ICW Shug’s House Party 5 – Night Two Review

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Night one was a wrestling show you could show to any wrestling fan in the world and they’d find at least one thing they liked. Class from top to bottom. A big variety bag of wrestling goodness. Night two was the start of the road to the Hydro. New storylines came to the forefront. Journeys came full circle. James Storm came to glass folk and chew bubblegum (and hes all out of bubblegum dang it) and Grado came…………home.

Jeff Jarrett also came for a visit. Essentially given the keys for the night, because Dallas knew keeping a hold of them on his birthday would be a fine way to get his hoose….well…..fuckin wrecked. Double J was there to make sure the fine crockery was locked away in the end cupboard. He was there to put a coaster under any unruly drinks that might have had ideas about staining the good coffee table. He was there to make sure all party-goers conducted themselves in an orderly fashion. Most importantly….he was there to crack a guitar over someones napper. After Dallas introduced Double JJ, had a wee strut with him on the ICW logo, and let the crowd know he was the boss for a night he was presented with a guitar by Chris Toal. Shareen Nanjiani’s very own guitar no less. If Shareen knew what would end up becoming of that guitar she’d bemoan the day she accepted that Ebay bid from “LaToalFamilia88” for a sum total of £6.99 (Inc postage and packing) but the signed photo she chucked in for good measure being used for roach is something we can keep between you and I. She doesn’t need that heartbreak anaw.

BT Gunn vs Kez Evans 

After tappin’ BT’s jaw immediately following his win over Walter, Kez Evans fancied going one better and actually beating his trainer in a match. The chief issue with that is BT Gunn doesn’t take kindly to having his jaw tapped, in fact he prefers to be the jaw tapper rather than the jaw tap-ee so naturally he came out all guns ragin’. Time to teach this rookie a lesson.

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In Glasgow a straight up heider is one of the most effective ways to teach lessons and that is exactly how BT started this off. Fuck yer collar and elba tie up. Fuck a handshake. If someone sneak attacks you mere moments after an Austrian tank has just taken great pleasure in leathering you for 15 minutes, its fair enough to be a bit perturbed at it. BT hit a beauty of a dive followed by some stinging chops before jumping on Kez’s back to ride the pony Happy Gilmore style. We weren’t in Ayr and the Academy is nae race course, but BT was clearly planning to ride this pony all the way to his second win in as many nights.

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I liked this mainly because it never felt like the outcome we ended up with was going to happen. BT was in control for most of it and it felt like routine stuff but as it went on Kez grew more menacing. BT was a whisker away from hitting the TMNT and ending it early doors. But the longer it went, the stronger Kez Evans got. A big clothesline, followed by a nice combo ending in a senton had him looking strong. Looking like the guy who didn’t hesitate to batter his mentor moments after one of the biggest wins of his career.

The rage in BT Gunn continued to be doled out in chop form. Multiple chest shaving chops. Pectoral pounding belters. A diving cutter off the top gave BT a two and once again he looked well in control of his young tormentor. He missed the mark with a dive giving Kez a wee opening to hit a big boot in the corner, but his attempt to go for a package piledriver was thwarted. Instead BT Gunn set him up for the Technodrome DDT. A killer move. Up there with the NAK’s famed Killer Boots for effectiveness. It would certainly have ended this contest if he hit it but Kez wriggled free and nailed BT with a low blow swiftly followed by the package piledriver for the three. 

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If you’d have told Kez Evans at the start of this year he’d wind up beating the Undisputed ICW Champion just one night after he’d beat arguably the biggest name in European wrestling he’d have told you to fuck off, and going on recent form, he’d probably slap ye aboot. BT might not hold all the gold anymore but he’s a bonafide ICW legend and as much as it came from nefarious means, this was a statement from Kez. No more waiting about for the chances to come to him, he’s a part of ICW now and he’s here to fuckin TAKE chances. Even if he needs to put a big dent in his trainer’s chances of reproducing via rapid forearms to the baws. They face each other at the next show on August 26th and there is a more than decent chance BT’s gonnae show up with a trident and straight up murder this upstart but for now? Enjoy the win of your career Kez Evans. You have certainly made a statement

Lionheart wants the shiny belt

Lionheart came out and kept it very short and sweet. He wants the title match at The Hydro. The winner of the nights main event is his. This statement went surprisingly unopposed and he swaggered to the back like the fuckin cock of the walk. The big kahuna. The boss. The future grand slam champion.

Kings Of Catch vs The Hunter Brothers

The Kings Of Catch will have been gutted not to be involved in a tag title match over the course of this weekend but I think the way it panned out suited everyone. We didn’t have a multi team match where it all gets a bit messy and it feels like some of the people involved don’t really get into it much. Instead we got a brilliant match for the titles on night one, and this cracker on night two, which wasn’t officially a number one contenders match but it pretty much was. A massive opportunity for The Hunter Brothers to make a big impression in ICW after some impressive showings so far. Even if they didn’t manage the win one thing you were absolutely guaranteed is a top quality tag match. That’s what they do.

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It’s also a talent of the Kings Of Catch but another talent they possess is being conniving bastards. Lewis Girvan offered his hand to Jim Hunter as he had to Sam Barbour the night before, but he saw through the ruse, accepting the handshake only to immediately reverse the armbar Girvan put in after. It was the polar opposite to the title match the night before and that’s what makes the tag divison so intriguing right now. So many different styles. This was all slick tags and double team goodness early on before The Kings isolated Jim Hunter with a combination of slick teamwork, tomfoolery and sentons. Finally Lee saw some action as he caught a roastin hot tag, taking both kings out with a moonsault before hitting Aspen with a lariat to the back followed by a slick German suplex. The Hunter’s bringing their very best on what was their biggest match in ICW to date. If the tag division is going to have more focus put on it going forward, The Hunter Brothers were out to make sure they’d be a big part of that.

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A rollup from The Hunters was broken up by a top rope double stomp, one of the more exciting ways a pin attempt has ever been broken up I imagine, before Aspen hit a powerbomb straight in to a knee to the coupon before he found himself on the sare end of a pouncing DDT. The gid wrestling was coming at you thick and fast in this one as The Kings busted out something special right after. Essentially the 3D but Girvan hitting the cutter springboard style for a near fall. They were looking for some kind of mad double team move on the apron that would have no doubt been heavy stunnin but instead they wound up heavy stunned when some evasive action from The Hunters saw Aspen accidentally hit a senton on his partner, immediately followed by Jim hitting a DDT as he came back in the ring. Moves that happen simultaneously when folk are entering the ring are the best moves.

They then somehow combined a brainbuster type manoeuvre with the other yin hitting a superkick at the same time. It was lovely stuff, as was pretty much all the stuff both teams done in this one but The Kings are out for the belts. Losing matches that aren’t even officially for the number one contendership is not the way to turn belts from belts you covet, in to belts you own. Double superkicks to both Hunters, before the Hunters became eh….The Hunted? The defeated? The deid? They took the Apter Burner is what I’m trying to say here and The Kings Of Catch took the win. 

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They took to the mic after to bemoan the fact that they weren’t in the mix for the title. They’ve been here every show. Putting in performances. Superkicking folk. Being a pair of cheeky bastards. Back in the good auld days some good old-fashioned hard work and wee bit of cheek got you everywhere. Now? With yer millenials all over the shop with their ipads and their berets? It gets ye naeplace. They were stopped in their tracks by RENFREW OUTTA NOWHERE cracking them with a chair before telling them him and a partner of his choosing would face the kings at the next show. Who’s his partner gonnae be I wonder? BT Gunn pulling double duty to reform the NAK? Kieran Kelly? The return of “The Teen Sensation” Christopher? Get tickets to the August 26th show and find out! 

Andy Wild vs Jody Fleisch

Matches like this helped make this weekender so enjoyable. High quality wrestling matches without a huge amount of emotional investment involved. They don’t have bad blood. There was nae “feud” here. It was just two guys who somehow haven’t crossed paths in wrestling before having a right good match. It stops you winding up absolutely devoid of energy when the main event comes along when there are matches you can just enjoy as matches. Wild has been on song for a while and has fully embraced the new him. The bruiser who moves like a cruiser. The man with the van and a decent tan. In there with the OG of British Wrestling. A right good time for all involved.

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They jockeyed for position early on before coming to a stalemate. Leaving the crowd in no doubt that they are both heavy good at the wrestling. Wild busted out a butterfly suplex before Fleisch took it to the outside, dropkicking Wild off the apron before hitting a beautiful crossbody as captured above by the incomparable David J Wilson. Look at that photo, look at they reactions, folk in awe at the flying Londonder about to land on the adopted Fifer. Lovely.

For some reason Jody Fleisch wound up picking up a leather jacket and hitting Wild with it, giving a whole new meaning to “leathering” yer opponent. Absolute thuggery so it was. Jody’s on a fast track to being in this year’s King Of Insanity match if he keeps on with that hardcore carry on. Terry Funk would be turning in his…eh…bed…if he seen the lengths this man was willing to go to for the win. He got Andy Wild up for a scoop slam right after. They nailed each other with mad forearms, multiple jabs before Fliesch went up top to end it with a moonsault. With that attempt evaded, Wild still had to contend with the Spanish fly for a two count before he hit the sitout powerbomb to seal an important win as he continues to build momentum. 

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Jody had a cracker with Aaron Echo on night two last year and this was another good yin. Would love to see him in a right good feud for the Zero-G. He is a legend and a big name to have on your show but fuck the legend patter. That would suggest he’s past his best when the evidence in the ring suggest that’s a lot of shite. He’s never been better and is yet to have anything anywhere near a bad match since he became an ICW regular. As for Andy Wild, sky’s the fuckin limit big man. He has a following and seems more focused than ever. Both men will no doubt be after that Zero-G belt. Maybe even the big yin.

Jeff Jarrett makes a match

Jarrett appeared for the second time of the night and he was in the mood to make him a wee match. After teaching us all how to spell his name, the law around these parts appeared to set a few things straight. The bold yin. Just Justice Jackie Polo. Double J exchanging barbs with Double J, JP. There’s no been that many J’s in the same room since Snoop Dogg’s last birthday party. Just Justice was out to demand a match at the “02 Sportatorium” (this wasnt no armoury thats for true) and that match was to be a rematch with the man who defeated him the night before. His perennial enemy Lionheart. After firing out some patter about the snugness of Jackie’s beautiful white jeans, Double J announced that he had different plans for Jackie.

His opponent was actually a dealbreaker in Double J even appearing at the show at all. A man who Jarrett counts as one of his closest friends in wrestling. A man whose name has become synonymous with ICW over the years, but a man whose relationship with the company ended on strange terms. He went out as a baddie who got his comeuppance. A role that entertained me personally but truthfully just never fitted him. That’s not who Grado is. The reaction he got here? The joy on his face and the joy that came pouring out of pretty much everyone in attendance when his music hit? That’s what he does. Gone was all the uncertainty. Gone was any notion that Grado isn’t a talent to be cherished. It was almost like the reset button had been hit and no one was interested in fucking TNA anymore. No one was interested in booing. It was almost like folk actually woke up and realised this is the guy who shifts tickets to normal folk. The guy who bridges the gap. This is the guy the taxi driver mentions when you tell them you’re going to wrestling show in Glasgow. This is the guy I heard my maw pishin herself laughing at when she watched the first part of the first episode of WoS and he spoke about how he walks his dug instead of going to the gym. Yer maw, yer granny, yer best pal. At his brilliant best there’s no conceivable way to dislike him when he’s doing his thing. This is pure joy in a shiny singlet and I hope he never goes away again because he BELONGS in ICW. They were mutually integral in each other’s growth and ye know what? They need each other. Simple as that. Welcome home.

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Grado vs Just Justice Jackie Polo

This being the match just made sense for so many reasons. It was the best way to use Jarrett as he is genuinely pals with Grado, and a great way to get Grado in the ring with an opponent he has always had a lot of chemistry with. It also gave Polo the chance to go line for line in a promo war with one of his heroes. Even having the highest of honours bestowed upon him to finish the match off but we’ll get to that in due course eh. Patience ffs. If you waited a full year for a Grado match in ICW ye can wait another paragraph to see how it finished up. Calm it.

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Grado emerged to a thunderous reaction. Proper earth shattering, smile inducing, heavy gid shit. Nae word of a lie when I first started going to ICW shows and I was bad mentally, I’d look forward to Grado coming out because it was impossible not to get into it. It was impossible not to get lost in it. It was relief from the shite. He emerged with the guitar Mark Dallas gave Double J earlier in the night before getting in the ring and saluting all 4 sides of the crowd (one side was just Jeff himself, but he done his bit) and finally facing down his opponent. They both done that wee head tilt Grado done at the Barras before his match with Renfrew when he had a baying NAK mob behind him, the same head tilt Polo imitated before his match with Lionheart at the barras. Rivals in the ring they will always be. In his eyes, Polo MADE Grado after all. But there’s definitely a mutual respect there. A wee bit of scope to have a laugh before the serious business kicked off. A handshake seemed to confirm that respect only for Polo to betray Grado with a boot to the mid section. Crafty.

A procession of scoops followed by Polo taking Grado to the ground and locking him in a variety of effective, no frills holds had Just Justice looking strong. In nae mood to lose two nights in a row that’s for sure. A marquee attraction like ol Just Justice can’t be having any of that. Grado drew in the energy of all the Gradomaniacs and cameback swinging lariats, jabs, chops, a roll n slice attempt was reversed before Grado foiled Jackie’s attempt to spark him out with the mallet. A wee bit of shake, rattle and rolling happened, followed by the bionic elbow to the dial, and the second attempt at the roll and slice did indeed land. Vintage Grado. He should have looked right down the camera lens, planted a kiss on it and gied it “I’M BACK BAYBAAAAAY”  but instead he kept wrestling. A smart move when you’re in a wrestling match right enough. Fair play.

A wee boot brought a two count before Double J emerged. Clearly not too pleased at being told by Just Justice that he would in fact be reporting to him and not vice versa. He picked up that guitar and knocked Jackie stupid with one of the best guitar shots of his illustrious guitar swinging career. This wasn’t just a shot to the dome with a guitar, this was one man joining another man with a guitar in holy matrimony. That guitar is a part of him forever now. Grado decided that was enough to get it done and covered him straight after for the win. No further damage needed. Polo disappeared backstage looking dishevelled, but no doubt had a big smile on his face when he was away from the crowd. It was likely a similar moment to Jake The Snake appearing on raw and putting his snake on Dean Ambrose. He couldn’t help but smile. A personal hero doing their thing. Even if that thing is cracking a big plank of musical wood over your napper.

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Grado insisted Double J wasn’t going anywhere until they had a wee sing song. You cannot book Jeff Jarrett on a show and not get him to sing a wee song ffs. We all wait for that moment when we get to be alone with our significant other. Or maybe just some insignifcant other ye met that night and decided to fire intae with the hope that he/she might have loose morals. The message is the same and they sung it beautifully together. As if The Road Dogg Jesse James wrote with this duet in mind. Wait…whit d’ye mean he didn’t ACTUALLY write it? Why did they base a whole feud on it then? Is it all a lie? 

Welcome fuckin back Grado ma man. Its been far too long.

Aaron Echo vs Jeff Cobb

No doubt they were building towards Echo vs Williams for this show but that will come in due time. This however posed a different sort of challenge for Echo. A world-class athlete and one of the most notable wrestlers on the ‘indies’ coming over for a scrap. A truly unique grappler. Built like Rhyno and wrestles like Kurt Angle. Watched a lot of his matches about a year ago to see what all the fuss was about and the fuss was justified. Based on this match the fuss was definitely justified. It was a huge opportunity for Aaron Echo to prove he could get to that level. With key players pursuing opportunities elsewhere, ICW needs a band of mainstays to do the business every single show. Aaron Echo has been primed and ready to be one of the guys for a while. This was the time to step up and prove it.

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Cobb is a big suplexing machine and a decent way to avoid getting the bejesus suplexed out of you is staying on the move. Back elbows from all angles. Be as difficult a target as possible. With Cobb on the ramp Echo misjudged a move off the top and found himself caught. Undoubtedly shitting himself for the suplex potential on the ramp, but instead Cobb launched Echo clean over the top rope with a Fallaway Slam. As Billy pointed out on commentary, he didn’t even squat for extra leverage. Effortlessly chucked a big unit of a guy clean over his heid. If anyone wasn’t aware of exactly how good Jeff Cobb is, they were quickly brought up to speed. A freak of nature.

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A diving back elbow after a backbreaker got Echo back in about it and he never backed down for a second. As much as Cobb was here to make an impression, this is not his gaff. Aaron Echo’s been knocking on the door for a long time now, and this was his time to announce himself as a big time player. A stalling superplex was another display of Cobb’s raw power before he once again caught Echo coming off the top, this time turning it into a powerslam. He then hit a standing moonsault which is just nuts for a guy his size. Defying gravity, the laws of physics, and the laws of making sense all at once. He hit a mad powerslam variation he uses as his finisher called The Tour Of The Islands (big mans Hawaiian btw) but Echo was not settling for anything other than glory on this night. There would be nae respectful standing ovation in defeat like his match with Jody Fleisch. This yin wouldn’t be another hard luck story.

Rolling forearm from the big man had Jeff seeing stars. Clean connection with the jaw. Emphatic. He immediately hooked him in for a Pumphandle Slam, turning it in to sitout for the one, two, three. A huge moment for Aaron Echo. A win over one of the most recognisable names in independent wrestling and a guy whos just a joy to watch. An excellent match. They showed each other much respect afterwards and that’s nice. Its nice to make pals int it? Big Jeff won’t think its so nice when Echo shows up at his door in Hawaii out his banger looking for a gaff party right enough but such is life eh. 

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Mikey Whiplash talks

Out to explain his actions from the previous night, Whiplash bemoans his lack of focus in recent months. He apologises to Aivil for not having his eye on her concerns or Legion as a whole. He vows to be better. He speaks of his past successes. One of which was ending Red Lightnings reign as ICW Champion 5 years ago. Red Lightning didn’t take too kindly to that and out he came, but with something different in mind to what you might think. He teased the idea of facing Whiplash in the ring again, telling him he could probably beat THIS Whiplash. Confused. Broken physically and mentally from pandering to the “ugly bastards” that make up the ICW crowd. He told them they were too ugly to deserve such a match and instead Mikey should join the Rudo crew. He could be the face of the brand. A new start. He wasn’t having it. Point blank refused and chucked up the Legion sign which is apparently like a red rag to the bulls known as Iestyn Rees and Bram. They all laid into Whiplash with boots before Ravie Davie came out for some unexpected hauners. As much as he hates Bram and Iestyn, cmon tae fuck mate. A raging James Storm awaits. This one wasn’t your battle.

As is customary on seemingly every show where they are within 100 feet of each other, Bram proceeded to boot Davie square in the baws. Saluting him with the double middle finger before embracing James Storm as he approached the ring with homicide on his mind.

James Storm vs Ravie Davie – Texas Death Match

Ravie Davie. The gallus one. Not an ounce of fear in him. Even if you don’t like him, the set of baws he has on him must be respected. Even if they had just been very much disrespected by Storm himself. He takes an absolute battering sometimes. He is thrust into situations that will almost certainly lead to him getting his shit ruined and he still embraces those situations anyway. He embraces them for the moments that he might create if he does overcome the odds. Moments like that blockbuster off The Garage balcony en route to beating Bram. Moments like the coast to coast he hit after Bram had dismantled his eye socket. Moments like stepping out in front of the Barrowlands crowd with James Storm in tow. Ready to fight a couple of big violent bronze statues. For every good moment there’s pain. For every Blockbuster off the balcony, there’s geting pushed off a ladder by your fiance when you’re about to win the biggest match of your life. For every coast to coast, theres Bram relentlessly punching your eye until its barely even visible anymore. So swollen it looks like you’re smuggling golfballs under yer eyelid. For every moment like stepping out in front of the Barrowlands crowd with a tag team legend as your partner, theres a moment like that very same man smashing a beer bottle over your dome and beating the living shite out of you. For no real reason. Just because he can. Even the previous night, Davie tried to et the jump on James Storm and he was brutally floored. Mocked almost. This was a chance to avenge all that shite. All the doings. Getting chucked down a staircase. Fiancee bumped. Cousin Zander cathing a few pastings in the process. This was it. A death match. Objective. Kill a Texan.

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The only issue with that is that the Texan in question has been around a long time and still seems to be breathing. That tells you something in itself. He is essentially the completely opposite to Ravie Davie and something about him has made a veteran of 20+ years fuckin snap. Straight up. A vicious streak has been unleashed and he seemed hell bent on legit killing Davie. Not gaining an emphatic victory, killing the poor cunt fully dead. When a bull rope comes out before anyone’s chucked a jab in anger you know you’re in for a different kind of match. They made their way into the crowd where Davie hit a big senton off one of the many jumpable platforms dotted around the Academy. Fuck knows why this wasn’t a venue ICW ran before because in that regard its rammed with possibilities. They then scudded each other with folk’s beers. James Storm has truly proved his villainy over the course of these two nights because he must have wasted about 100 quid worth of beer. Two whole pints worth in the 02. A disgrace.

He choked Davie with the bull rope again but Davie continued to stay in it. Nailing storm with a Pele kick. before hitting a dive in the corner assisted by a chair that had been previously set up to cause him some critical damage. Then the real villains appeared. I’m no talking about Rudo’s boys. I’m no talking about the NwO. I’m no talking about The Briscoe Brothers. I’m talking about a big bag of thumbtacks. Make no mistake about it, James Storm wanted to hurt Ravie Davie. He wanted him to suffer. He took him up top to hit the Eye Of The Storm through on the tacks but Davie somehow reversed it into a Hurricanrana. His momentum was short lived however, missing a moonsault on to the tacks before Storm finally hit his finisher through a table he’d set up earlier. A valiant fight from Davie but that was the killer blow. Surely. Stay doon for three so this sadistic bastard doesn’t literally kill you.

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He would not yield though. Instead he got himself involved in a gless cheque fight. Irn Bru bottle vs Beer bottle. Storm always seems to get there first in these situations and that’s a learning experience for Davie. A full irn bru bottle vs an empty beer bottle? Storm had connected with Davie’s dome before he was anywhere near connecting with the bru bottle. Too heavy. Not compact enough. Difficult to swing. Next time drop all pretence and just bring a stanley knife. It was a fatal error as Storm tied Davie’s hands with cable ties before taking a handful of tacks and filling Davies mouth up with them. Absolutely boak inducing stuff. Truly brutal. A gub bursting superkick later and it was all over. Perhaps mercifully for Davie. If only that was the end of his suffering for the night but little did he and even James Storm know, it was only just beginning. 

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Storm continued his attack after the match of course. That wasn’t a joke, he really is trying to murder Ravie Davie. Putting 20-30 thumbtacks in someones mouth and kicking them is at the very least an attempt to make eating impossible. How the fuck can someone eat if their mouth is mostly thumbtacks. Zander was the first out to put a stop to the attack, then to everyones surprise Davies real life pal Leyton Buzzard arrived. That made it feel all the more real. The image of his real life best pal so distraught by the kicking he was taking. He had no idea that was just the tip of the iceberg. It would get so, so much worse.

Joe Hendry arrived swinging a chair wildly. Clearing Storm out. He got on the mic and it sounded like a full blown character change was in effect. Buoyed by the respect and cheers he got at the end of the war with Renfrew, Joe was a changed man. A company man. Or….not. He attacked Leyton for insubordination. Not following simple instructions. Acting as a lone wolf. His words were so cutting. So vicious. Egging his apprentice on. DEMANDING he hit his best pal with a chair. Thirsting for it. Joe Hendry wanted Leyton Buzzard, Ravie Davie, Zander and the whole audience to know HE is in control. He controls his assistant. He controls what happens to people outwith ICW. He can make or break you and by the sound of his words he’s out to do a lot more breaking than making. He wanted Leyton to learn a lesson the hardest way possible and he reluctantly did hit a defenceless Davie with the chair. Freed from the cable-ties by Joe initially but frozen to the spot with exhaustion. He urged Leyton to do it for the sake of his career and Davies. Joe threatened to blackball them both. It was the only way. He carried out a frenzied beat down, not even realising Joe had left the ring before he stopped and looked at his pals in horror. What have I done? Happy with his nights work Joe disappeared, and Leyton left through the crowd. Broken.

Viper vs Martina vs Kasey – ICW Womens Title Match

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Viper will have been a perturbed that this yin was scheduled right before her man went for the men’s title in the main event, with Kay Lee Ray not being involved leaving her free and clear to meddle as she pleases. She will have been even more perturbed when The Wee Man, now managing Kasey, got on the mic to praise her abilities as a standard-bearer for the women’s division while also telling the crowd that it was a “fuckin cobra” in her entrance video. A revelation that had everyone in the ring having to stifle a mad bout of the giggles. Not to say they are done with ICW but with Rampage and Ashton Smith both being handed big opportunities elsewhere, putting The Wee Man with Kasey is a bit of a masterstroke. Leaving her to focus on impressing in the ring while the best hype man in Scottish Wrestling does his thing on the mic. Triple threat matches always have the capacity to be a bit shite, but so does every match I suppose. Sometimes matches are just shite. This was not.

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Viper started out with mad scoops and a Viper Driver, sensing that she had to come out swingin before the Irish alliance joined forces to try to take her down. Martina hit a beauty of a suicide dive as they took the action outside before Viper again put paid to any kind of double team carry on by reversing a double suplex attempt in to her own form of double suplex. Martina was then whipped towards a waiting Viper in the corner for her version of the Bronco Buster which is paints quite a vivid picture when it’s referred to as “The Yeast Infection”, only for Viper to continue to keep the troublesome Irish pair at bay with a double crossbody. Back on the outside Viper hit a cannonball on to both her opponents and a team of security guards who made the mistake of hosting their weekly game of switch at ringside during a match. I know yees love a good game of cairds boays but this was hardly the time for it. Another double move, this time a double back suplex kept Viper in the ascendancy. Never leaving her two opponents to battle it out one on one. If anyone was taking her belt they’d at the very least need to go through her first.

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A Viper Driver on Martina was quickly followed by Kasey hitting that running knee called The Killing Joke a few times but when that failed to put Viper away she went to her go to. Polo goes for the mallet. Jester goes for the corkscrew. Sha Samuels goes for a pint and a bag of pork scratchings. Kasey goes for the bat. Its part of who she is now, but she didn’t count on a mad Italian burd lurking under the the ring to skelp her sideyways. Aiivil emerged to fight Kasey all the way to the back, starting what will no doubt be an excellent feud between them but also taking Kasey out of the equation and ending her quest to become a three time champ, leaving Viper to hit Martina with the Viper Driver to retain that shiny belt.

Very entertaining match right enough. I’m a bit buzzin to see how Kasey and Aivil develops and for Viper, it was a hard fought defence at a time where she really didn’t want it. Should’ve slipped Double J a score and fired him that “put me on first eh big man” wink so she could be as present as possible for husband’s big match but no to worry eh. I think he ended up doing awrite.

Stevie Boy vs DCT – ICW World Title Match

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If you sat these two down three years ago and told them they’d be in the main event for the ICW World Title in three years time they have probably went “How the fuck dae you know? have they finally perfected time travel? Did Trump win the election? How many times have The Gzrs won the tag titles? We have so many questions! Where’s yer DeLorean parked?” but here they were. Its been a remarkable ascent for them both but a true testimony to where a bit of hard graft can get you. So many who started training around the time when Stevie did don’t even wrestle anymore. Many more have settled for mediocrity. Wrestling as a hobby. Similarly quirky characters of DCT’s ilk never shake that quirkyness off. They become the quirk. It defines them and their careers going forward. DCT knew there was more for him. DCT stepped in front of the buzzsaw known as Bram and took an almighty doing to prove he was more than a moustache. More than a sex hero with a densely stamped passport. Neither of them were really supposed to be here and that’s what made this truly special. A main event born and raised in ICW. These guys grew up in this company. They had their first taste of main event spots in this company when they tore the house down at Spacebaws. Now this was THEIR time. They got to close the weekender and they fucking delivered. Streamers rained down as they entered the ring for a match that would change the course of their careers. Loser leaves. Winner wins the big yin.

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Kay Lee Ray appeared on the ramp looking menacing. Immediately drawing DCT’s eye off the champ, but it was another top quallity ruse as she launched a chair at Coach Trip and with DCT distracted, Stevie got fired right in. He clearly had a plan of action and the objective of that plan was to remain a citizen of the UK by the time its finished, as well as the ICW World Champion. He accidentally dropkicked his burd, an act of accidental betrayal that was met with the  “Stevie’s on the couch!” chant that usually happens when he accidentally clashes with her. Finally down to a one on one fight they exchanged brutal forearms. On his way to earning this title match DCT has proved he has a capacity to absorb pain like few others. Surviving a brutal Number One contenders match with Renfrew before stepping in to face Stevie in the main event that very same night as BT Gunn couldn’t compete. That night made him in ICW and he hasn’t looked back since. Gone were the days of him not being taken seriously. He proved beyond any reasonable doubt that he could fuckin fight and in ICW that’s half the battle when it comes to winning the big belt and keeping a hold of it. He dished out all the lariats, back elbows and splashes to get back in the ascendancy, even looking for the win early on with a beautifu facial for a two count, only for Kay Lee Ray to fire Coach Trip in harms way at ring side. Stopping DCT in his tracks long enough for Stevie to nail a dive on them both. There might be new music on the go, but Stevie Boy was out to show he still dominates the fuckin world (RIP Stevie’s auld music. Gone but never forgotten)

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Kay Lee Ray got involved once more but was taken out by a resurgent DCT. Only way he’s leaving the UK after this yin is if the wife has him booked on a celbratory cruise roon the Maldives or suhin. He knew if he fucked this chance up it might not come round again too quickly so he was as focussed as he’s ever been. He even hit Stevie’s very own move, breaking out the Destoryer for a two count that was as much mental warfare as it was physical. Stevie’s own version also didn’t get the job done after a chair being set up in the ring had led to DCT using it as a launchpad for a beautiful lungblower (had nae idea it was called this but Billy uses it on commentary and it sounds a lot fuckin better than “double knees to the ribs n that, looks sare”)
Viper had finally seen enough of Kay Lee’s meddling and hobbled out to provide matrimonial hauners, only for the Kings Of Catch to once again prove pivotal in proccedings. Intervening eventually but only after Stevie had crashed through a table that he previously set up on the outside. Kay Lee Ray set out handing out a whole load of superkicks, only for Coach Trip, who had previously taken one right on the jaw to bust one out of his own, rolling back the years to set the example his charge needed to go on and win the big yin. Like when Ale Ferguson chucked that teacup at Beckham and he single handedly won the World Cup for Real Madrid. Or suhin like that. Stevie capitalised on the Kings involvement to go for a second, no doubt fatal Destroyer but DCT rolled through it and instead delivered a second facial, this time it was a messy one, gettin all up in Stevie’s face (sorry) in his eyes n everything but he managed to kick out at 2. The figure 4 that made Davey tap at Shug’s the previous year was locked in as DCT looked to turn the screw, but Stevie managed to reverse it aided by Kay Lee and we were back to square one.

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It was all a bit chaotic at the end up, which had tended to put things in Stevies favour in the past. He had the numbers advantage and when the Kings hit Viper with the Apter Burner after she’d nailed Kay Lee with the Viper Driver they well and truly had the numbers in their favour.  Put yer passport away Stevie ma man. You’re no going anywhere. Coach Trip heroically climbed in there in an attempt to at least distract the Kings and he foiled their Apter Burner attempt on him, leaving Viper to hit a cannonball off the apron to clean pretty much everyone apart from the two guys fighting for that coveted slab of sexy gold. The way it always should have been. One on one. Mano e mano. Destroyer vs Facial. Stevie vs Davey (Campbell Thomson). If you did sit them down three years prior to this to tell them they’d be the main event in three years time, they would probably have believed it because they’ve always backed themselves. Even when it wasn’t easy to do so. Other folk might not have believed it but they were the ones putting in the work and on this evidence its a spot they were very much suited to. Born for it. For the last few minutes this war was all about them.

They scudded each other daft with all sorts of strikes, DCT gaining the upper hand befor Stevie hit a stonker of a superkick. Stevie’s attempt to get a chair involved again was thwarted by a sickening lowblow from DCT. Another aspect he’s proven more than capable of has been utilising the dirty tactics when he’s needed to. Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire. There’s nae prizes for being clean cut and by the book in ICW and judging by his International Sex Hero days (and the fact that his finish is called the fuckin facial) yer man’s no stranger to getting down and dirty. His attempt at the electric chair drop was actually not that at all, instead he dropped Stevie and hit a German before clearing Kay Lee off the apron as she attempted to get in about it again., DCT had fuckin done it. A facial finish for the win. Just as god intended. One, two, three. Wait….haud on. That means……Stevie’s fuckin….aw naw. Stevie’s gone.

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One man’s elation was another man’s heartbreak. The thing that will hurt Stevie even more is that he essentially done this to himself. It was him who originally set the stipulation that if DCT lost he was gone and his actions after that made Dallas change it to a loser leaves match. Christ knows if Stevie is actually going somewhere, he certainly deserves it if this means he’s off to chase an opportunity somewhere, but as a big fan of his work it was a gutter to see him vanish up that ramp without that title he worked so hard to finally get. It felt like there was more to come from his run. Take absolutely nothing away from the victor though. A man whose initiation in ICW came with him being eliminated from his first two Square Go’s by a single Renfrew chop, and his first brush with an ICW Champion led to him being mercilessly whipped with a belt at the hands of Jack Jester. He’s no ones whipping boy now. He is the fuckin guy and he’s determined to be the guy who steps out with that glorious new belt at the Hydro. No matter if its Lionheart or some other new and exciting challenge, you’ll need to go through a guy who’s went through hell to get that belt and prove his worth. DCT. ICW World Heavyweight Champion. Living the dream

Big thanks as always to David J Wilson for the wonderful photos. 

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ICW Shugs House Party 5 – Night One Review

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The 5th instalment of the Shugs series could potentially have been a let down. Key players missing with a big match unable to take place as a result, the venue having to be changed due to a fire wrecking the usual place, things were conspiring against them a bit. The potential was there for it to not live up to expectations and yet it turned out to be two very different, but equally excellent shows. For me ICW are a company who thrive when the chips are down. Finding solutions to problems and making them work. Sometimes even better than whatever the original plan was. For me, the wrestling show that happened on Night One is one of the most complete shows ICW have produced. Every possible style of wrestling you could call yourself a fan of was on display. Big time rivalries were settled. One off matches dazzled. Imports meshed perfectly with mainstays to make magic. It was just a really good wrestling show. From top to bottom.

Kid Fite vs Ravie Davie (Winner faces James Storm in Night Two)

Big fan of the basis of this rivalry being Fito wanting to establish himself as the king of ICW’s scheme division. Sick and tired of this upstart getting opportunities ahead of him, he decided the best way to establish himself as the king was the old-fashioned way, by slapping someone aboot. He smashed fuck out the young pretender at the last ICW show and cut a vicious promo vowing to steal his big match with James Storm on night two. Davie has a habit of making folk really fuckin annoyed at him eh? They are invariably mean looking cunts who look like they can chew tobacco without pulling that “aw man this is heavy boggin” face anaw. True hard men who can fuckin fight. Davie came out all guns blazing for this one though. Taking out Lou King Sharp and Krieger with a mad double drop kick on the ramp before setting out to take his revenge on someone who literally cut a promo while sitting on his heid at the last show. There was a chair between Fito’s arse and Davie’s heid like, but still. If you respect someone so little that you don’t hesitate to plant the chair you’re about to sit on right on their napper, its bound to make that person a wee bit angry.

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Kid Fite started the match strong. Taking advantage of Lou King Sharp and Kriegers distractions to back rake and forearm Davie until he was seeing wee birdies floating above his heid. Davie rallied and hit the blockbuster that everyone remembers so fondly from the time he hit it from the balcony of The Garage. A cracking move, but not as cracking as folk literally crackin each others jaws in a good old forearm war. They wailed on each other for a while, teeth flying all over the shop before Kid Fite hit the brainbuster for a two. A perfect sitout powerbomb didn’t do it either and an increasingly raging Kid Fite wasn’t having it anymore. It was time to drop all pretence that this was ever one on one. After all, Kid Fite wanted to be somewhat fresh for his big match with the big import on Night Two so it was time to wrap this up. In came Lou King Sharp and Krieger to deliver the team handed beatdown Kid Fite needed to get the job done a bit earlier. It was all going to plan….UNTIL IT WISNAE

A revved up figure emerged. A mysterious trackied man. Probably Davie’s cousin Zander but also maybe no Davie’s cousin Zander. With the greatest of respects to Zander, the hooded figure hit a T-bone Suplex so picture perfect that only a handful of folk in Scotland could be responsible for it. One of those people was someone we hadn’t seen for a while. Someone with a bit of history with Kid Fite. Surely……surely no….surely its no fuckin….is it? YASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

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The scarf came down and the trackie tap was removed to reveal LIAM THOMSON. Back from a long injury lay off. One that could have potentially ended his career but on this evidence it most certainly has not. There he was. Back in an ICW ring chucking folk about with reckless abandon. Kid Fite, Lou King Sharp and Krieger are three of my favourite folk in Scottish wrestling. The fact that the latter two weren’t involved in a match on this weekender was some sort of crime. But I couldnt have been happier to see them get chucked aboot on this occasion. Well Thomson actually didn’t directly hit Kid Fite which im sure was quite deliberate but the suicide dive that followed the t-bone suplex’in goodness on Lou King Sharp and Krieger tells its own story and that story reads “LIAM THOMSON IS BACK. FUCKIN YALDI!”

With Kid Fite’s hauners handled by Liam Thomson and Fito himself left dazed and confused by the whole thing, Davie sneakied in and won the match with a roll up to leave Fito stunned.

Davie gets his big match and his chance at revenge over James Storm on Night Two after a much needed assist from the bad boy. He joined Liam in saluting the crowd before leaving him to soak in the adulation on his own. Considering all the massive things that happened over the course of the two shows, it’s a big compliment to Liam that this was up there with Grado’s return in terms of the noise the crowd produced when it happened. An absolute pleasure to have the bold yin back in action. 

Lewis Girvan vs The Sam Barbour Experience

Sam Barbour is good at wrestling. Watched him absolutely kill it at the first GPWA Invitational and have wondered why he isn’t involved in more promotions since then. This was a huge opportunity to impress but he was in there with a guy who carries himself with so much more swagger these days. Lewis Girvan has always been a very good wrestler but its like any self-doubt he carried with him evaporated the minute he aligned himself with The Filthy Generation. Whatever may have been stopping him going to the very top of the card despite scarcely having anything even approaching a bad match and stealing the show at the Hydro 2 years ago against Ricochet (wonder what happened to that guy eh) is most certainly gone now. He’s one of the main men and folk forget when reminiscing about DCT and Stevie going from the main event of Spacebaws to the main event of the big show for the big belt, that one of those main events had a third man and that man was Lewis Girvan. In ICW for a long time he’s been seen as the reliable guy. A guy who always turns in a good match. A good soldier and a fine member of the roster and see now? He seems like a guy who could not give a fuck about those things. Fuck it all. Low blow some cunts, tombstone their brains out with yer best pal, have a right good laugh and be done with it. That’s the kind of attitude that gets ye belts. Beautiful, shiny belts.

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It was of course a very good match. Sam looking good early on, only for Lewis to completely sidestep a crossbody attempt as if it never happened. They nailed each other with a bunch of forearms before Barbour took Lewis out to the apron and kicked his chest repeatedly, a bit like that chest beating thing Sheamus used to do a lot, except y’know…..with kicks. Girvan hit that rolling neckbreaker he does where he leaps into the ring from the outside first. Lovely to watch. Top 5 neckbreaker of all time. A tombstone followed, but I particularly enjoyed the setup where he had him set up for a scoprion death drop only to scoop him for the tombstone. SBX came back into it but missed the mark with a moonsault and Girvan produced a mad suplex combo to seal the win (may be calling it that because I’ve no idea what the final suplex was called, it was very suplexy though)

Girvan’s tag partner Aspen Faith had provided commentary for the match and jumped in the ring to enjoy his pal’s victory with him. Girvan offered SBX his hand as a mark of respect. Instead of shaking it, Barbour took it as an invitation to dance, ordered the sound booth to play Reach by S Club 7, and the foes become friends through the power of dance to upbeat 90s pop. Majestically swaying around the ring while Aspen Faith looked on, confused about his role in the whole affair. Except none of that actually happened and The Kings Of Catch of course battered Sam. Apter Burner then a low blow after ANOTHER offer of a handshake that Barbour somehow thought was genuine. They’re scallywags yer Kings Of Catch but they do it well and have a vicious side to accompany their scallyness that makes them very good to watch. Won’t be out of the tag title picture for long, thats for true.

Mikey Whiplash vs Angelico 

Match of the weekend for me in a lot of ways. It didn’t have all sorts of crowd pleasing big time “spots” but it had people absolutely lost in it for 10-15 minutes. I certainly was as they opened the match with a series of holds with neither man managing to gain the upper hand. I could type all sorts about this one but really, no words will be able to do it justice so get it watched. Angelico had Whiplash tied in all sorts of knots only for Whiplash to wriggle out of it with a headstand before doing that corner pose that wrestlers do sometimes and shooting Angelico a look that was half “look at me, im pure good at wrestling” and half “lets have sex” I mean honestly, not to weigh a wrestling review down with smut, but Angelico is a good looking man. I say that as a man with a burd and everything. The only thing better looking than his face is his wrestling.

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They exchanged near falls before Whiplash bent Angelico’s wrist so much it became several wrists all going in different directions. A wrist medley. Angelico went for his finisher only Whiplash to reverse it. Angelico locked in the reverse figure four he utilises, but Whiplash got free. They leathered each other with forearms, uppercuts, before Whiplash cleaned Angelico out with that clothesline he does when he rebounds off the middle rope. A zombiemaker (death valley driver) followed for a two count, but his attempt to do that same move from the top rope was reversed and Angelico hit The Falling Angel (think a running Razor’s Edge that ends with the opponent being launched heid first at the turnbuckles) to take the win. A brilliant contest and an outstanding showing from Angelico on his debut. Hope to see a lot more of him in ICW. 

Whiplash took to the mic afterwards and it seemed like it was over. He slowly untied his boots as he told the crowd maybe it was time for him to move aside. Maybe he just can’t keep up with the young yins anymore. Aivil emerged to pretty much tell him to shut it. She told him to remember who he truly is. The sadistic fucker who tormented Renfrew. The sadistic fucker who took and also dished out unimaginable pain during that run of death matches he had. The sadistic fucker who still has a lot left in the tank. Not only did Aivil’s words make Whiplash put his boots back on, but he also put the mask back on that has become synonymous with Legion and his darker side. Maybe a sign that he’s no longer accepting Mark Dallas’ ban on him doing anything but straight up wrestling matches and we could see that sadistic fucker re-emerge once more. As if he was ever gone. 

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Joe Hendry vs Chris Renfrew – Glasgow Street Fight 

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No gonnae lie, I loved this. It reminded me of an Attitude Era (bring it back! amiright?!) hardcore match and that is a huge compliment. As much as Hendry has built his character around hating this type of thing by god he isn’t half good at it. Done it very well with Lionheart to end that feud and this was outstanding entertainment to probably end this particular feud as well. Renfrew came out all guns blazing, chucking a chair at Hendrys face soon after he had made his music free entrance. One less new theme to get used to it might have been but his entrance being without the music that helped launch him to stardom was no accident. He wasn’t here to engage in mental warfare with the tunes. He was here to engage in actual warfare with his fists….perhaps a samurai sword. Who knows. That’s the beauty of the Glasgow Street Fight.

They chucked each other about at the bar, scudding each other with wee metal baking trays before Renfrew chucked Joe through a door that took them outside. They battled all the way along to the wee spar down the road, where Renfrew bought them a tin of monster each, before challenging Hendry to a footrace to The Garage where they completed the match Foley vs Rock style. Empty arena baybeeee. Nah that didn’t happen at all but it COULD have. The possibilities are endless in a Glasgow street fight. They were actually only outside for about 30 seconds before continuing to battle around the outisde. Renfrew setting Joe up on a chair, only for Joe to end up dropping Renfrew with a side slam. They made their way to the merch table and Joe balanced another table against the merch table and after a wee battle for supremacy, he eventually launched Renfrew through said table. Quite painfully.

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They eventually made it back to the ring where Renfrew gained the upper hand. Planting Joe with a Death Valley Driver before calling on an old friend for a bit of support. It was none of auld NAK squad, not even new pal Kieran Kelly (yet) but instead it was a pair of scissors. The scissors that have become synonymous with demon Renfrew. The scissors that could end the match and the life of one of the folk in it. Leyton Buzzard was on hand to grab the deadly sheep shearers as Renfrew wielded them towards Joe’s dome. Joe hit the fallaway slam and Leyton decided that made it safe enough for him to jump in and stomp Renfrew out. Their team handed assault was brief as Kieran Kelly did finally emerge to provide some timely back up. Hitting a stunner (its only a stoner if Renfrew hits it I think but I dunno if Kelly can call it that through association, ask yer MP if it bothers ye that much ffs, trying to review the wrestling here) before Buzzard was quickly made to regret his previous intervention as Renfrew hit him with a sitout powerbomb off the top rope to pretty much end his participation in this one and perhaps his participation in being a person who is capable of standing up.

After all the commotion Joe gained the upper hand again, locking in that choke that he vowed could end Renfrews life if he locked it in properly. Renfrew broke the hold and hit a top rope stoner for a two count,  but was hit with an extremely uncouth low blow by Hendry. Matches with no rules bring that devil right out of him, and he chased it with two fallaway slams before they both had a wee shot of each other’s finisher. Hendry hitting a stunner that Renfrew immediately leapt up after to hit the freak of nature. It looked like Renfrew had it with the Stoner soon after but Leyton Buzzard rose from the dead to break the pin only to be quickly removed by Renfrew, before being on the sare end of a suicide dive from Kieran Kelly.

Renfrew found himself in deep trouble soon after. Hendry had his ankle lock welded in. Seemed like he was genuinely right on the cusp of twisting Renfrew’s foot clean off his body and using it to beat him to death to win the match if he wasn’t going to tap. Renfrew held on and gave Hendry the middle finger of defiance that was also the last thing Big Damo seen before becoming ICW Champion. Hendry locked it in even tighter and the pain was too much. Renfrew fully passed out and Hendry took the win. 

What a transition its been from the guy with the funny custom entrance music to a guy vicious enough to topple folk like Lionheart and Renfrew in hardcore matches. As entertaining as the entrance videos were, the best version of Hendry for me is this vicious bastard. Dead set on eviscerating anyone who dares to cross his path. Renfrew told him he had earned his respect after that war and I’m sure Joe appreciated that, but respect isn’t main events. Respects isn’t titles, the heavyweight and the Zero-G. Respect isn’t some sort of gift (christmas gift). Respect in the grand scheme of things means little to Joe because his goal is to get to the very top and he must feel like now is the time. 

The Kinky Party vs Alpha/Evil (Bram and Iestyn Rees) – ICW Tag Title Match

This kinda came from nowhere to be one of the highlights of the weekend which is a testament to all involved. Could easily have just went through the motions, kept it in the ring and got pass marks but they didn’t. They put their bodies on the line and went all out and you have to respect the fuck out of that. Guy’s the size of Bram and Sha Samuels going for death-defying dives that Jeff Hardy would baulk at. Blood pouring from Jack Jester’s face from about 30 seconds in. Iestyn daring to pull Martina off Sha Samuels mid grind. They all put their lives on the line in some way, shape or form and it made for a smashing tag title match. For me the best match The Kinky Party have had as champions and even up there with their match with Polo Promotions before they got the titles.

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Sha and Iestyn quickly moved their battle to the outside, leaving Jester to pull out the corkscrew with intentions to maim. It was him who ended up maimed however, as he was wearing the auld crimson mask very early on thanks to Bram. Tell ye whit, I defy anyone to look at Bram’s body of work in ICW in the past couple of years and tell me he isn’t a good wrestler. He is as good a villain as independent wrestling has right now. Him and Iestyn have no redeeming features. No cool guy shit that makes folk cheer. They’re just a pair of big bad dudes who smash folk and it works. Jester hit Bram with a baseball slide before Iestyn joined the party with the worlds biggest suicide dive. The Kinky Party hit the Teamstone Paldriver but the pin was broken up. Nae way this was ending yet.

They ended up back outside with Iestyn set up on a table below. Sha decided to go, for the lack of a better term “fuckin mental” and attem1SHP-KPAvBrIept a moonsault from about 30 feet in the air but Bram blocked it, causing Sha to take a heavy fall as he came off the platform he had climbed on a bit awkwardly. Even when this match wasn’t intentionally brutal it was still incredibly sore looking. Bram then climbed on that very same platform and thanks to some help from Martina, Iestyn had ended up putting Jester on the table, for Bram to hit with a glorious Swanton through the table. Definitely killing both of them in the process. What a move.

After taking about 5 seconds to mourn the death of their respective tag partners. Iestyn and Sha decided life goes on and continued the match in the ring. A seemingly burst Sha rallied after avoiding Iestyns spear. Hitting out with some definat jabs and splash in the corner but Bram soon resurfaced. We’ll call him Zombie Bram from this point on since that Swanton killed everyone involved in it. Zombie Bram hit that big spike ddt he does, before Sha took a Bronco Buster from Martina that felt like it lasted a good half hour before Iestyn peeled her off. His tolerance for shenanigans had been exceeded and it was time to win some tag belts. Iestyn hit a powerbomb which Sha brushed off Hulk Hogan style, drawing the energy from the crowd, ready for the next assault. Iestyn hit his finisher after that but Sha still kicked out and they decided, perhaps foolishly, that he was no longer the best bet for the finish. Dragging Jester’s deid body into the ring was probably a smart plan when they thought of it. Its easier to pin a deid guy than an alive one, but what if he was playing possum? What if he had already become a zombie like Bram?

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They played a dangerous game and unfortunately for them, they lost. Iestyn took Jester up for the Doomsday Device and as Bram went up top to complete the job, Sha knocked him off the top, and Zombie Jester rolled Iestyn up for The Kinky Party to retain. 

Hard hitting chaos from start to finish. If you can watch this and say it wasn’t entertaining then you and I see wrestling quite differently. Big guys doing shit big guys shouldn’t be able to do. Leaving it all out there for your entertainment. Heavy good shit. A highlight of the weekend and another excellent title defence from Sha and Jester. Kinky Party 4 lyf.

BT Gunn vs Walter

A dream match for many and that just shows how highly BT Gunn is thought of in the European scene. Its been a great year or so for him and he’s finally getting some of the wider recognition his work has deserved for a long long time. Walter is arguably the biggest star stoating about the “indies” right now and BT Gunn didn’t look out of place for a second. Matching Walter’s chest melting chops every time…in fact naw, Walter matched BT Gunn’s chest melting chops. BT Gunn is the original chest melter and as good as Walter is at chopping he knew he had met his match as soon as BT landed one. He made that “fuck sake that was sare!” face that many an unsuspecting opponent has made when BT first lands a chop on them. Learning the hard way. The extremely hard way.

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The early stages was mostly mind melting striking from both. BT fighting hard to stop his much bigger opponent getting him down and dominating. At times it felt like the a plucky wee scrapper having a pop at the school bully. The big man seemed like he always felt he had it in hand, but its hard to be that confident when you’re getting all sorts of chops, punches to the gut and kicks to the heid flung in your direction. BT left a noticeable hand print on big Watty that will likely be a permanent fixture on his chest from here on out. He recovered from that to catch BT coming off the top, turning him over into a Boston Crab. BT escaped that before he managed to take Walter down with a clothesline off the ropes before series of stiff kicks took the big man into the corner. It seemed that every time BT took the upper hand, the big man floored him with something. He locked in the coquina clutch before turning it in to a German Suplex that took BT Gunn down. For being built like a brick shithouse, Walter is well versed in the submission game and he had BT in trouble with an STF but once again he somehow escaped with all his limbs in tact.

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A superkick followed by the Gunnshot gave BT a near fall and it looked like he was heading for the win. He had the big man rattled anyway, only for the Austrian powerhouse to turn the match back in his favour with a thunderous chop followed by a Brainbuster. Following that by once again locking in that coquina clutch only for BT to roll him over for a quick three count. What a win for BT Gunn. Considering the status of Walter and the ability he has it felt monumental. It was something he should have been able to enjoy. Maybe go up the top rope and let the crowd give him the ovation he deserved. Kez Evans had other ideas. 

When Kez Evans appeared in the Square Go I ripped the piss out of him a bit in the review. Light heartedly of course. Its aw fun and games. But he’s proved in recent times he’s nae joke. Sick to death of seeing other GPWA trainees get chances and he gets ignored. This character definitely suits him because the frustration he spoke about when he simultaneously cut a promo and booted fuck out of BT Gunn is definitely real. He has at times felt like it wasn’t going to happen for him, so he’s going out and fuckin making it happen. He continued the beat down for a while, also admitting that he was the guy who attacked BT at the last show before disappearing to a chorus of boo’s. Ruining BT’s win over big Walter and getting booed out the building. A good nights work if you’re a bad yin. 

Jody Fleisch vs James Storm

This is what I really liked about this show. Matches like this turning out great. A match with no build between two guys who on paper maybe wouldn’t mesh well together, yet they went out and smashed it. Jody Fleisch is seemingly incapable of anything else. Since he appeared at this event last year he has been used regularly by ICW and is yet to produce anything but good shit. This was another cracker. Storm was in nae mood to fuck about with a Texas Death Match looming the following night, but Jody Fleisch wasn’t in the mood to be an afterthought either.

Storm favours a more methodical pace these days but he knew fine well Jody Fleisch goes at full speed and he matched him in that regard early on, before Jody floored him with a pair of dropkicks. They made their way to the bar, Storm seemingly intent on smashing a whole crate of beer bottles over Jody’s napper, but the pheonix dodged his attacked before hitting a beauty of a moonsault off the bar. Is there anything he can’t moonsault off of? I’d like to see him try it on a surfboard or a sinking ship. Something that’s moving anyway. See how far that moonsaulting talent can go. Maybe campaign to get Harry Maguire  to a show so Jody can try and hit a moonsault off the top of his gigantic square dome.

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Storm proceeded to scud Fleisch with a full pint of cider he commandeered from someone in the front row. Never even asked if he could have it either. A true villain cause its 4 quid a pint in the 02 at the very least. Folk intending to drink in the venue on both days were selling their kidneys and taking out second mortgages to afford it. Back in the ring they battled up top before Storm chucked Jody halfway across the ring. Jody replied with a beautiful hurricanrana off the top, only for storm to hit back with an Alabama slam and a big lariat for a two count. Jody hit a gorgeous Spanish Fly soon after, never actually sure who’s ‘hit’ that move when it happens as it seems to be equally sore on both men but its lovely to watch so it is. Just a couple of veterans from opposite sides of the world, in the middle of Glasgow, having a belter of a match. Wrestling is beautifully odd sometimes.

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Fleisch went up for the Shooting Star Press to put this one away, but Storm swerved it before hitting the Last Call then knocking Jody upside the head with a cow bell to make sure of the win. 

Storm took to the mic and acknowledged how good Jody is, but highlighting that as good he is, he still got his arse booted. The same would be happening to Ravie Davie, or Davie Ravie, or whatever the hell his name is. Davie didn’t take too kindly to Storm not getting his name right and emerged from the back with a mic of his own, immediately calling him “Stormy James” before vowing to kick the death match off a night early as he stormed the ring for a scrap. James Storm was fit for it though, catching Davie as he came in the ring and laying him out once more before vowing to finish the job the following night. 

Kay Lee Ray And The Great Big Ruse

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Kay Lee Ray came out to her brand new music have a chat. I quite like The Filthy Generations new theme. Its in the same vein as the previous one and has that menacing feel to it that makes you feel like the person coming out to it is about to batter fuck out some folk, but I’d like to take this opportunity to commemorate the death of the greatest entrance music in ICW history. The auld Filthy Generation theme was so bangin’ I listened to it so much outwith wrestling shows that my burd fuckin hates it. Such a tune that even people who hated Stevie and KLR used to dance to it while holding up the middle fingers. Music patter aside Kay Lee Ray was out to bemoan the lack of a womens match to challenge Viper. Viper emerged and they exchanged words but it was all in the name of the ruse. Out came The Kings Of Catch to attack Viper, as Kay Lee knocked her daft with a belt shot to the head, before the Kings set Viper up for the Apter Burner, leading DCT with Coach Trip in tow to provide husbandly hauners and to prevent his wife going in to her title defence the next night with a concussion.

It was all a big ruse. A play for the upper hand, as Stevie came out and nailed DCT with a low blow as he set Kay Lee up for the spike DDT. He hit the destroyer before standing over DCT triumphantly. Belt in hand. A belt he would put his life on the line to keep in his possesion . They’re dirty bastards. They make a living off it, and Stevie isn’t giving up that title without utilising every trick in the book. Giving his opponent a scheme bootin a night before they main event the biggest show of their lives together is exactly what Stevie is all about. The best in the business at being a bastard. The filthiest player in the game.

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Lionheart vs Just Justice Jackie Polo

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The term “big fight feel” gets chucked about haphazardly sometimes. For this it fitted what was about to happen perfectly. It deserved the main event and absolutely lived up to that spot. Lionheart needed it. Simple as that. He unravelled because a part of him doubted that he could beat Jackie after Barramania, so he avoided ever wrestling him again instead. Locked that pain away and tanned rapid whiskies instead. A slap from Sha Samuels seemed to kick him back into gear. It made him believe. He wanted the match and signed on the dotted line eventually. Only problem is, Jackie Polo dies not give a fuck about fairytales or what his opponent needs. Deep down underneath that deeply southern exterior he still fuckin hates Lionheart with a burning passion and he definitely wanted to break his spirit once and for all. He wanted to make it 3-0. No coming back. Career in the toilet. Ruined.

They kicked it off head to head. At odds with each other like they have been for what seems like forever. True enemies. Vicious jabs were exchanged, Polo getting the upper the hand and taking Lionheart down with a series of shoulderblocks. The first scoop of the match followed. Polo in his comfort zone. Knowing he has the beating of his opponent if he keeps the heid. He hit a double axe handle off the apron as Lionheart struggled on the outside before rolling back in to raise his fist towards the crowd Mark Coffey style. Perhaps not the time for it, but he gave off a vibe that said he had this in the bag and was going about his work like he had it all in hand. Not a problem. Lionheart tried to climb back in but Polo hit a lovely dropkick to send him back outside. In control.

He rolled outside to meet Lionheart and had a weird moment with someone in the crowd. I really don’t know what these cunts are thinking when they square up to wrestlers. Its a show and they are performers, unless they legit start shit with you there is nae reason to let your emotions spill over. It will not end well and you’ll either end up knocked out by a big burly bastard in a singlet or carried out the building. Usually both. The big walloper in the crowd was told to calm it before Lionheart acrobatically dodged an attempt by Polo to send him towards the ringpost. That led to Lionheart putting his stamp on the contest and he soon has Polo locked in a sharpshooter before he valiantly made it to the bottom rope. Polo does a jab then chop combo and its one of my favourite things to watch in wrestling, simple, well executed, good shit. He never invented jabs or chops but he does them in a unique way somehow. Lionheart dodged a splash in the corner and hit that big pump kick in the corner (he should defo call it the “get it pumped” kick imo) followed by the rock bottom for a two count. Back and forth. Lionheart fighting for his wrestling life. Compelling viewing.

Lionheart reneged on hitting the frog splash and instead rolled out the ring seemingly on the lookout for a weapon. That weapon was most likely the Polo mallet, and he thought he could gain the upper hand by utilising it first, but the problem was he went to the wrong side of the ring and over on the other side Polo had already grasped the mallet. Ready to pounce. Lionheart dodged a wild swing from Polo before they played a wee game of cat and mouse. Lionheart’s anxiety was palpable, knowing how vital that mallet has been in his previous defeats. He wanted it out the picture or in his hands, because it Jackies hands? It meant danger. It meant defeat. Jackie chucked it in the ring and they both went after it but neither man could get a good grip on it. Jackie tried to put Lionheart away with the electric chair drop that won him the match at the Barras but Lionheart reversed it into a hurricanrana, before hitting a huge dive over the top rope on to the ramp.

They battled on the ramp a bit. Polo having a piledriver attempt blocked, before he blocked Lionhearts rock bottom attempt, nailing the move himself. Lionheart hit that very same move on the ramp at the Barras so thats some lovely storytelling. Both men very aware of what’s done them damage in the matches before and trying to avoid those things. Lionheart going for the mallet. Polo hitting the rock bottom. Beautifully done. Polo hit the electric chair drop on the second attempt but this time it was only a two. Lionheart wasn’t done yet. This wasn’t just a match to him. Another chapter in this rivalry. This was pretty much his career on the line and it showed. He was desperate and it brought the very best out of him. A version of himself that could beat Polo. If he just believed it himself.

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He hit a beauty of a frog splash soon after but Polo kicked out. As strong as Lionheart’s will was to win this one, you’re aff yer nut if you think Polo didn’t want it just as bad. The bragging rights that comes with being the man who pretty much buried Lionheart is something he definitely wanted and he was willing to do whatever it took to get it. Anything. He looked right into Lionhearts eyes after kicking out of the frog splash. Undoubtedly in pain but not willing to show it. He had something up his sleeve that he was sure would do the job. He crawled towards the mallet but Lionheart stood on it as if to say it wasn’t going to end that way. Not this time. Up he went once more for the electric chair drop, which Lionheart once again attempted to reverse only for Polo to counter that by setting him up for….is he…..oh my fuckin god…..

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The Styles Clash. Not just The Styles Clash, but a Styles Clash hit with unerring perfection. Absolutely nailed it. Right in the middle of that ring. Lionheart’s career once again was in deep jeopardy thanks to that move, only this time there was no tragic neck break. Everything happened exactly as it should have, and as is the norm with that move, it would surely end the match. In any other circumstance it would have, but Lionheart faced his biggest fear and fuckin conquered it. The move that has no doubt been a central piece in his nightmares for the better part of 4 years. Haunted by it. Why did I tuck? It didn’t matter anymore. Its rare that being on receiving end of a move can be a cathartic experience but that’s exactly what this was. He triumphantly kicked out at fuckin ONE. Not this time.

Superkick, big pump kick in the corner, another one for good measure, rock bottom, down went Polo. This time. Maybe this time it might just be different. Emphatic frog splash. A cover that was dripping with fear, dripping with emotion, maybe it would be three this time. It was. Lionheart had won. Somehow. Someway. He pulled it out the bad when he truly desperately needed to. A triumphant effort. A magnificent main event.

In terms of getting the crowd engaged and evoking real emotion there’s no better feud in British Wrestling than this one. Sha Samuels vs Grado is always brilliant and is up there with them, but this has the edge for me because it carries that edge that it’s a bit real. They really don’t like each other but on the evidence of the last two matches, they work incredibly well together. Lionheart got the big win he needed and wants it to propel him to bigger things but something tells me ol Just Justice doesn’t want this to end on a loss and this might not be the end. After all. The score overall still reads Jackie Polo 2 Lionheart 1. Lionheart was played out by his brilliant new music as he toasted a massive win. He’s won a watch with this whole revamp so he has. They’ve absolutely nailed his tune.

A topper of a show overall. For me one of the best ICW have ever produced. So much variety in the matches and everything was quality. No lulls. Cracker of a main event. I gie it 60 stars. A hunner and fifty Meltzer badges. 10 outta fuckin 10.

Massive thanks to David J Wilson as usual for some stunning shots. The Fleish moonsault and Bram swanton captured perfectly and the shot of that Styles Clash is just art. 

ICW Square Go 2018 Review

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The Square Go wasn’t in Glasgow last year which is a mad thing when ye think about it. Akin to having a street fight that never leaves the arena, or a falls count anywhere match where the finish happens in the ring, or having a Texas Bull-Rope match that isn’t in Texas and involves a rope that has never touched a bull. Ye know what, maybe its not that mad actually. People from Newcastle are a lot like us and probably are at least aware of what a Square Go actually is even if they might sound a bit daft saying the words. Point is, we were back in Glasgow this year and as great as the show was last year, I dunno. It just felt right. This isnae some American sport where someone can buy a team and move them wherever they want for the fuck of it, this is Glasgow and the Square Go belongs to Glasgow.

While it was a very good show in general the thing I found most enjoyable about it was how it shaped the future and planted so many seeds for what’s to come this year. A lot of talented folk are heading for some big time stuff and that’s just good for the soul is it not? Are we not all fans of this to see talented people succeed? Well, that and complaining. But its one of the top two reasons.

James Storm vs Jack Jester (Winner Faces The ICW Champion At Fight Club Taping The Following Night)

Upon entering the venue a wee bit late, I was greeted with Jack Jester’s music and in turn the front of my jeans was greeted with a stauner. Not a full on rager cause I’d had a few beers by this point and it was awfy cold in the queue, but man alive, yer a lying bastard if you can tell me Jester’s music doesn’t get the juices flowing in yer doonstairs no matter what way your sexual pendulum swings. If there’s some kind of award for entrance music suiting the wrestler down to a fuckin tee, this wrestler and tune combo is taking that award home and probably sticking in some orifice of some kind. Dirty shaggin masquerading as entrance music doesn’t get the job done in the ring right enough (unless “the ring” is what your calling the aforementioned orifice). Especially when you’re getting in amongst it with a legit TNA legend and bad motherfucker in ol Jimmy Storm.

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James Storm is the kind of ‘import’ who automatically connects with ICW for the pure and simple reason that he likes a fuckin’ fight. A wee bit that night at The Garage Hardcore Holly turned up and chopped the living shite out of Renfrew. There’s no pretence. He’s a mad beer tanning cowboy who will stab you with the sharp end of a broken beer bottle (ye see the joke there is….both ends would be…ach you get it) and use the other end to pick bits of his dinner out his teeth, and if you don’t like it, that’s your choice. He’s not going to be anything else. Ever.

Before it became a dirty bar room brawl they did wrestle about a bit. Jester clearly spurred on by getting his face right in amongst that mad strippers diddies at the start, he was busting out hiptosses and allsorts but that patter was never going to last. They were there to drink beer and throw each other into stuff and after a brief trip to the bar, where Jester called a halt to proceedings to order them a round, they tanned them quickly and suddenly the beer was all finished. All that was left to do was scrap as if the dirtiest lassie in the place was on the line and the only way to win her affections was to bring your opponents full set of front teeth to her. Preferably with the jaw still attached. After a suple on the steel ramp, Jester emerged with that big studded dildo that seems to get an inch bigger every time ye see it. A grower not a shower as they say, although he did show it to James Storm’s napper with no hesitation making it (probably) the first time in his long and illustrious career that he’s been skelped between the eyes with a big shiny dildo.

They knackered some poor guy’s crutches as they smashed each other in the crowd. Storm in particular going to town with what I have to admit was a heavy stylish crutch. As crutches go, this one was a sleek all black belter of a thing. Perfect to aid walking and perfect to aid its user in getting good lookin folk to touch their fun parts. Storm sent Jester heid first into a chair as they got back to the ring, before busting out all sorts of slick wrestling, ending in a gorgeous pouncing neckbreaker. Storm was showing everyone who might have doubted hi that he’s not done and he wasn’t showing up in ICW for a wee payday and a good time. He was there to make an impression, and what a mighty fine one he did. Ending an entertaining bit of hardcore fun with an Airplane Spin through a table to pin Jester and earn an ICW Undisputed Title shot the following night. 

Jester has very much wanted that title back ever since Drew Galloway ripped it from his grasp over three years ago so any opportunity to do that is a big deal. This wasn’t a wee bit of fun with a game as fuck “import”, this was a chance to get back to where he wants to be in ICW and in turn, wrestling in general. So when big Sha came out to console his Kinky brother and caught Jester by surprise, its nae big shock that he reacted…shall we say adversely. Mistakenly shoving Sha to the ground before they made their way to the back mid argument. Who knows where that one’s leading eh? A wait and see job if there ever was one. Storm rounded it off with an emotive promo telling the crowd he loved them, and that he still loves professional wrestling. Seemed to indicate he’ll be around for more than just the title match that was due to happen the next night.

Kasey (c) vs Martina – ICW Women’s Title Match

Martina is one of the most talked about wrestlers in the UK. Her character and style is unique and people either love it (most human people) or hate it (some very very lonely people who have never concealed a condom anywhere on their person or felt the pure joy that comes with possessing a bag of cans, in there clattering aboot, getting acclimated with each other before they join forces once again in yer body later on) but everyone has something to say about it. Everywhere else Martina is pure joy and if you don’t like it, she’ll probably ignore you, continue to tan cans and dance about like someone slipped a fistful of eccies in her cheerios. When she turned in to “Bad Moth” as part of Fear and Loathing X at The Hydro, turning on Ravie Davie and joining forces with Bram, it was bold. Both from the company and Martina herself. On the evidence of this match, the bold move has paid off. A wee bit like Sami Zayn since he turned into a baddie in WWE, she almost plays an embittered version of her usual character. The hallmarks are still there. There’s still a can, that can is still accompanied by dancing, but in true villainous fashion the can was a LIGHT BEER and the dancing was SUBDUED to the say the least. The crowd was aghast at the transformation as Martina The Moody Moth took to the ring to go after Kasey’s title.

Felt for Kasey because a big part of this match beingSQGOHSTRAND really fucking good was her being a tremendous wrestler and really bringing the very best out of Martina in the ring. Kasey is brilliant and if ICW done awards this year, she would undoubtedly be a massive shout for breakout star. It was a shame to see her second reign end so soon, and hopefully it’s not her last. Folk who think her character means Martina’s a shite wrestler are the same insufferable dafties who think the same about Grado. A wee Japanese Arm Drag took the crowd and Kasey by surprise as Martina took full advantage of being a right baddie to bust out some slick wrestling. Everything Kasey done was predictably flawless as she strung together a back elbow, a dropkick then a crossbody from the top rope to take control of the match but Martina nearly had it won when she drove both knees into Kasey’s chest followed by a Triangle Choke.

Kasey battled out of it before hitting the running knee she calls “The Killing Joke” to seemingly bring it to an end but it’s not that simple when Rudo’s about is it. Red Lightning rose up from his commentary position like a majestic meddling pheonix to pull referee Sean McLaughlin out the ring just long enough for Iestyn Rees to enter the ring and literally hauf Kasey in two with a spear. So brutal even if she did manage to retain the belt it would have been hard to fasten it with the champion’s waist no longer attached the rest of her body but Martina covered her after that and become ICW Women’s Champion. 

Red then held Kasey in position so Martin could clatter her with the belt, followed by a tombstone. Step one in Rudo’s new axis of evil’s attempt to take over. One night. Martina wins the Women’s Title. Bram wins the Undisputed. Iestyn wins the Square Go, and him and Bram pass the title about like a joint at a hoose party, both becoming 150 time ICW Champions with Red refereeing every match with that smug smile on his coupon as the feverishly raging paying audience are kept at bay by a pack of rabid German Shepherds wearing bandana’s that say “Rudo 4 lyf” on them. Point is, good match so it was. Just a wee defence against Viper to kick Martina’s reign off 24 hours later. Nice easy one to kick it off 😉

Below is a picture of said belt shot, which happened at the very same time as Red Lightning trying to heider an invisible bee

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Rampage Brown and Ashton Smith (c) vs The Purge – ICW Tag Team Title Match

I dunno what this says about me as a person or indeed a wrestling fan but in amongst a very good wrestling show The Wee Man referring to The Purge as “Biker Mice From Largs” was one of my favourite moments of the whole thing. No word of a lie, when The Wee Man first turned villain his promo’s used to grate on me a bit. There’s only so many times you can hear someone talk about all the sweaty virgins in attendance before you look at the sweaty virgin you are deep down inside and you look at that sweaty virgin with great shame. Scornfully judging all the moments where you have indeed been heavy sweaty and not giving a lady the business. Since Davey Blaze and DCT feuded last year however, Wee Man has found a cracking balance between being a fucking out and out bad bastard and also a heavy funny bastard at the same time. Even still when he stoated out at the last Fight Club taping and held Rampage Brown and Asthon Smith up as his newest clients a sceptical brow was raised. Would it work? and if it was gonnae, how? What could a guy like Wee Man add to a team like that to make them MORE frightening and the answer is simply this. Patter. Excellent patter.

The in ring stuff they have absolutely locked down so really all they’ve ever been missing is a liberal helping of gid patter. The Purge did offer decent resistance for the most part and had certainly earned the big match on the big show but they were never taking the titles. Not after Rampage and Asthon had won them so decisively just a few weeks earlier against the team who had made the tag divison their own over the previous 3 years. They did catch Rampage and Ashton cold early on when Stevie James floored them with a suicide dive before they made the smart decision to isolate Ashton as Rampage licked his wounds on the outside. A tranquilizer dart and big fucker of a fishing net was probably what was actually required to keep him out of the equation for longer than a couple of minutes but their gameplan was smart. Keep the guy who fully kills folk with his piledriver as a deadly weapon out of the equation and see what happens.

It was very much a 4 man scrap rather than your traditional tag match which suited the folk involved as both teams got a power of double team stuff in a short amount of time. The Purge with a nice wee combo where Stevie superkicks the opponent in the calf followed by a DDT from Krobar but nothing any tag team can do will ever be as effective as Ashton Smith picking the opponent up and placing him on Rampage’s shoulder as the big man waits on the middle rope ready to murder. A devastating powerslam off the middle rope got the job done. Rampage and Asthton had retained. At this rate you’ll need a firing squad to prize the belts off them. A firing squad who manage to successfully avoid making eye contact with Rampage because rumour has it that if you look directly into his eyes, he can actually piledriver ye with the power of thought alone.

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A hugely impressive team and The Wee Man adds that wee bit of swagger on the mic that might have been the only tool they didn’t previously have at their disposal so these two will be extremely difficult to stop. I mean, there’s nae denying Biker Mice From Largs is some of the finest patter ever dropped in an ICW ring. It was about 9 days ago now and its still raising a chuckle. Always wanted Rampage to have a full time role at ICW and if this is the gig that gets it done, long may it continue. A tremendous talent and a guy who just suits being a champion. The Purge will come again but this was never their night. Any team who can beat what is arguably the most decorated tag team in ICW history in about 3 minutes are a team that are staying at the top for a while. Especially if one of them needs to carry a license for his piledriver because its considered to be a deadly weapon. 

BT Gunn (c) vs Bram – ICW Undisputed Title Match

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No matter what you think of Bram as a human man a fact that has become hugely apparent in ICW of late is that hes a very good professional wrestler. One of the best villains in the world if ye ask me (wait, whit ye mean ye didnae ask? Rude) A lot of that comes from people genuinely hating him but that’s what wrestling is. A fantasy land driven by real emotions. So real hate is a very powerful thing to have on your side as a villain and Bram uses it wonderfully, usually to the benefit of his opponent more than him. BT Gunn was the perfect opponent to fire all sorts of crowd pleasing offence at the wall of bearded evil that was his foe for the night and the end result was a brilliant title match, as is tradition at the Square Go. It’s strange that a night where the title match isn’t supposed to be the main event is the night you are almost guaranteed a classic match with the shiny belt on the line. After an early piledriver attempt was reversed into a slick roll-up, Bram suddenly hit a big senton to the outside. A proper you have to see it to believe it moment, but as David J Wilsons wonderful work above shows us, we did indeed have a flying Bram.

That senton led to Bram taking chairs from the people sitting at ringside and tossing them on top of BT, although being the embodiment of all that is evil, he only took chair’s from people who looked like they might have some kind of disability, or at bestfolk who just had a bit of a stiff back from the day’s exertions. It’s the subtle touches that really makes you a proper baddie. Folk want to focus on the high-profile stuff, the destruction of Ravie Davie’s eye socket and all that jazz, but snatching a chair from someone with a bit of a sare knee is that underrated badness that really makes a villain. You could technically have cried it a TLC match early on as all 4 things (tables, ladder, chairs and healthy supply of moxy) required to make that a thing were involved. Bram set a ladder up with murder in mind only for BT to powerbomb him off the ladder through a table with merch on it causing an immediate 200% mark up on said merch cause it had been powerbombed on. Thats some shit ye could sell for a healthy profit on Ebay right there. BT then decided going up on the wee ledge bit Wolfgang once chucked him off was a good idea because the man clearly has a death wish. He fought so hard to become ICW Champion for a third time that he is literally willing to leap to his untimely death to keep a hold of it. He actually only caught Bram a wee bit with a big running cross body but the fear it installed in Bram will live with the man forever. Sitting up at night. Rocking back and forth. Crying uncontrollably as he recalls a human flying towards him at full speed as if it were a Bram seeking missile. Scary shit. SQGOBTDIVE

It’s almost as if Bram felt this platform was perfect for showing people who say he’s a shite wrestler exactly how wrong they are. He was outstanding from start to finish in this one. Chasing a piledriver, with a buckle bomb then a wee pop-up powerbomb for good measure but when that didn’t get the job done BT suddenly looked like he’d retained when he nailed the Technodrome DDT out of nowhere. A move that his become synonymous with BT Gunn winning big matches. That was surely that if Red Lightning hadn’t managed to take a break from chatting about how majestic Bram’s new gear was on commentary to once again pull the ref out the ring, as Iestyn Rees appeared with emphatic hauners once more, spearing BT Gunn in half. Inexplicably the mad bastard kicked out. With the option of timely Rudo hauners removed after the referee’s committee held an impromptu meeting (nae minutes were taken, so that tells ye just how under-prepared the boays were for this yin but sometimes needs must) and decided both Red and Iestyn must vanish from ringside. Even with the score levelled, BT could only manage a 2 after the Gunnshot and a sexy brainbuster, and Bram once again took over. Doing that thing he does where he dishes out piledrivers until the recipient either can’t get married or ye know….dies.

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A run of the mill skull splitter of a piledriver was followed by the very same move on to a chair to surely seal the title and give ICW a champion that could cause riots for the first time since Rudo himself held the belt and made making fans want to fight him in to some kind of sport, but Bram got cocky and decided to lord it over BT which is never a wise move. He grabbed both titles and hoisted them skyward while he placed one foot on BT for the pin, but BT quickly rolled his man up for the 3 count and made a swift exit STILL your Undisputed Champion.

BT chucked the middle fingers up in defiance as Bram lost the plot in the ring. Having an absolute ragey. He was rightly irate with himself because until that moment he’d played the match almost perfectly but never assume you’ve got BT Gunn beat. You could set that man on fire and put the fire out with auld Fila gutties and he’d somehow emerge without a mark on him. He lives a charmed life and if you’re judging him on belts accumulated it seems to be working out not too shabbily at all. Man’s got mare gold than Mr T’s neck these days. He now had the luury of being able to sit back and watch The Square Go unfold to find out who the next contender might be. 

The 2018 Square Go Match

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The Square Go is always brilliant fun but this year everything felt like it mattered. As well as ending the night with a clear view on how the title picture is shaping up, it planted  numerous seeds for quality future stuff and perhaps gave a few feuds their final chapters at the same time. Entrant number one was revealed to be Chris Renfrew quickly followed by entrant number two, his nemesis Mikey Whiplash with the kendo stick that should really trigger some severe PTSD in both men when they both see it. They’ve nearly killed each other and countless other tortured souls with that fucking thing and Whiplash quickly had huge kendo shaped indents in his back at the Square Go kicked off with….well, a square go eh. Along with planting a lot of future seeds, this Square Go was also a right good fuckin scrap at times. A very square-go-ey Square Go you could call it. Renfrew and Whiplash chucked each other about every corner of the building before entrant number three Lewis Girvan appeared, deciding to bodyswerve the two guys trying to murder each other in favour of waiting to see who number four might be. To his delight he heard that glorious Filthy Generation tune boom through the building once again as he was joined by his stable mate, but which one was it to be? Only his tag partner and BFF Aspen Faith.

They shook hands and seemed to be agreeing to fight for some ridiculous reason only to reveal their ruse as they ran the ropes a bit, avoiding harming each other at all costs, before breaking up all the wrestling with a hearty big hug between pals. Just pals being pals really. It would harm yer heart unless you happened to be their opponents in a wrestling match. Whiplash and Renfrew managed to put their mutual desire to attend the other’s funeral to one side long enough to actually team up and offer some resistance but then it was time for entrant number 5, that music again. A treat for everyone in attendance because they got to hear a bonafide tune three times in the space of 10 minutes but bad news for Whiplash and Renfrew. With both Kings in the ring, it had to be Stevie. An earlier number than he would have liked but a chance to strategize with his team and get the gameplan going. Unless…..sqgofilth

Kay Lee ‘fuckin Ray.  For some reason I was under the impression she was still in Japan for this show but when the wee graphic turned red after the music hit, we knew it wasn’t time for Stevie yet. It was time for someone equally dangerous. Perhaps even more so because she came with a pair of leather straps and already had two pals in the ring. Whiplash and Renfrew offered some resistance before the Filthy trio stomped them down and Kay Lee whipped them like they each owed her upwards of a score and they’d been duckin her for a while, instead spending their money on fake moustaches and other disguises to avoid her meeting their gaze in the street. Imagine Kay Lee Ray actually ran a money lending service and came to collect with a leather strap in hand, you’d gie her everything ye owe, plus interest, plus everything else you own and maybe some stuff other people own. Enough stuff to get her to back the fuck aff.

The Filthy Generation missed a trick when there was three of them and two others. They had the numbers and could have tossed Whiplash and Renfrew out. Giving them a three on one advantage against whoever entered from then on. Tossing them out at will until Stevie Boy entered to make it a full on party. The minute and a half flew by in a heartbeat however, with Jokey levelling the playing field a bit and almost tossing Kay Lee out. Suddenly number six was upon us. With Jack Jesters big studded dildo, it was none other than his Kinky bredren Sha SamuelsShaSha refused to touch the dildo, even though it was statistically the most effective weapon ever seen in the match based on the amount of bodies it had done damage to in the past. I’m not sure if he feared it or feared what he might catch from it but he held it about 100 feet from his body with his scarf before tossing it aside. Bounding into the ring dishing out mad jabs on his opponents instead of shuddering orgasms. Sha was there to win a Square Go mate, not the MVP at an orgy.

It wouldn’t be a Square Go without a liberal spattering of hilarity as entrant number 7 was revealed to be Kez Evans. As good a young wrestler as he is, he was the odd one out. A rookie in a sea of somedys. He knew if he was to last any longer than time it took to make his entrance he needed to form an alliance with someone but everyone he tried either laughed in his face or told him to get fucked before all 6 had a shot at tannin the poor boy’s jaw before allowing Sha to toss him out. Maybe next year mate eh.

Next to enter the fray was Kid Fite flanked by Krieger and Lou King Sharp who surprisingly weren’t actually entered in the match. I enjoy that they just don’t give a fuck. ICW is meant to be nae DQ all the time so why not just charge in team handed all the time? Who’s stopping it? Jack Tunney? He’s deid mate. They made a beeline for Sha before Kenny Williams became entrant number 9 and provided timely hauners to his big pal. A lot of potential winners in amongst it early meant elimination were scarce for the first part. Instead wee pockets of folk were peeling off and battering each other all over the place before we came to the big guy section of the whole affair. That’s not to detract from the big bastards already involved in the match but this was the proper gigantic, wake up in the morning and high-five god cause yer up there anyway, type of big guy section. Kicked off with Wolfgang at number 10, who had been in the final two of both of the last two Square Go’s and holds the most eliminations in the 7 year history of the match. He came face to face with Kid Fite again before picking Lou King Sharp up and launching him into the crowd. As brutal as that sounds it was actually quite merciful because at first he was going to chuck him at the opposite side where only big Krieger was present to stop oor Lou from suffering from an acute case of deidness. The Purge emerged to eliminate Lou and Krieger from the equation, before next in the procession of giant dudes emerged. A wee surprise entrance at number 11. MOOSE.

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Moose is a big fucking dude. Proper huge. Remarkably athletic for a guy who must be a bawhair off 8 feet tall. Put it this way, big Tor is being billed as this Swedish wrecking machine who eats “enhancement talent” for breakfast and shits oot nuhin but their broken dreams and probably their kneepads as I doubt the human body can actually consume such things. Look at that photo above. Big Moose is actually very slightly taller than the tree wae a beard. He squared up to Wolfgang looking for a battle of the big hoss’s only for the pair to instead focus their energies on the Kings Of Catch. Setting both members up in opposite corners in the tree of woe position before taking turns to run at the full pelt with splashes, elbows, forearms and all that sare stuff. The big man section had a brief intermission for both Wild Boar and Mike Bird to enter, with a slice of Jordan Devlin in the middle. A wee Celtic sandwich we’ll call it. Bird decided if Sha wasn’t using it he would bring the big shiny dildo into the equation and upon seeing it Sha got what can only be described as some kind of flashback. As if he had fought some kind of war alongside this dildo and the memories were just….just……too much man. A distracted Sha became just the second guy to be eliminated and him and when Jester came out to console his big besto, Sha was not for it. Listen troops, less of this falling out patter awrite. You’s are the joyous odd couple. Joyous odd couples don’t bicker. They get a big disney prince in a kilt to re-unite them and eventually live happily ever after with a pair of tag belts they’ve somehow customised to make them dispense beer. Or in Jester’s case, probably lube.

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Bird and Boar’s joy was short lived when Iestyn Rees entered next as we resumed the heavy massive guy section of this year’s Square Go. Although he did help Bird and Boar set about The Kings Of Catch, before eliminating them by throwing Kay Lee Ray at them. I’m no sure if that officially counts as eliminations for Iestyn or Kay Lee gets the credit. Although in Kay Lee’s case “credit” for something like that is a wee bit like being credited for an OG in fitba. Naecunt wants that credit. If those two eliminations weren’t Iestyn’s, the next two were as he tossed Bird and Boar out. Bringing their alliance to an official end it would seem as Iestyn plans for a future under Rudo where he’ll shine brighter than his own heavily oiled midriff.

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Tor Atterhagen was next and for some reason while everyone else played dead, it was Kid Fite who decided to square up to what can only be described as a sentient Swedish fridge freezer, before the big man tossed him out. Quite enjoyed Kid Fite pretending that he wanted back in, as if anyone would ever come back for a second go at that big bastard but Fito is a true Glasgow boy and he at least needs to appear as if he wants to fight the big bully before deciding it just isn’t worth his valuable time. Tor inevitably ended up squaring up the big Moose. Utterly raging that Moose to be about half an inch bigger than him. They chopped the living shite out each other before Tor eliminated Moose. He seemed to be taking the competitors out biggest first which is a decent strategy. More likely to be knackered the longer you’re involved so if all the big guys are gone and it’s just you and Leyton Buzzard left at the end, you’ve planned well. Next up was Wolfgang, but Wolfy was having none of his Swedish shite. Brass knucks were utilised to daze the big fucker, much like you’d shoot a tranquilizer dart into a bear’s neck before you’d ever consider going within 10 mile of it, and with the big yin dazed Wolfy dumped him out. Tor’s not the type of guy to cut his losses and fuck off after a disappointment of that nature and he came to hit all sorts of chokeslams on Wolfy. Weakening him enough for Jordan Devlin to superkick him right out of there. No third year in a row in the final two for big Wolfy but he did make himself a powerful enemy.

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Next up was The Sam Barbour Experience one of the most exciting talents to emerge from the GPWA school and one who maybe needed something like a decent stint in the Square Go to proper kickstart his ICW career. Big Grizzly entered next in a fashion that you could only describe as both big and grizzly. Having a quick scrap with his countryman Iestyn Rees before we were honoured and privileged to see the return of CAPTAIN JAAAAAAAAAACK. Jackie Polo wearing the exact attire he had on the night he beat Lionheart at the Barras. Does that mean something?  The seed was there, and after some lovely wrestling from Scotlands BEEEEEEST, and the eliminations of Sam Barbour and Jordan Devlin, Jackie Polo stood in the middle of the ring and waited for the adulation from the masses. In the very building he captivated for a shade under 3 hours with that This Is Your Life segment. With all the memories of that feud rushing to the forefront once again, the next entrant could only be one. Number 20. Lionheart.

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Even after years of both men becoming something quite different to what they were when they had that match 3 years ago. Jackie conquering the tag divison with his best pal Mark Coffey, while Lionheart re-invented himself with a brilliant reign with the Zero-G when they came face to face again it was as if they’d never been apart. A deep seeded hatred that both display very differently. Polo decided to roll out of the ring and wore that dismissive smile on his face, as if Lionheart was a nobody. Not worth his time. Something that serves to wind up not only Lionheart himself, but the audience who were gasping to see them leather each other. Lionheart eliminated Kay Lee Ray (who had been cutting about on the outside for a while now getting sly digs in, somehow still holding that leather strap) and Big Grizz before the next entrant was revealed to be Ravie Davie. 

Davie came in all guns blazing, chucking big fists at Iestyn and mad kicks at Jackie Polo but Ravie Davie is preoccupied to say the least. Constantly tormented by the image of his burd turning on him and joining forces with his nemesis while he plummets from 20 feet in the air through a table. In a way Bram stealing her kinda makes him destroying their wedding a bit romantic eh. This one wasn’t just because he heavy loves piledriving burds on to cakes, this one was for love. This one was for the noble pursuit of winning the fair maiden’s heart and perhaps seeing if she can take more than 3 and a hauf fing….I mean eh….dates….he’s gonnae take her out on nice dates. Point is, Bram showed up, closely followed by Martina and they decided to sit at the entrance and winch, providing enough of a distraction for Iestyn Rees to pap Davie out before he set off to immediately attack the happy couple. I mean if ye think about it that makes them even does it not? Bram broke their wedding up and Davie broke up their Square Go winching sesh. Call it even and move on? No. Nae worries. Next up, with the crate of lager was Aaron Echo.

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Upon drinking the last one and a half cans of lager in the crate Simon Cassidy revealed that “Aaron Echo’s weapon had been eliminated” which could either be referring to the lager or Yamaguchi San fae Kai-en-tai making his long-awaited return to wrestling to relieve Echo of his manhood (if ye don’t get that reference, google Val Venis and “choppy choppy your pee pee”) filled with the kind of bravado only a full crate of lager can give a man, Echo leaned in to plant on one his best pal Kenny Williams but after getting the knockback that a man with a crate of lager in him will get almost all of the time, he decided to pick his pal up and spin him about instead. Knocking down everyone within a 10 mile radius in the process.

Mark Coffey entered net and at number 23 you could see The Power Forward winning it all. If this Square Go was all about planting future seeds and setting things in motion for the year, Mark Coffey in main event situations should be a seed that’s very much getting planted. Him and Jackie came face to face in what was briefly a tense moment before they joined forces to eliminate big Iestyn. Polo Promotions are best fuckin pals. In real life, in wrestling, probably in the afterlife if there is one. Although I imagine if there is, it’s just a bunch of folk watching Larsson’s chip from the 6-2 game on a loop and going “fuckin some finish eh!” enthusiastically. They were never going to have a big fall out and split traditionally although all signs indicate that they’ll be doing their singles things for a while. That fact became very apparent when Lionheart floored Coffey with a superkick and suddenly, Polo had no quick escape. It was finally happening. Renfrew and Whiplash had other ideas and once again the big showdown was postponed. Long enough for Viper to enter next.

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She made short work of pretty much everyone. Chucking them about in the form of a variety of suplexes and splashes before almost tossing Mikey Whiplash out. Whiplash eventually did see his involvement by the next entrant a certain Jody Fleisch who’d he’d be wrestling in a singles match the very next night. Fleisch was then faced with a moral quandary as he stood face to face with Viper, seemingly with nae choice but to throw hands at her despite his definite reluctance to do so. Someone who had absolutely no reluctance to do so was Joseph Conners, who set about everyone with a chair leaving him one on one with Viper right up until DCT entered to be the knight in a polka-dotted singlet that every girl dreams of marrying one day. Her knight did save her, but Conners used his sheer rage against him, as he chucked Viper in to his path when he was getting ready to hit Conners with the chair. In the momentary daze of confusion, Conners papped DCT out a lot quicker than he would have envisioned, although Viper did gain a degree of vengeance for her man by dumping Conners out quickly after,leading to DCT chasing Conners to the back after he’d jumped back in to crack his wife with a chair. Understandable reaction to a man who’s last three actions in ICW have been spitting in your face, dumping you out the Square Go a minute after entering, and smacking your missus over the back with a big slate of steel.

Next up was Leyton Buzzard who is one of the most entertaining new talents in ICW today. His undying allegiance to Joe Hendry and all the hilarity that comes from it is some of the best shit going in the company right now. With Chris Renfrew set up in the corner there was only one way for Buzzard to make his entrance. Coast to coast styleeeee…..he called it and went for it, but he landed barely halfway across the ring before Renfrew picked him up and suddenly it was time for the second last entrant to make him (or her) self known. It was STEEEEEEVIE BOOOOOOY. The man with all the momentum and one pundits were calling a heavy favourite to win the whole thing 😉

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Stevie might have expected a wee bit of a clearer ring when he entered but sometimes dealing with a dirty ring is part and parcel of the job innit. He set out to clear it a bit when he shoved Viper out, before ducking a big boot from Echo and watching him fly over the top rope in what could only be described as a self elimination. It had been over 20 minutes since the big man’s last can so understandably he felt it was time to bail out. That left the picture a wee bit clearer for the man with the ultimate advantage. Entrant number 30, Joe Hendry. Who furthered his advantage by setting up a chair on the stage and deciding only to enter when the time was right. He only slid in there when Jody Fleisch was in a precarious position. Easing him out the equation before dishing out Fallaway Slam’s to everyone in his path. Literally everyone in the ring had taken one, until Lionheart reversed it and tossed Hendry out. Ultimate advantage, but ultimately he ended up out on his arse.

Jackie Polo eliminated Renfrew shortly after that, although he had lasted over an hour in what was a titanic effort. Suddenly we had a final 5 made up of guys who had not only never won the Square Go before, but guys who had never won the ICW World Title either. This was a Square Go not only about setting things in motion for the present but also a nod towards how the future was going to play out. All 5 were ICW guys, some of whom had literally grown up in the company and one of them was going to win it all, but before that was decided it finally happened. This time there was no one to stop them and for the first time since one of the most bitterly contested wrestling matches in British wrestling history, Jackie Polo and Lionheart were about to fight.

SqGoLhJpolo.jpgIt was brief but beautiful. They flung hands at each other with reckless abandon, each punch marginally stiffer than the one before it. Polo nailed a scoop slam, Hearto a superkick. More jabs. More hatred trickling from every pore. They still fucking hate each other make nae mistake about that.  Sometimes in life there are people you just don’t take to. Some people just aren’t your kind of people and that’s fine. We can’t all like everyone, but these two can’t just comfortably dislike one and other from afar. Not forever anyway. It was always going to happen again and IF it is a match at Barramania it will blow the previous one out the water. They are both just far too good at this for it to be anything but brilliant and its a match that needs to happen to close that chapter of their careers. It has always felt like unfinished business, although their business for the night was swiftly finished as Mark Coffey and Stevie Boy took advantage of a brief lull in their fist fight to chuck them both out. Coffey obviously throwing Lionheart out and Stevie throwing Polo out because that being the other way about would be the end of the world as we knew it.

That brought us to the final three of Mark Coffey, Kenny Williams and Stevie Boy. All outstanding wrestlers who have conquered so many other areas that this was the only one left.  The pursuit of the big one. All three absolutely have valid claims for a spot at the very top and for my money (I’ve nane but lets kid on) all three WILL get there in the not so distant future but there could be only one, and only one had the troops as his disposal to lend a helping hand.

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The Grand Finale

Kenny and Mark looked like they’d formed a brief alliance to toss Stevie out but Stevie was wise to it and got out the road fast. A near elimination for Kenny was thwarted when he jumped back in to the ring in the form of a spear before him and Mark shook hands and laid into each other with a flurry of forearms. Despite their eliminations earlier in the night, the rest of The Filthy Generation had their say in the final moments. There’s nae rules at the end of the day and if you’ve got a team at your disposal in a situation like this, use it. Kenny found himself on the apron and Kay Lee Ray rushed out with a steel chair in hand, chucking it right at his coupon and sending him crashing out.

Three of the very best young talents this country has ever produced had become two and it was a beautiful sight. Two guys who have been long overdue this ascension to the top finally getting their time. Kenny’s time will come, and the chip on his shoulder that will come from this injustice will add a bit of edge to his character so overall as much as it wont have felt like it at the time that steel chair rung his bell, it was a good night for him and he lasted over an hour in the match. It looked like Coffey had won it when he tossed Stevie over the top ropes but the Kings Of Catch still had their role to play. Grabbing Stevie’s legs and helping him back in the ring before all three were banished from ringside to leave it a fair fight to the finish. Power Forward vs King Of Insanity. Two future icons if they aren’t already. Here we fuckin go.

They battered each other on the apron, both swaying like they felt stone cold sober in the pub but as soon as they got outside they had suddenly become the most steaming guy on planet earth. After a brief but pulsating battle Stevie lifted Mark Coffey over the top rope on to the apron before throwing everything but the kitchen sink at the solid big cunt. Nothing would do the job. Flying kick, drop kick, Stevie’s internal screams of “gonna just fuckin get oot!” finally a steel chair shot to the napper got the job done and STEVIE BOY had become your 2018 Square Go winner. 

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If the Square Go is any sort of indicator as to how the year is going to go for ICW its going to be a fuckin stormer. Polo and Lionheart back at it. All of the guys who’ve been talked about as potential stars of the future turning that potential into some real tangible success. The final stages said it all. Full of ICW guys who have worked the hardest and longest to get to the top, getting their just rewards. Mark Coffey will be a top guy this year and hopefully has some belting matches with Stevie as a result of how this wound up but as of right now, to put it in his own words, Stevie has one of the biggest independent wrestling companies in the world “by the fucking balls” and its a buzz to see where its all going to go. The immediate future appears to be a showdown with a guy he’s been in many battles with before, both as a team-mate and opponent. His former NAK brother in arms and the current top dog. A certain mental case named BT Gunn who popped out to show Stevie he’s no feart. Any match between these two is bound to be brilliant but for the Undisputed Title? Aff the scale mate. Glasgow will burn to the ground in the wake of the brand of super violence they bring to the table. 

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Massive thank you to David J Wilson for the wonderful photos as per usual