Aye I’m cheating a bit, so whit. Wanna fight abahd it? I cannae be arsed writing a MITB preview AND something else for the Daily Thing, so I figured we’d kill 2 birds wae the one stane and combine the two. I’ve still no reviewed RAW yet either. Fuckin disgrace man. In my defence….I don’t really have a defence, so I’ll shut the fuck up and write this MITB Preview.
Made a right song and dance about last weeks RAW Review eh? Kinda hard tae live uptae that in some ways. Namely me no really giving that much of a fuck about it this week. I started with that mindset anyway, and then the show only went and gave me numerous stauners, and sare heids wae the sheer activity of it.
Its Raw time bitches. It’s no really because I’m writing this review a few days after. Let’s pretend. Pretending is fun. See, this paticular Raw had me baffled, I didn’t understand because 1. it was the most mediocre Raw of the year and 2. It was the most thrilling tragically beautiful Raw of the year. How can a show be both these things? I don’t know how, but it happened. Vince must have been like ‘right boays, let’s make everyhin shit, cept the last few minutes, we’ll make that gid’. That’s truly what I believe happened. I won’t give the surprise away in case you’re the only person in the whole world who never saw what happened.
Beak, Nae eyes and dunderheed aka Evolution are out to cut a promo. Trips says the shieldsies think they won, but Evolution will continue to fight until they ceast to exist. Batista’s no chuffed though, he’s wanting to know when he’ll get his title shot that Trips promised him, says he’s sick of the Shieldsies. Trips reminds him that he is the leader, but Batista doesn’t care, he wants his title shot tonight. Trips tells him wee Dbrys injured. He says Batista won’t want to be remembered as a guy who can’t end a fight and once they take the shieldsies down, he can have whatever he wants but until then no one is getting anything. Batista quits, does a wee wave and walks out. Trips is raging, tells him to run back to Hollywood but not to return when he flops.
RAW is the same show every fuckin week lately, and I’m getting sick bothering my arse aboot it. Don’t mistake this kinda grumpy start as the tone of this review eh? I’ll make it as sunny and hilarious as humanly possible as we go on, but I’d like tae say right away, that its gettin extremely difficult tae pretend tae be invested in RAW as a weekly show, when its full of the same shite. Same injustices. Same everythin, different toon. Yer client Brock Lesner conquered the streak, Daniel Bryan might get fucked over, and will certainly get a doing aff Kane. Big E and his marvellous bouncy chebs remains underutilised. Drew Mcintyre remains in the best shape of his life, so he can job to various Mexicans of various statures, and fuckin Batista. Aw the time. Batista in ma face wae his stupid tattoos and popsocks. I hate ye Dave. Ye’ve got considerably fitter and more able in the ring wae every passing week since yer comeback and I still hate ye wae a fiery passion. Fuck ye and yer permanently mistimed shanner of a spear.
Rock tha Micra-phone.
Stereo…with the Dean Ambrose
When RAW starts wae Dean Ambrose on the mic, RAW starts aff properly. RAW starts aff the way god intended. His words weren’t spectacular. He told us The Shield are up more than they’re down, which is quite obviously a reference tae whit kinda swedge they’re intae, but he delivers the words in a way that makes me wantae tattoo his name on the back of my haun and go about slapping folk tae they get the message. Dean Ambrose is the guy. He will have justice one day.
Justice for Ambrose