had at Polo, Lionheart decided to go for a different tactic. Not one for making folk tap often, he stuck the sharpshooter on Polo anyway. As he writhed in agony, he scooped up the polo mallet Lionheart was so reticent to use and broke the hold with it. Busting Lionheart open. A bit of the blood got on Jackie’s singlet and since it had his face on it, it looked like singlet Jackie was busted open as well. Maybe singlet Jackie and real life Jackie are one and the same. Maybe JJJP is actually a vessel for Jackie Polo himself and the guy smiling on the singlet is in fact The King Of Chat. Trapped in a singlet forever. JJJP was undeterred by his bleeding singlet however, and got up to end this whole saga only for Hearto to floor him with a superkick. Some heavy jabs from both, Polo in particular, led to a 4 scoop salute from Jackie as he looked as fired up as he had been all match. Time to bring it the fuck home.

He went for the electric chair drop only for Lionheart to roll through it for a two count. Polo tried to put an end to it with mallet shot to the napper, but that was blocked and a rock bottom followed for another two. A mallet shot finally landed from Polo BUT THAT WAS ONLY TWO ANAW. How did they keep kicking out. Lionheart picked the mallet up and this time he wasn’t planning on missing. One thing about this feud that’s been consistent throughout the years is Polo being just that half step ahead. He knew the lure of that weapon would hit Lionheart again and he was ready for it. Hoisting him up for the electric chair drop to bring a superb bit of pro wrestling to an end. 

5lionzz

There was no big gloating celebration from JJJP. He didn’t milk it. In fact he looked like a man who had done exactly what he expected to do. Lionheart on the other hand looked devastated. As if he believed so strongly that he would get the job done and he done absolutely everything in his power to do it, only to fall agonisingly short. They very much left the match going in opposite directions. Polo looking more convincing than ever and looking like he’s ready to charge up the card, whereas Lionheart looked lost. You had to ask yourself does another retirement loom? Well if it does, it shouldn’t. This was one of the best matches ICW have had. Certainly in recent memory but even all-time it has to be up there. If Lionheart can be one half of something that good, it shouldn’t be a retirement we’re expecting. It should be a re-match. One more time. Win and you finally know its possible to beat him. Lose? Who knows. 

Stevie Boy Xavier vs Kenny Williams – Ladder Match (If Stevie loses he loses the Square Go briefcase, if Kenny loses he leaves ICW)

There’s absolutely no doubt that these two will be top guys in ICW going forward. Two of the standouts from their generation and two of the best performers this country has produced. That was inevitably gonnae mean they run into each other at some point. In a setting where both of them made their name. Albeit at different stages. Stevie’s ladder legacy started with ICW’s first ever ladder match as him and Davie battled for to become the first ever ICW tag team champions, while Kenny’s obsession with ladders started a bit later in his various pursuits of Zero-G gold but one thing is for certain. One thing is undoubtedly for true. That thing is that they undoubtedly know whit the fuck they’re daein in there, and this was going to be beltin’. If Kenny could seek some kind of solace going in to this with his career on the line is that remarkably Stevie hadn’t won a match since his Square Go win.

6stevken

Being two of the quicker more agile guys on the roster, it lent itself well to a ladder match. Kenny kicked off the violence by seeming to come from completely out of shot to nail Stevie with a leaping forearm. As Stevie took over, Kay Lee Ray set up a ladder for him to stroll up and end this thing before anyone had chucked a karate chop in anger but Kenny’s career was on the line here. Nae way it was ever gonnae be that simple. Kenny looked as fired up as he’s been in a long time and was undeterred by the fact that Stevie brought hauners. Seemingly managing the looming threat of Kay Lee Ray well by chucking ladders in her direction every now and then, while producing some eye catching stuff in the ring. Hitting that mad sunset flip powerbomb thing called the Tequila Sunrise.

Stevie set up some kind of two ladder death sandwich situation. With the intention to kill Kennys chances of getting burds in the future by making a big ladder indent on his coupon. Dastardly stuff. Kenny stopped that plan in its tracks by launching Stevie into the ladder in the corner with a German suplex, the impact of which was doubled as Stevie was holding a ladder at the same time and for some reason didnae think letting go of it mid German suplex would be a good idea. Too busy hatching diabolical plans to force Kenny into this “Ladderface” gimmick he was so daft on. With a table set up precariously on the outside by Kay Lee, Stevie tried to put Kenny through only for Kenny to block and eventually be the one to hit Stevie with a spear through the ropes that caused Stevie to land on the table without breaking it. It made a horrendous noise when he hit it and the fact that it didn’t break after that noise would suggest that was a fucker of a dunt. By the end of the night I’m sure Stevie wasn’t fussed, but at the time it must have been a stingy bastard.

6stevokenzomadkennykenzo

Kay Lee Ray climbed the ladder seemingly with the intention of daein the reverse Ellsworth and dropping the briefcase into Stevie’s arms but big Echo was at hand to stop any such shenanigans in their tracks. Usually big Echo is aw aboot shenanigans pal. One time I heard he had 8 beers or more! In the same night! but this wasn’t the time for shenanigans. It was time for helping his besto save his job. The Kings of Catch got involved at that stage but Echo took the whole filthy lot of them out with a big dive over the top. Maybe what happened next is why Kenny eventually flipped, because his well-meaning big pal hoisted Kenny on to his shoulders to grab the briefcase. Obviously under some kind of illusion he’s 8 feet tall, because Kenny was naewhere near it and the Kings Of Catch broke it up before ushering big Echo to the back leaving it one(plus one, cause Kay Lee was still about) on one.

6stevomadsteviemanyass

Stevie set up another deathly two ladder contraption with the intention to hit a destoryer from the bigger ladder on to the smaller one set up in the corner. Kenny dodged it before hitting that spear on to the table and that might have been that if he climbed up the other side of the ladder. First Echo’ shoulders, then the wrang side of the ladder. Now’s not the time to be dreaming up new and exciting ways to win ladder matches mate. Climb up the right side and you could end this night the ICW Champion. Kay Lee climbed up the other side giving Stevie the chance to recover and climb up to battle with Kenny, smacking his head off the top of the ladder causing Kenny to watch his ICW career slowly slip away as he fell from the big ladder on to the smaller one still set up in the corner, leaving Stevie to scoop up his briefcase and send Kenny Williams to the same place his auld pal Christopher went to all those years ago. Team CK re-united somewhere in wrestling purgatory. The dream. 

As Stevie disappeared, completely content with his night’s work with no intention of engaging in anything else strenuous for at least 40-45 minutes, Kenny was left to ponder what might have been. His ICW career was littered with brilliant moments. Undoubtedly the all-time best in the Zero-G division (Mark Coffey will give him a run for his money there but for now anyway) for me. He became synonymous with “The Power Of Love” and gave fans (the live crowd anyway, his regular music was dubbed in for on demand) a wee taste of that rousing entrance for this match. Just in case it was his last. Aaron Echo came out to console his pal and stood by as he said his final words as an ICW wrestler. He spoke about how much he valued his big pal, but he wasn’t the pal he needed right now. For a brief moment I thought Noam Dar was gonnae come out and all Kenny meant was that Noam gives better cuddles, but he scudded his poor big mate right in the baws, and floored him with a mic shot to the melt before revealing the pal he needed was Rudo. Signing on the dotted line with Red and his team of heavies much like Grado had done a year earlier when he leathered Sha and joined Rudo.

6kenterviewyafuckindafties

Big Echo was left heart sick as he rolled about in agony while Red Lightning cut a promo about how he was assembling another army. I don’t know if Kenny “leaving” is because of what’s came to light this week (If you dont know, I’ll put it this way….theres 205 reasons to watch all of WWE’s programming this week….know what I mean??? Naw?? aw ffs, just watch 205 Live) and he will maybe be dipping in and out a bit more but this is such a positive thing for him and Aaron Echo. Kenny Williams is one of the most polished performers in the UK, and displaying an ability to be a bit of a wee cunt will do great things for him. It opens him up to all sorts of possibilities in the future, starting with a feud with big Echo to get the big man where he needs to be. This is a new era. A time to build new stars. Aaron Echo is potentially one of those stars and a series of stoaters with his newly evil best pal is a fine way to get him the opportunities his talent warrants. 

James Storm and Ravie Davie vs Iestyn Rees and Bram w/Red Lightning

Ah Ravie Davie. Its a fuckin shame so it is. One minute you’re happy as Larry. Could not be happier. Got a tidy wee Irish burd on the go who loves tannin’ cans and chain smoking 20 decks, about to become his wife who loves tannin’ cans and chain smoking 20 decks. Making a name in singles wrestling AND getting opportunities as a tag team with your cousin. A beloved character in the wrestling company he dreamed of just getting some kind of recognition in. It was all going swimmingly for Ravie Davie. Then Red Lightning decided to form an army basically dedicated to ruining his life. At the very least his eye sockets anyway.

The burd is long gone. Taking the role as Bram’s main squeeze, as the pair combined to tip a Davie off a ladder as he saw his Hydro dreams turn into nightmares. No matter if its singles, tag, or taking a leisurely stroll doon the street, some kind of big bastardin unit of a cunt somehow finds him and knocks his cunt in. His whole world was crumbling before his very eyes, but then hauners arrived. A cowboy rolled into the barras to save the day and for one night only, outlaw and king of the scheme weans would combine to put these Rudo boays in their place. Well that was the idea anyway. As the auld saying disnae go, its all fun and games till James Storm cracks the side of yer napper with a beer bottle and spits on the boss.

7dav

It all started so well for intercontinental criminals. Davie coming out all guns blazing with all sorts of mad moonsaults and blockbusters. Iestyn and Bram are some statue looking big bastards though, and quickly took the match over after Bram blocked Davie’s moonsault with the double knees to the midriff. Wearing Davie down until he eventually got that roastin hot tag in to his future nemesis. Eh cowboy. Once they got a foothold in it, Davie and Storm actually worked well together. All part of the ruse for Storm I bet. Working out some slick double team stuff with Davie to throw him aff the “about tae get bottled a belter” scent. A wee backstabber from storm into a double stomp from Davie was particularly eye catching and they looked all set to win it all before Red got involved.

He hit Davie with a chair before Iestyn nearly speared him into another stratosphere for a two count. Storm continued the ruse by tossing Iestyn out only for Bram to clean him out with a popup powerbomb leaving just him and Davie to battle it out. It always seems to end up this way. Bram piling on the misery, one skull shattering piledriver at a time. Davie blocked the piledriver in one last act of heroism with a low blow. Making sure there’s nae chance of a Bram Jr popping up to avenge the death of his fathers baws. He unloaded on some revenge punches to the eye socket only for Red to break it up. Davie finally had enough and grabbed Red by the collar with some bad intentions my man. Real sinister stuff. With Red in hand, Davie presented him to James Storm to finish the job. Beer bottle to skull. Knock all the genius clean out and end Rudo’s reign of terrific pattrt for good. The odd couple overcome the odds to grab the win. A heartwarming tale really.

Then it happened, and fuck knows why it was surprising really. Outlaws aren’t good guys. Outlaws don’t get on well with authority figures. Outlaws bottle cunts for seemingly no reason. Outlaws feel nae need to explain their heinous actions. They scoop up the loot and its on to the next cunt daft enough to put their trust in him. Storm bottled Davie, Bram got the pin and that was that. Even Zander got a doing for daring to try to help his cousin before Storm dragged Davie back in to scud him over the heid with another bottle of beer followed by a superkick for good measure. Dallas appeared, obviously raging at the waste of beer, screaming at Storm for no recycling they bottles, which seemed to ramp Storms rage up a few notches, causing him to spit on a guy fae Glesga. Not a smart move ma man. Outlaw or no. 

7stermo

Must admit when James Storm was announced for ICW I never seen it being a long term affiliation but on this evidence it potentially could be very good. The aggression that came seeping out him after the initial beer bottle smash, and then the attacks on Zander and Davie that followed was some old school James Storm. Him at his best. If that’s what he’s bringing to the table then there’s good shit for him in ICW. Spitting on Dallas is some gallus behaviour. That’s like a hate crime where he’s fae. In fact it is pretty much everywhere in Scotland. My pal accidentally spat on me in primary school once and I send him a lollipop stick wae a big dug shite on it once a year as retribution. Spitting on folk is not on. 

Viper(c) vs Kasey – ICW Women’s Title Match

This one’s had as much praise as some of the other matches on the show but this was definitely one of the best matches on the night, and one of the best Women’s Title matches the company has had to date if ye ask me. Viper’s been charging roon the globe hoovering up any belt she gets within sniffing distance of, and while she’s been doing that Kasey has been carving out a reputation for bringing the noise on the big shows here. A win over Viper in Edinburgh last year definitely helped her along the way and that match was a belter as well. She can now call herself a two time ICW Women’s Champion and the winner of the first ever women’s cage match the company held. Hard fuckin work from both to get them to this point and they continue to solidify that hard work by killing it on the big shows.

8vip

They kicked it off in high gear with Viper hitting an incredibly sare looking overhead belly to belly on the ramp. More matches should start with overhead belly to belly suplexes on hard surfaces. She set Kasey up against a barrier for a Cannonball but Kasey smartly dodged that. Probably anticipating its heavy sareness. Her attempted kick on the apron was blocked and she was swept face first on the apron. Embedding 3 or 4 teeth in what’s widely known in the biz/world as the hardest part of the ring. Ouch.

A powerbomb attempt was rolled into a two count of Kasey before she nailed a springboard crossbody before they flew into jabbing fuck out each other. It was intense and competitive from the start and I dunno why more folk aren’t talking about the quality of this match. Another belly to belly sent Kasey to the corner for a cannonball before she responded by launching aw sorts of knees at viper. Double, single, hauf…any way a knee can be launched in the direction of another human it happened. Somehow Kasey managed to kickout of a powerbomb off the top followed by the Viper driver and spurred on by her own resilience, she found it in herself to nail Viper with The Killing Joke but that didn’t get it done either.

8keezerz

It would take another trip to the skies to finally put Kaseys bid for a third ICW Title away. Viper catching her before hitting a stoater of a Viper Driver off the top to bring an excellent match to an end. Fair play to Kasey for making herself such a solid fixture when it comes to shows like this. She continues to improve and show why she belongs in the company of globe-trotting stars like Kay Lee Ray and Viper and its only a matter of time before she ends up seeing similar opportunities come her way. As for Viper, sky is the limit right now. Impressive everywhere. Uniquely talented. Believable in any match against any living human being. A fine representative of both ICW and the country. Keep scooping up belts tae ye need a bigger hoose just so you’ve got somewhere to put them. 

BT Gunn(c) vs Mikey Whiplash – Death Match For The ICW Championship 

9boot

Everybody dies. Everybody involved in wrestling probably loves it on some level. By that logic, wouldn’t a death match be the perfect way to go? Even those who have an aversion to this style of wrestling, surely when it comes time take the long sleep, a proper literal death match would be the way to go? Clearly both Mikey Whiplash and BT Gunn had decided this was their time, and this death match wasn’t some gimmick. It was a pair of certifiably insane guys 100% trying to kill each other for real. A fascinatingly brutal thing to watch with a jaw dropping finish. Although it really shouldn’t have been if you’ve paid attention. It should have been exactly what we were expecting. The ultimate heist.

9wheep

They eased us gently into the more harrowing stuff with some good old-fashioned strikes early on, before Whiplash kicked off the more brutal stuff with a death valley driver on some chairs set up in a way that kinda looked like how you’d position two chairs if you wanted to pretend they were shaggin. Even the stuff that might not necessarily leave permanent scars looked fucking brutal. A backdrop on the apron (hardest part of the ring don’t ye know) looked extremely painful, but what followed soon after will stay with me for a long long time. There was a wooden frame on the outside, only instead of the frame housing a nice painting, it housed barbed wire. Instead of that painting being on a nice canvas, it was barbed wire on top of more barbed wire. As BT Gunn set up a cluster of cinderblocks with Whiplash set up on the top rope, Whiplash decided blocking that would be a good idea. A wise move, but when the alternative is being launched into a barbed wire spiderweb it’s very much a no win situation yer in there. Honestly when he landed on it, it felt like it had formed an instant bond with his back and that would be his life now. Half man, half barbed wire. As it would turn out, that somehow wouldn’t be the most painful thing to happen to his back in this match. Fuckin…….somehow. A barbed wire spider web and they topped it. How.

BT then took to wrapping barbed wire round his leg and kicking Whiplash with it. As much as Whiplash wanted to bring this side of BT out, im sure that idea changes a wee bit when bringing that side of BT out means him trying to make you bleed to death via about 5 million tiny wee barbed wire induced puncture wounds. He then locked in a Texas Cloverleaf only for Aivil to come to Whiplash’s aid as she hit a bulldog on top of the aforementioned cinderblocks. Ye didnae think the cinderblocks weren’t getting burst at some point did ye? Come on now. Behave. That was the moment it turned in Whiplash’s favour and it really turned in his favour when he hit back to back piledrivers off the apron through tables. Aye…he done that twice. So if your opponent being clinically dead marks a wrestling match turning in someones favour, this was very much…that.

Such was the severity of the punishment these two had taken, it was like a lightbulb went off. Like everyone in the audience felt it at once. This could be it. Two men bawhairs from death. One of them the ICW World Heavyweight Champion. In a ring. With a ref. If ever there was a fullproof cash in plan, this was it. BT Gunn was set up beneath a ladder, covered in thumbtacks, ready for death because somehow the apron piledrivers didn’t do it, only to spring up and hit the Gunnshot off the ladder on the thumbtacks. Both men crestfallen. Gubbed. Then the music hit. The sirens. That bassline. It was happening. Stevie’s had arrived to steal the moment, and the ICW World Title.

9stevvvThe king of insanity was here to take his place at the mountaintop, and he came team handed. Kay Lee Raid laid Aivil out with a superkick and The Kings Of Catch provided additional hauners as Stevie strolled in to the Barrowlands to turn a dream in to reality, even if the way it happened was the stuff of nightmares. It was like he was in the pictures watching a stoater of a horror and decided to jump in and re-write the ending. Watching these two tear each other apart in all sorts of inventive ways only to swoop in at the last moment and stab them both in the neck and watch them bleed out. That actually isn’t as far away from how it actually happened as you’d maybe think.

9deathhh

BT Gunn has never saw anyone kick out of the Technodrome DDT. When he does that move, titles stay round his waist. In what was almost an act of desperation he nailed Stevie with it but he got the shoulder up. Whiplash swooped in with the Zombie Maker before setting up the newest sinister room in this figurative house of horrors. Fuckin hell, no another glass panel. The one Whiplash put Jimmy Havoc through a few weeks earlier still haunts my dreams. That noise. Like the first bit of Stone Cold’s theme except instead of summoning an angry bald Texan it sends a goth from London to the hospital. This time it would be Whiplash going to hospital. Quite literally as BT Gunn powerbombed him through the glass, only for Stevie to dump BT out and swoop in for the pin and become the NEW ICW CHAMPION. 

9stevvvk

That last bit wasn’t hyperbole at all. Mikey Whiplash genuinely needed an operation after this match and is out of action for a while. Even if death matches aren’t your thing, the level of commitment to entertaining you and I that comes with being willing to do that has to be hugely respected. BT Gunn and Mikey Whiplash went all out to fucking very near kill each other and it was all to facilitate someone elses moment. The ultimate act of wrestling selflessness because at the end it wasn’t about them.. BT Gunn didn’t even get the big mutual respect handshake to commemorate his excellent reign as champion. He was mugged and it was perfect. Neither he nor Whiplash got to raise that shiny belt as reward for their labour.

Instead it was the endlessly wily Stevie, and by fuck was it richly deserved. In my 5+ years going to shows, no one has improved more than Stevie and he now leads the most influential stable in ICW as the motherfucking ICW World Heavyweight Champion. Sometimes life rewards the good cunts for their graft, and the look of pure joy on Kay Lee’s face when he climbed the ropes and raised the title was just lovely. A beautiful end to the violent tapestry that was the main event. Anyone not on the Stevie train, get to the next show and you’ll see what kind of champion this man will be. More than fit to lead this company into and new and exciting era. 

9king

Big thank you to David J.Wilson for the wonderful photos of per usual. He is a hero and everyone reading this should appreciate him a very great deal

 

 

 

 

 

 

ICW Square Go 2018 Review

sqgo

The Square Go wasn’t in Glasgow last year which is a mad thing when ye think about it. Akin to having a street fight that never leaves the arena, or a falls count anywhere match where the finish happens in the ring, or having a Texas Bull-Rope match that isn’t in Texas and involves a rope that has never touched a bull. Ye know what, maybe its not that mad actually. People from Newcastle are a lot like us and probably are at least aware of what a Square Go actually is even if they might sound a bit daft saying the words. Point is, we were back in Glasgow this year and as great as the show was last year, I dunno. It just felt right. This isnae some American sport where someone can buy a team and move them wherever they want for the fuck of it, this is Glasgow and the Square Go belongs to Glasgow.

While it was a very good show in general the thing I found most enjoyable about it was how it shaped the future and planted so many seeds for what’s to come this year. A lot of talented folk are heading for some big time stuff and that’s just good for the soul is it not? Are we not all fans of this to see talented people succeed? Well, that and complaining. But its one of the top two reasons.

James Storm vs Jack Jester (Winner Faces The ICW Champion At Fight Club Taping The Following Night)

Upon entering the venue a wee bit late, I was greeted with Jack Jester’s music and in turn the front of my jeans was greeted with a stauner. Not a full on rager cause I’d had a few beers by this point and it was awfy cold in the queue, but man alive, yer a lying bastard if you can tell me Jester’s music doesn’t get the juices flowing in yer doonstairs no matter what way your sexual pendulum swings. If there’s some kind of award for entrance music suiting the wrestler down to a fuckin tee, this wrestler and tune combo is taking that award home and probably sticking in some orifice of some kind. Dirty shaggin masquerading as entrance music doesn’t get the job done in the ring right enough (unless “the ring” is what your calling the aforementioned orifice). Especially when you’re getting in amongst it with a legit TNA legend and bad motherfucker in ol Jimmy Storm.

SQGOJESJST

James Storm is the kind of ‘import’ who automatically connects with ICW for the pure and simple reason that he likes a fuckin’ fight. A wee bit that night at The Garage Hardcore Holly turned up and chopped the living shite out of Renfrew. There’s no pretence. He’s a mad beer tanning cowboy who will stab you with the sharp end of a broken beer bottle (ye see the joke there is….both ends would be…ach you get it) and use the other end to pick bits of his dinner out his teeth, and if you don’t like it, that’s your choice. He’s not going to be anything else. Ever.

Before it became a dirty bar room brawl they did wrestle about a bit. Jester clearly spurred on by getting his face right in amongst that mad strippers diddies at the start, he was busting out hiptosses and allsorts but that patter was never going to last. They were there to drink beer and throw each other into stuff and after a brief trip to the bar, where Jester called a halt to proceedings to order them a round, they tanned them quickly and suddenly the beer was all finished. All that was left to do was scrap as if the dirtiest lassie in the place was on the line and the only way to win her affections was to bring your opponents full set of front teeth to her. Preferably with the jaw still attached. After a suple on the steel ramp, Jester emerged with that big studded dildo that seems to get an inch bigger every time ye see it. A grower not a shower as they say, although he did show it to James Storm’s napper with no hesitation making it (probably) the first time in his long and illustrious career that he’s been skelped between the eyes with a big shiny dildo.

They knackered some poor guy’s crutches as they smashed each other in the crowd. Storm in particular going to town with what I have to admit was a heavy stylish crutch. As crutches go, this one was a sleek all black belter of a thing. Perfect to aid walking and perfect to aid its user in getting good lookin folk to touch their fun parts. Storm sent Jester heid first into a chair as they got back to the ring, before busting out all sorts of slick wrestling, ending in a gorgeous pouncing neckbreaker. Storm was showing everyone who might have doubted hi that he’s not done and he wasn’t showing up in ICW for a wee payday and a good time. He was there to make an impression, and what a mighty fine one he did. Ending an entertaining bit of hardcore fun with an Airplane Spin through a table to pin Jester and earn an ICW Undisputed Title shot the following night. 

Jester has very much wanted that title back ever since Drew Galloway ripped it from his grasp over three years ago so any opportunity to do that is a big deal. This wasn’t a wee bit of fun with a game as fuck “import”, this was a chance to get back to where he wants to be in ICW and in turn, wrestling in general. So when big Sha came out to console his Kinky brother and caught Jester by surprise, its nae big shock that he reacted…shall we say adversely. Mistakenly shoving Sha to the ground before they made their way to the back mid argument. Who knows where that one’s leading eh? A wait and see job if there ever was one. Storm rounded it off with an emotive promo telling the crowd he loved them, and that he still loves professional wrestling. Seemed to indicate he’ll be around for more than just the title match that was due to happen the next night.

Kasey (c) vs Martina – ICW Women’s Title Match

Martina is one of the most talked about wrestlers in the UK. Her character and style is unique and people either love it (most human people) or hate it (some very very lonely people who have never concealed a condom anywhere on their person or felt the pure joy that comes with possessing a bag of cans, in there clattering aboot, getting acclimated with each other before they join forces once again in yer body later on) but everyone has something to say about it. Everywhere else Martina is pure joy and if you don’t like it, she’ll probably ignore you, continue to tan cans and dance about like someone slipped a fistful of eccies in her cheerios. When she turned in to “Bad Moth” as part of Fear and Loathing X at The Hydro, turning on Ravie Davie and joining forces with Bram, it was bold. Both from the company and Martina herself. On the evidence of this match, the bold move has paid off. A wee bit like Sami Zayn since he turned into a baddie in WWE, she almost plays an embittered version of her usual character. The hallmarks are still there. There’s still a can, that can is still accompanied by dancing, but in true villainous fashion the can was a LIGHT BEER and the dancing was SUBDUED to the say the least. The crowd was aghast at the transformation as Martina The Moody Moth took to the ring to go after Kasey’s title.

Felt for Kasey because a big part of this match beingSQGOHSTRAND really fucking good was her being a tremendous wrestler and really bringing the very best out of Martina in the ring. Kasey is brilliant and if ICW done awards this year, she would undoubtedly be a massive shout for breakout star. It was a shame to see her second reign end so soon, and hopefully it’s not her last. Folk who think her character means Martina’s a shite wrestler are the same insufferable dafties who think the same about Grado. A wee Japanese Arm Drag took the crowd and Kasey by surprise as Martina took full advantage of being a right baddie to bust out some slick wrestling. Everything Kasey done was predictably flawless as she strung together a back elbow, a dropkick then a crossbody from the top rope to take control of the match but Martina nearly had it won when she drove both knees into Kasey’s chest followed by a Triangle Choke.

Kasey battled out of it before hitting the running knee she calls “The Killing Joke” to seemingly bring it to an end but it’s not that simple when Rudo’s about is it. Red Lightning rose up from his commentary position like a majestic meddling pheonix to pull referee Sean McLaughlin out the ring just long enough for Iestyn Rees to enter the ring and literally hauf Kasey in two with a spear. So brutal even if she did manage to retain the belt it would have been hard to fasten it with the champion’s waist no longer attached the rest of her body but Martina covered her after that and become ICW Women’s Champion. 

Red then held Kasey in position so Martin could clatter her with the belt, followed by a tombstone. Step one in Rudo’s new axis of evil’s attempt to take over. One night. Martina wins the Women’s Title. Bram wins the Undisputed. Iestyn wins the Square Go, and him and Bram pass the title about like a joint at a hoose party, both becoming 150 time ICW Champions with Red refereeing every match with that smug smile on his coupon as the feverishly raging paying audience are kept at bay by a pack of rabid German Shepherds wearing bandana’s that say “Rudo 4 lyf” on them. Point is, good match so it was. Just a wee defence against Viper to kick Martina’s reign off 24 hours later. Nice easy one to kick it off 😉

Below is a picture of said belt shot, which happened at the very same time as Red Lightning trying to heider an invisible bee

SQGOMARTKAS

Rampage Brown and Ashton Smith (c) vs The Purge – ICW Tag Team Title Match

I dunno what this says about me as a person or indeed a wrestling fan but in amongst a very good wrestling show The Wee Man referring to The Purge as “Biker Mice From Largs” was one of my favourite moments of the whole thing. No word of a lie, when The Wee Man first turned villain his promo’s used to grate on me a bit. There’s only so many times you can hear someone talk about all the sweaty virgins in attendance before you look at the sweaty virgin you are deep down inside and you look at that sweaty virgin with great shame. Scornfully judging all the moments where you have indeed been heavy sweaty and not giving a lady the business. Since Davey Blaze and DCT feuded last year however, Wee Man has found a cracking balance between being a fucking out and out bad bastard and also a heavy funny bastard at the same time. Even still when he stoated out at the last Fight Club taping and held Rampage Brown and Asthon Smith up as his newest clients a sceptical brow was raised. Would it work? and if it was gonnae, how? What could a guy like Wee Man add to a team like that to make them MORE frightening and the answer is simply this. Patter. Excellent patter.

The in ring stuff they have absolutely locked down so really all they’ve ever been missing is a liberal helping of gid patter. The Purge did offer decent resistance for the most part and had certainly earned the big match on the big show but they were never taking the titles. Not after Rampage and Asthon had won them so decisively just a few weeks earlier against the team who had made the tag divison their own over the previous 3 years. They did catch Rampage and Ashton cold early on when Stevie James floored them with a suicide dive before they made the smart decision to isolate Ashton as Rampage licked his wounds on the outside. A tranquilizer dart and big fucker of a fishing net was probably what was actually required to keep him out of the equation for longer than a couple of minutes but their gameplan was smart. Keep the guy who fully kills folk with his piledriver as a deadly weapon out of the equation and see what happens.

It was very much a 4 man scrap rather than your traditional tag match which suited the folk involved as both teams got a power of double team stuff in a short amount of time. The Purge with a nice wee combo where Stevie superkicks the opponent in the calf followed by a DDT from Krobar but nothing any tag team can do will ever be as effective as Ashton Smith picking the opponent up and placing him on Rampage’s shoulder as the big man waits on the middle rope ready to murder. A devastating powerslam off the middle rope got the job done. Rampage and Asthton had retained. At this rate you’ll need a firing squad to prize the belts off them. A firing squad who manage to successfully avoid making eye contact with Rampage because rumour has it that if you look directly into his eyes, he can actually piledriver ye with the power of thought alone.

SQGORAMASH

A hugely impressive team and The Wee Man adds that wee bit of swagger on the mic that might have been the only tool they didn’t previously have at their disposal so these two will be extremely difficult to stop. I mean, there’s nae denying Biker Mice From Largs is some of the finest patter ever dropped in an ICW ring. It was about 9 days ago now and its still raising a chuckle. Always wanted Rampage to have a full time role at ICW and if this is the gig that gets it done, long may it continue. A tremendous talent and a guy who just suits being a champion. The Purge will come again but this was never their night. Any team who can beat what is arguably the most decorated tag team in ICW history in about 3 minutes are a team that are staying at the top for a while. Especially if one of them needs to carry a license for his piledriver because its considered to be a deadly weapon. 

BT Gunn (c) vs Bram – ICW Undisputed Title Match

SQBTBRAM

No matter what you think of Bram as a human man a fact that has become hugely apparent in ICW of late is that hes a very good professional wrestler. One of the best villains in the world if ye ask me (wait, whit ye mean ye didnae ask? Rude) A lot of that comes from people genuinely hating him but that’s what wrestling is. A fantasy land driven by real emotions. So real hate is a very powerful thing to have on your side as a villain and Bram uses it wonderfully, usually to the benefit of his opponent more than him. BT Gunn was the perfect opponent to fire all sorts of crowd pleasing offence at the wall of bearded evil that was his foe for the night and the end result was a brilliant title match, as is tradition at the Square Go. It’s strange that a night where the title match isn’t supposed to be the main event is the night you are almost guaranteed a classic match with the shiny belt on the line. After an early piledriver attempt was reversed into a slick roll-up, Bram suddenly hit a big senton to the outside. A proper you have to see it to believe it moment, but as David J Wilsons wonderful work above shows us, we did indeed have a flying Bram.

That senton led to Bram taking chairs from the people sitting at ringside and tossing them on top of BT, although being the embodiment of all that is evil, he only took chair’s from people who looked like they might have some kind of disability, or at bestfolk who just had a bit of a stiff back from the day’s exertions. It’s the subtle touches that really makes you a proper baddie. Folk want to focus on the high-profile stuff, the destruction of Ravie Davie’s eye socket and all that jazz, but snatching a chair from someone with a bit of a sare knee is that underrated badness that really makes a villain. You could technically have cried it a TLC match early on as all 4 things (tables, ladder, chairs and healthy supply of moxy) required to make that a thing were involved. Bram set a ladder up with murder in mind only for BT to powerbomb him off the ladder through a table with merch on it causing an immediate 200% mark up on said merch cause it had been powerbombed on. Thats some shit ye could sell for a healthy profit on Ebay right there. BT then decided going up on the wee ledge bit Wolfgang once chucked him off was a good idea because the man clearly has a death wish. He fought so hard to become ICW Champion for a third time that he is literally willing to leap to his untimely death to keep a hold of it. He actually only caught Bram a wee bit with a big running cross body but the fear it installed in Bram will live with the man forever. Sitting up at night. Rocking back and forth. Crying uncontrollably as he recalls a human flying towards him at full speed as if it were a Bram seeking missile. Scary shit. SQGOBTDIVE

It’s almost as if Bram felt this platform was perfect for showing people who say he’s a shite wrestler exactly how wrong they are. He was outstanding from start to finish in this one. Chasing a piledriver, with a buckle bomb then a wee pop-up powerbomb for good measure but when that didn’t get the job done BT suddenly looked like he’d retained when he nailed the Technodrome DDT out of nowhere. A move that his become synonymous with BT Gunn winning big matches. That was surely that if Red Lightning hadn’t managed to take a break from chatting about how majestic Bram’s new gear was on commentary to once again pull the ref out the ring, as Iestyn Rees appeared with emphatic hauners once more, spearing BT Gunn in half. Inexplicably the mad bastard kicked out. With the option of timely Rudo hauners removed after the referee’s committee held an impromptu meeting (nae minutes were taken, so that tells ye just how under-prepared the boays were for this yin but sometimes needs must) and decided both Red and Iestyn must vanish from ringside. Even with the score levelled, BT could only manage a 2 after the Gunnshot and a sexy brainbuster, and Bram once again took over. Doing that thing he does where he dishes out piledrivers until the recipient either can’t get married or ye know….dies.

SQgobram sqgo

A run of the mill skull splitter of a piledriver was followed by the very same move on to a chair to surely seal the title and give ICW a champion that could cause riots for the first time since Rudo himself held the belt and made making fans want to fight him in to some kind of sport, but Bram got cocky and decided to lord it over BT which is never a wise move. He grabbed both titles and hoisted them skyward while he placed one foot on BT for the pin, but BT quickly rolled his man up for the 3 count and made a swift exit STILL your Undisputed Champion.

BT chucked the middle fingers up in defiance as Bram lost the plot in the ring. Having an absolute ragey. He was rightly irate with himself because until that moment he’d played the match almost perfectly but never assume you’ve got BT Gunn beat. You could set that man on fire and put the fire out with auld Fila gutties and he’d somehow emerge without a mark on him. He lives a charmed life and if you’re judging him on belts accumulated it seems to be working out not too shabbily at all. Man’s got mare gold than Mr T’s neck these days. He now had the luury of being able to sit back and watch The Square Go unfold to find out who the next contender might be. 

The 2018 Square Go Match

sqgo

The Square Go is always brilliant fun but this year everything felt like it mattered. As well as ending the night with a clear view on how the title picture is shaping up, it planted  numerous seeds for quality future stuff and perhaps gave a few feuds their final chapters at the same time. Entrant number one was revealed to be Chris Renfrew quickly followed by entrant number two, his nemesis Mikey Whiplash with the kendo stick that should really trigger some severe PTSD in both men when they both see it. They’ve nearly killed each other and countless other tortured souls with that fucking thing and Whiplash quickly had huge kendo shaped indents in his back at the Square Go kicked off with….well, a square go eh. Along with planting a lot of future seeds, this Square Go was also a right good fuckin scrap at times. A very square-go-ey Square Go you could call it. Renfrew and Whiplash chucked each other about every corner of the building before entrant number three Lewis Girvan appeared, deciding to bodyswerve the two guys trying to murder each other in favour of waiting to see who number four might be. To his delight he heard that glorious Filthy Generation tune boom through the building once again as he was joined by his stable mate, but which one was it to be? Only his tag partner and BFF Aspen Faith.

They shook hands and seemed to be agreeing to fight for some ridiculous reason only to reveal their ruse as they ran the ropes a bit, avoiding harming each other at all costs, before breaking up all the wrestling with a hearty big hug between pals. Just pals being pals really. It would harm yer heart unless you happened to be their opponents in a wrestling match. Whiplash and Renfrew managed to put their mutual desire to attend the other’s funeral to one side long enough to actually team up and offer some resistance but then it was time for entrant number 5, that music again. A treat for everyone in attendance because they got to hear a bonafide tune three times in the space of 10 minutes but bad news for Whiplash and Renfrew. With both Kings in the ring, it had to be Stevie. An earlier number than he would have liked but a chance to strategize with his team and get the gameplan going. Unless…..sqgofilth

Kay Lee ‘fuckin Ray.  For some reason I was under the impression she was still in Japan for this show but when the wee graphic turned red after the music hit, we knew it wasn’t time for Stevie yet. It was time for someone equally dangerous. Perhaps even more so because she came with a pair of leather straps and already had two pals in the ring. Whiplash and Renfrew offered some resistance before the Filthy trio stomped them down and Kay Lee whipped them like they each owed her upwards of a score and they’d been duckin her for a while, instead spending their money on fake moustaches and other disguises to avoid her meeting their gaze in the street. Imagine Kay Lee Ray actually ran a money lending service and came to collect with a leather strap in hand, you’d gie her everything ye owe, plus interest, plus everything else you own and maybe some stuff other people own. Enough stuff to get her to back the fuck aff.

The Filthy Generation missed a trick when there was three of them and two others. They had the numbers and could have tossed Whiplash and Renfrew out. Giving them a three on one advantage against whoever entered from then on. Tossing them out at will until Stevie Boy entered to make it a full on party. The minute and a half flew by in a heartbeat however, with Jokey levelling the playing field a bit and almost tossing Kay Lee out. Suddenly number six was upon us. With Jack Jesters big studded dildo, it was none other than his Kinky bredren Sha SamuelsShaSha refused to touch the dildo, even though it was statistically the most effective weapon ever seen in the match based on the amount of bodies it had done damage to in the past. I’m not sure if he feared it or feared what he might catch from it but he held it about 100 feet from his body with his scarf before tossing it aside. Bounding into the ring dishing out mad jabs on his opponents instead of shuddering orgasms. Sha was there to win a Square Go mate, not the MVP at an orgy.

It wouldn’t be a Square Go without a liberal spattering of hilarity as entrant number 7 was revealed to be Kez Evans. As good a young wrestler as he is, he was the odd one out. A rookie in a sea of somedys. He knew if he was to last any longer than time it took to make his entrance he needed to form an alliance with someone but everyone he tried either laughed in his face or told him to get fucked before all 6 had a shot at tannin the poor boy’s jaw before allowing Sha to toss him out. Maybe next year mate eh.

Next to enter the fray was Kid Fite flanked by Krieger and Lou King Sharp who surprisingly weren’t actually entered in the match. I enjoy that they just don’t give a fuck. ICW is meant to be nae DQ all the time so why not just charge in team handed all the time? Who’s stopping it? Jack Tunney? He’s deid mate. They made a beeline for Sha before Kenny Williams became entrant number 9 and provided timely hauners to his big pal. A lot of potential winners in amongst it early meant elimination were scarce for the first part. Instead wee pockets of folk were peeling off and battering each other all over the place before we came to the big guy section of the whole affair. That’s not to detract from the big bastards already involved in the match but this was the proper gigantic, wake up in the morning and high-five god cause yer up there anyway, type of big guy section. Kicked off with Wolfgang at number 10, who had been in the final two of both of the last two Square Go’s and holds the most eliminations in the 7 year history of the match. He came face to face with Kid Fite again before picking Lou King Sharp up and launching him into the crowd. As brutal as that sounds it was actually quite merciful because at first he was going to chuck him at the opposite side where only big Krieger was present to stop oor Lou from suffering from an acute case of deidness. The Purge emerged to eliminate Lou and Krieger from the equation, before next in the procession of giant dudes emerged. A wee surprise entrance at number 11. MOOSE.

sqgomoosetorrr

Moose is a big fucking dude. Proper huge. Remarkably athletic for a guy who must be a bawhair off 8 feet tall. Put it this way, big Tor is being billed as this Swedish wrecking machine who eats “enhancement talent” for breakfast and shits oot nuhin but their broken dreams and probably their kneepads as I doubt the human body can actually consume such things. Look at that photo above. Big Moose is actually very slightly taller than the tree wae a beard. He squared up to Wolfgang looking for a battle of the big hoss’s only for the pair to instead focus their energies on the Kings Of Catch. Setting both members up in opposite corners in the tree of woe position before taking turns to run at the full pelt with splashes, elbows, forearms and all that sare stuff. The big man section had a brief intermission for both Wild Boar and Mike Bird to enter, with a slice of Jordan Devlin in the middle. A wee Celtic sandwich we’ll call it. Bird decided if Sha wasn’t using it he would bring the big shiny dildo into the equation and upon seeing it Sha got what can only be described as some kind of flashback. As if he had fought some kind of war alongside this dildo and the memories were just….just……too much man. A distracted Sha became just the second guy to be eliminated and him and when Jester came out to console his big besto, Sha was not for it. Listen troops, less of this falling out patter awrite. You’s are the joyous odd couple. Joyous odd couples don’t bicker. They get a big disney prince in a kilt to re-unite them and eventually live happily ever after with a pair of tag belts they’ve somehow customised to make them dispense beer. Or in Jester’s case, probably lube.

SqGoShaOOt

Bird and Boar’s joy was short lived when Iestyn Rees entered next as we resumed the heavy massive guy section of this year’s Square Go. Although he did help Bird and Boar set about The Kings Of Catch, before eliminating them by throwing Kay Lee Ray at them. I’m no sure if that officially counts as eliminations for Iestyn or Kay Lee gets the credit. Although in Kay Lee’s case “credit” for something like that is a wee bit like being credited for an OG in fitba. Naecunt wants that credit. If those two eliminations weren’t Iestyn’s, the next two were as he tossed Bird and Boar out. Bringing their alliance to an official end it would seem as Iestyn plans for a future under Rudo where he’ll shine brighter than his own heavily oiled midriff.

SqGoIestoot

Tor Atterhagen was next and for some reason while everyone else played dead, it was Kid Fite who decided to square up to what can only be described as a sentient Swedish fridge freezer, before the big man tossed him out. Quite enjoyed Kid Fite pretending that he wanted back in, as if anyone would ever come back for a second go at that big bastard but Fito is a true Glasgow boy and he at least needs to appear as if he wants to fight the big bully before deciding it just isn’t worth his valuable time. Tor inevitably ended up squaring up the big Moose. Utterly raging that Moose to be about half an inch bigger than him. They chopped the living shite out each other before Tor eliminated Moose. He seemed to be taking the competitors out biggest first which is a decent strategy. More likely to be knackered the longer you’re involved so if all the big guys are gone and it’s just you and Leyton Buzzard left at the end, you’ve planned well. Next up was Wolfgang, but Wolfy was having none of his Swedish shite. Brass knucks were utilised to daze the big fucker, much like you’d shoot a tranquilizer dart into a bear’s neck before you’d ever consider going within 10 mile of it, and with the big yin dazed Wolfy dumped him out. Tor’s not the type of guy to cut his losses and fuck off after a disappointment of that nature and he came to hit all sorts of chokeslams on Wolfy. Weakening him enough for Jordan Devlin to superkick him right out of there. No third year in a row in the final two for big Wolfy but he did make himself a powerful enemy.

wolftor.jpg

Next up was The Sam Barbour Experience one of the most exciting talents to emerge from the GPWA school and one who maybe needed something like a decent stint in the Square Go to proper kickstart his ICW career. Big Grizzly entered next in a fashion that you could only describe as both big and grizzly. Having a quick scrap with his countryman Iestyn Rees before we were honoured and privileged to see the return of CAPTAIN JAAAAAAAAAACK. Jackie Polo wearing the exact attire he had on the night he beat Lionheart at the Barras. Does that mean something?  The seed was there, and after some lovely wrestling from Scotlands BEEEEEEST, and the eliminations of Sam Barbour and Jordan Devlin, Jackie Polo stood in the middle of the ring and waited for the adulation from the masses. In the very building he captivated for a shade under 3 hours with that This Is Your Life segment. With all the memories of that feud rushing to the forefront once again, the next entrant could only be one. Number 20. Lionheart.

SqGoJackie.jpg

Even after years of both men becoming something quite different to what they were when they had that match 3 years ago. Jackie conquering the tag divison with his best pal Mark Coffey, while Lionheart re-invented himself with a brilliant reign with the Zero-G when they came face to face again it was as if they’d never been apart. A deep seeded hatred that both display very differently. Polo decided to roll out of the ring and wore that dismissive smile on his face, as if Lionheart was a nobody. Not worth his time. Something that serves to wind up not only Lionheart himself, but the audience who were gasping to see them leather each other. Lionheart eliminated Kay Lee Ray (who had been cutting about on the outside for a while now getting sly digs in, somehow still holding that leather strap) and Big Grizz before the next entrant was revealed to be Ravie Davie. 

Davie came in all guns blazing, chucking big fists at Iestyn and mad kicks at Jackie Polo but Ravie Davie is preoccupied to say the least. Constantly tormented by the image of his burd turning on him and joining forces with his nemesis while he plummets from 20 feet in the air through a table. In a way Bram stealing her kinda makes him destroying their wedding a bit romantic eh. This one wasn’t just because he heavy loves piledriving burds on to cakes, this one was for love. This one was for the noble pursuit of winning the fair maiden’s heart and perhaps seeing if she can take more than 3 and a hauf fing….I mean eh….dates….he’s gonnae take her out on nice dates. Point is, Bram showed up, closely followed by Martina and they decided to sit at the entrance and winch, providing enough of a distraction for Iestyn Rees to pap Davie out before he set off to immediately attack the happy couple. I mean if ye think about it that makes them even does it not? Bram broke their wedding up and Davie broke up their Square Go winching sesh. Call it even and move on? No. Nae worries. Next up, with the crate of lager was Aaron Echo.

SqGoAechoKen.jpg

Upon drinking the last one and a half cans of lager in the crate Simon Cassidy revealed that “Aaron Echo’s weapon had been eliminated” which could either be referring to the lager or Yamaguchi San fae Kai-en-tai making his long-awaited return to wrestling to relieve Echo of his manhood (if ye don’t get that reference, google Val Venis and “choppy choppy your pee pee”) filled with the kind of bravado only a full crate of lager can give a man, Echo leaned in to plant on one his best pal Kenny Williams but after getting the knockback that a man with a crate of lager in him will get almost all of the time, he decided to pick his pal up and spin him about instead. Knocking down everyone within a 10 mile radius in the process.

Mark Coffey entered net and at number 23 you could see The Power Forward winning it all. If this Square Go was all about planting future seeds and setting things in motion for the year, Mark Coffey in main event situations should be a seed that’s very much getting planted. Him and Jackie came face to face in what was briefly a tense moment before they joined forces to eliminate big Iestyn. Polo Promotions are best fuckin pals. In real life, in wrestling, probably in the afterlife if there is one. Although I imagine if there is, it’s just a bunch of folk watching Larsson’s chip from the 6-2 game on a loop and going “fuckin some finish eh!” enthusiastically. They were never going to have a big fall out and split traditionally although all signs indicate that they’ll be doing their singles things for a while. That fact became very apparent when Lionheart floored Coffey with a superkick and suddenly, Polo had no quick escape. It was finally happening. Renfrew and Whiplash had other ideas and once again the big showdown was postponed. Long enough for Viper to enter next.

viiiiip.jpg

She made short work of pretty much everyone. Chucking them about in the form of a variety of suplexes and splashes before almost tossing Mikey Whiplash out. Whiplash eventually did see his involvement by the next entrant a certain Jody Fleisch who’d he’d be wrestling in a singles match the very next night. Fleisch was then faced with a moral quandary as he stood face to face with Viper, seemingly with nae choice but to throw hands at her despite his definite reluctance to do so. Someone who had absolutely no reluctance to do so was Joseph Conners, who set about everyone with a chair leaving him one on one with Viper right up until DCT entered to be the knight in a polka-dotted singlet that every girl dreams of marrying one day. Her knight did save her, but Conners used his sheer rage against him, as he chucked Viper in to his path when he was getting ready to hit Conners with the chair. In the momentary daze of confusion, Conners papped DCT out a lot quicker than he would have envisioned, although Viper did gain a degree of vengeance for her man by dumping Conners out quickly after,leading to DCT chasing Conners to the back after he’d jumped back in to crack his wife with a chair. Understandable reaction to a man who’s last three actions in ICW have been spitting in your face, dumping you out the Square Go a minute after entering, and smacking your missus over the back with a big slate of steel.

Next up was Leyton Buzzard who is one of the most entertaining new talents in ICW today. His undying allegiance to Joe Hendry and all the hilarity that comes from it is some of the best shit going in the company right now. With Chris Renfrew set up in the corner there was only one way for Buzzard to make his entrance. Coast to coast styleeeee…..he called it and went for it, but he landed barely halfway across the ring before Renfrew picked him up and suddenly it was time for the second last entrant to make him (or her) self known. It was STEEEEEEVIE BOOOOOOY. The man with all the momentum and one pundits were calling a heavy favourite to win the whole thing 😉

sqgostevv.jpg

Stevie might have expected a wee bit of a clearer ring when he entered but sometimes dealing with a dirty ring is part and parcel of the job innit. He set out to clear it a bit when he shoved Viper out, before ducking a big boot from Echo and watching him fly over the top rope in what could only be described as a self elimination. It had been over 20 minutes since the big man’s last can so understandably he felt it was time to bail out. That left the picture a wee bit clearer for the man with the ultimate advantage. Entrant number 30, Joe Hendry. Who furthered his advantage by setting up a chair on the stage and deciding only to enter when the time was right. He only slid in there when Jody Fleisch was in a precarious position. Easing him out the equation before dishing out Fallaway Slam’s to everyone in his path. Literally everyone in the ring had taken one, until Lionheart reversed it and tossed Hendry out. Ultimate advantage, but ultimately he ended up out on his arse.

Jackie Polo eliminated Renfrew shortly after that, although he had lasted over an hour in what was a titanic effort. Suddenly we had a final 5 made up of guys who had not only never won the Square Go before, but guys who had never won the ICW World Title either. This was a Square Go not only about setting things in motion for the present but also a nod towards how the future was going to play out. All 5 were ICW guys, some of whom had literally grown up in the company and one of them was going to win it all, but before that was decided it finally happened. This time there was no one to stop them and for the first time since one of the most bitterly contested wrestling matches in British wrestling history, Jackie Polo and Lionheart were about to fight.

SqGoLhJpolo.jpgIt was brief but beautiful. They flung hands at each other with reckless abandon, each punch marginally stiffer than the one before it. Polo nailed a scoop slam, Hearto a superkick. More jabs. More hatred trickling from every pore. They still fucking hate each other make nae mistake about that.  Sometimes in life there are people you just don’t take to. Some people just aren’t your kind of people and that’s fine. We can’t all like everyone, but these two can’t just comfortably dislike one and other from afar. Not forever anyway. It was always going to happen again and IF it is a match at Barramania it will blow the previous one out the water. They are both just far too good at this for it to be anything but brilliant and its a match that needs to happen to close that chapter of their careers. It has always felt like unfinished business, although their business for the night was swiftly finished as Mark Coffey and Stevie Boy took advantage of a brief lull in their fist fight to chuck them both out. Coffey obviously throwing Lionheart out and Stevie throwing Polo out because that being the other way about would be the end of the world as we knew it.

That brought us to the final three of Mark Coffey, Kenny Williams and Stevie Boy. All outstanding wrestlers who have conquered so many other areas that this was the only one left.  The pursuit of the big one. All three absolutely have valid claims for a spot at the very top and for my money (I’ve nane but lets kid on) all three WILL get there in the not so distant future but there could be only one, and only one had the troops as his disposal to lend a helping hand.

sqgocoffkenn.jpg

The Grand Finale

Kenny and Mark looked like they’d formed a brief alliance to toss Stevie out but Stevie was wise to it and got out the road fast. A near elimination for Kenny was thwarted when he jumped back in to the ring in the form of a spear before him and Mark shook hands and laid into each other with a flurry of forearms. Despite their eliminations earlier in the night, the rest of The Filthy Generation had their say in the final moments. There’s nae rules at the end of the day and if you’ve got a team at your disposal in a situation like this, use it. Kenny found himself on the apron and Kay Lee Ray rushed out with a steel chair in hand, chucking it right at his coupon and sending him crashing out.

Three of the very best young talents this country has ever produced had become two and it was a beautiful sight. Two guys who have been long overdue this ascension to the top finally getting their time. Kenny’s time will come, and the chip on his shoulder that will come from this injustice will add a bit of edge to his character so overall as much as it wont have felt like it at the time that steel chair rung his bell, it was a good night for him and he lasted over an hour in the match. It looked like Coffey had won it when he tossed Stevie over the top ropes but the Kings Of Catch still had their role to play. Grabbing Stevie’s legs and helping him back in the ring before all three were banished from ringside to leave it a fair fight to the finish. Power Forward vs King Of Insanity. Two future icons if they aren’t already. Here we fuckin go.

They battered each other on the apron, both swaying like they felt stone cold sober in the pub but as soon as they got outside they had suddenly become the most steaming guy on planet earth. After a brief but pulsating battle Stevie lifted Mark Coffey over the top rope on to the apron before throwing everything but the kitchen sink at the solid big cunt. Nothing would do the job. Flying kick, drop kick, Stevie’s internal screams of “gonna just fuckin get oot!” finally a steel chair shot to the napper got the job done and STEVIE BOY had become your 2018 Square Go winner. 

SqGoFilthyyyyyyyy.jpg

If the Square Go is any sort of indicator as to how the year is going to go for ICW its going to be a fuckin stormer. Polo and Lionheart back at it. All of the guys who’ve been talked about as potential stars of the future turning that potential into some real tangible success. The final stages said it all. Full of ICW guys who have worked the hardest and longest to get to the top, getting their just rewards. Mark Coffey will be a top guy this year and hopefully has some belting matches with Stevie as a result of how this wound up but as of right now, to put it in his own words, Stevie has one of the biggest independent wrestling companies in the world “by the fucking balls” and its a buzz to see where its all going to go. The immediate future appears to be a showdown with a guy he’s been in many battles with before, both as a team-mate and opponent. His former NAK brother in arms and the current top dog. A certain mental case named BT Gunn who popped out to show Stevie he’s no feart. Any match between these two is bound to be brilliant but for the Undisputed Title? Aff the scale mate. Glasgow will burn to the ground in the wake of the brand of super violence they bring to the table. 

SQGOBTSTEV

Massive thank you to David J Wilson for the wonderful photos as per usual

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Top 20 Folk Who Might Win The 2018 Square Go

sqgo

The data’s been analysed. Theories have been organised from most likely to least likely. Win percentages cross referenced with height and age, and all of that thrown in a pot to produce this here article. I can now reveal the 13 men most statistically likely to win the 2018 Square Go.

Or this is a lot of speculative shite about a wrestling show. Ye know. Either/or. Who really gives a fuck? Why 20 guys? Why no just do all 30? Why anything?

Mikey Whiplash

mikey

Won the first Square Go I seen with my own two eyes after a helluva battle in the final two with Jack Jester and went on to become the man to usurp Red Lightning as ICW Champion. Had a stormer of a match with Jordan Devlin recently as well. One of the best matches I’ve seen live in a long time. That would make it seem like hes hot on form, but wrestling is pre-determined and form is of little consequence. I predict he’ll enter early and be in it a long time. Or maybe he’ll enter late and be in it a short time. Its aw guesswork.

Odds – 30-1

Ravie Davie 

davier2

If Bram wins the title in his match with BT Gunn we could very well see Davie boy do it. Had a gallant effort in their last year and definitely isnae a stranger to a bit of a Square Go so you never know. If him and Zander are both in it they need to form an alliance quick and avoid aw the big bastards that will no doubt be in it but Divers won it one year mate. Anything’s possible.

Odds – 30-1

Iestyn Rees

iestynmarauders

An absolute Adonis of a man and now he has the first ever Square Go winner and former ICW Champion Red Lightning behind him, he could be the dark horse to win the whole thing. Tall muscular dudes tend to be favourites for battle royales going in after all. I mind watching the 94 Rumble and commentators heavy bigging Adam Bomb up then he got papped out within 2 minutes of going in so aye. Adam Bomb wont win it, but big Iestyn might. At the very least he’ll pap a few folk out and establish himself as a big time factor in the new year.

Odds – 30-1

Kenny Williams

kenny

Beat Rey Mysterio at The Hydro in a five-star performance and has conquered the Zero-G Division so a serious push at the big belt has to be on the horizon for the bollocks. Also has his big pal Aaron Echo in there and they might team up to eliminate aw sorts of cunts Diesel and Shawn Michaels style. He’s definitely due a re-match with BT Gunn after losing the Zero-G to him but Kenny winning it makes sense and making sense is important in wrestling. It’s no like anyones ever gave birth to a hand or any mad shit like that. All serious business so it is.

Odds – 30-1

Mark Coffey

markwar

Seeing Mark Coffey win the Square Go would be an unmatched buzz but there a huge dose of the fear about this since Rampage and Asthon won they belts. Right before the Square Go. A match where its every man for themselves and both members of Polo Promotions will most likely enter? Aw nut. Please no. I’m not ready to see them fight. It was hard enough seeing Mark and Joe fight each other, but not the Polo Promotions brethren. I hope they both enter early, work together to eliminate everyone and when it comes down to they two, they simultaneously eliminate themselves and BOTH win the Square Go. Like Lex Luger and Bret Hart both winning the 94 Rumble because they completely avoided the camera angle that showed whose feet touched the ground first.

Odds – 60-2

Jackie Polo

polos

Polo Promotions have become such a fixture in the tag division that folk seem to forget how much of a big deal they were as individuals. Jackie Polo vs Lionheart sold out the Barrowlands before anything else was announced. Jackie Polo vs Mark Dallas had the whole Garage captivated, watching Jackie turn battering his boss into some kind of artform. Not quite in the Stone Cold mould of bedpans over but he brutally dissected the ICW owner before a string of hauners helped Dallas overcome. Point is, Polo Promotions are wonderful and should never split, but don’t write off the possibility of one of them winning it. If that can happen without any friction between the two occurring its a win-win.

Odds – 60-2

Chris Renfrew

renfgradobriefcase

Won it twice before (sorta, he won Divers briefcase so it’s basically the same thing) and he’s not under anyone’s spell anymore so why the fuck no Renfrew? His two Square Go cash-ins were two of the most memorable matches in ICW history after all. One big obstacle standing in front of him winning it is being Santa Claus cause that’s a full time concern really. Sorting out presents for literally every living being in the world. That’s no a job ye can phone in is it. His promo after knocking 70 shades of shite out of Leyton Buzzard was his best work on the mic for a long time. The fire still burns. He wants that shiny belt back.

Odds – 30-1

Stevie Boy

stevueee

I read a thing earlier that really convinced me he might win it. Guy seemed to know what he was on about. Really done his homework. Definitely a favourite.  😉

Odds – 30-1

Lewis Girvan

girv2

Lewis Girvan is very good. Good enough to be beating the likes of recent WWE signee Ricochet at the Hydro a year and a bit ago. That win should have been the launching pad for him to be a big time factor as a singles wrestler but the path he’s gone down since is something else. Something different. Part of a brilliant tag team who seem to improve with every match and also part of a stable running riot through ICW right now and it suits him. He wears that wee nasty streak well. Don’t see him or Aspen actually winning it but they may very well be very big factors in someone else winning it.

Odds – 30-1

Aspen Faith

aspen

Love this photo cause they all look heavy raging at whoever’s taking it. Like how dare you photograph us when we’ve aw just got our hair heavy wet and pulled it over our faces? The very cheek of it. Aspen was another who flitted in and out a bit of ICW on the Spacebaws shows and whatnot so undoubtedly its his career that’s benefited the most from the emergence of the Kings Of Catch and them joining up with Stevie and Kay Lee. Very good wrestler, nae doubt him and Lewig Girvan will scoop up the tag titles at some point down the line if they keep going the way they are. He probably won’t win this but if him and Lewis Girvan draw numbers close together they’ll be hard to shift.

Odds – 30-1

Tor Atterhagen

torrrr

An absolute unit of a boay. Has done nothing but wreck cunts since his debut. That would suggest he has a good chance. Know what else him being a big baldy tree wae a beard would suggest? Fuck getting on the wrong side of him. Fuck doing things like calling him a big baldy tree wae a beard. That’s just asking for bother so it is. Might not actually win it but he seems magnetically drawn to throwing Divers about like wet washin so he may at the very least eliminate Divers in a hugely inventive, really sare fashion. His elimination will probably be all the folk he battered at the end of the last Fight Club taping teaming up and high fiving after he goes out while he mentally assassinates them all.

Odds – 120-4

Wolfgang

wolf18

Lost the title at this event last year in a brilliant match with Trent Seven then entered the Square Go and made it to the final two. that’s what’s known in pro wrestling as “an absolute cunt ae a shift” Had the year of his career last year and it couldn’t have happened to a better guy really. He’s also a guy who’s been at the very highest level for a long time, its just that more folk are starting to notice. That’s what happens when yer moonsaulting, powerbombing and swan-tonning all over yer WWE Network.

Odds – 30-1

Aaron Echo

ECHO

If he’s gonnae win it all he can’t be doing shit like the mad behaviour pictured above. Being able to clear the top rope isnae actually an advantage in this situation but big echo has been knocking down the door for ages and a match like this is where a man like him has his career made. Even if he doesn’t win it a solid shift that has the commentator reminding how long he’s been in every 5 minutes is what you’re after. Carving out a wee niche for himself as the guy who turns up a wee bit late so he might draw an early number and just saunter out last no giving a monkeys. Where in the rules does it state that the performer actually has to come out when his number’s called? Naeplace. I personally read the rulebook cover to cover to make sure this is indeed a fact.

Odds – 30-1

Sha Samuels

shasaultttttttt

As with big Echo, if Sha takes the photo above as some kind of instruction manual rather than a cautionary tale, big man’s got nae chance. He’ll have Sha-saulted himself clean out the picture. Keep that weapon in the holster for this yin big yin. He’s stated that his intention if he wins is to bend the rules a bit (mind ive just read the rulebook, so this is coming from a place of great knowledge) and cash in for a shot at the tag titles with Jaaaaaaack but what if Jaaaaaaaaack beats Jimmy Storm and goes on to win the belt on Monday night? Well the Kinky Party throw hands? Do kinky parties usually involve folk doing stuff to each other with their hands? I dunno mate. Never been to one, but I hear there’s a lot of slappin involved. As much as I think Stevie’s the favourite and all that, I promise ye, if Sha is the last man standing I’ll tan a ten deck of Tennents Lager in the one go and go streaking down Sauchiehall Street screamin “EAST!” in everycunts face. Thats a promise.

Odds – 30-1

DCT

dct

Recently scooped up his first main singles belt when he won the Reckless Intent Title and that’s fucking superb so it is. DCT is one of our own. A wee secret almost. Tucked away up here doing his thing very very well. Winning the Square Go would almost be like revealing him to the world. Look at this mad charismatic bastard. You can keep yer mad choreographed dance routine flip contests. Give me DCT going to war with the likes of Joseph Conners and Renfrew aw day long. Is that a way of saying DCT is better than Will Ospreay? You can draw your own conclusions as the reader but ask yourself this, can Will Ospreay even grow a tache? Probably not. DCT has to shave every 45 minutes to keep the tache from re-emerging on his glorious coupon to go with that glorious singlet. Know what other accessory would go nice with both tache and singlet? A wee briefcase with a very important contract in it.

Odds – 30-1

Kid Fite

fito21

Much like the Filthy Generation the Fite Network are a squad. A unit. A team that understands teamwork above all else will help them prevail. The thing is, every team has a captain. A snarling leader on and off the pitch who represents the team’s interests. Someone who leads the charge. That leader in this case is Kid Fite. Had a cracking feud with Wolfgang after Wolfys feud with Liam Thomson was unfortunately cut short due to the bold yin’s injury. Really good matches while they both used the platform to elevate the up and coming tag teams who came from their respective schools.

Odds – 30-1

Lou King Sharp

lou king

I think it was the 2015 Square Go he had a cracking run? He was in it for a while and when he was tossed out at one point the crowd caught him and sent him back in. It was all very lovely but that was back when he was giving it the underdog patter. Now? Yer man’s a thug. Making up for his size disadvantage by giving off the air of man who would stab ye for the rest of yer McChicken Sandwich. If he’s stab ye for fast food, just think what he might do to win the Square Go. Him, Fito and Kreiger will be hoping to draw numbers close together so they can make the dream work via some top quality team work. Might not actually win it but he’ll be heavy entertaining as he always is. Good to see him back in amongst it at least after a couple of years of dipping in at out of ICW.

Odds – 30-1

Krieger

krieger9

Love big Krieger. Very likeable big guy. I know that’s not what the Fite Network are going for but charisma is charisma mate. Can’t be contained. Self proclaimed as having the most underrated arse in Scottish Wrestling. Know what helps get peoples arses the respect and admiration they deserve? Winning the Square Go. Winning the ICW World Title. Becoming one of the most recogniseable arses in wrestling. He might not do it this year but he’s a guy ye could easily see doing it one day. Lazer sharp focus. Eye of the Krieger locked in. It’s all there for the big man. Feel like I’m just saying words now so I’ll end it by calling him a big ride. So aye. Krieger’s a big ride.

Odds – 30-1

Joe Hendry

joeyyyy.jpg

When he revealed the WCPW Title on an ICW show and declared “I’m the Prestigious One!” it was such an emphatic, bold move. I never saw it going down the road it has. It’s brilliantly entertaining and his alliance with Leyton Buzzard has brought a very talented young performer into sharp focus so that’s good but in Joe’s case, he needs something like this. If he’s still dead set of taking all the titles, he needs a strong Square Go. A winning Square Go. One strategy that might work is him tossing Clayton as anyone who comes near him but I imagine chucking him at big Tor will be akin to a fly landing on you and me.

Odds – 30-1

Lionheart

dalllio

Lionheart’s seemingly a full-blown good guy now. Imagine someone told ye that just over a year ago. You’d think they’d taken some heavy good gear and you’d immediately enquire as to where you can source some of said gear, but since the Joe Hendry feud folk have slowly but surely came around to the idea the Hearto’s the fuckin man. His work over the past two years certainly warrants him winning this and it would be a buzz if he did. The ICW Title is the only one missing from his own Grand Slam bid (of Scottish heavyweight titles, not the ICW grand slam) and beating the only current grand slam holder to get it would be a poetic sorta thing. Goes in full of belief, so if you’re the owner of one of they taps he had with “Believe” on it and you believe in Lionheart’s bid to win it all, wear the tap mate. Represent. There’s no need to hide you’re allegiances now. Big man is and out and proud good yin and 2018 might be Mad Leon’s time.

Odds – 30-1

So in conclusion, everycunt might win it. It’s a battle royal. Maybe it’ll be none of these cunts? Joe Coffey could come from nowhere and make his big comeback to win it for the second year running. Grado might blow the roof aff the joint and win it all. Finally avenging Renfrew snatching the 2014 Square Go from his clutches. Its aw guesswork. Get a high stakes sweep on the go with yer pals where everyone chucks their car keys in and the winner wins everycunts motor. 30 motors. One for every day of the month. Any months wae 31 days ye take the bus on the 31st. Enjoy the show. Square Go is always a belter.

 

(PS…Stevie’s winnin it but xxxxooooxxx)

A Review Of ICW Fear And Loathing AT THE HYDRO

HydroPoster.jpg

To run The Hydro once is quite a feat. I mean its big int it. Proper big. Big enough that if you fired some grass in the middle, Nottingham Forest could use it for home games. That’s big time right there. They filmed RAW in there last year for god sake! A real episode of RAW where we had all our Noam’s well and truly Darred. Prince had a gig in there. Even the Mrs Browns Boys team had a wee look before deeming it too small to contain the amount of dribbling numpties that would pay to see that shite but they’re ta cheats so fuck them. To run it once as a Scottish wrestling company is the stuff dreams are made of, but to run it twice? That’s making it. That’s showing it wasn’t some mad fluke, and it didnae just happen because Dallas rubbed a lamp really hard and got three wishes. It happened because a lot of hard work went in to building something that could run a venue like this. Whether you love, hate or are completely indifferent to ICW that has to earn respect. ICW made dreams come true, then a year later they made them come true again. Next year the dream gets bigger. Fuck Hampden, Ibrox and Celtic Park. ICW’s runnin the Nou Camp! 110k, and the rest can watch ootside on a big screen. A wee holiday into the bargain. Nah? Too far??

We opened with Dallas, Sweeney, Toal and Scott Reid introducing us to the show. Dallas giving us a wee history lesson of ICW before introducing none other than Kevin Nash to the ring. Big Nash is the coolest wrestler to ever exist if he’s nothing else, and still stoats about like he has not a care in the world. When you’re 7 feet tall and sexier than a bag of Chris Hemsworths in yer 50s, there’s really not a lot to be worried about. He was buzzin that he could say fuck, and told anyone who fancies getting out of line that they’d get smacked with a steel chair. Anyone unhappy with him being announced as the commissioner for this year’s show surely must have been placated by this declaration because that’s the job in a nutshell really. Anyone starts acting up. Chair to the napper. Job’s a good yin.

nash

The show blew last year’s out the water, but don’t take my word for it, take my several words about it that will appear below. Or you could watch it on demand I suppose, but who has 3 hours to watch a show when you could spend 5 hours reading a review about it. Aye ok…here’s a link for on demand. Sorry for wasting yer time. https://icwondemand.pivotshare.com/

To those still with us, welcome. First up, everyone’s two favourite things, ladders and Bram!

Aaron Echo vs Kid Fite vs Bram vs Joe Hendry vs Jodie Fleisch vs Ravie Davie vs DCT (Ladder match for the ICW Undisputed Title Number One contendership)

HydroLadderPoster

Ravie Davie secured his place in the match by being the most mental bastard in Glesga on Saturday night and doing a blockbuster off the balcony in The Garage on his way to beating Bram. A lot of people vocally don’t like Bram, and fair enough, if its Bram the wrestler you protest against that’s your opinion, but he’s very good at his job (that’s my opinon). Folk like DCT and Davie have had career shaping moments because of the red hoat fire Bram brings to the ring with him. His evil brings the best version of their good to the forefront. Ravie Davie was last to enter and met by an angered Bram, who at this point had an 0-2 record against a wee guy fae Govan chasing a dream. Raging so he was. They battled about a bit, and Aaron Echo done a beautiful big Undertaker dive, much like the dive him and big Iestyn performed in stereo last year. With that, the ladder match was off and…eh…climbing I guess. Cause ladders.dctjodie

DCT (as seen above having the fuckin time of his life clearly) plonked a ladder on his heid and spun around to take all other competitors out the game, before him and Davie took shots each of jabbing their mutual foe Bram, as Bram spat literal fire in frustration, burning both their eyebrows off in the process. Hunners of low blows followed, including one from the formerly wholesome Joe Hendry. Fully embracing his role as a bad yin and rounding off a succession of fallaway slams with one on a ladder to Kid Fite. Jody Fleisch hit a fucking beautiful moonsault off a massive ladder on to everyone, reminding everyone he’s still stupidly good at wrestling and apparently suicidal moonsaults off big massive ladders.

With bodies scattered about, Fear and Loathing’s most prolific performer saw his plan shoot into action. Lou King Sharp and Krieger emerged to tip the odds in Fito’s favour and got a few digs in before The Purge followed to take them out the equation. The Purge had nae dug in this race so god knows whit their ploblem was but the whole thing not working out sadly meant the end of Kid Fite’s attempt to make his 10th Fear and Loathing his most successful one. A shame, him winning would have been a well deserved feat for a man who has been a big part of ICW as a performer and nurturer of talent for the entirety of its existence but the story of who wins this yin was never meant to be a fairytale. It wasn’t going to be DCT with a career making win on the big stage. Jody Fleisch wasn’t going to do it for the old school warriors who do it better than the whole generation they inspired. Aaron Echo wasn’t going to achieve an accolade that matches his boundless potential. Joe Hendry wasn’t going to take a significant step in becoming a prestigious champ who won’t say fuck or bugger. But maybe it could be Ravie Davie. Maybe he just had the level of mental it would take to out mental the rest. Maybe the boy fae the scheme could achieve that dream. The big one. A title shoat on a big show.

He battled up a big ladder with Bram on a nearby ladder, and decided jumping aff a balcony the night before wasn’t enough. Big spear off the ladder. A move that Edge will tell ye is an entirely regrettable decision on everyone’s part, but still looks mighty impressive.That gave Hendry the opening to win the belt but instead of climbing the ladder, he sent Leyton Buzzard up to get it, only for him to get unceremoniously skanted by Coach Trip. That left DCT with the opening, only to be thwarted by Jody Fleisch and with everyone else taken out, up went Davie for his destiny. Davie for the absolute moment of his career. 2-0 against Bram and the number one contender, thats whits happnin troops! Until it wisnae what was happenin at all troops. It took a turn. Martina and Davie’s cousin Zander burst out to help their man get there. Knowing a lot of good is required to counteract the face melting evil known as Bram.

One of them was up to nae good though. One of them had come to the dark side. Martina took a character defining can and smashed it over Zander’s head, before helping Bram ease a shattered Davie off the top of a ladder, all the way to a table on the outside. Breaking his heart, and probably his entire body in the one go. Bram sauntered up the ladder to grab the briefcase and earn himself a tile shot while his manager Red Lightning celebrated in his own special way. Jumping out with reckless abandon like a Da who’s just watched his team score the winner against their biggest rivals in the last minute. No one does wild celebrations quite like Red. Unbridled jubliation. Fuck-in-YASSSS.

Bram’s yer number one contender. Took Davie’s title shot and his missus in the process. Now despite having a 2-0 singles record against Bram, you want to see Davie smash him more than ever before right? Exactly.

Bird and Boar (w/Iestyn Rees) vs Polo Promotions – ICW Tag Team Title Match

polo.jpg

When Bird and Boar first took the tag titles from Polo Promotions it felt….eerie. There was almost a stunned silence in Newcastle that night, as if folk were looking at eachother wondering if it had actually happened. At that point they were still building a reputation in ICW and that win for the patriarchs of the ICW tag division was so vital in them being where they were heading in to this one. That win made them go from decent contenders you could count on for a good match to ruthless champions. Holding on to the titles for 8 months, growing more menacing and more Welsh as fuck with each passing month. Getting to The Hydro as champions was an achievement all on its own but this wasn’t for them. They weren’t the home team at The Hydro. They played a huge part in this being a brilliant feud and this match alone being a very good wrestling match, but this wasn’t their night. This was every single bit of that frustration that has been bubbling in Jackie and Mark since they lost those titles all those months ago coming out in the form of wrestling moves. Wrestling moves that would be combined in a fashion with one goal in mind. Get what they consider to be their property back, and become the THREE TIME tag team champions. Legends.

polos

Iestyn Rees was immediately banned from ringside, and while he was getting super raging about it, got hit with the best 3D The Hydro has ever seen 😉 For fans of big Iestyn, its sound. He’d have his moment. Despite the 3D start, it was Bird and Boar who dominated early. Isolating Mark Coffey and scudding him with all sorts of forearms. That’s proved an effective tactic, as they’ve clearly recognised the only guy who can stop Mark Coffey is two guys. They fired in with all that lovely double team stuff they do, Bird whipping Boar into the corner in the former of a cannonball before Jackie got in to take the Welshies to Scooplex City. More scoops than that Celtic Christmas party where Bobby Petta got the jail for flahsin a waitress in Jumpin Jaks. He followed the scoops up with a gorgeous bridging Northern Lights suplex, before the boaysies combined for a double back suplex. Poetry in best pal tag team motion. In about it.

Coffey had Bird and Boar where he wanted them as he unleashed mad jabs and chops, but you don’t get to be champions for the better part of a year without being a bit good. They hit one of the best double team moves out there today in Mrs Pattersons Revenge, a move that has put away everyone who’s taken it before but not the Polos. Not on this night. Up went Coffey’s shoulder to everyones astonishment, and the game continued. Next goal wins. They all jabbed, chopped and forearmed each other daft, before Bird and Boar got on top again. This time when Bird sent boar into the corner towards Polo, Jackie moved and the opening was there. Polo has the Rings of Saturn locked in on Bird but had spotted Boar going up top to break it up and moved just in time to see Boar splash Bird. It was time. The Old Man Of Hoy was hit moments later and your favourite, ma favourite, evdy’s favourite tag team had scooped up the gold for a third time.

champs

Iestyn Rees didn’t give them even a millisecond to enjoy it though. Out he came to leather the champs like a big greetin faced baby because his besties couldn’t get it done without his statuesque hauners. Big Kev told yees earlier he wasn’t having it and out he came to drive that point home by smacking fire out of big Iestyn and sending him packing before he handed Jackie and Mark their titles at long last. Re-united and it feels so goooood. Mark Coffey’s face when Kevin Nash put that belt in his hands was one of the purest most heart warming things I’ve ever seen in wrestling so it was. He was in awe of both the achievement and of the sexy big legend raising him and his best pals hand. A beautiful way to end a tremendous feud. If it is indeed the end. What else is there for Bird and Boar other than coming back for another shot? They’ve been the champs for so long, they’ll not like the feeling of walking in to the next show without the shiny belts but for now and maybe forever, they are back where they belong. Round the waists of one of Europe’s beat tag teams. 589 combined days as champions and counting. The team who beat the legendary Dudley Boyz with a simple scoop slam. The most effective, not to mention devastatingly handsome best pal tag team on this planet we call earth. Polo Promotions.

HydroPolos

Kenny Williams vs Rey Mysterio Jr

icwfnlken

Wee Rey is some boy int he. Built like a brick shithouse these days yet still flies about the ring like he’s that skinny wee guy Kevin Nash chucked like like a scrucnhed up Greggs wrapper. Kenny Williams had to wait a while for the wee legend, as he allowed his music to play for about 15 minutes while he finished off his pre match ritual of a good long shite while smoking a cigar. When Rey eventually arrived to a chorus of “where the fuckin hell were you” much to his rampant confusuon, it was high octane good shit. Blink and you’ll miss it type stuff. Fast and Furious 47 – The Wan Wae The Aw The Back Elba’s. The wan where the bollocks continued his legacy on the big stage. Kenny is undefeated at Fear and Loathing ye see. An Undertaker-esque streak in the making here. Although if he makes it to 21-0 Brock Lesnar will probably be about 60 odds and maybe not the streakbuster he once was. To Kenny’s great relief I’m sure, although a 60 year old Brock Lesnar could probably still chuck a cruiserweight over his napper without breaking a sweat.

kenny

They dived about a bit before Rey teased the 619 (most commonly pronounced as the six hunner n nineteen) on both sides of the ring. He followed that up with a baseball slide into a splash on the outside which was lovely stuff. Backed that up with one of the classics in the form of the auld slingshot legdrop. Rey isn’t what he once was, but he’s adapted to his age and more muscular frame and still churns out a helluva wrestling match when he wants to let me tell ye. Thankfully for us this was one of those times he really wanted to. The A-Game was brought and Kenny would have to bring the bollocks or eh…be the bollocks. Something related to bollocks is the point here. He’s The Bollocks, have you heard?

reysplash

Kenny got going with a back elbow on the apron, before hitting a pair of crackin dives. The biggest compliment you could pay Kenny is that he never looked out-of-place in there with arguably the greatest to ever wrestle in his style and that’s a nice thing. A cool thing. A thing made even cooler when Rey blocked Kenny’s attempts at his own move, before he hit a perfect 619, followed by a frog splash only for Kenny to roll through and sneak the pin.

If its not the moment of his career to date, it has to at least be the biggest name he’s pinned for the uno, dos, tres. Love a wee roll through finish as well. Take the opponents momentum and use it against him. Tidy stuff. The stunned reaction he had when he won was similar to the one he had when he first beat BT Gunn a couple of years ago and that’s some neat continuity right there. He understands the level of talent he needs to beat to be where he wants to be and he’s out to prove he’s the man for that big occasion. He’ll lose sometimes but he’s never anything less than game for the next fight when he does. This could be a win that propels him to new heights and he never did get that rematch with BT Gunn for the Zero-G. Might be time to cash that one in considering the extra shinies BT has added to his collection lately eh.

Chris Renfrew vs Stevie Boy vs Jimmy Havoc vs Mikey Whiplash – King Of Insanity Match

king of insnaity

Murder and suicide are two things that quite often go hand in hand. A person can be so racked with guilt by a murder they’ve just committed that they decide the only escape is to take their own life. Sometimes its pre-meditated in an attempt to avoid the jail for a murder. Basically like having a straight choice between hell and the jail and choosing hell. When four people try to murder each other and kill themselves all at the one time, it’s not called a murder/suicide though. When its four people, it’s called the King Of Insanity match. I assume the winner is anyone who has any semblance of blood in their body by the time it’s over. The winner is anyone who hasn’t gone blind. The winner is anyone who can still feel all their extremities when it’s all said and done. The winner probably won’t feel like a winner, but they might not be dead, and that in itself is some sort of victory when you step into something like this. All four of these man really hate each other in some sort of way, and there was cinder-blocks in the ring, so we were at least seeing someone’s skull being cracked in half and the other three men having a kick about with his brain. Mikey Whiplash entered in a coffin, perhaps a precursor for how he and the other three men in this match would be leaving the ring. Deid.

stevieee

People look down their noses at this style of wrestling but when its done correctly its stupidly engaging. This wasn’t just done correctly, it was done in such a fashion that it arguably stole the show. It certainly was at least on par with a wonderful main event. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, if you weren’t drawn in by this, there’s no hope. Beautiful, poetic violence isn’t for you. They started out jabbing fuck out each other in what proved to be the mildest pain any of them would feel over the course of the night. You ever been punched in the face and been able to describe the pain as mild? Exactly. Stevie was sent into a barbed wire chair and bust open early doors before Renfrew and Havoc dodged a slingshot crossbody from Whiplash and simultaneously called him a wanker. Stevie came crashing down on all of them, before subjecting Renfrew to what would prove to be only the third sorest barbed wire based hit he’s take on the night when he landed on a barbed wire board after a superkick from Stevie. Socarpetmehow all 4 of them got a hold of staple guns and blocked each other’s finishers by…well, stapling each other to fuck. Did you not see where that one was going naw? Havoc then started giving out paper cuts and it was one of those rare times that the pain you see in wrestling is actually something you can relate to as a fan. Paper cuts are the bump we’ve all taken, and the bump none of us would thank you to take again…brotherrr.

Renfrew impaled Whiplash on a cross lined with carpet tacks. I assume he needed all of the skin on Whiplash’s back for some kind of winter duvet for a serial killer and that was the quickest way to get it. Stevie hit a coast to coast via a bin and Renfrew’s face, before Havoc put him through a table lined with barbed wire and wee liquid capsules of the drug they use to put elephants to sleep. Whiplash then pulled out a barbed wire board covered in some of the streamers the fans chucked in the ring for the Polo Promotions match, proceeded to wipe his arse with them, before Renfew hit him with a Death Valley Driver on to the board and the fucking thing would not yield. The only thing more painful looking then being put through a barbed wire board is being launched at one and the fucking thing refusing to break. Like being whipped into the ropes, but instead of ropes its stanley blades, and instead of bouncing off, your back gets cut up to fuck…because stanley blades.

stevie

Thumbtacks got involved soon after that, because is it really a deathmatch if at least one person involved disnae end up with enough holes in their back for a dot to dot? A superplex from Renfrew sent Whiplash straight to the tacks not long after he’d T-Virus’d mad Jokey who had taken leave of her senses and actually got herself involved in what at this point you could only assume was some form of 4 way suicide pact. Havoc then took everyone’s finisher in some kind of brutal way, yet he wouldn’t die. A T-Virus on fuckin concrete blocks didnt kill him. You could tuck a live grenade up this cunts arse and he’d probably stand up and smile at you, while he scoops up his insides and eats them. The man’s not what you’d call “stable”. Stevie Boy had somehow hatched a plan amongst all these near death experiences. He spoke to god when Havoc put him through a table earlier in the night and god told him, Stevie my son, to win the prize you must kill the other guys. And kill them he did.

renfrew

First up was Renfrew. Backdropped through a barbed wire board on the stage and all the way through the stage. While this was happening Havoc had Whiplash covered and Stevie came bursting down, colouring the walkway with about a pint and a half of his blood before he took the next one out. Havoc duct taped to the bottom rope. Screaming at folk to give him a knife, or set a German Shephard on his to chew his hands off. Anything to get free. He would never get free though, and with a ladder set up with a table lurking below, Stevie hit the most destructive Destroyer of his, or anyone’s career. Off the ladder, through the table, for a truly brutal victory. 

Hardcore stuff gets a bad rap sometimes but like every form of wrestling out there, when it’s executed well it has the capacity to be fucking unreal. If it’s not for you, that’s sound. Each to their own in wrestling and indeed life in general, but we all love this and its important not to close your mind off to different kinds of wrestling. It’s important that the I in ICW still stands for something and if matches likes this are commonplace folk wont soon forget what the I stands for. Even if there’s not much of a roster left to take part in said matches since they often lead to multiple casualties. Plus what a fucking night for Stevie Boy. This wasn’t just him winning a match, it was him getting the better of three of the maddest bastards in British Wrestling at the one time. He looked every bit the top guy he is well on the way to becoming and having this win under his belt could be the thing that takes him from the next big thing to the main man right now. The 2017 King Of Insanity is coming for belts. Aw the fuckin belts. Clearly he’ll do absolutely anything required of him to make the belts his, so if you’ve got a belt, locks yer doors. Board up the windaes. 1,2….Stevie’s coming for you.

stevueee

Kay Lee Ray vs Kasey vs Viper – ICW Women’s Title Match inside a steel cage

icwfnlwomen

With Carmel as special guest enforcer we would see the never-ending story continue. Kay Lee Ray and Carmel are STILL fighting each other and one of them atually retired. That’s a story that truly stands the test of time. When one of them dies, you’re gonnae see segments with the other one backstage covered in muck, aiming right hooks at a coffin they just dug up. Kay Lee might never have a rival quite like Carmel but Viper and Kasey are proving to be just as troublesome in the sense that they keep trying, and occasionally succeeding in taking her belt. So much so that the only way to properly settle it is chucking the three of them in a cage and telling them to have at it. Kay Lee Ray kicked things off by superkicking the taste of Carmel’s gub and we were off. Well not quite. All three women had to be in the cage for the match to officially kick off, and upon seeing that superkick out came Kasey and Viper. Making the total count of wrestlers in the ring a cool 0.

kl#

Kay Lee chucked Viper in the ring and locked Kasey out. A smart strategy, eliminating the chaotic element of a three way dance for a short while to focus on murdering one foe, but still. That made the wrestler in the ring tally stand at 2. A full one wrestlers short of the required amount. klrFinally Kasey climbed her way in and the bell rang. All sorts of madness ensued. Viper chucked Kay Lee like a lawn-dart into Kasey in the corner. Before they all got a shot each of their finishers. Viper Drivers, Killing Jokes and of course Gory Bombs for days. It was a cracking scrap when it got going as we watched all three exchange brutal jabs before those pesky Kings Of Catch got involved! In they came to literally pull Kay Lee towards her escape, but they were subjected to a brutal double baw hit at the hands of Kasey. Low blows neutralise foes as they (probably dont) say. All 5 folk in the ring then combined for a super charged tower of doom, before Viper looked to be free and clear to climb out, only to patch that winning the match patter in favour of nailing a topper for a crossbody off the cage.

Viper’s momentum was derailed not long after that by Kay Lee Ray heidbutting her through a table. Seen a lot of things in the wrestling but never someone get heidbutted through a table. It’s always good when something familiar breeds something entirely unfamiliar eh. Especially when it involves folk going through tables and heidbutts. With Viper out the game and Kasey down, up went Kay Lee to retain and continue her reign as the top burd, but Kasey is a different sort of animal now. Kasey went from ring crew on this show last year, to bearer of shiny belts on it this year. An amazing turnaround and one that happened because she worked her arse off to make it happen. Two wins over Kay Lee in consecutive nights, a main event of a Garage show in a losing effort to Kay Lee a few months ago and now a career defining feat, beating two of the top women’s wrestlers in the fuckin world in the one match. She tied Kay Lee’s legs up in the cage before fending off Aspen Faith to drop to the floor. Becoming the two time ICW Women’s Champion.

Amazing what can be done in the space of a year if you graft at it. From ring crew to winning a fucking steel cage match at The Hydro to become a two time Women’s Champion is remarkable stuff from Kasey, and her performances merit all the success she’s enjoying right now. To step in with two of the finest female wrestlers in the world and not look out of place is a feat in itself. All three adapted to the cage like they were auld pro’s at it, diving aff it and into it with reckless abandon.  Jimmy Snuka style without the murder. She said it’s a one night only thing but having Carmel back permanently would be a buzz. She added something to the match without detracting from the three women in it. Maybe a wee shot in the cage might persuade her to come back for another wee visit. I mean look how fun it looks, if your idea of fun is getting chucked in and around a literal death trap. As for Kay Lee and Viper I hope they’re still with us for years to come but they’re on the radar of the big boys so hopefully their defeat doesn’t mean they’re leaving us anaw. Its nice to see talented folk make career progression and that, but stop stealing ma favourite wrestlers ya bastards! Or at least let Noam visit every time ye sign someone. Fair is fair.

kaseydive

Zack Gibson vs Rob Van Dam Vs Lionheart

icefnlhearto

This was supposed to be Lionheart’s redemption, in there with one of his personal heroes, ready for the big win on the big show, two years after he’d been told there really wasn’t a lot of room for him on the big show. Maybe his time for the big occasion had past. He said fuck that, you’re wrong. Fuck you, am right. Shut yer mooth and let me frog splash the worlds greatest frog splasher. Then came stupit big brilliant baddie Zack Gibson with all the patter. Giving nothing beginning to resemble a fuck about Lionheart, ICW or even Rob Van Dam. It’s about making an impression for him, and the only way to do that is being a factor on the big show. He took to the mic to tell us all exactly why we were shite and he was better, and why we’d SOOOOOON be recognising those things as facts, before a bit of the wrestling broke out.

23658810_10157077681685620_8355214294870054522_n

Gibson was subjected to a two-man attack at the start. Taking a superkick off Lionheart and a mad spinny legdrop off RvD to kick it off. That’s the problem with being the baddest baddie on badstreet and being in there with a pair of goodies. Even with Lionheart eternally being known as a fanny, their combined good still outweighed his bad. Gibson would have his moments though. Not content with being a superb villain, he’s fucking great at wrestling into the bargain. Hitting a beauty of a leaping codebreaker on RvD before nailing Lionheart with a suicide dive, and jumping back in to lock in Shankly’s Gates on Van Dam. Shortly after that he was eliminated and that was the only lowlight of the show for me. Not enough Gibson. Rob Van Dam hit the 5 star Frog Splash to put Gibson down for 3, but it was Lionheart who got the pin and that set us up for the originally scheduled match before Gibson forced his way into it. The Whole Fuckin Fanny looking to open up and swallow The Whole Fuckin Show.

rvdlh

RVD hit a whole selection of spinny kicks, followed by a bit of rolling thunder. Its good when wrestling happens from all sorts of mad angles eh. Thats why RVD will always be a personal favourite and why it was brilliant just to see him doing his thing at all. He does his thing differently from the way everyone else does it and that’s just a fuckload of fun to watch. Even when it’s getting on a bit, it’s still cracking. Lionheart looked focused as fuck despite taking all of the RVD back catalogue. The hits kept on coming, including the multi platinum selling split legged moonsault, until Hearto hit a topper of a DDT followed by his very own Frog Splash to secure a big time win. 

I liked the match, but as an unashamed big time RvD fan it was never likely to be a let down. Lionheart was right up for it and looked at his very best throughout. He’s taken a lot of stick, called a fanny by the majority of crowds up and down the UK, but when he turns it on there’s few better than him in the UK. He deserved his moment and you have to wonder where this places him now. Surely he must be looking at that world title. Two years after being told he was expendable, what better way to show them you aren’t than by holding all the gold. He looks like he’s having the absolute time of his life when he’s in that ring right now and more often than not when someone gives off that vibe, their work is of the very highest standard because that’s what its all about int it. Its supposed to be fun. Wrestling is a big daft patomime and if you lose sight of that it becomes like any other job. Shite.

The Kinky Party vs The Kings Of Catch

icwfnlkinkfilth

Speaking of shite. The dirtiest match in wrestling history literally started with a shite. Talk about living up its billing eh. The shite didn’t take place in the ring thankfully, but in The Kinky Party’s dressing room (its not as bad as ye think right) as Sha was caught bawdeep in The Metro while finishing off his traditional pre match jobby, when the boaysies had a chap at the door telling them the match was about to start. Jester made time to give Prince a wee kiss as they hoofed it to the ring for a wrestle against the King Of Catch. If this match was announced a couple of months back you’d be like “Hydro? whit?” but both teams have been brilliant in the run up to the show. The Kings Of Catch were always very good at the wrestling and Girvan arguably stole the show at The Hydro last year, but their alliance with Stevie Boy and Kay Lee Ray has taken them up a level as a tag team. They’ve proper thrown themselves into it and something that might not have worked has instead elevated everyone involved. The same could be said for The Kinky Party, who have been cracking entertainment since their unlikely alliance began after Shug’s House Party. The dynamic has brought the best out in both character wise and has brought some of the funniest segments ICW has had in recent years. This match proved that it wasn’t just a big laugh though. They focused up and looked every bit the vastly experienced duo that they are. jester

The two teams battled up the ramp a bit, The Kings seemingly raging about being kept waiting by the Kinky Party’s mad shenanigans. Sha bust out the Fatsault (he calls it that, am no body shaming awrite, big is beautiful, everyone is beautiful) early on, before Jester went up top and hit a once in a lifetime cannonball captured spectacularly by David J.Wilson. All yer mad high flying Will Ospreay shit insnae usually Jester’s bag, but its The Hydro, and if there’s ever a time to jump on folk as if you’re sitting on a big comfortable armchair in mid-air, its when you’re wrestling at The Hydro. The Kings were in about some of that slick double team patter they’re good at, with The Kinkys busting out the double elbow drop as a retort. Sha took a beauty of a double superkick from Girvan and Faith, before that big dildo ominously got involved. Where does Jester even get that from these days. Not seen him carry it to the ring in ages. It’s like Aladdin summoning the genie by rubbing a lamp, but instead of rubbing a lamp, he rubs his or someone elses (with consent of course, we’re no starting a scandal here) fun parts.

The Kings were looking good for the win after Girvan hit that lovely rolling neckbreaker followed by a moonsault from Aspen but The Kinky Party are for real. They’re no JUST here to get steamin and get in situations that gives Sha that wide eyed “whit the fuck have I got myself into here?” look. Sometimes its about racking up W’s before ye get mad wae it and get one or both nipples pierced, and The Kinky Party done just that. Blocking The Kings Attempt at The Apter Burner before hitting a Spike Tombstone of their own for the win. 

kinky

They celebrated with a bit of crowdsurfing as ye do. Cunts in the crowd need to stop dropping Sha but. I mean he’s nae crusierweight but a team of grown adults should be able to support his weight surely. Don’t be feart. He (probably) doesn’t bite. The Wee Man came out before the match and said he’d be offering his services to the winners so who knows where that’ll go. He’ll probably be subject to some form of initiation in a dungeon where Sha bails out early because he got spooked and took a mannequin a square go for looking at him funny. A hugely entertaining match that could easily have been forgettable considering all the good shit on the show. The fact that there was two straight up tag matches on the show and both were excellent shows you how good the tag division is right now. Kinky Party forever and ever but. For a team that came together without much of a plan, they’ve been tremendous entertainment and have been a big factor in the fun being injected back into ICW this year.

Joe Coffey vs BT Gunn – ICW Undisputed Title Match

joebt

Its cool seeing the likes of Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio in ICW. Even cooler to see homegrown guys chalk up career defining wins over them when they do pay a visit. Matching up with Angle and beating him in the main event last year felt like the culmination of a lot of hard work for Joe Coffey and that night will live with him for his whole career, but this was something else. This was two of the guys who have been at the absolute heart of this company as its grown. Integral every single step of the way. It’s only right that on the biggest night of the year, its them who have pride of place at the very top of the card. The two champions and two standout wrestlers of the past 4 or 5 years, Joe Coffey and BT Gunn. What a stoater of a battle it was when it got going as well. For me anyway, a standard only those two could produce on that stage.

joe

They blocked each others finishers right at the start as both looked to catch the other cold. Sometimes its not good to land a big shot early on right enough. Just ask the Celtic team when they went a goal up in Paris the other week. Sometimes its better to bide your time when faced with a big bastard devil dug instead of sticking a thumb in its eye right away. Or the devil dug might just eat ye. BT whipped out a succession of tit melting chops, before both men locked in their signature submission moves  with both making it to the ropes to force a break. It was like watching two heavyweight boxers feel each other out. Giving each other warnings before the telling blows really start to land. They scrapped a bit on the outside, Joe easing BT into the crowd before hitting a big running dive. As it was under Save Pro Wrestling rules, the referee was counting them out but Joe wrote that rulebook mate. He kens it inside out. Breaking the count before the two of them leathered each other all the way to a second count of 9, which saw them sprint back into the ring before continuing to wail on each other. BT hit a pouncing facebuster before Joe got the upper hand, forcing BT into the corner and hitting mad splashes. Nothing would work. Nothing was putting BT Gunn down. He entered the Hydro with both his alter ego’s at either side of him, but this BT Gunn almost felt like all three personas rolled in to one frightening ball. A ball that’s heavy good at the wrestling.

btkick

BT hit a codebreaker off the top, before someone made the ill advised devision to make Big Sexy put down his beer and sort some dafties out. That someone was Joe Coffey, after BT mistakenly hit referee Sean McLaughlin with the Gunnshot, Joe saw an opening and after flooring BT with a good old fashioned headbutt, he urged Red Lightning (who was fuckin brilliant on commentary throughout the match btw) to chuck him a steel chair. Primed and ready to knock BT out, big Nash wasn’t having it. For all the cunt’s that were indifferent and even booed him being announced, I get it right, but he was every bit the authority figure you need yer commissioner to be in that situation. An absolute giant who commands respect. It takes a brave or perhaps a really fuckin stupit man to try to rebel against a guy that size, but god bless Joe for having a swing eh. It widnae be me mate, but you decided to go for it and that’s admirable in a strange way. After Nash patching Joe’s offer for a too sweet, Joe cracked him full force with the chair originally intended for BT. The look Nash shot him told Joe it wasn’t his brightest idea, but the whole saga gave BT a chance to get up and nail Joe with a superkick, before accepting Nash’s offer of a Too Sweet. A lovely moment before BT picked up the chair now complete with a big Diesel shaped dent in it to swing it at Joe. Joe ducked and hit the first of several discus clotheslines as Thomas Kearins entered the fray to count two.

nashjoe

BT’s finisher the TechnoDrome DDT has a 100% success rate in ICW and is the only move that’s earned anyone a pinfall victory over Joe this year, so Joe kicking out of that told the story of what it was going to take to keep either of these mad bastards down for a three. So many lariats. BT went for the Gunnshot and Joe caught him German Suplex style. It was all happening let me tell ye. Joe was sick and fuckin tired of Thomas Kearins only counting to two, so tired he hit HIM with a German as well, and that left us with precisely nae refs. Sean McLaughlin was either deid at this point or he’d rolled under the ring to play Candy Crush on his phone, but either way, Red Lightning dragged him back in and literally counted with his cold deid hand only for BT to get the shoulder up again. Not tonight Joe ma man. Moose might have fallen. Keith Lee was put down for the 1,2,3. Every challenger with a set of baws and a set of boots has fallen at the feet of the Iron King but for once on the big stage, this was not to be his night.

3btttt

The lights went out and suddenly there was three BT Gunns in the ring. I dunno if it counts as three superkicks or one big massive one but either way, Joe took three crackin kicks to the jaw before BT hit all the classics. Gunnshot, that Technodrome Joe kicked out off, followed by a crossface that seemed like it was getting the job done. Joe looked on the cusp of tapping but Rudo isnae just a manager. He’s not just a world class agent. He’s a get out of jail free card in a fetching grey suit. If Joe was drowning the bottom rope was his lifeboat and Red pushed it towards him, urging him to fight to keep that World Title, but there was nae fight left and after Red was superkicked out of the equation by BT 2 and BT 3, Joe could fight no more and he tapped out. BT Gunn securing the only title that’s eluded him as both his ICW Title reigns came before it was a World Title. Every fuckin honour you could think of has been BT Gunns at one point and its nice to see someone who for a long time was criminally underrated across the UK get the recognition he richly deserves. Both of them deserved that platform and produced a match well worth the spot it had. 

btchamp

Joe has hinted that this is the end of the road for him in ICW for now and if that’s the case, I think folk will only truly start to appreciate how good he is in his absence. No matter where he was on the card or what he was given to work with, the level of performance has never wavered and he done an admirable job as champion. Decisively beating everyone chucked in his path which have him an air of infallibility that made BT’s win over him even more significant. It’s all well and good beating a champion, but to beat one who’s been a real life superhero for years is another thing altogether. A wonderful feat and one that will hopefully be just a wee chapter in both of their stories. I sincerely hope if Joe is done its temporary and he’s just recharging the auld batteries, but if that’s really it and he’s off to pastures new, its been an absolute pleasure to see him do his thing to such a brilliant standard for so many years. From the best of 5 with Noam Dar, to the thankless struggle to get to the mountain top, all the way to a very strong title reign. BT has big boots to fill but something tells me he has more than enough to do the job. All the goodies jumped in the ring to celebrate with the new champ as they ended the Hydro the same way France 98 had ended the night before. In a mad taps aff party. Tits oot for the Hydro.

Overall a top quality show. From top to bottom a better show than the year before, and when it comes to running a venue the size of The Hydro, improvement is all ye can ask for. The crowd might have been a bit down from the previous year, but the quality of the show and ICW shows in general this year would say it wont be down again next year. Considering the stars that ICW have lost over the past year, to still get 4,000 folk to a British Wrestling show is a massive achievement. These mad bastards are only getting started.

Big thank you to David J Wilson as usual for the liberal use of his wonderful photos, and of course Warrior Fight Photography. 

 

ICW Shug’s House Party 4 – Night One Review

shugs

Noam ‘fuckin Dar. A lot of really good shit happened on night one of the Shug’s weekender. An eye watering fatal four-way match with a WWE title on the line stole the show in terms of being the best wrestling match and all 4 men involved should be incredibly proud of what they produced when the stakes have maybe never been higher, but nae single moment matched the one where Noam Dar stepped through that curtain one more time in front of 1,000+ people who love him like a brother/son/mythical god in a shiny trackie tap. It was a wee moment of triumph for him and everyone watching. The fact that his talent has been recognised with WWE signing him AND we still get to see him perform in ICW. Even if its just for one night, thats still a special, surreal situation we all find ourselves in. Wrestling right now is beautiful and you’d need about 50 pairs of eyes and at least one and a half functional brains to watch all the good shit. All I needed to see Noam on this particular night was a pair of steamin eyes and at least 1/8th of a brain and honestly it was like seeing the love of my life for the first time all over again. The first guy who stepped through the curtain at the first ICW show I went to had suddenly came back into my life. If he didnae leave me so he could hing oot the back ae ALLLLLLLLLLEEEEESHA FOXXXXX I might have considered going for a reconciliation but I realise now that’s where he belongs. Don’t be sad its over, just be happy it happened, and if the fair city riots come back to town again, scream so hard ye gie yersell a hernia.

Unfortunately while Noam would be tagging with his auld pink party pal Sha Samuels in the main event, he wouldn’t get to share the ring with fellow pink partner turned big bad baddie Grado. Due to other commitments Grado and Red Lightning opened the show by informing the crowd that Grado wouldn’t be competing that night and that Grado vs Sha Samuels the following night would be “loser leaves town”. Grado took to the mic to call us aw jabronis and tell us he didn’t need us. But what if we need you eh? Ye ever think about that? What if we need you and you fuck off to America to ride Alicia Fox anyway? Whit am I supposed to tell the weans?

Bram was announced as his replacement and the latest client of Rudo, little did we know just 24 hours later he’d set fire to the world before sitting back with a cigar watching it burn.

Mikey Whiplash vs Stevie Boy (Dog Collar Match)

ICW’s only other dog collar match was a fuckin stoater between two guys who would later be involved in an equally excellent contest later in the night. This one was also beautifully brutal viewing and its excellence might get a bit lost considering all the other heavy duty shit that occurred on the night but any match that involved a guy literally hanging his adversary should never be lost in anything.

They started with Whiplash pulling Stevie into the middle some some thunderous forearms and jabs before Stevie used the dog collar to pull Whiplash off the ropes into an innovative cutter. Stevie had control and decided that with Whiplash down, it was time to get that collar aff. I seen this move being queried and folk askin if it should be a DQ, its a fuckin dog collar match troops. People were scudding each other with chains. There are nae DQs. Its very much a dae whit ye want type of scenario and Stevie wanted that collar off. He then had the ingenious idea to attach his half of the collar to the ringpost before leathering Whiplash with the chain for a while. Whiplash ended a sustained and brutal period of getting a doing with a Death Valley Driver but his own wee bit of momentum ended when he went for a running kick but the chain was just a wee bit short and he went fleein into the air like Stevie had chucked The Geezers auld slip n slide in the ring.

Whiplash decided the best course of action after that mishap would be keeping the chain a close to him as possible, strapping it to his body like a demonic life jaiket before leaping off toe top rope and landing a splash. Whiplash then put the collar back ON Stevie, before pullin the rulebook oot his pocket and showing Stevie the word “Dog Collar Match – Rules” at the top of an otherwise empty page. As blood trickled down Whiplash’s face they scudded each other daft once more, Stevie hitting two superkicks in a row and looking the sharper man, only for Whiplash to bust out THREE powerbombs and the death valley driver he called “The Zombiemaker” for the win.

Whiplash grabbed a mic after sealing the win to tell Stevie it wasn’t over. His disciples placed a coffin on the stage and there was a present for Stevie in there. I dunno if there was some kinda flesh-eating monster in there but whatever Whiplash had in store was absorbed by a certain Jimmy Havoc. Who hopped out looking more murderous than ever before, attacking Whiplash before getting on the mic himself (making this sound like a rap battle, it wisnae one, sorry to disappoint) to reveal he would be part of a four way death match at Fear and Loathing also involving Whiplash, Stevie Boy and Chris Renfrew who was summoned to the ring by Havoc to be called a bitch repeatedly. Renfrew’s auld Renfrew instincts told him to jump in there and hammer the cunt, but Whiplash kept him under control. For now. Surely Renfrew is due a mad stabbin spree anytime now.

Bull James vs Kid Fite

This was a right good laugh so it was. Originally supposed to be Bull teaming with Liam Thomson, while also allowing him to sleep in the bath of his hotel room. But Liam’s injury meant nae wrestling and nae roof over his heid for the night. Boy just cannae catch a break. If they have another match and Wolfgang wins his maw hes literally got fuck all left. Unless Wolfgang ever needs a kidney, the game’s a bogey. Liam’s injury meant instead of a tag match with Lou King Sharp and Krieger, they became the hauners for the Da of this team/Scottish Wrestling in general. The sultan of snap suplexin. Kid Fite.

Fito tried in vain to take big Bull off his feet before Bull took him down, following that up by shoulder charging Lou King Sharp so hard he flew right out the venue and landed perfectly on a bar stool in BOX. Ordering himself a double jack n coke wae nae ice while his two pals tried to literally wrestle a bull. The size disadvantage Fito was at was mad apparent when he had Bull down but couldn’t physically turn him over for the pin. Lou King Sharp made it back fae BOX in time to try and turn him over, but the swally had obviously taken a hold because the universally acclaimed muscle man couldnae get the job done. Eventually Krieger was called upon to do the deed, and his success seemed to enrage oor Lou. A bit of a family dispute led to Bull having the opening to enleash aw sorts of jookin n jiving. He even hit a Tornado DDT on Krieger in impressive fashion before the sharp yin took it upon himself to put this matter to an end. I dunno if he expected a bullet to shoot out of his shoulder when he went for the spear on Bull but it didn’t work and while Bull was laughing it off, Kid Fite rolled up him for the sneaky win.

The troops made their way to the back laughing it up while big Bull bemoaned the lack of hauners he was given on the night. Shoulda kidded on ye were into motorbikes and gied The Purge a shout mate.

Kay Lee Ray vs Kasey (ICW Women’s Title Match)

Kay Lee Ray has maybe been my favourite ICW performer since The Hydro. Anything she does when she steps in that ring has authority. It fuckin matters. She carries herself like titles belong round her waist and accolades are rightfully hers. I never thought watching her drop the title she’s made her own since that night she dethroned Carmel in under a minute would be a thing I like but it made a star out of someone who’s deserved that shine for a long fuckin time and in the immortal words of a smiley DDP, that’s not a bad thing it’s….A GOOD THING.

Kay Lee got on the mic and ripped Kasey three or four new arseholes, claiming that while shes good, she’s not in the upper echelon of women’s wrestling and not even on the level of her sister. Upon hearing this, Kasey took what could only be described as a mad ragey and nearly pinned Kay Lee instantly with a superb knee to the jaw. Kay Lee rolled to the outside only to be met by a suicide dive from Kasey, as the Belfast born bruiser (fuckin alliteration daft the day) chucked her back in to beat her with her own move, the Gory Special, followed by another belter of a running knee to crown Kasey the NEW ICW Women’s Champion. 

Kay Lee loses her belt to Kasey going tonto on her jaw. Does nae harm to Kay Lee and made Kasey look like a legit badass/borderline murderer. Folk complaining about the “not getting enough time” n aw that, watch them have an absolute stoater of a rematch on night two and tell me it didnae work. As for Kasey, a lot of hard work paying off for her, shes crafted a cracking character and paired with her in ring ability, its nice to see someone who’s grafted at it for a number of years finally get a bit of momentum.

Jody Fleisch vs Super Crazy

Cards on the table, of the announced matches this is the one I was the least hyped about and then they fuckin killed it and made me and everycunt who went “Super Crazy? Why?” when he was announced look incredibly stupit. How dare we question the credentials of a Lucha Granda who’s been at this wrestling carry on for 29 years and still flies about like an Apprentice Lucha on his first day. Jody Fleisch is someone I remember from my younger years doing British Wrestling brilliantly when it wasn’t in fashion and looking in the shape of his life. A couple of auld geezers having the time of their fuckin life out there in front of 1,000 + sweaty Glaswegians. Wrestling is diversity. Diversity is wrestling.

Super Crazy chucked Jody about in amongst the crowd after a bit of lucha sparring to kick the match off. They got back in the ring and Super Crazy hit a drop toehold on to a chair before dropkicking that chair, then doing a mad standing corkscrew thing. 29 fuckin year doing this wrestling carry on and he’s fleein about like Will Ospreay fulla poppers. Jody Fleisch sent him outside with a gorgeous handspring back elbow, then an even more perfect moonsault to the outside. Both men landing remarkable safely on the ramp. Everything Fleisch done over the weekend was flawless, except maybe having the Union Jacks on his gear but loving the Sellik isnae absolutely essential if ye want to become a Snapmare Necks endorsed grappler. Its preferred like, but not essential.

They both went for some death defying top rope stuff. Fleisch missing a shooting star press, before super Crazy landed super hard on a missed moonsault, but Jody was caught napping as he pondered hiring a helicopter and doing a 1080 splash out of it to put Super Crazy away, and Super Crazy rolled him up for the win. Hugely entertaining and they both rolled back the years to put on a cracking show. More Jody Fleisch in ICW please. in fact, fuck it, more of both of them.

Lionheart vs Joe Hendry (Non Sanctioned Match)

Beast feud in ICW this year by a fuckin mile and its been a smashin year so that tells you just how good they’ve both been. Who knows how “real” the whole thing is, but its felt real. Its felt like Bret vs Shawn type of animosity between two guys who are probably similar deep down but something between them has gone a bit wrong. Something in their dynamic got a bit fucked up and that led to them fucking each other up. Big kicks to the temple. Threats of stabbing. Joe Hendry saying a SWEAR WORD. It’s all happened over the course of this bitter rivalry and here’s where it ends. In a match that by definition COULD end in a stabbing without ICW being liable for it. The stabber would still likely get the jail but whit the fuck else to you expect when you stab a guy in front of 1,000 witnesses? A medal for being the tap stabber in wrestling? Mon noo.

It began with them both trying to punch each others cunts in, but both managed to cover their heads effectively and that led to Joe busting out that palm strike into the neckbreaker he does that looks lovely I must say. One of my favourite Joe Hendry wrestling manoeuvres. They went out into the crowd and belted each other off of every hard surface they could find, taking a break to go haufers on a pint cause only kings and sultans can afford a full pint to themselves in the ABC. Lionheart then chucked Joe off a wee ledge, before somersaulting on to him and hunners of fans. The ABC is probably the best venue for mad dives. There are hunners of wee places for that type of madness. Back in the ring, yer man Hendry took a chair to Hearto’s back quite brutally. Seeming conflicted throughout. In the unsanctioned arena there’s nae room for your conscience. Its do or die. Joe Hendry in his normal hear might not be able to knock fuck out of a guy with a chair, but Jeans Hendry with the jeans on? fuckin go for it mate. Jeans Hendry. Chair slingin hero.

The chair attack was derailed with a defiant dropkick from Lionheart, which lead to him daein a bit of D-Vonning. Setting up a table and going up top only for Jeans Hendry to catch him square on the brain with a flying chair. With the table set up and Lionheart bleeding aw err the camp, Joe hit a superb exploder suplex that sent Lionheart through the table before getting him in a chokehold and watching the life drain from his eyes as the ref called it.

Joe Hendry had won, but something beautifully organic happened afterwards. A double turn of sorts as the crowd chanted “Joe Hendry’s A Fanny” parodying his famous ditty about Hearto that started this whole thing. Hendry then took to the mic to cut an emotive promo, telling Lionheart he had to do what he done before a dazed Lionheart hit a Rock Bottom on him to a wild reaction. There’s nae doubt Joe Hendry is brilliant as an arrogant baddie, and Lionheart deserves a run with a bit of momentum behind him so the outcome is a big win-win and the feud was superbly done. Lionheart is a hero chants rang out as Jeans Hendry trudged to the back. Take a bow troops. Good wrestling indeed.

Zack Gibson vs Kenny Williams (Ladder Match for the ICW Zero-G Title)

He is Zack Gibson. He doesn’t do flips. He doesn’t want you to enjoy flips. If he knew what madness was going down in that Fleisch vs Super Crazy match he’d have burned the place to the ground but he was too busy throwin darts at a photo of Kenny stealin HIS belt. This has been a feud full of blatant thievery in all honesty, so the safest course of action was probably taking the belt aff them and sticking it on the ceiling. Gibson told us as SOOOON as Kenny Williams was out cold, then and only then would we see a ladder but within about 30 seconds Kenny had brought one in and Gibson had dropkicked it into his face.

This feud has been another highlight of 2017 and it was nice to see the Zero-G defended on a big show in a match that didnae have “scramble” in the title somewhere. Kenny Williams and Zack Gibson are firmly established as two of the very best in the country. Give them aw the singles bouts. This match was essentially all the mad shit they always do to each other with a ladder somehow wedged into the mix. Gibson hit a slingshot on to a ladder set up in the corner that saw Kenny’s two front teeth knocking clean out his heid, somehow landing in Gibson’s back pocket. Despite missing two of his most important gnashers, Kenny hit a beauty of a back elbow off a wee ladder attached to a big ladder, a move that followed a mad crossbody off the ladder to Zibson on the outside. Gibson hit the Codebreaker on Williams while he carried one of the wee ladders in a move that was probably as sare on him as it was on his opponent. What I like about Gibson is no matter the type of match or opponent, he’s always working the arm. He’s always got the finish line in sight. Everything he does is for a reason. Nae flashyness. Functional, really sare looking, wrestling. They battled on the ladder before both falling back, Kenny landing hard on the wee ladders.

With both men poised on ladders, Kenny hit a smashing cutter off one ladder on to the one Gibson was on, before deliberately running underneath the ladder on his way to a suicide dive that was caught by Gibson. He undoubtedly would have hit the dive if he didnae anger the gods by running under the ladder in the first place. It all culminated in yer classic two guys climbing the ladder, peppering each other with jabs, before one guy ups the ante and knocks the opponent off the ladder. On this occasion it was Kenny who took a maddy, leathering Gibson with about 50 forearms before the man SOOOON  to be recognised as the former Zero-G Champion fell off the ladder and Kenny climbed up to become the first ever 3 time ICW Zero-G Champion. 

Another feud that hugely benefited both parties. Kenny makes history and comes out on top of an extremely physical feud with some cracking matches while Gibson undoubtedly positions himself as one of the top guys in the company. Of all the English guys ICW have used in recent years, some of whom have flitted in and out and not really established themselves as regulars, Zack Gibson is the example to follow. Don’t settle for being on the odd tour show. Don’t settle for bit part. Carve out a spot for yourself. Break peoples arms. Do it SOOOOOON.

Dickie Divers vs Thomas Kearins

I really dunno what else folk expected from a match between a referee and a wrestler. It was supposed to be a bit daft. It was supposed to provide a bit of respite between a stoater of a ladder match and two of the biggest matches ICW’s ever seen. It started with Kearins up the top rope, completely missing a dive while Divers laughed his heid aff and that set the tone for the whole piece.

Another good thing this “feud” has brought to us is the return of Divers’ running knee in the corner. One of the best executed moves in Scottish Wrestling. Up there with the famed Kid Fite snap suplex, and Divers busted out a snap suplex of his own right after that brought a two count. Stunned that Kearins was able to kick out at all, Divers was even more taken aback by Kearins nailing him with a big boot. He had wee moments like that. He hit yer Da’s favourite flying headscissors ever much to everyones astonishment but whenever he got a head of steam, he got kicked in the jaw. Imagine how much of a doing the ref at a fitba game would get if he decided to take the ball off a player and smash one in the top corner. Stay in yer lane kid. Oversee the grapples, don’t be the grapples. His attempt at seemingly some sort of dive was derailed by a big boot to the chops from Divers.

He seemed a bit done with it at that stage and when he hit a legdrop off the second rope that was probably it but he pulled Kearins shoulder up. Seemingly wanting to inflict more damage but yer man got rolled up for the quick one, two, three! THE REF HAS BEAT THE WRESTLER. SHUT THE WHOLE THING DOWN. Nah I’m jestin mate, Divers of course kicked out and hit a Northern Lights Driver (had nae fuckin idea what to call so cheers to William Grange for knowing the names of aw the moves) for the win. 

Divers wasn’t done apparently, as he grabbed a chair to continue the beatdown only for Dirk Mcintosh to appear on the stage. Dirk Mcintosh is a character Thomas Kearins portrayed so folk were aw like “aw man, i mean, if hes there and hes there, WILL THE REAL TAM KEARINS PLEASE STAND UP!?” He did, and hit a DDT on a distracted Divers before giving his alter ego a big thumbs up for the hauners. I don’t even think it was another guy, I think he’s got that special type of schizophrenia where both yer personalities get a body each. I’ll say one thing for big Kearins he does hit a fine DDT indeed.

Pete Dunne (c) vs Wolfgang vs BT Gunn vs Trent Seven (WWE UK Championship Match)

Simon Cassidy looked positively buzzin as he announced this. Realising the hugeness of what he was about to do. Only time I’ve heard more buzz come from him was when he announced the fuck out of DCT before his cage match with Bram. This was an active WWE Title being defended on a show ran by a UK promotion. Nah fuck that. This was a WWE Title being defended on a FUCKIN ICW SHOW. Involving two ICW LEGENDS and one of its most recent champions. It was essentially a WWE match with ICW spray-painted over the top of it NWO Hollywood style, but if ICW were staging an NWO style takeover, Pete Dunne was Sting. Pete Dunne was the guy who was gonnae single handedly gonnae bring it down.

There were tense moments in the pre match staredown. Wolfgang wondering where the fuck Trent had been for the past wee while, and Trent too sweeting his pal Pete when he entered the ring. A wee alliance there perhaps? Take the two Scottish guys out and keep the belt Birmingham exclusive is it? Wolfgang and BT Gunn weren’t fucking about and when Trent and Pete went out on to the apron to do that Triple H thing where he spits water all over his own face, BT and Wolfy knocked them off the apron. This is for a WWE title. Nae fuckin messin. Be British Strong Style besties on yer own time. Wolfy and BT had the ring to themselves after that and of course knocked lumps out each other because that’s what they do.

They were seemingly taking shots each to fight each other, but Wolfgang decided he was gonnae fight everyone at once. Taking BT down with a spear and hitting a big dive to the outside on Pete and Trent who happened to be out there forearming each others faces to bits. BT Gunn got in on the diving fun with a trust fall dive on to all three men, before Wolfy’s attempt at the Slam Dunk on Trent was thwarted by a stunner of a Half Nelson Suplex. Every single moment of this was fucking incredible and if you’ve not actually seen it with your eyes you need to go ahead and do that right now. Fuck reading this shit. Go watch the match. Go and watch Pete Dunne offer another too sweet to his “pal” Trent only for Pete to drastically reduce the chance of any wee Trent Seven’s running about with a hellacious boot to the baws. Pete Dunne is a fuckin killer and when it comes to shiny belts, he has no pals. Never forget that. When it comes to keeping hold of a fuckin active WWE title he will literally kill a man or at least bite each and every one of his fingers off to make sure it stays round his waist. A pedigree followed for a two count that enraged Dunne so much he nearly bopped Sean McLaughlin before deciding against it. A wise move there Pete. Don’t mess wae Sean. He might no have a mustachioed alter ego or a sweet DDT but he looks like he’s slung a few haymakers in his time.

After that everyone pretty much lost their fuckin minds in the best possible way. All sorts of strikes from all four men. Kicks, punches…purple stuff. You name it, they done it, before they all struck each other with forearms and fell to the ground. Back on their feet they unleashed mad furious punches on each other, it was just a blur of furious British fists, before Wolfgang used BT Gunn’s foot to kick both Pete and Trent, before hitting beauty of a powerslam on BT, followed up with a slam dunk/senton combo from Wolfgang on Pete and Trent, and as BT Gunn went for a crossbody, Wolfgang caught him in another Slam Dunk to end the whole sequence with Wolfgang right on top of three of the best wrestlers in the UK. What a fuckin year the big man’s having, and with the WWE UK Championship and Liam Thomson’s maw in his sights, its only gonnae get better. A whole lot of fun, prizes to be won.

Wolfgang went up for the swanton to finally bring that belt hmae but BT Gunn kicked out. They then both landed in a pinning position from a superplex and Sean counted them both. If it was a double pin again, Sean’s a joiner by trade so 5 minutes wae a hacksaw solves that problems. Half a belt each. Trent hit a stunning half nelson suplex on TWO men at the same time, I thought that would be a better way to describe it than a double half nelson suplex cause then its a full nelson suplex? I don’t fuckin know. This is all too much.  Dunne hit the bitter end on Wolfy but BT Gunn was like a man possessed throughout. The only one of the four not currently tied in with WWE in any way but a man who at least proved to everyone watching that he was on that level. Him being mightily impressive throughout this match wasn’t even the highlight of his weekend so that tells ye just how amazing his night two was. He hit a double Gunnshot before Trent almost took the title himself with the same top rope piledriver that saw him take Wolfgang’s ICW Title back in February. BT once again got a taste of the glory with a beautiful three move combination ending in a brainbuster on Dunne but Dunne countered BT coming off the top rope with a huge forearm and retained the shiny belt, bringing a stunning contest to an end with the Bitter End.

It all ended rather amicably which was nice. All four men taking a swig of water before doing their best Triple H impression after it. Well done troops. With the pressure on to deliver all for of you tore the house down. Truly felt like ye were standing watching history so it did. Lovely.

Sha Samuels and NOAM FUCKIN DAR vs Joe Coffey and Bram

There has never been an entrance in pro wrestling so perfect. I will completely admit to be being hugely biased saying that, but to me there’s never been an entrance so marvellous. So joyful that if you could condense it into pill form it could cure any illness. Even that wan that makes ye age backwards. As Sha waited patiently in the ring for his best pal in the whole world, Noam Dar’s WWE music hit and a procession of monkeys in suits came out instead of a cheeky wee monkey in a tracksuit. Sha looked a bit taken aback himself, and even urged the monkeys to calm it when they entered the ring but then the joy came. Then we heard that thunderous opening to Fair City Riots and each and every person within a 50 mile radius of that wrestling ring lost their fuckin minds. Even Sha couldn’t help having a wee dance as Noam made his way out to the tune he mad famous. FAIR CITY RIOTS ARE COMIN TO TOWN, FAIR CITY RIOTS ARE BRINGIN YA DOWN. Fuckin……aw fuck….there he is. In all his glory. For one night only. Your favourite, ma favourite, evdy’s favourite! Noam Dar was back in the building. In his element. Thousands of miles away from ALLLLLLLEEEESHA FOXXXXX. Get the tea on and the tunnocks teacakes oot, oor boy’s hame!

The baddies came out to ruin all the fun, cause that’s what baddies do. Little did Bram know he was just 24 hours away from ruining everyone’s lives. Punching the joy clean out of our collective souls. Joe Coffey stepped out with that shiny belt and started the match staring down Noam Dar. An iconic ICW moment considering the feud they had a couple of years back. My favourite ICW feud in terms of the quality of wrestling matches it produced and thats what it’s all about at the end of the day innit. The auld grapplin. Joe tagged out before they could actually do any grappling, in a villainous move thats up there with him coming out to Simply The Best at Target. Bram was set about by both Noam and Sha, who were looking like a machine as well oiled as Iestyn Rees chest. Joe did get in there eventually, swinging Noam about a bit before locking in a half crab. They isolated Noam effectively for a bit but he eventually made it to Sha for a red-hot tag. Scorchin so it wis.

Bram hit a cracker of a spinning heel kick on Sha and he seemed to gel with Joe very well. Sha and Joe went at for a bit in a enjoyable exchange that could perhaps one day happen for a World Title on the line. Sha Samuels is a main event guy after all. You put him in main events, the result is always top drawer. All of a sudden the action made its way into a crowd that was now at least 95% sweat, Noam hitting a suicide dive before Sha hit the famous Sha-Sault frop the top rope into the crowd. The most aesthetically pleasing move in pro wrestling by a fuckin mile. As they battled in the crowd Joe had Noam in a belter of a Boston Crab but as Red Lightning was rightly saying on commentary, ye cannae win the match there mate. Back in the ring, referee Sean McLaughlin was taken out mistakenly by Sha, leading to all sorts of low blows. Noam clocking Bram’s hawmaws right after he had booted Sha in the crown jewels. Joe Coffey bypassed all the low blow patter, instead hitting the Discus Lariat for what would have undoubtedly been a three count had a referee been present. Nae ref means nae count, and nae danger for Noam as he quickly locked in the X-Wing Kneebar that had Joe tapping, but once again, nae ref, nae party.

With Thomas Kearins knackered from doing a spot of wrestling himself, the only other ref available was Stephen Hughes, who was cleaned out as soon as he hit the ring by Bram, who just 24 hours later would somehow get access to the big red button. Managing to somehow beat Trump to pressing it, launching aw sorts of missiles and killing us all. Bram then hit a fuckin Canadian Destroyer on Sha, which Sha seemed impervious to, hitting one of his own to shatter Bram’s skull. Joe then cleaned Sha out with the discus but a groggy Sena McLaughlin only got across in time to count two.

Joe was removed from the equation completely when his opponent on Night Two Jack Jester emerged and they set about each other all the way to the back, prompting Red Lightning to hop off commentary and break all our hearts. A skill he has finely cultivated over the years. He handed Noam a steel chair and it seemed to be lights out for the Pinky Party. Noam seemed to be joining the big bad baddies. He berated Sha just like Grado had a few months earlier, holding a steel chair in his hand seemingly intent on ruining everyones life a full 24 hours before Bram did, but it was a fallacy. A falsehood. A fuckin big ruse so it was. Sha’s middle fingers turned to Pinky’s, and Noam’s villainous scowl became the widest of smiles as he turned the chair to Bram, before leaving it to Sha to chuck at the big bastard before Noam knocked him clean out with a flying knee for the win. Endlessly beautiful stuff. Still buzzin aff it.

As if all the beautiful wrestling stuff wasn’t enough he rounded it off with a nice wee promo. If the words he said are to be believed he might love us just as much as we love him but surely that’s no fuckin possible is it? Nae way. Nae pinky. Nae part-ay. 

 

 

 

ICW Barramania 3 Review

barrasssss

Wrestling is about heroes and villains is it no? Telling stories? That’s what it is to me anyway. Every character has an arc. A thing that happens to them that changes the person they were at the start of the story. If things didn’t change from time to time, yer telling fuckin shite stories and should write better ones. A lot of shit changed in this show. Stories end, new ones begin. Fuckin wrestling mate. Swings and roundabouts.

Billy Kirkwood’s unabashed joy at the prospect of William Grange coming out gets me every time. He got really excited to see his pal, then we all sung Sweet Caroline for a bit. I realise context would help here for anyone who wisnae there, but let yer brain go wild there. Why would 1000+ wrestling fans be singing Sweet Caroline, or perhaps the more pertinent question is, why the fuck wouldn’t they be? Its a tune.

The Zero-G Scramble (Kenny Williams vs Matt Cross vs Ravie Davie vs ‘Flash’ Morgan Webster vs Charlie Sterling vs Zack Gibson vs BT Gunn) 

barrasszerog

Never been hugely into these matches unless they involve about 900 ladders but this match last year was the start of Lionheart re-inventing himself and had the added intrigue of one competitor not being know going in to it so I was quietly buzzin for it. I mean who could the other guy possibly be? Possibilities are endless Kenny Omega and The Young Bucks wrestled in Scotland that week, so they all immediately become suspects. WWE and ICW seem pally enough to allow special dispensation for a wee Noam Dar visit, if he can stop hingin oot the back ae ALLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEESHAAAA FAWWWWWWXXX for 5 minutes. Even the likes of Pete Dunne, Jimmy Havoc and Tyler Bate were all intriguing options. Closer to home oor BT Gunn didn’t have match and has a Grand Slam to be completing, but naw. None of the fuckin above. Sit doon, and kindly cover up yer semi’s. Embarassing yourselves so yees are. Its fuckin LIVERPOOOOOOOOOLS NUMBEH WUN. Zack Gibson. Like it or fuckin lump it.

Zack Gibson has quietly been killing it for a wee while in ICW, particularly on the mic. Know why? He quite plainly disnae give a flying fuck about being cheered and has catered his character to be as much of an annoyance to the audience as possible. Like a good fuckin villain should. Wrestling does have this grey area between hero and villain now, and that’s aw fine. Dance along the line if it works for ye, but there will never not be room for real baddies who get pure enjoyment from fuckin wae folk. Red Lightning is one of them anaw, but the relevance of that will be revealed shortly (who we kiddin there? It’ll be revealed in about 10,000 words) but the point is, Zack Gibson was the last guy. Until he wisnae cause who the fuck says a scramble needs to be six guys? It’s an open challenge and if the whole Nation Of Domination came doon and said they were in the match that’s how it would have to be. They did not, but BT FUCKIN GUNN did, and 6 became 7.

BT Gunn and Matt Cross flew about together for about 10 seconds which was enough to convince me all the matches from now on should be BT Gunn vs Matt Cross matches. Everywhere. I  jest n that but them two wrestling each other would be some of the dopest shit. Zack Gibson continued his hot streak of being brilliant at being an absolute worst cunt by dismantling a tower of doom suplex thing in the corner. Every other competitor slotting together like some kinda mad game of wrestler jenga before big Zack burst in and knocked the whole tower doon. Followed it up with a sexy big chinlock because fundamentals are important. Even in a mad flippy Zero-G showcase, a right gid chinlock to give you a breather and the opponent a sare chin is still effective.

Everyone bar one very important exception had a wee shot of being interim Zero-G Champion. First was Charlie Sterling, who had his shot of it via a shooting star headbutt after a lovely wee sequence of him doing some mad agile stuff. I’m a heterosexual man, got a burd and everything mate, ask anyone, absolutely daft for fanny, but some lifeforms supersede sexual preference and with that being said, I’d maybe….probably……definitely pump Charlie Sterling. The big ride lost his interim champ status thanks to a Ravie Davie heidbutt and folk went mental for about 20 seconds before he lost it to the impressive ‘Flash’ Morgan Webster doing a hoppy backwards Hurricanrana thing. Who the fuck knows whit ye cry it but it looked good and he was a pleasure to watch throughout. Poor Ravie but, didnae even get to savour it for a full minute. Flash held on to it for a wee while, keeping everyone out the ring. A solid strategy until the poor boy got flip fever. After Kenny and Davie both nailed dives into the crowd, up Flash went for some ill-advised show stopping. Hitting a superb dive, before Matt Cross usurped his interim status with a springboard cutter back in the ring. If there’s any lesson to be taken there, it’s that doing big dives makes ye quite tired and more accustomed to being pinned by springboard cutters.

Sadly for the magnificently bearded American, his interim reign was also short-lived. BT Gunn came very close to ending it, but Zack Gibson tossed him out the ring when he was on the verge of becoming the first ever ICW (interim) Grand Slam winner, and locked in Shankly’s Gates on Cross to begin his stint as Zero-G Champ. With minutes left Kenny Williams had seen his belt passed aboot like a joint at a hoose party, but good joint etiquette dictates that the roller of said joint, or in this metaphor the holder of said belt, gets the last shot of it. It’s just manners int it. Kenny hit a mad reverse DDT thing and become the 6th and final interim champion of the night. Despite a grand slammin (sorry) effort from BT Gunn to take it aff him. Deep down we all knew it would come down to them, as impressive as the other dudes were, these two had the most at stake. BT Gunn wants that Grand Slam so much its palpable. Yer man’s building a legacy and shit like that is what it’s all about. He had Kenny in a crossface for the whole of the last-minute of the match but Kenny would not yield. He held on the his face and in the process held on to his shiny belt. The Zero-G Open continues.

Entertaining romp. Thought everyone was impressive. No big on their being so many “interim” reigns in a 15 minute period but it made sense as the only one NOT to get a pin was the man it would have meant the most to (even if it’s no officially a title reign, BT Gunn being Zero-G Champ for a millisecond would have meant a lot) so aye. Enjoyable way to kick off the show and mad Kenny wound up emerging from the chaos looking unbeatable and hard as nails for surviving a one minute crossface.

Polo Promotions vs War Machine

barraspoloswar

Arguably of the matches on the card this had the least at stake storyline wise. Nae gradual story being told over the course of multiple shows. Nae bad blood. Just two of the finest tag teams on the planet bringing the absolute best out in each other in a brutally hard-hitting scrap. Seen a lot of good tag team shit in ICW since 2012, but I have to say this edges the whole fuckin lot of it as my favourite tag match in the company. To steal the show on a card that had so many matches with personal aspects and titles on the line says it all about the story they told. War Machine will likely not be kicking about the “indie” scene long. Truth be told, neither will Polo Promotions if anycunt’s paying attention, but as long as they’re all still available for selection, fuckin pick them. Have this match a million times. If War Machine are available fly them err. Bring back concord flights and have a dedicated War Machine concord plane to fly the big majestic bastards to every ICW show. Best of 5? Try best of 50. Too far? Fuck ye. No far enough.

The match of course kicked off with a big shoulderblock war, because what else would 4 big fridge sized dudes be doing to start off a match. Raymond Rowe edged Mark Coffey in the hoss war, kicking off an early period of War Machine dominance. They’re a machine built for fuckin war, of course they’re gonnae be good at throwin folk about, but Polo Promotions are both upwards of 6 feet tall. Both big stocky lads, and yer man Rowe was chucking them about like empty ice cream cones (empty cause they need SCOOPS, get it? aye, yer a smart kid, you get it) performing a whole manner of suplexes before him and Hanson started tagging each other in with their forearms. There’s a thing ye cannae usually comment on, both these teams have a unique way of tagging. The Polo’s with their gentlemanly no wasted motion handshake tags, and the big Viking fuckers tagging each other in with forearms smashes. Dare to be different. If you’re an up and coming tag team out there looking for a hook, try tagging each other in with elbow bumps or if yer totally aff yer nut, headbutts. Dare to Zlatan.

Polo took some punishment off Big Hanson, including a beard infused chinlock, and considering the big fella’s got a family of Hawk’s living in that beautiful tapestry of hair he calls a beard that shit was mad dangerous, a back body drop bought Polo enough time for a tag and for Coffey and Rowe to re-assume their shoulderblock war. This time Coffey getting the edge and taking the big fella off his feet. Coffey followed it up with some forearms smashes that Rowe was HEADBUTTING away. If you’ve seen a Mark Coffey match before you are well aware he does not hold back when it comes to levelling cunts jaws with forearms and the big man swatted them away with his dome, before sending Coffey down with a combination of kicks and a forearm of his own. Big Hanson then proceeded to run from corner to corner clotheslining both Polos for what felt like hours. Incredible athleticism for a guy that size, but the Polos kept scrapping. Mark taking the big man off-balance before Polo took him off his feet with a high crossbody and they finally managed to nail him with a double back suplex. Polos in the ascendency going into the final furlong.

They stood team to team. Toe to toe. Sizing each other up. If there were judges in pro wrestling, the scorecards would have been all even at that point. Two top quality teams who had given each other the absolute business. As much business as they could handle. It all came down to the final chapter. The “Big guys throw other big guys into other big guys” chapter. Hanson and Rowe performed a mad Hardy Boyz looking move in the corner where Hanson flipped off Rowes back, before Rowe basically powerbombed Hanson into Coffey. Hanson must be a bawhair aff 300 pounds and is 100% a viking and Rowe looks like the enforcer for some kinda murderous biker gang, so they have no right to be doing late 90s/early 2000s Hardy Boyz shit, but do they look like the type of folk to be worried about what they should be doing? Polo injected a bit of momentum back into his team with a morale boosting pair of scoop slams. Somehow managing to nail Hanson with one, but the big man brushed it off, up right away screamin “come ahead!” in Norweigan right in Jackies face (I know he isnae actually Norweigan but there’s some kinda Scandinavian lineage there for sure) they nailed Coffey with a big double team powerslam. Hanson hitting a fuckin 300 pound suicide dive on Polo to stop him breaking up the pin but Coffey kicked out at two. Our boaysies wurnae done yet.

Coffey bravely kicking out of the first devastating double team move only served to annoy War Machine I think. Up Hanson went, and down he came with a legdrop from the top rope as Rowe had Coffey up for a belly to back suplex. A move they call fallout, probably because most of the opponents vital organs fall out their arse when they take the move. That was enough to put Polo Promotions away but if there’s nae rematch I am fucking done with this wrestling carry on. Why would you want this match to happen only once? If there’s one thing we’ve learned from movies is that the sequel is always better than the first one. Or something like that…

Wonderful, show stealer of a match that had no right to be going in. As good as stories with a slow build can be, sometimes just a brilliant match is enough of a story on its own.

Stevie Boy vs Chris Renfrew (Last Man Standing Match)

barrasenfstevFrom a match with very little personal bad blood attached to it, to one that was absolutely soaked in it. A year of these cunts hating each other after being brothers in arms for over a year before it all went wrong. One of those friendships that had a brotherly bond combined with both parties having the sneaking suspicion one could stab the other at any time. Stevie stabbed first, and I don’t think Renfrew has truly ever managed to pull that knife out his back. The dagger Stevie, Kay Lee Ray and Wolfgang drove through his heart is still there anaw. Amazing that a guy who got figuratively stabbed twice won a brutal TLC match later that night, but that’s just the kind of Rambo cunt Renfrew is. Stevie emerged with Kay Lee Ray but quickly sent her away. This was his fight. Stevie vs Renfrew. Last Man Stabbin.

The early part of the match was mainly them chucking each other into various hard surfaces in the East End of Glasgow, before Renfrew hit a Stoner on a table. Not through  a table in a wrestling way, I mean he scooped the cunt on to a real table. One ye could sit a buffet, or some VCR’s on without break it, and performer a Stone Cold Stoner on that hard surface. No gonnae lie, looked like he picked up a sare arse in the process. Because really real tables are probably not fun to land on. It was entertaining but I’ve never been hugely into Last Man Standing matches. Dunno why, it’s just rarely a stipulation that grabs me. Renfrew hitting a big Senton off the barrier is some shit capable of grabbing me but the first significant count happened after that when Stevie hit the destroyer. Renfrew made it to his feet and floored Stevie with a pair of Stoners. The second coming off the top rope that got Stevie to a count of 9 before he rolled out the ring, grabbed a kendo stick and smacked Renfrew between the eyes wae it. He set up a pair of chairs, no doubt so him and Renfrew could sit down with a few brewskies and talk this whole mess out. Man to man. Much to Stevies dismay, Renfrew had other ideas and decided a double underhook piledriver through the chairs was a better idea than any kind of peace talks. In any case, when given a choice, Renfrew will probably always go with the one that leads to somecunts heid getting split open. That would have been a fitting end to what was a brutal affair, but as the ref got ready to count to 10, Renfrew knocked him out with the Kendo Stick. He could have just picked Stevie up to break the count, but once again when presented with two options, he went with the one that was most likely to split a cunt’s heid open.

Renfrew whipped out the cable ties the same way Stevie had used them on him about 6 weeks earlier and went to fuckin work. A few brutal Kendo Stick shots knocked Stevie out, before Renfrew decided it was thumbtack chair time. Someone else had other ideas, someone else thought instead of it being thumbtack chair time, it was actually drag Renfrew under the ring time. Probably to murder him or at least stick a tongue in his ear or suhin. The man who emerged to drag Renfrew to hell was revealed to be MIKEY WHIPLASH, who then re-emerged to hand Stevie a noose before disappearing under the ring again. Probably to start feasting on Renfrew’s rotting corpse, or maybe he had a crossword book under there, who knows how long he had to wait under there mate. Maybe he brought a wee puzzlebook to pass the time. Point is the whole thing kinda ended in limbo. Nae winner or losers, nae definitive end to this whole saga, but Mikey Whiplash is back and it would be quality if this is somehow leading to a beautiful feud between him and Stevie. A right good feud with Whiplash could be the thing Stevie needs to move up to that permanent main event level and it would also just be a fuckin treat for the senses. As for Renfrew, who knows. BT Gunn and him still have some unresolved business but he might just be living underneath a wrestling ring in The Barras now. Maybe Whiplash has an underground dungeon that only appears when a wrestling ring is built on top of it and Renfrew’s gonnae be trapped there till the next Barras show. Its all up in the air. Wrestling.

DCT and Viper vs Davey Blaze and Kay Lee Ray

This one came about in an odd fashion, after Viper pinned Kay Lee at a Fight Club show ,her reward for pinning the champion was eh…a mixed tag match? It would have been difficult to do two more singles matches on a card loaded with them, but I didn’t really get these two feuds kinda being shoehorned together, even if DCT and Viper tagging together is always an undisputed winner. Davey injected a bit of unexpected heat into the whole thing but absolutely killing it on a backstage promo where he called Coach Trips wee boy “specky” and called his DCT and Coach Trip arseholes, before smashin fuck out the wee mans easter egg. There waere consequences for his sickening actions though. Smashing a wee boy’s easter egg apparently gets ye a Square Go with a big massive UFC guy. Who fuckin knew mate. Dallas, Sweeney and Toal formed like voltron as “Team Da” and made Paul “BearJew” Craig special enforcer for the match. Another who’s felt Davey’s verbal wrath recently as he viciously flipped his nickname upside down and called him a “JewBear” at another recent Fight Club taping.

A wee forgotten aspect of this is that Davey Blaze and Kay Lee Ray once kinda shared a tag title reign. Kay Lee filling in for Davey when he was injured when The Bucky Boys had the titles. So a married couple against a couple of folk who were once married to the same belt. Throw in some UFC guys, and baseball bat wae a horses face on it and you’ve got yourself a party. Viper tossed Kay Lee to the outside in almost a suicide dive that hit both DCT and Davey before Viper went up top, only for Wee Man to stop her from doing a big dive. Worried for her safety of course. He must have been worried about her neck anaw, cause he then went on to hold a baseball bat across her throat as Davey got ready to smash another few eggs, but a wild BearJew appeared to save the day. And the eggs.

Another UFC guy got involved called Chris Bungard, who apparently turned on BearJew for some reason. Hitting a low blow before they scudded each other around the ring in a very UFC’ish fashion for a bit. Bearjew taking the other guy down with a lovely throw. Everyone else with baws took a baw hit, including referee Sean McLaughlin, before Kay Lee Ray took a jab to the fanny. It’s all about equality at the end of the day, if baws can get hit, so can fannies. Wrestling int it. Davey hit a spear and a spinebuster on Viper because ICW mixed tag matches actually allow for real inter genderin. Kay Lee got the pin on DCT after a baseball bat shot from The Wee Man. This is what the whole enforcer business was designed to stop. I dunno if this is leading to an MMA fight in ICW or these dudes doing a bit of grappling, but the lack of enforcing meant DCT needed another saviour as he was being subjected to a post match beatdown. He needed the head of Swat Team Da. The man who had to literally pick up the pieces of that poor wean’s broken easter egg. Fuck a Coach Trip. We’re no going wur holidays here, the man who emerged to give Davey the father of all doings was none other than ADAM SHAME. The man, the myth, the legend. A big fuck off boot to the chops taught Davey a lesson only a Da could teach. Don’t call weans specky. Don’t smash their Easter Eggs, and most important do NOT call their Da’s arseholes if their Da’s are former big bastardin SWA Champions. Shame on you.

Drew Galloway vs Jack Jester (Barbed Wire Ropes Match)barrasdrewjester

When Drew Galloway came back to ICW, it was thriving. Pulling in bigger crowds than it ever has, putting on shows more regularly than ever before, and generally creating a bit of buzz on the European Wrestling scene. When WWE released him he knew ICW was going to be integral in his own personal relaunch, and knew how important it was to make an Impact there as soon as possible. How many folk have a moment like his return at Shugs House Party so soon after being released by WWE? If ICW wasn’t as strong as it was, that moment wouldn’t have been possible.  The views on the youtube video would have been a few thousand rather than hundreds of thousands. It was a big deal because it blew the roof off the place in a way that wouldn’t have been possible in a smaller venue with less of a rabid crowd. Simple as that. Drew’s moment was the first in a long line of moments and achievements that have since led to WWE signing him again. This time signing him as a guy who’s barely 30 with 15+ years experience all over the world. A guy who wasn’t content to live off nostalgia bookings using his WWE name and gimmick. A guy who wanted to do something different. To truly stand out he needed ICW, and to move to the next level, ICW needed him. That night he returned, he saved his old friend Jack Jester from the NAK, and thwarted Chris Renfrew’s attempt to cash in his ICW Title Shot he earned from winning the Square Go earlier in the year. He then celebrated with his old pal, only to knock the living shite out of him moments later. Lobbed him through tables and aw sorts. It was some brutal shit, and led to Drew ending Jesters year long reign as ICW Champion at ICW’s first Barrowlands show, so its only fitting that this chapter in Drew’s ICW career ends in the same place. Against the same opponent. Stories n that. Sometimes they come full circle. Sometimes they end with having a hunner puncture wounds in yer arse because yer pal baseball slid ye into a barbed wire board. That’s life.

If you’re wondering why they made it a Barbed Wire Ropes match, it’s fairly fuckin obvious is it no? I’m sure Drew would have taken a wee bit more punishment if he wasn’t a current WWE employee, but you need to be some kind of mad lunatic to actually expect a guy who’s just secured a second crack at his dream job to willingly be tossed in about barbed fuckin wire. The match was given that stipulation because Drew was going out as a stone cold killer. The same way he came in. Sacrificing his best pal for what he seen as the greater good. I’ve been going to ICW since 2012 and have seen Jack Jester take some of the severest doings I’ve ever seen anyone take in wrestling matches, but this was the heaviest one I’d seen him take in ICW. In terms of the ferocity of what Drew slung at him and the amount of times he had to literally rip barbed wire out of his skin, it was at the very least the most profoundly sore looking one. Its not like Drew was swanning about, dishing out a heavy doing and taking zero dunts either. He took punishment. He took a suplex on the floor. You ever took a suplex on a hard floor? Me neither, but I imagine its fuckin sare. The fact that he was willing to be anywhere near any amount of barbed wire for your entertainment is plenty enough risk. Imagine you got yer dream job, a bit of stability, ye tell the wife it finally happened, you’ll no need to always be on a plane, more time at home, more normality, then ye tell yer wife a day before you’re due to start the new job, you’re going down to your old job to have a chainsaw fight with one of yer old co-workers, then yer gonnae swallow a gallon of petrol and shove a lit match up yer arse, blowing ye hauf way across the east end of Glesga. Expecting Drew to get mauled by some barbed wire knowing what was at stake for him is a bit weird and selfish. If he chose to do so, fair enough, but expecting him to is perverse. Jester on the other hand, did choose to do so, and it looked….well depending on your neurological reaction to pain, it didnae look fun.

The barbed wire board he was baseball slid onto earlier magically turned into a table. Jester set it up, but after a battle on the apron, found himself once again with an arse fulla puncture wounds. Drew then ran a barbed wire crown over his pals forehead, carving “NXT IS DA PLACE 2 B” on his skull before running his napper along the barbed wire ropes. A second barbed wire table was entered into the mix, this time Drew powerbombed Jester through it. There was no wee bouncy clean landing either, it broke awkwardly and he stuck to the fuckin thing like a mouse with a gub full of cheese. Drew then literally ripped him off the mass of barbed wire and wee broken bits of wood, straight into the first of at least 4 Futureshock DDTs. He also kicked a barbed wire bat into his face, and I don’t mean that like it was a bat with barbed wire wrapped round it. The bat part was also barbed wire. It was basically just like someone carved a bat shape out of a block of barbed wire, then wrapped more barbed wire around it to make extra wire-y. Definitely said barbed wire too much here. Point is, blood pouring from numerous orifices, Jester kept getting up. He even nailed Drew with a tombstone, but that was as close as he came to winning. Drew eventually put him away with a big shot to the skull with the aforementioned barbed wire bat and that was that. It ended as it start. With one pal knocking fuck out the other. Friendship.

Drew invited Jester and Dallas to join him in the ring as he made a wee farewell speech. It’s nice that he was even able to have the match at all, and it being given the Barbed Wire stipulation to me was a way of Drew going out looking as dangerous as possible, while making Jester look like a bad ass dude who can withstand a heavy barbed wire based doing. Drew completely dropped character and thanked everyone which was confirmation if it was needed that he is, at least for the foreseeable future, done with ICW. If it is the last time we see him in the company, he deserves a lot of credit for helping elevate ICW and put a lot of eyes on the company on a global scale. He needed them as much as they needed him, and at this stage they both leave each other in a stronger position than they were before. The perfect way to end it if ye ask me. He put the title and the company on a platform then used that platform to show the big boys what they were missing. All the very best to ye big man.

Sha Samuels vs Kid Fite (Barras Street Fight)

barrasshafito.jpg

This was essentially presented to us as an ongoing brawl throughout the night, as we seen a couple of video clips of them scrapping before they eventually emerged at ringside. Would have been a buzz if they just kept appearing around the venue every so often. Popping up during the Zero-G open so Sha could dae his moonsault and be amongst aw the other high flyers. His people. The backstage bits did involve Sha having to jump out the way of a car being driven at him. The man at the wheel was the source of some confusion amongst the audience. A chant of “who the fuckin hell are you?” even emerged, and let me tell ye, what a bloody outrageous thing that was if I’ve ever seen an outrageous thing. That’s the man Krieger (I get it right this time? Fuckin better huv) one half of the maw pumpin, jaw duntin, PBW Tag Team Champions Lou King Sharp and Krieger. Big Scudmaster Sexy. One of Fito’s elite group of hauners providers, providing timely hauners and perhaps more importantly, a motor that he’s willing to drive into cunts at the behest of Kid Fite.

The second wee clip seen them battling round The Barras market, chucking each other in to shutters and whatnot before they eventually emerged for all us to see. Knocking lumps other each other before Sha disappeared up that top rope to hit the worlds greatest moonsault. Before Christopher Daniels gets on the line about gimmick infringement he better look at a fuckin clip of this majestic thing. Sha Samuels very well might be the best out-and-out villain in British Wrestling history, but him not being a villain in a few companies lately has meant the big man’s bustin out aw sorts of moonsaults and that’s just a blessing I don’t think any of us expected in this lifetime. Savour that shit. If ye were there in person, you saw something truly beautiful. Pigs might not be able to actually fly, but the big hair geezer’s that butcher the pigs apparently can.

Sha took a big grogger to the face, before Krieger got involved again and took Sha off his feet. A big sweeping DDT on to a chair was nearly enough to end it but big Sha would have his moment. In the history of one guy holding a second guys arms so a third guy can hit the guy with a chair, has it ever ended any other way than the guy doing the holding ending up getting smashed over the melt with a chair? Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and repeat it Kid Fite and Krieger did. The chair shot took Krieger our the equation briefly. Enough for Sha to hit a big Firemans Carrry Situout Slam situation to bring this endless scrap to an end.

They even had a wee beer together afterwards. The very thing their whole alliance was based on in the first place. Another story ending the same way it started. Pals knocking fuck out each other, not being pals for a while, then becoming pals again by knocking fuck out each other and drinking beer about it afterwards. The way it fuckin should be. Or suhin. A beautiful moment for Sha, but one he might be struggling to look back on with fondness after the heinous, unspeakable acts that took place a wee bit later on.

Lionheart vs Joe Hendry

barrasjoehearto

The heinous unspeakable acts didn’t happen here, even though Lionheart did full on scud Joe Hendry on the side of the heid. This wasn’t the feud ending match clearly. They’re building it a bit more before they have a stoater but it was another chapter in the story. Tell ye whit, I was completely convinced it was all “story” as well, even though they’ve done a stellar job of making it seem real as fuck. Watching this back was the first time it’s crossed my mind that maybe there is a bit of bad blood there. They seem genuinely agitated at each other and unable to control the urge to bypass the wrestling to proper leather each other. Every move in the wrestling match portion of this looked 5x sorer than it usually would. Everything had a bit of extra added oomph, and as much as I suspect that’s just them selling the whole thing really well, who the fuck knows mate. Maybe they do really hate each other and the blade that Lionheart said he had for Joe Hendry if he got out of line again is real. Maybe Joe’s gonnae fallaway slam Lionheart aff the Kingston Bridge if he talks smack about his woman again. Who the fuck knows. What we do know is that match got thrown out on a count of Lionheart full on punt kicking the side of Joe’s heid.

The genuine remorse that Lionheart showed after it made ye wonder as well, but then again he also had a large part of an audience in Edinburgh thinking he’d legit broke his neck again before he hopped up and Rock Bottom’ed Kenny Williams so who knows whit this devious character is capable of. Who knows when they’ll have this rip-roaring stoater of a match Lionheart promised us either. They’ll need to stop legit battering each other and do some wrasslin if its ever going to come about.

Grado vs Wolfgang

barraswolfgrad

Grado’s fuckin sick ae it. I dunno what part of that is difficult for folk. If you’ve watched ICW for the past year and a bit, you know fine well what he’s sick of. The shite. The patter. The moaning. He does the same thing every time they say, Like A Prayer, funny promo, wee boot, hame. He disnae care, too busy acting and making an Impact abroad (see whit I did there? done an Impact joke earlier anaw, its aw about subtlety and nothing says subtlety like detailed explanations of jokes….) He’s no loyal enough. ICW disnae matter to Billy Big Baws fae the BBC. You’ve changed Grado. You used to be one of us, now you’re one of them. Once the everyman, now the arrogant man wae the fancy tan. FUCK TNA, FUCK TNA, FUCK TNA…..AWWWWW BUT HOW ABOUT FUCK YOUS INSTEAD?

All those accusations, all the folk that turned against the cunt because he came from nowhere to be a proper star. Type of cunt ye see in the paper as a charity golf do wearing the same polo neck as Andy Goram and Frank McGarvey having a fuckin ball while hittin some fuckin balls. Type of cunt ye see in the paper writing a fuckin weekly column in the paper. That’s the level he’d reached. He wis in a national newspaper every week. No bad for a dafty, but he’s no really a dafty is he. The character you see in ICW and everywhere else isn’t a real guy. Graeme Stevely is a guy with a lot of charisma and he carved out a character that highlighted all the happiest, sunniest parts of himself because it fuckin worked. It still works all over the world, but it had been most prevalent for the longest time in ICW and in ICW shit had changed. Particularly the crowds at The Garage were giving him mixed reactions. For whit? Whit was the big crime?

Fair fucks to big Wolfgang here as well. Never been hotter property than he is right now. One of the absolute standouts in WWE’s UK Championship tournament and in general can’t put a foot wrong right now. He prevailed in the match itself and continued to elevate his own status, and the popularity he has now will probably see him slowly go back to being a crowd favourite. That, along with Drew’s departure leaves room for two big bad baddies at the very top and a couple of unlikely suspects took those positions before anycunt else got a sniff of them. Grado started strong as fuck, Wee Bootin and R-Gra-Do his way to a pair of two counts. Wolfy busted out his big moves early anaw, landing his Swanton that he calls “The Howling” somewhere in the region of Grado’s baws before Grado’s attempts at the same move came up short. Couldnae just let Sha have his moment eh, had to try and outdo the ShaSault. I think this fame carry on might be going to his head.

Another thing occasionally levelled at Grado from cunt’s who don’t have a fuckin clue whit they’re on about is that he can’t wrestle. He is bad at the wrestling, because he lacks agility, and couldnae batter out some mad choreographed Will Ospreay stuff cause he’s a wee chubby guy. Cunt’s that cannae wrestle don’t bust out Death Valley Driver’s dae they? Did you know before this match Grado could do a Death Valley Driver? Nah mate. Keeps it in the locker for a rainy day, but he cannae wrestle really. Its all an act, these stories he crafts aw err the world. Its all trickery. Greener than Nathan Jones so he is. He got in the ref’s face for failing to count the three and turned round into a big shot to the temple with the trusty brass knuckles for the win. Wolfy’s still a baddie at heart, but when it was all said and done he wisnae the biggest baddie in the ring.

Sha Samuels came out for moral support as Grado took to the mic, seemingly to deliver some bad news. He gibbered about an “offer” for a bit and seemed in genuine angst to tell us what the fuck he was on about only for him to turn round and boot his best pal square in the baws. Whit. The. Fuck. As Sha rolled about like any sane man who’s been toed in the baws would, Grado cut his most beautiful promo in wrestling yet. That electric charisma being used to power evil instead of good. One thing ye could quite clearly see from the promo he cut at the time of him and Renfrew’s heated feud is that with a bit of annoyance behind him he’s a different animal. A guy not to be fucked wae or fucked aboot. No feart to say shit that needs said. As much as him getting on the mic and getting each and every person who’s doubted him TELLT was part of his character evolving, you could tell it was a wee bit cathartic for him anaw. Letting all those frustrations out as he told us all HE runs the place. We’re all there because of HIM, and if ICW want to continue using his name to sell out shows, they’d need to go through his newly appointed agent. Red Lightning. Aye. He’s fuckin back. Deal wae it.

Tell ye something, the whole Black Label vs ICW thing as a story line had its flaws. There were moments where it was disjointed and didn’t make hunners of sense, but Red Lightning from a performance aspect was untouchable throughout. An absolute integral part of shows, so the fact that he’ll once again be a part of ICW shows isn’t a bad thing. To assume its the start of the same storyline again and this is just Black Label 2.0, or Gold Label 3.0, or the fuckin first ever Purple Label is a bit daft. Lets see where it goes. The two guys who main evented the first ICW show I ever went to against each other for the ICW Title forming an unholy alliance and Grado’s a fuckin baddie. How can that not be an exciting thing? This is one of those rare things in wrestling that hasn’t actually been done before at all. Even John Cena was a villain once upon a time, but Grado? That guy fae the BBC? It’ll never work. Except the reaction it got and the way it was executed makes it pretty clear that it already has.

Bird and Boar vs Rampage Brown and Ashton Smith

barrastagbelts.jpg

Tough ask to be the meat between a sandwich of Grado turning heel and a World Title Match. Even tougher to follow one of the best, if not THE best tag match ICW has ever seen earlier in the night, but this was a stellar tag team title match in its own right. Bird and Boar are delightfully good at chucking each other into their opponents and do some double team shit you’ll no see anywhere else. Easy to see why Rampage and Ashton kept their wee alliance on the go from the WoS thing as well, Rampage’s raw power meshing well with the agility of Smith. Fuckin travesty its took Rampage Brown this long to get a spot on a Glasgow show though. One of the best heavyweights in the world and a cunt who’s look and style has ICW written all over it. Hopefully this show is the start of many appearances for him on the bigger shows.

The match was heavy entertaining, it’s a shame the crowd were a bit drained for it but it was excellent viewing. Rampage made his Glesga impact by haphazardly lariating fuck out of anyone Welsh that made the mistake of being within 10 feet of him. Impressed by Asthon Smith as well. Moves brilliantly for a dude who’s about 6’4. Iestyn Rees came out with the marauders, shirtless and oiled up because even when yer no wrestling, if there’s an audience out there, its important to be as shiny as possible. He was quickly chucked out and the portion of the match that didn’t have him at ringside was an evenly matched affair. Bird and Boar keeping their larger opponents at bay with aw sorts of good double team shit, but they struggled to withstand the big man’s power as he ran clean through a double clothesline attempt and levelled them with a pair of clotheslines of his own. It looked like Rampage and Ashton would have the dream Glesga debut but the aforementioned Iestyn Rees got involved again. Why did he even agree to it in the first place if ICW’s nae rules? I dunno, maybe Thomas Kearins looked like he wis ready for murdering a cunt and the big man got the fear, but Iestyn eventually came to his senses, realised he could dae what he want, came back out and took Rampage out of the equation before Bird and Board hit Mrs Pattersons Revenge on Ashton to retain.

Trent Seven vs Joe Coffey (ICW World Title Match)

barrasjoetrent

If you watched this match and the word “boring” entered your psyche at all, suhin’s fuckin very wrong with you. Or at the very least, you should be watching something that isnae called professional wrestling. This was fuckin terrific and was only narrowly beaten by one of my favourite tag matches ever as match of the night. Joe Coffey has been the standout performer when it comes to putting on the best wrestling matches in the company for years now. So often denied when going for the big prize, but three years in a row of being voted the best wrestler in the company by the fans told the folk at the top something. This guy’s money and deserves to have the faith put in him. Trent Seven managed to do a remarkable thing and got so many people behind him there was almost no choice but to give him the title and the top spot. Something had to give. Two of the most popular characters ICW have showcased in recent memory, one of them was going to end up a wee bit more popular than the other when the dust settled, because that’s how wrestling works. One’s a baddie, one’s a goodie. Always.

They battled with shoulder tackles, neither man giving an inch, Trent mocking Joe’s chest beating antics, and getting took out with a dropkick for his cheek. They chopped each other back and forth before Trent done that fuckin god forsaken chopping the ringpost thing. MATE. I’d get it a bit more if one of the times ye set a guy up on the ringpost and went for a chop that the chop actually landed. Even just one time. The move would make more sense, but does the fact that EVERY time ye dae it, the cunt moves and you break your hand on a ringpost no make ye really re-consider your decision to have it as part of the repertoire? Who am I to tell a World Champion how to do his World Champion’ing, but ffs, at this stage you’re just wilfully causing the destruction of your own hand and its no big or clever. Joe sent Trent into the crowd before clattering him with a dive over the barrier on to the floor to move comfortably into the ascendency. All cause Trent’s more fond of smacking Poles about than a member of the EDL. Get it? Cause they’re racists and Poles…..ach forget it. Wrestling.

They entered into the knocking the living daylights out each other section of the match, combining about a thousand chops each with headbutts, straight jabs, more headbutts, forearms, headbutts, lariats and also some headbutts thrown in for good measure. Joe ended that brutal sequence with a dropkick and some splashes in the corner before nailing The Fall From Nebula to take Trent off his feet. He took Trent up top going for that skull shatterer of a piledriver Trent does from up there but Trent had it scouted. Probably because he’s the only cunt on the planet mad enough to do top rope piledrivers and is therefore the most able to recognise when one is about to happen. Reversed it into a powerbomb followed by that spinny piledriver he does for a two count. They battled a bit on the ramp, blocking each others attempts at various suplexes before Joe hit the sarest of Germans. We then entered into a section of the match I never expected to see before it, the Roman Reigns vs Triple H section. Joe perhaps nodding towards what was to come by paying tribute to the biggest baddie in the wrestling world today, Roman Reings. A SuperIronMan Punch came close to getting the job done, before a second attempt at it was avoided and Trent hit a Pedigree followed by another piledriver that couldn’t get it done either. This was Joe’s night. A discus lariat attempt was ducked and referee Sean McLaughlin was taken out of the equation, before Joe took Trent out with a lariat anyway and agonised over the decision he was faced with. Use the belt and knock Trent out and see your journey to finally become the ICW Champion end in bittersweet triumph. Or put that shiny instrument of destruction doon and win it the right way. There right way in wrestling is often the stupidest way though. The history books don’t have the manner ye won the title beside yer name, only the fact that you did indeed win it and in the end, for maybe the first time in about 5 years, that ruthless side of Joe Coffey re-emerged and he flattened Trent with the belt, before locking in a Boston Crab that eventually made Trent tap. It was finally his. For good this time. At long last, Joe Coffey is your ICW World Champion.

The superman punchin and the devilish look in his eyes told us this was a different Joe Coffey from the one we’ve seen churn out show stealing performance after show stealing performance for 4 years. The superhero paint was replaced by dark eyes and an even darker demeanour and the sudden appearance of Red Lightning at ringside provided a stark reminder of the last time Joe wasn’t a fan favourite in ICW. The Save Pro Wrestling Joe Coffey who decimated Grado and humiliated Red Lightning on the night his own ICW World Title reign ended, was now seemingly aligned with them both. A grudge Red seemingly could never shake off during his spell as ICW GM/owner/general annoyance to anyone who wasn’t his pal, but its all over now. Joe getting sick of the constant setbacks and turning to the dark side in order to become the top guy makes plenty of sense, but aligning himself with a guy who for the past 2 years has tried to stop him succeeding at every turn didnae make as much sense as Grado’s turn. Why trust him now? It’s the first chapter in a story and its intriguing to see where it goes. Dallas recently having a bit of aggro with Jackie Polo and now being levelled by Joe Coffey as he aligns himself with his biggest enemy spells worrying times for the head honcho as half the squad that helped him keep a hold of ICW are seemingly heavy annoyed at him.

Overall the show had a bit of everything. Some things felt slightly rushed but its hard to give 10 matches all the time they need. Don’t write off new storylines before they’ve even really started because ye didnae like the old storyline. Red Lightning is a top performer and him being involved again is fuck all but a good thing. Thanks for reading, thank you Drew and most importantly, don’t vote for the fuckin Tories