A Wildly Speculative Article Regarding The Participants Of The Number One Contenders Ladder Match At ICW Fear and Loathing

ICW recently announced that their most recent shot at running The Hydro will involve a multi man ladder match for a shot at the ICW Undisputed Championship at The Square Go. With only two of the six competitors announced, now seems like the perfect time to talk absolute shite about who might make up the rest of the field. Shite that could have been adapted to list article form, but instead is introduced by stupidly wordy title as if I’m trying to break a Guinness World Record or suhin (as far as I’m aware wrestling blog stuff isnae regularly recorded, but it should be) cause list articles are the death of creativity or something. Anyway. Here’s some wrestlers who might join Bram and Jody Fleisch in the match. Some of them will make a lot of sense, some will make a bit of sense as outside bets, and others will be varying degrees of fuckin ridiculous

Iestyn Rees

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He doesn’t have a match yet, because all the big rides are being announced last it would seem. Him being involved in this would make plenty of sense. Him winning it would make even more sense. He’s spent the best part of this year squashin’ various geeks (and CAV) and if the 90s taught us anything, that inevitably leads to shiny belts. If it’s not as the winner I definitely fancy him to be involved and you can count on him being as shiny as humanly possible. I don’t think there’s a performer in ICW who’s improved as much as he has over the past year and rounding that off with a win here would be just reward. Having said all that, if he fucks with the Polo’s trying to get the tag titles back. Me and him have a problem. Not a problem I’ll do anything about because he’s fuckin massive and carved out of granite but still….a problem.

Aaron Echo

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Another big ride without a match announced, he made a bit of a breakthrough in ICW when he worked his way on to the Hydro card last year. Since then he’s had some good moments but still seems to be waiting for that defining win that seems him in a position that his talent no doubt deserves. Stoatin out for his second Hydro appearance, stealing the show and becoming the number one contender might be that moment. Either way he’s one I expect to be involved and if he doesn’t win it, he’ll come within bawhairs of doing so.

Andy Wild

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Him making it on to the The Hydro show last year was a bit of a fairytale considering he hadn’t been involved much before he brought Noam Dar’s ICW career to a close with a win. That match gave him a bit of momentum for the first time in a long time and he wore it well, having some cracking matches with Kenny Williams, Lewis Girvan and co before kinda fading again. Recent photos appear to show him in great shape and he’s certainly capable of going out there and performing again. Might be slightly too late for another Andy Wild for The Hydro push but if he doesn’t make it on to this show I hope 2018 will be the year he really establishes himself again. A very talented wrestler and a smashin guy. Fuck it. The get Andy Wild on The Hydro show movement starts HERE. Again.

Krieger

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Currently embroiled in this entertaining wee bit of gang warfare between Kid Fite’s crew and team vroom vroom oan the motorbike, but if that feud isn’t settled at The Hydro, Krieger could be one of the dark horses for this match. A very talented, charismatic guy who is now getting a bit more recognition north and south of the border, big Scudmaster Sexy certainly wouldn’t be a waste of a jersey if he is one of the chosen six.

Sha Samuels

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I know, I know, he’s on the show already right. But hear me out. Is it likely that anyone on the card will be involved in two separate matches? No. Should it happen in Sha’s case because I personally want him to win? Aye. Nothing further to add if im honest. Sha being the number one contender would be sound. He probably wont be but imagine he done a big shooting star press aff a 40 foot ladder through a big table, and stood up straight after gien it “EASSSSSST” somehow already clutching two beers. It would be smashin eh? And in this life, there’s not a thing wrong with wanting to witness heavy good shit.

Charlie Sterling

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An outside bet considering he’s not been seen in ICW for a wee while but the impressive Charlie Sterling certainly has plenty of attributes that would make him a good addition to a mad ladder based stramash. Particularly the fact that he’s heavy good at jumpin aboot but also good at power moves, making him whats technically referred to as a “powerful jump abooter”. The perfect type of wrestler to be when it comes to ladder matches. Even if he doesn’t appear at The Hydro I hope we see him back soon. Guy is crazy good and a mad ride to boot. I need to stop calling folk rides in this article. Professionalism.

Ravie-Davie 

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Suspended as fuck but with Bram in the match it makes sense to think Ravie Davie will at least be involved. Even if he’s not announced for the match, he’ll be out there causin aw sorts of havoc to get to Bram. Put it this way, if I had to put a fiver on the person most likely to crack Zack Gibson err the nut wae a micro scooter, that fiver would 100% be going on Ravie Davie. If he’s in the match, him winning it would be fairytale stuff but I don’t think its quite his time yet. I think his role will be stopping Bram winning it, leading to Bram punching fuck out the other eye socket.

Lou King Sharp

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Often seen gyrating and occasionally tagging with a man who featured earlier in the article, mad Krieger, Lou King Sharp has been about a wee while now and has had his ups and downs in ICW. A sensational showing in the 2015 Square Go was never really capitalised on and until joining up with Krieger and Kid Fite recently he was in and out of the picture. Now he’s a regular again and displaying all the charisma and tenacity that first got him noticed, if he joined the field here he would be an underdog but that’s what big multi man ladder matches are for eh. For folk to come from naewhere, win them, win shiny belts and in due course, fight Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania for the WWE Title. Imagine Brock vs LKS but for a wee second. He’d suplex him so hard oor Lou widnae wake up until the next year’s Mania. Which would be in a different city, meaning he’d just wake up alone in the middle of an American Football field, asking the wee guy cuttin the grass if he won.

The Sam Barbour Experience

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When I went to the GPWA Invitational a few months back I knew of most of the competitors and the ones I was already very aware of impressed as they always do. The standout of the folk I hadn’t seen a lot of was SBX. Big time outside bet considering his main role in ICW lately has been backstage interviewer but he’s certainly a talent and is one that could easily make the breakthrough in the new year if he keeps grafting at it.

Liam Thomson

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Huge relief when he didn’t retire at the last Edinburgh show. One of the very best in Scotland and one that you maybe don’t realise just how good he is until you don’t get to see him wrestle for a while. No idea if he’ll bit fit in time for the show at all but if he is it would be a smashing way to end a rough year both in real life and storyline life. I mean does he have a place to stay yet? Does that place have a sink? Either way a wee Hydro pay packet wouldn’t go amiss. I’d actually rather see him vs Joe Hendry in a singles match tbh but any slice of Liam Thomson we can get would be certified *tasty*.

Joe Hendry

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Like I said in Liam’s bit, their heated wee bit of promo action in Edinburgh gave me a hankering for an all Edinburgh singles scrap but there’s a good chance yer Prestigious One might wind up involved in this. With the year’s he’s had he’s another who would have to be in with a shout of winning it and him with a title shot against either of his prestigious pals at the Square Go would be hot shit. The viciousness of the words he fired at Liam in Edinburgh would suggest that he’s no fucking about and that mean streak might mean there’s actually NO grandiose entrance video this time no matter where he’s involved. After Bohemian JoeHendree last year it would be difficult to produce anything that tops it anyway.

DCT

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Look at that majestic creature in that fuckin glorious singlet and tell me that’s not a man ready for a big title shot on a big show. Recently he’s been having some stoating bouts and will forever be one of my favourite’s. There’s folk ye develop a soft spot for early on and it just disnae go away. He could pump ma maw and not only would it not be surprising, I don’t think it would be that upsetting either. He’s just a big likeable bastard and the prospect of him and Bram battering lumps out each other again is a laugh. For those who doubt what Bram can do, think about where DCT was before their feud and where he is now. His matches with Bram undoubtedly added a lot of legitimacy to him as a guy who can hold his own in the face of pure evil. If he is involved he’ll certainly entertain and him in the main event of the Square Go is some shit I’d personally love to see.

Kid Fite

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On top form lately in recent matches with DCT and Wolfgang. Would be a hugely deserving participant and winner of this. Plus he ALWAYS has brilliant matches with Joe Coffey so if Joe prevails in the main event, it would be a smart move taking that match up to the title picture. I have a feeling he’ll be involved somewhere else on the card but if it’s here he has to be in with a shout of winning it. Definitely in with a shout of executing the sharpest, crispest most delicious snap suplex of the whole show anyway. That’s for true.

Davey Blaze

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Davey’s been on a bit of a cauld streak of late, since the humbling at DCT and Coach…I mean Adam Shame’s hands at Shug’s but some rousing words from The Wee Man, who has been excellent as a baddie, seems to have jolted the big man into gear. If DCT’s involved I fully expect Davey to join him. This is gonnae be one of they everlasting feuds where they pass the feud down from generation to generation until we’re at Fear and Loathing 200 and its their great great great great great great grandson’s having a scrap on a hoverboard made entirely of candy floss and holograms. I dunno why I think candy floss will be a prominent part of future engineering.

Zack Gibson 

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He is the finished article and if you can name 5 folk better than him in the UK, you’re either lying or really don’t like Scousers because he has it all. A brutal, methodical wrestler and one of the most convincing on the mic. The only thing missing is one of the main shiny belts in the UK. If his feud with Kenny is any sort of indication, if he’s thrust into a proper feud with a title on the line, the best he has to offer will invariably come out. If he’s involved he has to be the favourite to win it and correctly so. A massive talent and probably the best villain in the UK right now. SOOOON to be recognised as the number one contender. Perhaps.

Could go on listing folk all day but I think the 45 folk already on the list will do for now. Hope this piece of nonsense was awrite. Will be writing more preview stuff before The Hydro and hopefully a few interviews if I can fit them in. Wrestling. Come to the show. Tickets still available because The Hydro is massive and unless you’re Celine Dion, selling the fucker out in advance is a hard task. Get them here 

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An Interview With Krieger

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Krieger throwing up gang signs moments after being given detention for wearing a singlet to school

When I first gave big Krieger a shout about doing an interview, he was not one half of the PBW Tag Team Champions. In between me asking and eventually sending him questions, he had somehow become one half of the PBW Tag Team Champions and that got me thinking. What if this is a trend? What if this is the winter of gold for Krieger’s young and old, and if I wait it out just a wee bit longer, he’ll be WWE Champion by the time I send the questions. Ever since I pulled the trigger and actually got this done, Krieger has won The TNA X-Division Title, The GFW Grand Atlantic 12 Gold Bars for £11.99 Title, The Nobel Peace Prize, The Formula One Drivers Championship, The ICW Zero-G Title, The WWE Smackdown Womens Title and The Johnny Thighslaps Award For Excellence In Wrestling Realism, so he’s on pace to have won every award available to the human race by the end of 2016. A number of postal votes for the US Presidential Election are said to have Trump and Clinton crossed out and “Big Krieger fae the wresslin!” scribbled in their place, but we pride ourselves on getting these interviews BEFORE the big break happens so we can be all smug lit that “See him? Knew about him before knowing about hings wis even a hing m8!”

So the questions were sent, and the big charismatic baw booter provided answers. Probably while he was covering Kevin Owens to become only the third ever WWE Universal Champion.


So new PBW tag champs eh? Ye think yer a big shot now do ye? Nah seriously though, how did it feel to take the titles on PBWs biggest show of the year?

Means the world. The fact that it’s for PBW who trained me and taught me everything I know makes it that much more special. The fact it was with Lou was special for me also because he has always went out his way to help me. When it became clear that our characters fell within the same ballpark it would have been easy for him not to be too keen on it but instead he went out his way to advise me on how to carry a character through a match. When you put they two factors together it was an honour.

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You and Lou King Sharp have been tagging for a wee while now and are part of a growing division of young tag teams in Scotland. How far do you see this team going and will there be a plentiful amount of dancing and maw shaggin along the way?

No need to worry, for the foreseeable future I’ll be dishing out scuddings and Lou will be sending yer maw scuddies. The tag division in Scotland is full of great talent. It’s no my place to say where we fit into that, that is the job of fans and promoters to decide. We will continue to work as hard as anyone and take any opportunity that comes our way.

You recently had your first run on the holiday camps with Kid Fite and co. How was that experience? Getting to wrestle so much in a short period, do you feel it helped your learning process a lot?

I had a 9/10 week run wrestling the best in the UK 5 days a week. If I wasn’t working them, BT Gunn and/or Kid fite gave me feedback after every one of they matches. So to answer your question it made me much better. At my stage of development what I was crying out for was reps. Consistent work, improving my wrestling and fine tuning my character. Thanks to Kid Fite giving me the nod I got all of that this summer. There is a long way to go for me and I have a lot of improving still to do but the camp run made huge improvements to myself.

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How would you describe your character? Like if I’d never seen you do your thing, how would you sum yourself up? Just a mad patter merchant that loves scuddin cunts?

Fito (clown owes me a fiver for plugging him so much on this) likes to describe me as “Lous big mosher brother” I think for a one sentence answer that’s the best.
Just a mad patter merchant that loves scudding folk is my tinder bio.
It was actually an interview with the bold Fito conducted in Kriegers car that made me pay particular attention to him, and sure as fuck he proved to be the standout on the trainee show PBW were running in Greenock that night. So a plug for a plug int it. If the guy who does the single greatest snap suplex in wrestling thinks yer decent, you must be doing something right. 
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You’re a PBW academy graduate. Tell us a bit about the school and what sets it apart from the others? Who have your main influences been during training?

One of the great things is that there are loads of top schools in Scotland each trained by people who have a wealth of experience. For me PBW has been brilliant, TJ Rage and Kid Fite trained me and they are very much believers of you get out exactly what you put in. If they see how bad you want it they will do everything in their power to make it happen for you. I am a prime example of that. If you work your arse off for they two they will give it back tenfold. My biggest training influences (outwith my trainers) is probably Kenny Williams. Kenny has only taken training a handful of times whilst I have attended but he started where I did and look where he is now. One of the very best in Europe

You make your first (I believe) main roster ICW appearance soon. Has becoming a regular there been a goal for you, and how do you intend to make that happen?

Anyone who says they wouldn’t want to be an ICW roster member is at the noise up. Of course that’s a goal but, at the moment, possibly unrealistic for myself. My immediate goal is to solidify my place in the promotions I work for in Scotland and build on my work down south. If I can do that and make a bit of a buzz around myself then ICW could become a regular thing but only if I continue to work hard and improve.

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So you tag with TJ Rage and Lou King Sharp. One big, one wee. Aw the dynamics. The big question is, who’d ye like better?

Fuck me. Both teams bring their own benefits and challenges. Both of them are extremely talented and I need to be at my best to not look out of place when I team with either of them. I appreciate the help both these guys continue to give me.
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The classic “I prefer the wee guy but don’t want the big guy to leather me” response. Safe but respectful. Hopefully reading this wee bit means big TJ will batter him anyway for a giggle.
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With Scottish/British wrestling going through a “boom” period right now, how much of a buzz is it to be slap bang in the middle of it trying to carve out a name for yourself in an era where opportunities are plentiful?
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The generation that have came before us have taken Scottish wrestling to a level never thought possible. They are the reason people like myself have the opportunity to hone our craft in front of packed out venues up and down the country. Without their hard work none of us would stand a chance. It undoubtedly is easier for us to make a break nowadays but fuck me we don’t half have a hard job following this group of wrestlers.
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Who were your wrestling influences growing up? Anyone in particular you try to channel through your own work?
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Growing up it was the attitude era guys as I’m sure krieger10most 22 year olds would say. In terms of people who I try to replicate I would probably say Michael Hayes. Guy was a big flamboyant guy who could either make a crowd love him or hate him, if I can replicate that even 50% we might have something.
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No gonnae lie, got a wee semi for that answer. Being a generic pants n kickpads wrestler man is fine, but unless you’re flawless at the grapplin’ it’ll go nowhere. Be a fuckin freebird and be something. 
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Anyone on the scene you’ve yet to aim the scuddin boots at but would like the chance to? 
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A few cause it’s too hard to just say one Stevie Xavier. Guy is a class act. Never seen him have a bad match. Aaron Echo, never really crossed paths despite training almost exact the same amount of time.
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Aaron Echo vs Krieger for the PBW Title will happen one day. Mark my wildly speculative words.
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What’s the big aim for Krieger? What are you personally looking to get out of this wrestling carry-on? 
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The big aim is to make a living from this carry on. I want to get to a level where this can be my full time job. In order to do that I have a lot of improving to do, so immediate plan is to continue to ask anyone and everyone for advice and make the most of every opportunity I get.
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Last but not least, tell us literally anything ye like. Plug yer social media if ye want. Tell us yer favourite sweetie. Favourite juice to enjoy in glass bottle form. Whitever ye fancy ma man.
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PBW academy has schools in Greenock, Barrhead and Airdrie every Sunday.
PBW has launched its on demand service where you can see any PBW show soon after its been. This includes Noam Dars last match for PBW(me and lou pure scudded him) that time me and Lou battered two power rangers. That other time me and Lou scudded Wolfie and Hearto just cause we could and soon our glorious tag title win.
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BCW needs no plugging as it sells out 3 month in advance nowadays but they have given me so many opportunities I need to to thank them here.
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Twitter- @kriegerPBW
Instagram- @KriegerPBW
www.facebook.com/KriegerPBW/

 


Big thank you to the massively talented David J.Wilson for the photos and to big Krieger for his time. Talented dude. Lots of charisma and seems to be finding his niche so keep an eye out and come and see his ICW main roster debut at The Garage the night before Fear and Loathing at The Hydro. 

ICW Shugs House Party 3 Review

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Pro wrestling is about moments. Back in January at the Square Go, after a 2 year long violent journey, Chris Renfrew defeated Grado in the most emotionally charged ICW match in history to become ICW World Champion. His reign lasted just over a month, before he became the first victim of “The Troubles” (thats what Big Damo calls they rapid elbows btw) and finally getting that emotional moment he worked so hard for, it all fell apart at the seams for Chris Renfrew. Banned from the company he loves, no longer entitled to compete for the title he fought so hard to win, watched his NAK family disintegrate in front of his very eyes and as of right now no longer even employed by the company, his loyalty to Mark Dallas cost him his family, his title, his job and the place he calls home. While Renfrew stood up for what he believed in then watched it dismantle his world, someone very close to him made a different decision that night. It was almost like he foreseen Renfrew’s plight and decided he wanted absolutely nae part of it. That’s the man with the knowing smile and the sleek looking briefcase pictured next to Renfrew here. That man is Wolfgang.

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Say whatever the fuck you please about how this night ended. As paying customers you’re entitled to it and if you were annoyed by how it played out, by all means have a right good moan about it, but don’t try and tell me Wolfgang does not deserve to be where he is. If ICW was built from the ground up, yer man laid the foundations and helped lay the first bricks. Before ICW was selling out yer SECC’s and running places like The Hydro, Wolfgang was one of the major players in getting the company within pumpin distance of these extraordinary feats by helping establish a cult following for the company across Glasgow, and as if I don’t go on about it enough, but Wolfgang vs Prince Devitt changed the way I viewed pro wrestling as an adult. As a live experience and as a standalone wrestling match it blew me away and got me personally hooked on the very special scene we have here, so as Prince Devitt aka Finn Balor gets ready to main event WWE Summerslam this Sunday, how could it be an injustice that his opponent that night sits atop the ICW mountain? Isn’t that the least the big brute deserves after years of leaving them slack jawed with his deceptive agility and that he seems to seamlessly mesh with raw power? Ever think the reason you weren’t thrilled when his moment finally came is that he’s just that good at being a belligerent baddie that all of the good things he’s done before no longer mattered? Think about it. The guy famed for being able to perform physical feats guys his size shouldn’t be able to, became ICW champion by knocking an already knackered champion out with a pair of brass knuckles. If that’s not truly becoming a “villain” I don’t know what the fuck is.

ICW Shugs House Party 3 was as about as wrestling as it gets. Good guys done good things, bad guys done bad things. Bad guys became good guys and joined up with their good pals. Bad guys said good things about good guys. A bad guy and a bad burd fought a good guy and his good pal. A good guy avenged the untimely loss of tash and a wedding ruined at the hands of a very very bad guy. A guy helped a guy he vehemently hated 6 short months ago for the greater good of the good guys, and the bad guys walked away smiling despite their hardships earlier in the night, because bad times don’t last, but bad guys do 😉

The night started with Billy Kirkwood pump…I mean introducing the show with So Cal Val who was there doing backstage stuff for the Fite Network, before a vitriolic bit of promo work from The Wee Man ahead of the Tag Title Tournament final got us started wrestling show wise. A promo he ended with “wrestling is for kids” because if turning into a black vested supervillain wisnae enough, he wanted to become a sworn enemy of the virgin community anaw.

To be the champs you have to beat the champs…

The Local Fire vs Bird and Boar – Final Of The ICW Tag Title Tournament 

The become a champion you have to beat a champion. Unless its a new title, or the former champions are deid or in jail, that’s the rules. Mark Coffey and Jackie Polo are still alive and as far as im aware, whilst they “left” ICW, that really just means they were no longer looking for bookings from that company. They didn’t leave permanent positions, so if they decided to once again make themselves available for ICW duty, they immediately become the ICW Tag Team Champions once more, and yer wee dug and pony tourny means ride aw.

Having said that, Bird and Boar and The Local Fire have been the undoubted successes of the tournament that seen many more well known teams fall by the wayside. Bird and Boar becoming more established in the company having beaten The 55 and The Sumerian Death Squad to get there. The Local Fire going from a bit of an on again off again patchwork team to one of the most established and cohesive teams kickin about. They even do songs together now, and when they jump in for a wee Mcdonalds they know each other’s order off by heart; singing it in perfect harmony while the cunt at the till wonders what kind of alternative dimension they slipped in to. Anyway, Mark and Jackie unfortunately aren’t here and working off the assumption that they won’t be back, we’d just have to accept the winners of this as the tag champs eh.

Davey had a gammy foot and was limping about a bit throughout the match. Combining the limping with calling Wild Boar fat a few times, while Wild Boar responded with mad sentons. Loves a good senton so he does. Davey took a right horsing for a bit before hitting Boar with a move he calls Tramadol Nights and tagging in Joe Hendry for some rapid lariats and a ddt. With the momentum successfully shifted, Joe hit a fallaway slam on BOTH the bird and the boar, before the two teams stood toe to toe leathering each other with heavy forearms and jabs. Bird and Board bust out their double team move Mrs Pattersons Revenge, which is probably a reference to some mad Welsh carry on, but its a cracker of a double team effort involving knees and frog splashes. It would be a double team effort that would bring the contest to an end as well, as a double team fallaway slam crowned The Local Fire your NEW ICW Tag Team Champions.

Can there really be new champions if the old ones still exist? As purple and pink blood still runs through the veins of the ICW Tag Titles (in this metaphor, the titles are living things btw) Polo promotions still have a legit claim to the tag team throne, and when the their music hit and the troops emerged, it immediately rendered the whole tag title tournament irrelevant. Nah I jest, its an achievement and we officially have two sets of champions now, but The Local Fire’s reign will always be shrouded in doubt until they beat the guys. Not the good guys, not the bad guys, THE guys. The Real Deal and Nature’s Gift To Grapplin. Polo Promotions. As they stopped at the top of the ramp to survey the supposed new kings of the tag division, Polo sparked up a cigar. 50 quid doon for smoking indoors, not even the beginnings of a fuck given. It was an almighty statement, and even if they aren’t back for good and just fancied fucking with whoever happened to win the tournament, that wee 5 minutes of them coming out and staring Joe and Davey down was enough to tell you that these cunts NEED to be back in ICW. The level of fan support and talent they possess makes them essential. 

Lionheart (c) vs Kenny Williams (ICW Zero-G Title Match)

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Lionheart may or may not be a fanny. Its not for me to tell ye if he is or isnae, and I certainly wouldn’t go writing articles about it or that, but one thing he most certainly is, is a smart man. A man who knows that when your opponent is making his entrance and you are yet to enter, for that wee moment in time, he’s no got a fuckin clue where you are. Ye could hop in a taxi to your opponents gaff and ride his missus for all he knows, he’s too busy jumpin aboot high fiving folk to have any clue. Lionheart didn’t jump in a taxi to go n pump Kenny’s missus but. Instead of hitting it fae the back, he hit Kenny in the back, giving the champion the upper hand from the word go. Smart thinking for a fanny eh?

Kenny quickly got a foothold in the scrap though, as the pair briefly flirted with the ring before making their way into the crowd. A wee battle on the bar, led to Lionheart tumbling to the floor and Kenny loassin the plot. He climbed up on to the wee ledge above the bar and yer man only went and hit a moonsault from about 20 feet in the air. I appreciate Lionheart’s abilities and have enjoyed his run with the Zero-G belt immensely, but if one of the two guys in this match is a “bad motherfucker” its the one wae the hi-tops and skinnies, daein death defying moonsaults.

They got in amongst it in the ring with the wrestling moves and whatnot, leading to a beauty of a spot where Kenny tried a top rope Hurricanrana only for Hearto to catch it with a Styles Clash in mind, before Kenny regained his momentum and hit the ‘rana after all. Tap stuff fae a cuttla tap boays right err. It was a belter of a match as it always is between these two, and Hearto showed more character than a Brendan Rodgers post most interview when he got the shoulder up after the Quiff Buster, before Kennys world was turned upside down when he became a TWO TIME ZERO-G CHAMPION…..for about 5 seconds. In a rare error, referee Sean McLaughlin counted three, when Lionheart got his foot on the ropes at 2. Senior referee Thomas Kearins came out giving it aw that “haw haw, hey hey, whoah there, ell Leeeeonhearto had the old fit on the rope there buddy, restart this mother!” and restart it they did. A pair of superkicks, a rock bottom and a frog splash later, Lionheart had retained. 

LT Degree With Debbie Sharp

Liam Thomson is one of the best wrestlers in Scotland. One of they guys who never has a bad match so he is. Tidy in all aspects of the wrestling game, particularly any aspect involving the backstabber. The LT degree has been an entertaining romp for the past few months and has proven that he has the patter to match his skills in the ring, but I’d say its had its day now and it would be lovely if we could see oor Liam do a bit more of that wrestling thing he’s so very good at. This episode was so that he could tell Debbie Sharp he actually likes her, only for Debbie to reveal she actually wants to pump Sammi Jayne. Sammi politely rejected the applibaetion (thats lit…an application to become bae…….wordplay n that) and Liam got heavy raging before Christopher Saynt appeared with a group of drag artists. Liam and Saynt had a wee standoff, which led to Liam referring to the group as “trannies”, leading to a swift slap to the dial from the tallest one wae the crackin set ah pins, and a flying kick from Saynt. I love ye Liam mate, but transphobia isnae funny. Hopefully this will signal the end of Liam Thomson doing more talking than wrestling as it looks like Thomson vs Saynt in the near future.

DCT vs Bram

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ICW ring announcer Simon Cassidy is great at his job. So much so that every single person he introduces is done with the same level of vigour. Professionalism at its finest. With one exception, and that exception is whenever he gets the truly unique honour of introducing his best friend, a certain Mr D…..C……T. On this occasion, he got to introduce his best friend as he made his way into a steel cage match on a fucking PPV so Simon gied it fuckin laldy for him as the big man made his way to the revenge pit. The steel sided warzone where Bram would finally have his comeuppance. I know its wrestling, I know him and Viper aren’t really married, but in this wee world of ours everything is real and that big bastard fuckin piledrove your missus through the cake on the happiest day of your lives. Get him fuckin smashed, not in the name of “fuck TNA” or any other trivial pish, do it because that’s how DCT handles his business. An eye for an eye. An erse slap for an arse slap. A piledriver for a piledriver.

DCT was a man possessed in the early stages. And no the usual kind of possessing that happens to him when his eyes turn red and he starts shagging everything in a 20 mile radius.This was pure “I’m gonnae rip your heart out, shite on it, put it back in, rip it out again, wash the shite aff it, then eat it” vibes as he sent Bram over the barrier as the battle started before Bram could even make it to the cage. A procession of scoop slams followed, but a wise man once told me “no one gives a shit about the moves we do” so I’ll try and keep that kind of patter to a minimum to avoid boring the tits clean aff yees. Bram had a spell of, for the lack of a better term, knocking the living fuck out of DCT for a bit, but DCT would not yield. He’s the guy that got whipped to within an inch of his life wae a belt the first time he “wrestled” in ICW and he’s the guy who had to stand idly by and watch his poor missus get her arse skelped before being sent scalp first through a big cake. He’s been through worse than a few heidbutts and a pair of middle fingers from a beard wae a thug attached. Come ahead ya big diddyride.

All of a sudden after a dropkick and a wee stumble back, Bram found himself in the exact same position DCT did that fateful night a year ago. Arms tied up in the ropes. Forced to see the horror unfold. This horror wasn’t seeing his spouse get her heid split in two though, this horror was seeing his own heid get caved in as DCT rained rapid jabs down on Bram’s skull, but auld lumpy hud tae ruin it eh. With the ref down, big Flex came to Bram’s rescue but a decidedly less lumpy being had DCT’s back as the ol ball and chain came to her man’s aid. Viper climbed to the top of the cage and crossbodied the daylights out of both Bram and Flex, before Coach Trip dragged Flex out the ring and out the equation altogether, leaving DCT free and clear to climb out the cage and soak in the adulation of 1,200 screamin “OH” at the top of their lungs. First time he’ll have heard such a thing since he ran through 50 hen parties in the one night back in the day. DCT wasn’t interested in their adulation yet though. Not until justice had been served. Justice for the ruined wedding, justice for the tash, justice for just being an unpleasant big bastard in general. Justice for having Viper in his grasp once again, how fuckin dare ye mate? DCT put victory on the back burner to come to his wife’s aid, before scoop slamming Bram from the top of the cage and scudding Bram with the polo mallet and escaping once more, but nah. Not yet. An eye for an eye. A piledriver for a piledriver.

That moment where DCT replicated Bram’s arse slap/piledriver combo to enable him to pin the big brute and win the match felt like a career maker. DCT isn’t some kind of technical wizard in that ring, but he can fuckin fight and has more charisma than many who fit the stereotypical “wrestler” bill better than he does, and he deserved to pin a bit internationally known cunt on his PPV debut. He deserved that moment. He deserved to have a match that people will talk about for a long time to come, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more personally buzzin for someone to get that moment. DCT for life. Oh.

The Black Label vs Noam Dar, Grado and ???? (Team Dallas)

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Sha Samuels is the most natural villain in British pro wrestling. To the point that using him in any other fashion is just not using him right. It would be like buying expensive paint brushes and using them to batter emulsion on tae yer bedroom walls. Having said that, there’s always an exception. John Cena was a bad guy once anaw mind. A battle rapping bad guy to be precise. So in a world where the guy who slings a ridiculous amount of merch to kids can be a battle rapping, doctor of thuganomics, there’s certainly room for the East End Butcher to pal about with his two bestos. It wasn’t looking likely right enough, as Sha came out with the rest of The Black Label as per usual, but when Team Dallas emerged still a man short, and surveyed The Black Label from the entrance way, you could tell something was afoot. There was nae hint of worry amongst the troops, in fact they looked quite confident. Gallus even. And when Grado gied it “no pinky…no party” we all knew. Sha had dropped a wee bit behind the rest of The Black Label and pointed his pinky towards the sky, before starting to leather fuck out the label as Grado and Noam joined him. SHA SAMUELS IS THE THIRD GUY. HE’S ONE OF OUR OWN! HE’S ONE OF OUR OWWWWWWWWWWN. SHA SAMUELS. HE’S ONE OF OUR OWN!!

The Pinky Party rained down mad rights n lefts on The Black Label before Noam landed a beauty of a suicide dive on a selection of them. Grado went up top for a wee slice of senton action, before Sha rounded off the high flying madness with a flying elbow off the top. Imagine villain Sha daein a flying elbow and sending the crowd daft? Unthinkable, but the times are a’changin and that means keep an eye oot for any flying Sha’s in your area. Red Lightning got right up in Sha’s face after that, before Sha chucked him in the ring for a staredown with Dallas which was broken up when a wrestling match broke out amongst the carnage. A fuckin wrestling match mate, who’d have thunk it.

Sha predictably got isolated and battered for the first part of the match. Not predictable cause he gets battered a lot or that, purely because he’d literally just turned on the guys he was against and they might not have been very happy about that. He finally got back to his buddies and tagged Noam in for what has to be the hottest tag in the history of pro wrestling. I’m no exaggerating mate. Folk in the front row were liberally applying suncream on their domes such was the ferocity of the heat kickin aff this tag. Noam went mental for a while, slingin mad dropkicks, before tagging Grado in for a tag that was even hotter! I’m no kiddin guys. Somedy stuck an uncooked beef joint, yorkshire puddings, totties and veg next to this tag, and 5 seconds later they had a beef dinner sittin in front of them. That’s how hot it wis. His momentum was short lived as Drew and Wolfie hit Grado with a double team Razor’s Edge off the second rope, before it all went a wee bit mental and we had everyone battering everyone, including Sweeney getting ko’d by Wolfgang and Scott Reid heroically hammering Drew Galloway in the baws.

Drew recovered  from the baw bashing and managed to turn a wee boot attempt from Grado into a big fucker of a powerbomb, before locking in that crossface aided by Jesters big chainmail dildo/orifice maimer, only for the lights to go out and just like Shugs House Party 1, everything changed. That night the lights going off and coming back on saw Drew Galloway return, and cost Chris Renfrew the ICW Title. This time Renfrew was the guy costing folk important shit as he hit Galloway with a stoner before dragging his sworn enemy Grado on top of Drew for the 1,2,3. Team Dallas wins. 

Dallas took to the mic to give an emotional speech about how ICW is for everyone and you can be yourself, so I guess that means Sha Samuels is actually a really nice guy deep doon if this is him being himself eh? A nice guy with unlimited access to meat cleavers right enough, so don’t get wide just because he’s allowed to be pals with Grado and Noam now. The moment where Sha joined the boaysies was incredibly beautiful and one that’ll not be forgotten. Nice that he gets to team with Noam a few times before he leaves us aw behind and becomes the most famous jew since that polis Mel Gibson slung racial slurs at.

BT Gunn and Carmel Jacob vs Stevie Boy and Kay Lee Ray (The Filthy Generation)

Stevie and Kay Lee’s music man. I know they’re baddies and that’s fine, they wear it well, but that tune is just too good. Its enjoyable in a way that makes ye want tae tan a bottle of buckie and 4 eccies in a wanner and spend the rest of yer night heidbutting a face ye drew on yer own hand. BT Gunn revealed his mystery partner to be ICW Women’s Champion Carmel Jacob, meaning Carmel and Kay Lee would be renewing their long standing rivalry for the first time in a while in ICW. Exciting, gid wrestling stuff all round.

They all proceeded to set about each other, and in terms of chemistry in that ring, Stevie and BT are better at setting about each other than any other two people in the company. Carmel and Kay Lee probably coming a close second. In fact Kay Lee and BT have bags of it anaw, which makes you wonder if there’s anyone who doesn’t have in-ring chemistry with BT Gunn. He’s just that fuckin good, ye could fire a mop wae slinky’s for arms in there with him and he’d drag a cracker of a scrap out of it. Kay Lee and Carmel battled for a bit, Carmel coming close with a Fisherwuman’s Suplex, surely a wee feud for the Women’s Title on the cards there unless some big bastardin American company steals one or both of them. BT and Carmel then set both of their opponents up in the corner, before taking shots each to chop them admist a deafening backdrop of “BT…BT…BT FUCKIN GUNN” is anycunt more popular than BT Gunn in ICW right now? Probably not. Rightfully so cause the cunt gets rid of more talent when he takes his morning shite than most folk ever actually possess. He strung together about 40 different kinds of kick in the one go on Stevie, before Kay Lee hit the Gory Bomb on him to switch the momentum back in favour of the baddies.

Weirdly for a real life couple and a long standing tag team, Kay Lee and Stevie kept fuckin up and hitting each other, yet when it came to the vital moment they were more cohesive than ever. First and foremost, BT kicked out of the destroyer somehow cause he’s some kind of atomic choppin’ cyborg, but when Stevie went for it a second time, BT blocked it only for Kay Lee to crack him over the nut with a chair, and Stevie to finish the job by easing into a roll-up for the win. They then followed that up by trying to kill him with a chair before security intervened and stopped murder. Jackie Polo had already smoked a cigar ffs, ye cannae have murder on the same show as indoor smoking. The C in ICW disnae stand for “Crime…aw the crime” cmon noo. Wee bit of revenge for BT costing them a place in the tag tourny final, but they’ll fight again and it will be beautiful. 

Legion vs Moustache Girvan 

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Expected some manner of shenanigans here with people turning on other people, and those people gaun “haw? whit ye daein turnin on me? thats shite mate” but in truth, it was maybe the least shenanigan riddled match of the night. Instead of shenanigan riddled, it was simply a wonderfully entertaining, non stop, out and out scrap between 6 hugely talented individuals, rounded off with people being really nice to each other on the mic. Lovely.

Girvan and Whiplash teed off on each other with rapid forearm smashes, before Tyler Bate bamboozled Dante with some slick movement. How ridiculous is Tyler Bate btw? Cunt’s 19 and has the physique and talent level of a young Mr Perfect. Just makes ye feel…..whits the word……auld. Thats the word. Heavy fuckin auld. Like an auld creaky kneed Granda shouting at the weans next door for kicking their ball in yer back garden. We then got a beautiful glimpse of what a Tommy End vs Trent Seven match would look like, but the post match speeches would suggest that’s a match we won’t ever actually get to see and that’s nothing short of heartbreaking. Know who’s stupidly underrated? Big Dante. He can go like fuck and displayed some beautiful agility for a guy his size when he rounded off a series of dives by clearing the top rope with a dive of his own (he leaned on it a wee bit, but so fuck, he’s huge and jumped really high, that’s what’s important here) As sad as it is that Tommy End may no longer be gracing ICW, don’t fuckin sleep on big Dante. He could easily be a factor in the future.

Everyone hit everyone for a solid 2-3 minutes, and it was honestly too much to keep up with. I think at one point Trent sprouted an extra heid, and Tommy End had kicked it before it had even fully emerged. Rapid kicks from all over the globe. Was nice to see Lewis Girvan match, if not exceed the level of so many talented cunts. I dunno what it is, but since that match with Lionheart there’s been an extra assurance about everything he does. Hopefully that means he’ll be shedding the “future star” tag and folk will consider him in the upper echelons in the here and now. Fuck being the future. Be the present. Noam Dar got that future patter for years, well what is he now? Very much the here and now. Age disnae matter a fuck, being able to tell engaging stories in that ring does, and yer man Girvan has all the tools when it comes to that. He and Tommy End both locked in a half crab each on Whiplash and Trent respectively, before slapping fuck out each other when they realised they both had the same move in and quickly decided…THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

As Trent had put Whiplash away with a piledriver off the middle rope in Birmingham the night before, he could be forgiven for thinking it would get the job done here as well, so he went ahead and done that very move only for Whiplash to KICK OUT EMPHATICALLY AT ONE. A one count. No even anywhere near a near fall. As far away from a fall as you can get. Proof if it was ever needed that Mikey Whiplash and Trent Seven will not stop until they kill each other, and probably everyone else on planet earth. He followed that up with a big heid remover masquerading as a clothesline and that did indeed get the job done, bringing what was maybe the best 1o minutes of pure entertainment of the night to a close. 

Whiplash got on the mic and laid it all out there for Trent. Insisting he no longer wants the main event at the Hydro because Trent deserves it more and urging everyone to make our voices heard and get Trent in that ICW Title Match. Hard to argue with anything he said really, up until the match immediately following this one, there had been no better match in ICW this year than Trent Seven vs Big Damo for the ICW Title, and his performances in general have been unspeakably good. If he isn’t in the title match, he should absolutely still be a prominent figure on the card. Even if that means risking seeing him hit a piledriver from the top tier of the Hydro, right through the middle of the ring. Tommy End then took over to bid a fond farewell to the promotion he’s spent 3 years performing for, and as nice as that was, and as much as we’ll miss the ridiculously talented big warrior, we know its not the end big man. We’ll be seeing you kick fuck out of aw sorts of cunts on that telly and hopefully one day in person again. 

Big Damo (c) vs Joe Coffey (ICW World Heavyweight Title Match)

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This is his time. His moment. Joe Coffey stood on the edge of the big one. The shiny prize he’s fought tooth and nail to get within shaggin distance of. Big Damo has been as dominant a champion as ICW have maybe ever had, but even 25 stone behemoths can’t stop destiny. It was finally going to be his, after 3 years of turning in outstanding performance after outstanding performance. 3 years of jumping through proverbial hoops. 3 years of battering down obstacles both real and storyline. Over a year after his last shot, Joe Coffey once again found himself in the main event of a big ICW show with the title on the line, and this time he would make no mistake.

What a fuckin stoater of a match. Its unlikely anything in ICW history will ever top Renfrew vs Grado for emotional investment, but there was something about this that left you feeling like both of them had drawn upon every single reserve they possibly could. Knowing victory meant not only being the ICW Champion, but victory would also mean earning the right to face Kurt Angle in front of 11,000 at the Hydro. Career defining shit right here. The fact that having great matches is just what Joe Coffey and Damo do together was almost rendered irrelevant because this was a different kettle of fish altogether. This wasn’t two guys who genuinely like each other having a scrap for the sake of it, for the duration of this match they wanted to maul each other and it showed as Coffey came right out the traps with a dropkick, before they laid into each other wildly with punches. If this was going to be Joe’s time, he was going to have to fuckin earn it, because its hard to get anything away from the grasp of a 25 stone giant, far less a prize that giant has fought his whole career to earn. Either turn up armed with a bazooka and a cigar hingin out yer gub, or there’s nae real point in turning up at all. You’ll be going home empty handed.

Damo weathered the early storm and firmly took control after hitting that big rib rattling senton against the barrier. Joe had silver paint on and alot of it ended up on Damo early on, so much of the early stages was basically The Iron Giant repeatedly standing on Joe Coffey’s neck. No whit yer wantin. Every attempt by Joe to get a foothold was slapped down by the champ, before he stood on Joes chest, only for Joe to reverse the senton attempt and hit the springboard crossbody to get a wee bit of momentum on the go. Big uppercuts and jabs sent Damo into the corner, before a few splashes got Joe’s tail up but Damo battered him down again before hitting the mark with a firemans carry drop into a beauty of a senton. Whit is it wae Irish wrestlers and sentons though? Every variant of the senton is used by every Irish wrestler at least 15 times a match, and naw that’s no an exaggeration. You’re an exaggeration and so’s yer maw.

Joe took a leaf out of Ireland’s book soon after with a rolling senton of his own followed by a picturesque splash from the top rope. Joe continued to build that momentum, a runaway train he wis, last stop, awthebelts. Damo derailed the train with a crossbody which must have been like getting hit by a train, before blocking a second attemot at the discus lariat with a straight up headbutt. Not a wrestling type headbutt, more like a fight to the death type of headbutt. Joe didnae die though, instead of dying he performed a feat of incredible strength, which is probably as close as ye can get to the opposite of dying, cause Joe Coffey’s no a normal man, he’s made of actual real bits of iron. A superplex from Joe was followed by a fuckin brutal looking forearm exchange. They were hitting each other guys. Nae two ways about it. Really hard. With hard  bits of their body. The hardest bit of Damo’s body is probably his elbows. Nothing scientific about that assessment other than the plethora of deid bodies he’s left behind in his title defences. Anyone unsure Damo would go to the flurry of elbows to the side of the dome he calls “The Troubles” in a match against such a close ally, needn’t have wondered. Down came the elbows. But Joe wasn’t still. Joe had something in him that no one else who’s taken those elbows had. It was like someone stepping through a wall of bullets and walking up to the give the middle finger to the shooter. He somehow made it to the ropes and became the first person to survive “The Troubles” .

The trouble with surviving the troubles is the fact that they’re fuckin troublesome. A 25 stone man elbowing yer cunt in for any length of time is going to leave its mark, even if it doesn’t knock you clean out the game. Damo hit the Ulster Plantation and some how Joe kicked out. Some how, some way he hoisted a shoulder aff that canvas, because it was his night…or at least, it should have been. Another attempt at the troubles was blocked, before Joe kicked Damo in the back of the head and hit a quite beautiful German Suplex, followed by a big bastardin lariat to the back of Damo’s heid, and finally finishing the brute off with a huge lariat to the front. JOE COFFEY IS THE ICW CHAMPION. THE TWO TIME WRESTLER OF THE YEAR AND PERENNIAL MAN OF THE MATCH HAS FUCKIN DONE IT. Damo stopped on his way up the ramp to beat his chest in honour of the man who’s responsible for the only two clean losses he’s suffered in ICW in the past year. It looks like farewell from Damo, as he deservedly looks to go overseas for the next portion of his career and what better way to go out is there than having the match of the year so far with one of your best mates, before passing the torch to him? Perfection so it was. Almost too perfect….

Wolfgang is a big part of the reason I fell back in love with wrestling and him winning the ICW Title is something that absolutely had to happen at some point in time.  This, in my opinion anyway, wasn’t the right point in time. The match those two had deserved to stand alone, so as much as I love big Wolfie, I’d rather have toasted his grand slam win and his first ICW title reign without feeling gutted for a guy who fully deserved that moment and fully deserved to soak in the adulation for it. Having said that, that was the whole fuckin point was it not. The goodies got to win earlier, and Dallas gained ground in the power struggle so of course it had to end with Red Lightning giving us all the middle finger and folk having anger fits. Wolfgang cashing in on a tired champion after his cronies took Damo out of the equation was the only way he could really cash in, because he’s a proper villain. Think about it, when did ye last see one of they perfect photies from David J.Wilson of Wolfgang in mid air? Ages ago, because baddies dont make people go “oooooh”. Proper baddies don’t dae Swantons to put their opponents away. Why bother when its no rules and you can fire some brass knuckles on and knock the cunt clean oot instead? Joe did fight. He kicked out the first time and managed to hit a lariat in anger, but as Red stopped the ref counting the three, Wolfgang had enough time to stick the brassers on and knock Joe the fuck out to become your NEW ICW Champion. 

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Really good show n that. Totally wrote this ages ago, I just eh……forgot to put it out. Honestly. Still tickets for the show at The Garage on Sunday. Go to that. 

 

Cheers as per to David J.Wilson for the photos.

PWE 5th Anniversary Weekender PREVIEW

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Since going to my first PWE show I’ve only ever missed one in 2 years. No bad considering I’m about 2 hours worth of travel away from the venue, yet PWE’s biggest event to date comes round and yer man here’s fucked it. Barring a minor miracle or a very short-term illness, I’m on that fuckin backshift int ah. Didn’t bother asking anycunt to swap cause I legit thought the shows were on Saturday and Sunday and I have both of those nights off. Even looked at hotels for Saturday so I wouldn’t need to bother travelling back through on the Sunday. For a show that does not fuckin exist. Night one is on Friday. DX vs NAK is on Friday. I’ll be in a shop selling folk their carry oot instead. Fuckin shoot me mate. Wae a gun. In the face.

That’s my own personal lament over and done with, but I committed to writing a preview and I must put my personal disappointment aside to do that as competently as possible. Just because I can’t get excited about two days of wrestling in sunny Ayrshire doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be. I’ll be there on the Saturday, and if I don’t smell an overspill of Friday night’s shenanigans in the air, you’ll all be in for a stern talking to.

Friday night – Show one – PWE – Break it down

Aye whitever. Night one is happening. Aside from Laura Spence turning in to a puddle, these matches will occur. I hope the wrestling is good but its a right muggy night and you all end up sweatin through yer merch. Here’s the card.

Wolfgang vs Big Damo

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A classic big hoss fight between two of the biggest guys on the scene today. The thing about it is, while they’ll no doubt knock lumps out each other gleefully in the middle of that ring. Both of them can fly. A flying bear and a flying wolf going toe to toe. For Wolfgang, this will serve as great preparation for Billy Gunn on Saturday. If great preparation means a big hairy tank dropkicks the living fuck out of ye. For Damo, its just another opportunity to show cunt’s he’s the top super heavyweight in this country right now. In fact fuck this country, the world.

Joe Hendry vs Lou King Sharp

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Remember the heady days of Lou King Sharp being the tag team champions? Naw? Well we do. And the Local Hero ruined it with some very unheroic tagging. When you have a powerhouse of the tag team game like oor Lou as one half of the team, your role as his partner is to provide hauners in case some dick fae the other team pulls a knife. Instead Joe sunk a knife into Lou’s back and watched as Fight Club sauntered away with his belts. For shame. There’s some real bad blood in this one, so expect them to launch fireworks at each other n shit cause that’s just what happens when a feud gets personal.

Iestyn Rees, Jackie Polo and Mark Coffey vs Grado, Joe Coffey, and Noam Dar

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Truly gutted to be missing Jackie Polo’s in-ring debut with PWE. I just miss the cunt in general, so he better be in amongst it the morra night. Maybe since Joe Coffey and Noam Dar are squaring off against their Saturday opponents, Grado and Polo will decide to join the perty and have them some singles action. This match will mainly serve to plant the seeds for Saturday’s wars and I’ve nae doubt the baddies will go away with the win, setting the good guys up for a night of glory on the Saturday. Morning glory. Wee Noam winning a shiny belt type glory.

Fight Club open challenge for the tag titles

The past twice they’ve done this its been GPWA guys who’ve answered the challenges, but its the 5th anniversary weekender and with the greatest of respects to them, this calls for something a bit different. I have two theories as to who’s gonnae answer, it’ll either be a big name team, possibly imported, such as Demolition, The Rock n Sock Connection or Billy n Chuck and Fight Club will retain via shenanigans, OR if it is GPWA guys, the tag team they seem most impressed with is a team called The Purge and if its them, I reckon they take the belts. What better way is there to introduce yourself to a new audience than by stoating in and taking a couple of belts off one of the most established teams in the UK. I personally would like to see the first scenario unfold because Liam Thomson and Kid Fite should have aw the belts. Every tag belt, and a timeshare situation for the singles. Droonin in belts.

Sha Samuels vs Kenny Williams

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Sha and Lionheart seem to have become pals, or have built on an existing friendship, and that means more big Sha in PWE. No sayin Hearto just books his pals like, Jackie Polo is on the card so that proves that it’s not the case, but with deeper friendship comes a deeper understanding of how essential it is to have Sha Samuels in all his villainous wonder, stompin cunts all over your show. Kenny Williams always gets a brilliant reaction in Ayr because he’s dead fast and colourful and it reminds the natives of when they get fulla eccies and stick their thumbs in each others eyes up Club De Mar. Tried to do a local reference there but made a pigs dick of it so I did. I just don’t know much about Ayr other than its nice and I go there for wrestling. Sha Samuels and Kenny Williams will definitely happen, and either the bad guy (Sha) will win with a combination of raw power and sleekitness or the good guy (Kenny) will win with a combination of fleet footedness and big heartedness. Either way, it’s going to be a fun time, and I’ll be slingin bottles of tonic n MD to cunts while it’s happening.

The NAK vs DX (X-Pac and Billy Gunn) 

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Don’t need to put Renfrew and BT’s name in brackets because the NAK is originals only. You know who they are. The NAK’s hatchets will not be buried for the sake of being reeled out for a re-union every few years. The NAK are not fucking about. They might have done the shakey hands routine with Mr Lionheart to secure this dream match, but it was a means to an end. It doesn’t mean they’re nice guys now. The pleasantries led to this, and that made it worth it. A dream match. A chance to carve a name out globally by carving their names into the skulls of a couple of legends. BT Gunn and Renfrew already chucked some petrol on the fire by showing up during Billy Gunn’s show at walkabout during his last visit and giving him some serious evils, leading to the biggest watergun fight in Glasgow’s storied history. I might be making a bit of that up, but I dunno if I’ve ever been more gutted to miss a match in my puff. Its one of them that most likely won’t ever happen again and the enormity of missing it is now just dawning on me. Fuck sake.


Saturday night – Show two – DAR WARS!!

Yassssssss. Finally time to type words about a show I can actually fuckin physically be at. A show that fuckin BETTER be joyous and by joyous, I mean rammed wae the culmination of a 5 year journey for Noam Dar, ending with him winning a shiny belt. Absolutely uptae its eyeballs in Joe Coffey getting revenge on Mark Coffey. Teeming wae Wolfgang battering Billy Gunn. It better be fuckin good is what I’m saying and I better have plenty of reports of how night one was “good, but awfy clammy, almost as if someone wished the clammyness upon us and made it so”

Sha Samuels vs Big Damo

The battle of the untamed body hair. Real men don’t wax their shit. Real men don’t shave. Real men don’t wander into traffic in the name of catchin them all. Real men are probably bored a lot and warm as fuck due to the out of control body hair, but they do enjoy fightin cunts! If there’s one thing I know about real men, its that they enjoy a good fight so they dae! Och fuck aw this real men patter. Men come in all forms and if some like to shave their gooch, thats on them. Live and let live. Point is, Sha Samuels vs Big Damo will be some good shit. A bit less agile that yer Wolfgang vs Damo because Sha’s ideal of agility is getting his opponent an extra few inches in the air for that spinebuster, but who needs agility when you’re a mad murderous butcher.

Mark Coffey vs Joe Coffey (2 Out Of 3 Falls) 

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A lot of big time shit on the go at this weekender. DX cuttin aboot choppin crotches. Noam going for the gold. Marquee shit. As nice as all that is, as a fan this is the one I’m looking forward to the most. With the greatest of respect to everyone else, but oh wow, we are too blessed here. The Coffeys against each other in a 2 out of 3 falls match is some shit I’ve been dreaming of since first starting to attend Scottish Wrestling shows and while I doubt it’ll happen, it would be rerr if it was shenanigan free. Just two brothers knockin the living shite out each other in the name of knocking the shite out each other. Nae jump-ins, nae hauners, nae nothing. If anything, lets have their Da as the special guest ref and have him separate them every 2 minutes like they were having a kick about roon the back that got a bit too heated and the big man had to intervene. It might interrupt the flow of the match, but it would be hilarious so ultimately very worth it. I fancy this to steal the whole weekender but I’ll no see the Friday show to ascertain if that’s the case and now I’m sad about that again. Fuck sake. COFFEY VS COFFEY BUT. A brother vs brother clash that will be less dilapidated boats, more mad forearms and lariats.

Wolfgang vs Billy Gunn

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One faces Big Damo the night before in a rare matchup where Wolfie is actually the smaller of the two guys, and yer man, the el Badass William Gunn has The NAK to contend with, so its very likely this match will simply be two deid bodies lying next to each other for a 10 count. Assuming both, or at least one of them makes it out of night one alive, this match will be stoatin. I expect Mr Erse to take a few crisp powerbombs from Wolfgang, right on that 60 year auld spine of his and for him to completely no sell them because he’s an indestructible walking hard-on. Has to be a win for our Wolfie, disnae matter how much of a baddie he is or how much he batters guy’s I love, he’s the original. The first guy on the Scottish scene I took to and I’ll always chuck the W up for that reason unless he lays a fuckin finger on Mick Foley. Then all bets are off and I’ll be mad at him from afar but won’t do anything about it aside from that because in case you hadn’t noticed, he’s a big scary bastard.

Iestyn Rees (c) vs Noam Dar (PWE Title Match) 

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This is really what its all about. I fancy The Coffeys to have the best match of the weekend, and the DX based stuff to get some mental crowd reactions, but this is what it’s all for. The journey coming to an end. Noam Dar was in the final of the tournament to crown the first ever PWE Champion and lost it. Noam Dar had plenty of shots at it when Grado was the main man but couldn’t make it past his best pal. Its now or never because if recent recognition from WWE is anything to go by, we might not be seeing a lot more of Noam around these parts. He needs that big singles title. He’s fuckin earned it getting chucked about and battered fuck oot ae since he was about 15. A 22 year old veteran, whit kinda madness is that? Only in wrestling could that even be a thing, but that’s what he is and he’s doing it. Nae offence to big Iestyn, who hasn’t always been my personal favourite but admittedly had a brilliant match at the last show with Joe Coffey, but its time for you to come up off that gold and slide it on over to the Jewdi Master. The kneebar’s getting locked in and if you don’t tap to that, the Fisherman’s Brainbuster will scramble yer brain cells and see if that’s no getting the job done? Bazooka. Big hole in the chest. Noam Dar win’s the title via TKO on account of his opponent having a basketball hoop where his chest used to be. Iestyn is already the biggest villain in the company, so if he actually retains? Oh fuck. He’s a big lad, but he’ll need a police escort and about 6 bullet proof vests if he’s going to make it out of Ayr alive. Either way, I reckon this match will be pure drama, and Noam will have his moment.

So aye. Come to the weekender eh. I know its a bit late in the day for anyone to take heed of this plea, but don’t be like me. Don’t fuck up and end up having to dae a backshift instead of jumpin through to the ‘shire on a wee train and having a rerr time. Get along to the show, if the weather’s nice maybe get a wee ice cream in the mix. A 99 if ye can get it. Enjoy Ayr and enjoy life in general. Celebrate 5 years of PWE, and hopefully you’ll be celebrating Noam Dar stoating about his home town legit wearing the belt as a belt to hold his trousers up, going about his daily Noam Dar’y business as YOUR PWE Champion. 

 

ICW – The Ministry Of Silly Headlocks Review (of sorts…)

My favourite Edinburgh show by a mile, in a venue that can be a sweaty pain in the dick as well. It was finally an Edinburgh Continue reading

ICW Square Go Review 2015 (Hauners From David J Wilson)

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