ICW Barramania 4 Review

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The Barras has a special kind of feeling about it. Nothing that happens there can be considered throwaway. Nothing happens for no reason. It just, matters. When ICW first ran this venue it was the first time you knew for sure this shit was going to be huge. It had to be. The product and the talent on display belonged in venues like this and the atmosphere that night was electric. It’s almost a bit sad that running this venue has become normal thing but that’s what happens when you grow. There’s less scope to break new ground because you’ve already left your footprint everywhere. 

This felt a wee bit different from previous Barras shows. Previous shows have had crowning moments for the company and this era of stars, but this show felt more like it was introducing us to the folk who’ll be making memories in big time matches there for years to come. After Barramania 4 the picture for this year’s Fear and Loathing was bound to look a bit clearer, but perhaps more pertinently the card for Shug’s latest weekender started to take shape and one absolutely cash money match I’ve personally been frothing to see since day one finally looks like its going to be a reality in ICW. Honestly, as matches go, this yin is basically printing money so it is. As soon as it was announced, all the tenners in the world gave birth to a score. First, the gauntlet.

Andy Wild vs Aaron Echo vs Jordan Devlin vs DCT vs Mark Coffey vs Rampage Brown – Gauntlet Match For The Vacant ICW Zero-G Title 

Match 1 – Andy Wild vs Aaron Echo

Due to Jody Fleisch having to drop out with an injury, yer man Andy Wild kicked this whole affair off in a heartwarming tale of the man with a winning smile, a killer release belly to belly suplex and a heart of pure solid gold. Its hard not to like Andy Wild really. He has fought very hard to regain his place as an ICW regular after a few years of dipping in and out for various reasons. He’s battled his own mind at times just to get to this point. Redemption. What better way to reclaim his place than by taking the title that helped him make his name in the first place? Only problem with that was a big unit of a boy from Clydebank who happened to draw number two.

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This was an enjoyable scrap for the few minutes it got. Echo looked like a guy who wanted to maximise the ring time he was getting and you have to respect the shite out of that kind of nae wasted motion approach to the wrestling. No doubt in my mind the big man will one day be on the list of folk who have won this title but it wasn’t to be on this here night, although he did nail Wild with a stoater of a back elbow off the top in a style of a good good personal friend of his, but he was put away with the Gutwrench Powerbomb and ANDY WILD advanced.

Match Two – Andy Wild vs Jordan Devlin

Having just returned from an injury that saw him miss a recent Garage show, Devlin came out all guns blazing against his auld pal. Hitting a lovely backstabber with Wild suspended in the corner. Devlin had the better of this one for the most part but Andy Wild was here to reclaim his spot and nae amount of Devitt trained talent was stopping that happening. Even if walking out of the Barras with the Zero-G Title was going to be a tall order, big man was at least going to walk out with his name on the tip of people’s tongues and after taking a lovely floaty moonsault from Devlin, Wild stole the win with a small package to advance once again. ANDY WILD CHARGES ON TO MATCH THREE. Against none other than D…C….T

Match Three – Andy Wild vs DCT

We were the guts of the gauntlet at this stage and no one on the roster knows more about gettin up in some guts than yer man DCT. Perhaps he just caught Andy a wee bit out of puff. After all he had just beaten one of the best young talents in the country in Aaron Echo and the massively talented murderer of the non-Irish Jordan Devlin. A helluva shift even if those matches happened at opposite ends of the card, but one after the other? Hard graft. A cunt of a shift. DCT looked fired up to fuck advanced by driving his two knees into Wild’s chest, and a steak knife through his heart. DCT MOVES ON

Match Four – DCT vs Mark Coffey

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Dripping with intrigue this one was when Mark Coffeys jazzy new music hit. For anyone who wasn’t a fan 2-3 years ago, DCT was a part of Polo Promotions before they left, and to my knowledge this is the first time since the split (completely amicably, best pals 4 life) that they were engaged in fisticuffs. I fancied this to be the final pairing actually but on this evidence there’s certainly an excellent singles match between these two on the cards somewhere down the road. They thumped each other in the early exchanges. So many forearms, you’d think they did have four arms. DCT nearly put Coffey away with a running knee to the skull, but it was Coffey who advanced soon after thanks to that heid removing low forearm to the skull. MARK COFFEY ADVANCES

Match Five (Winner Becomes Zero-G Champion) – Mark Coffey vs Rampage Brown

Sam Barbour is good so he is. A charismatic guy who can fuckin go in the ring. When he emerged as the final entrant in this match I was delighted for him. A massive opportunity to make an impression. That brief moment of “yass, well done mate!” soon wore off however. Mostly because Rampage Brown knocked the poor cunt into next week and well. Anyone else I’d be more raging on your behalf Sam. Honestly. This bit here I’d be aw ranting and raving, like how dare they do that to you but well. I’m not going to do that here for a few reasons. Firstly, Rampage Brown is a fuckin fridge/freezer masquerading as a human and I don’t fancy getting my heid kicked in by a human with the dimensions of a fridge/freezer. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, Rampage Brown is THE BEST. Any set of circumstances that means he ends up wrestling on a card he wasn’t previously announced for is a-ok. Even if a few handsome men were harmed in the making of this match. It was a match we all needed to see. Mark Coffey vs Rampage Brown for the vacant Zero-G Title. Ooh aye. That’s the good stuff.

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Rampage is far too massive and intimidating to catch people in mid air and powerslam them like he does, but there he was, aw up in The Barras, doing just that. It was a lovely 5 minutes of deceptively agile big guys doing brilliant stuff. One thing this match displayed is that whoever won it would instantly have 5 guys (make it 6 if yer counting Jody Fleisch) champing at the big for a title shot. Rampage will be no different but it was Mark Coffey who emerged a THREE TIME Zero-G Champion thanks to that low forearm he does which is most likely named after a That 70s Show reference because Mark Coffey is the best wrestler in the world mate.

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His brerrs no bad either right enough eh. Oh my my. Since the first time I seen the Coffeys wrestle, them feuding against each other in ICW has felt like a thing that just HAS to happen. It has too much potential not to. Brothers wrestling each other is always a bit of a wildcard. A bit like how it’s always pish when the Williams sisters play a bit of tennis against each other. Naturally in a highly competitive sporting environment, your will to demolish whoever you face is diminished a bit when yees started yer careers in the same bawsack. At the same time though, wrestling is performance art and being paternal brother brothers is just an added bit of intrigue. A selling point. Joe openly questioned where else he could go in ICW after dropping the title he had coveted for so long, and this is it. This is where. He’s never really chased the Zero-G Title nor has he chased his brerrs jaw as mantelpiece memorabilia so finally he has a path less travelled. They stared each other down but wisely no blows were thrown. Keep that intrigue going. Get the people fucking clamouring for the first time you throw hands. 

Wolfgang vs Tor Atterhagen – Chain Match

If you were to build a wrestler from scratch you’d probably build something like big Tor Atterhagen. Huge. Distinctive look. Really fuckin huge. Swedish. Big massive huge cunt. Beard. Not to mention, hes HUGE. The difficulty with guys like Tor is that all the aesthetics are there before the in ring stuff has caught up. Feels really strange saying that about a Johnny Moss trained wrestler but at least from my point of view anyway, he’s not put it all together when it comes to in ring stuff yet. Reminds me a lot of Braun Strowman when he first debuted and was in The Wyatt Family for a while in WWE. He hadn’t quite worked out how to put all these attributes together to make it something that has a lasting impact, but it was all there. Just in need of refinement. Having matches with top quality pro’s like Wolfgang will only help the big guy improve but there was times it just looked like he wasn’t sure what to be doing next.

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The match didn’t officially start until the chain was hooked on Tor’s wrist and after some stiff jabs and forearms Wolfy finally got it under way. He done a stellar job of making Tor look like a superhero. Every clubbing blow to the back looked like it had shut down a vital organ and the spear the big Swede hit took every single one of Wolfys ribs down with it but the battle hardened big bruiser fae the East End doesn’t tend to fail when ICW hits The Barras (please no one actually verify if this is the case, I’ve no done ma homework here) and he put the probable murderer away with a Swanton on Tor’s back with the chain being utilised for extra added sareness.

It’s now been well over a year since Wolfgang lost the ICW Title and its about time the big man was back within pumpin distance of that shiny belt again. Few on the roster have the name recognition and talent the big man has and if WWE aren’t going to steal him full-time its high time the big yin was back in amongst the title picture. Not to be a spoilerin bastard but the show was over 2 weeks ago now, so if you don’t know, where ye been? but aye. One of Wolfgang’s finest matches as champ was against a certain leader of some sort of generation.  Would stand to reason that if that person ever became champion himself, he might owe Wolfy a wee shot. 

The Conclusion Of Chris Renfrew vs Joe Hendry – Falls Count Anywhere Match

What can you say about the longest match in wrestling history? Are there any words? I must admit, looking at the record for this in the past led me to believe there was nae chance on this earth I’d ever personally witness the longest wrestling match ever. The way wrestling is now? No promoter in the world is putting on a match that spans several hours/perhaps even a full show. No way. That’s suicidal stuff. That’s akin to taking a pile of tickets for future shows and using them as some extremely ineffective, probably painful toilet roll. Unless you’re clever about it. Unless you’re constantly “keeping an eye on it” so we, the fans, don’t have to.

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In all honesty this whole affair has been one of the funniest storylines ICW have ran with in a long time. From the first night of chaos where Hendry continually shot down Renfrew’s match suggestions, to the brawl continuing in Edinburgh, and even all the way to Renfrew confronting Leyton Buzzard about Joe’s whereabouts in Glasgow only to be told he was a wee bit busy representing this fine country in the Commonwealth Games. Its been very entertaining from the start and has shined a very positive light on both men involved in the “match” itself. Not because they were producing high-octane, head turning, 6 star rated wrestling for 3 months, but mostly because they displayed an ability to laugh at themselves and get fully immersed in the daftness that wrestling ultimately is. Also, it’s the only wrestling feud I’ve ever seen where both the ref and one of the competitors “assistant” end up coming out of it looking fantastic. Step forward Kieran Kelly and Leyton Buzzard. The joint MVP of the longest wrestling match of all time. Heroes in short troosers.

Kieran Kelly is a very talented wrestler and has been a hot prospect for a while but in an environment  where so many trainees fall into that bracket these days and competition for places is hotter than ever, you need to have a willingness to do something else. To be a bit daft. To have a constant running battle with the assistant of one half of the match you’re reffing, then seeing that progress to actually laying hands on the competitor himself. Those antics only to be topped by the night where the other half of the match you’re reffing actually becomes the ref for your match with the aforementioned assistant, before both of you get frozen in time pointing to an imaginary sign and have to be carried out. It looked like it would roll on to the next show/possibly next decade when Dallas was about to tell Simon to keep an eye on it but they appeared actually at the ringside area and we were finally gonnae get it. The end.

Renfrew looked like he ‘d done it only for Leyton to pull the ref out at the very last minute. That led to another instalment of the feud within a feud, taking place within a match, which also included a match within the match at one point. This is all the one match btw. Every shite taken, nose picked, meal eaten, toenail clipped, knee skinned, flight boarded, pair of shoes tied, bowling ball shined up real nice, breath taken, all of the things that have happened since this match started until that point had been part of the match. This match was basically life itself and much like life itself as we knew it, it felt like it was finally coming to an end. Kieran Kelly hit Joe with a stunner, followed by Renfrew with a remarkably similar move called the stoner and that was finally that. Game, set and finally the END of the match that threatened to never end. 

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That would’ve been that if it wasn’t for that pesky Conrad! Joe congratulated Renfrew on a career win and insisted on serenading him as a goodwill gesture to commemorate the journey they had been on together. He told him he was gonna be big in this business one day if he kept at it and as amusing as it all was, it was a dirty, stinky ruse I tell ya! Dave Conrad attacked Kieran Kelly before joining Joe Hendry and Leyton Buzzard on the stage. Seemingly formally joining their wee gang before being introduced by Joe as “Bantz”. The joke there being that he actually doesn’t say very mu…..ah you’re a smart kid. You get the joke. Renfrew carried Kieran Kelly on his shoulder like he’d just took a bullet for him on the battlefield and with that, a strange but oddly beautiful palship was formed. Don’t be surprised if this is the start of a very promising career in ICW for Kelly.  

The Kinky Party(c) vs The Purge vs The Kings Of Catch vs Rory Coyle and “Screwface” AJ Anderson

Rory Coyle has a way about him on the mic that’s for true. Undoubtedly it was his strength in that area that saw his tag team The Sons Of Ulaid catch the eye enough to be given a shot. A problem has arisen. His partner Bas Ban is either deid, has killed a man, has killed several men and a few sheep, or all of the above, and that means Rory needed a new partner. One a bit less dead. He needed “ScrewFace” Ahmed aka AJ Anderson (although a more accurate name would be “ScrewShoulderPads” because that’s literally where the screws were…wee  joke for ye there) the only person he could find close enough to his level of mental on such short notice. As much as it’s not the team they originally gained an interest in there’s something about Coyle that shouldn’t be ignored. Few people have that kind of special, almost creepy allure about them and if this change is a permanent one I sincerely hope it doesn’t spell the end of this opportunity in ICW for Coyle.

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They were one of the teams making up the field for The Kinky Party’s first defence of the tag titles. The Purge and Kings Of Catch the other challengers. Card’s on the table right, 4 team tag matches are one of my least favourite types of matches in wrestling but I’ll blame that on WWE having one EVERY FUCKING YEAR at Mania when I was growing up. Dripping in indifference. How could we be indifferent to this one when The Kinky Party were finally home with they shiny belts. For something that didn’t really have much of a plan or direction to it, its done awrite eh? Two pals who didn’t have much else to do coming together to enjoy themselves and suddenly its 9-10 months down the road and they’ve won all sorts of belts together. That’s what wrestling’s all about at the end of the day innit. What gets you interested. What gets you properly invested. What gets you standing at a show smiling from ear to ear. Thats what the Kinky Party are. You won’t get aw sorts of intricate, complexed double team stuff that they’ve drilled 4000 times a week in training. They’re no out here to go flip for flip wae the Young Bucks, they are in this for the laughs, the pints, and the fuckin tag team titles.

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While Coyle and Screwface were a brand new thing altogether, The Kings Of Catch and The Purge have been two of the main chasers of the titles. The Kings in particular have a decent claim for a title shot one on one considering they hold a tag team win over The Kinks, but perhaps a wee four way where they could utilise their expert sneakiness would work out better. They started out red hot with some high flying antics, as all of the teams had a wee shot of looking slick early doors. Sha and Jester had The KoC and the SickScrewCru (I’m no typing out both their names every time mate, although the whole point in that is kinda negated by this bit in the brackets eh? ah well) set up in the corners while they took turns each to splash them. As they passed each other on the way to each splash, they handed each other uplifting notes cause that’s just the kinda tag team they are. Powers of journalistic-ness led me to one of these notes from Jester to Sha and it just said “You are good at pints”. Never a truer word spoken…or written down.

The Kings do a cool thing where they break up pins with a senton, I dunno why thats noteworthy other than the fact I liked it personally but there ye go. It’s a fun and effective way to avoid losing a wrestling match. I also like this thing the Purge do thats like a sideslam, but Stevie James does a superkick at the same time. I suppose this is the wee things I like section eh. I also like how Jester flies sometimes now. Clearly inspired by Sha, who hit a fuckin Hurricanrana on Aspen Faith while Jester went up top and landed on the rest of the field with a big elbow. When he does that it’s no yer big floaty dive where the guy performing it barely touches the folk taking it, this is a cunt driving the point of his elbow into a team of folk with intentions to leave a Jesters elobow shaped dent in their eye socket.

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They made their way back into the ring to end these shenanigans and do what they really came here to do. Crowdsurf. A spike tombstone piledriver they call “The Teamstone Pal-Driver” on Screwface got the job done and they crowdsurfed the night away while the kings looked understandably gutted on the ramp. They also kinda looked like they wanted to crowdsurf a wee bit, but mainly the gutted thing. no tag titles for them but there’s undoubtedly another title match down the line for them. 

As for Sha and Jester? Keep being the most uplifting, fun thing on the show. Keep enthralling the masses with shiny jaikets and even shinier personalities. Shine the fuck on. 

“Just Justice” Jackie Polo vs Lionheart

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They still don’t fucking like each other do they. Perhaps not with the same ferocity as the hatred they had for each other 4 years ago, but it’s still there and its beautiful to watch that simmering disdain come to the forefront when you out them together. They bring the very best out in each other and in Jackie’s case at his very best he is the master of mind games. An expert pusher of buttons. Lionheart knows he’s having his buttons deliberately pushed at this stage but Jackie is too good at it for him to stop himself rising to it. Unfortunately for Lionheart, the big rematch didn’t happen. There would be no avenging of that loss from 4 years ago that cut him so deep and made him completely re-invent himself. No no. Not on this night. Because Lionheart would not be wrestling Jackie Polo. He would be the first opponent for the debuting “Just Justice” Jackie Polo. Or JJJP if yer into abbreviations. Aint he fuckin brilliant.

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Even the stare down before they started beats most matches for intensity and entertainment value. Jackie with a few heidbutt feints, before they kicked things off by knocking the utter hell out each other. If you watched all the build up to their first match, then put this match on immediately, its perfection. It’s like all that dormant hatred had been reborn and there they were. Having it out the way they were always supposed to. By having the best match of the show.

Polo hit a scoop to break up the fisticuffs, only for Lionheart to spring up and slap the taste out Jackie’s gub. Oh right. So it’s that type of fight. Two guys getting as wide with each other as possible until one eventually out wido’s the other. Exactly what you want for yer Sunday night entertainment. Polo responded by sending Lionheart baws first into the ring post before launching him into the nearby barrier. Double sare yin. Polo continued to dominate and even made a rare trip to the top rope to hit a big double ae handle before following that with a knee off the apron. Well it would have been a rare foray up top for Jackie Polo anyway, but I hear JJJP has a beltin’ Shooting Star Press up his sleeve. You’ll never see it in a match because such a move would be uncouth, but its like Brock Lesnar’s Shooting Star Press in the sense that just knowing its in his arsenal is reward enough. Actually seeing it might just be too much.

Jackie focused on the neck before a clothesline took both men over the ropes. Lionheart reversed a piledriver attempt on the ramp into a Rock Bottom to turn it back in his favour but upon re-entering the ring he had a wee internal struggle. To scud him with the mallet, or not to scud him with the mallet. That is the question. That wee delay allowed Jackie to roll him up for a two count before Lionheart finally had the vindication he so craved. Even if this wasn’t the same guy he faced 4 years ago, JJJP’s striking similarities meant victory would be some kind of vindication regardless and it was surely in the bag after the big brogue kick was followed by the rock bottom, then the “Final Moment” frog splash, but it wasn’t the final moment. Somehow Jackie scraped his shoulder off the mat and on we went to the breathtaking conclusion of this fuckin stoater of a wrestling match.

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Having chucked everything he had at Polo, Lionheart decided to go for a different tactic. Not one for making folk tap often, he stuck the sharpshooter on Polo anyway. As he writhed in agony, he scooped up the polo mallet Lionheart was so reticent to use and broke the hold with it. Busting Lionheart open. A bit of the blood got on Jackie’s singlet and since it had his face on it, it looked like singlet Jackie was busted open as well. Maybe singlet Jackie and real life Jackie are one and the same. Maybe JJJP is actually a vessel for Jackie Polo himself and the guy smiling on the singlet is in fact The King Of Chat. Trapped in a singlet forever. JJJP was undeterred by his bleeding singlet however, and got up to end this whole saga only for Hearto to floor him with a superkick. Some heavy jabs from both, Polo in particular, led to a 4 scoop salute from Jackie as he looked as fired up as he had been all match. Time to bring it the fuck home.

He went for the electric chair drop only for Lionheart to roll through it for a two count. Polo tried to put an end to it with mallet shot to the napper, but that was blocked and a rock bottom followed for another two. A mallet shot finally landed from Polo BUT THAT WAS ONLY TWO ANAW. How did they keep kicking out. Lionheart picked the mallet up and this time he wasn’t planning on missing. One thing about this feud that’s been consistent throughout the years is Polo being just that half step ahead. He knew the lure of that weapon would hit Lionheart again and he was ready for it. Hoisting him up for the electric chair drop to bring a superb bit of pro wrestling to an end. 

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There was no big gloating celebration from JJJP. He didn’t milk it. In fact he looked like a man who had done exactly what he expected to do. Lionheart on the other hand looked devastated. As if he believed so strongly that he would get the job done and he done absolutely everything in his power to do it, only to fall agonisingly short. They very much left the match going in opposite directions. Polo looking more convincing than ever and looking like he’s ready to charge up the card, whereas Lionheart looked lost. You had to ask yourself does another retirement loom? Well if it does, it shouldn’t. This was one of the best matches ICW have had. Certainly in recent memory but even all-time it has to be up there. If Lionheart can be one half of something that good, it shouldn’t be a retirement we’re expecting. It should be a re-match. One more time. Win and you finally know its possible to beat him. Lose? Who knows. 

Stevie Boy Xavier vs Kenny Williams – Ladder Match (If Stevie loses he loses the Square Go briefcase, if Kenny loses he leaves ICW)

There’s absolutely no doubt that these two will be top guys in ICW going forward. Two of the standouts from their generation and two of the best performers this country has produced. That was inevitably gonnae mean they run into each other at some point. In a setting where both of them made their name. Albeit at different stages. Stevie’s ladder legacy started with ICW’s first ever ladder match as him and Davie battled for to become the first ever ICW tag team champions, while Kenny’s obsession with ladders started a bit later in his various pursuits of Zero-G gold but one thing is for certain. One thing is undoubtedly for true. That thing is that they undoubtedly know whit the fuck they’re daein in there, and this was going to be beltin’. If Kenny could seek some kind of solace going in to this with his career on the line is that remarkably Stevie hadn’t won a match since his Square Go win.

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Being two of the quicker more agile guys on the roster, it lent itself well to a ladder match. Kenny kicked off the violence by seeming to come from completely out of shot to nail Stevie with a leaping forearm. As Stevie took over, Kay Lee Ray set up a ladder for him to stroll up and end this thing before anyone had chucked a karate chop in anger but Kenny’s career was on the line here. Nae way it was ever gonnae be that simple. Kenny looked as fired up as he’s been in a long time and was undeterred by the fact that Stevie brought hauners. Seemingly managing the looming threat of Kay Lee Ray well by chucking ladders in her direction every now and then, while producing some eye catching stuff in the ring. Hitting that mad sunset flip powerbomb thing called the Tequila Sunrise.

Stevie set up some kind of two ladder death sandwich situation. With the intention to kill Kennys chances of getting burds in the future by making a big ladder indent on his coupon. Dastardly stuff. Kenny stopped that plan in its tracks by launching Stevie into the ladder in the corner with a German suplex, the impact of which was doubled as Stevie was holding a ladder at the same time and for some reason didnae think letting go of it mid German suplex would be a good idea. Too busy hatching diabolical plans to force Kenny into this “Ladderface” gimmick he was so daft on. With a table set up precariously on the outside by Kay Lee, Stevie tried to put Kenny through only for Kenny to block and eventually be the one to hit Stevie with a spear through the ropes that caused Stevie to land on the table without breaking it. It made a horrendous noise when he hit it and the fact that it didn’t break after that noise would suggest that was a fucker of a dunt. By the end of the night I’m sure Stevie wasn’t fussed, but at the time it must have been a stingy bastard.

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Kay Lee Ray climbed the ladder seemingly with the intention of daein the reverse Ellsworth and dropping the briefcase into Stevie’s arms but big Echo was at hand to stop any such shenanigans in their tracks. Usually big Echo is aw aboot shenanigans pal. One time I heard he had 8 beers or more! In the same night! but this wasn’t the time for shenanigans. It was time for helping his besto save his job. The Kings of Catch got involved at that stage but Echo took the whole filthy lot of them out with a big dive over the top. Maybe what happened next is why Kenny eventually flipped, because his well-meaning big pal hoisted Kenny on to his shoulders to grab the briefcase. Obviously under some kind of illusion he’s 8 feet tall, because Kenny was naewhere near it and the Kings Of Catch broke it up before ushering big Echo to the back leaving it one(plus one, cause Kay Lee was still about) on one.

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Stevie set up another deathly two ladder contraption with the intention to hit a destoryer from the bigger ladder on to the smaller one set up in the corner. Kenny dodged it before hitting that spear on to the table and that might have been that if he climbed up the other side of the ladder. First Echo’ shoulders, then the wrang side of the ladder. Now’s not the time to be dreaming up new and exciting ways to win ladder matches mate. Climb up the right side and you could end this night the ICW Champion. Kay Lee climbed up the other side giving Stevie the chance to recover and climb up to battle with Kenny, smacking his head off the top of the ladder causing Kenny to watch his ICW career slowly slip away as he fell from the big ladder on to the smaller one still set up in the corner, leaving Stevie to scoop up his briefcase and send Kenny Williams to the same place his auld pal Christopher went to all those years ago. Team CK re-united somewhere in wrestling purgatory. The dream. 

As Stevie disappeared, completely content with his night’s work with no intention of engaging in anything else strenuous for at least 40-45 minutes, Kenny was left to ponder what might have been. His ICW career was littered with brilliant moments. Undoubtedly the all-time best in the Zero-G division (Mark Coffey will give him a run for his money there but for now anyway) for me. He became synonymous with “The Power Of Love” and gave fans (the live crowd anyway, his regular music was dubbed in for on demand) a wee taste of that rousing entrance for this match. Just in case it was his last. Aaron Echo came out to console his pal and stood by as he said his final words as an ICW wrestler. He spoke about how much he valued his big pal, but he wasn’t the pal he needed right now. For a brief moment I thought Noam Dar was gonnae come out and all Kenny meant was that Noam gives better cuddles, but he scudded his poor big mate right in the baws, and floored him with a mic shot to the melt before revealing the pal he needed was Rudo. Signing on the dotted line with Red and his team of heavies much like Grado had done a year earlier when he leathered Sha and joined Rudo.

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Big Echo was left heart sick as he rolled about in agony while Red Lightning cut a promo about how he was assembling another army. I don’t know if Kenny “leaving” is because of what’s came to light this week (If you dont know, I’ll put it this way….theres 205 reasons to watch all of WWE’s programming this week….know what I mean??? Naw?? aw ffs, just watch 205 Live) and he will maybe be dipping in and out a bit more but this is such a positive thing for him and Aaron Echo. Kenny Williams is one of the most polished performers in the UK, and displaying an ability to be a bit of a wee cunt will do great things for him. It opens him up to all sorts of possibilities in the future, starting with a feud with big Echo to get the big man where he needs to be. This is a new era. A time to build new stars. Aaron Echo is potentially one of those stars and a series of stoaters with his newly evil best pal is a fine way to get him the opportunities his talent warrants. 

James Storm and Ravie Davie vs Iestyn Rees and Bram w/Red Lightning

Ah Ravie Davie. Its a fuckin shame so it is. One minute you’re happy as Larry. Could not be happier. Got a tidy wee Irish burd on the go who loves tannin’ cans and chain smoking 20 decks, about to become his wife who loves tannin’ cans and chain smoking 20 decks. Making a name in singles wrestling AND getting opportunities as a tag team with your cousin. A beloved character in the wrestling company he dreamed of just getting some kind of recognition in. It was all going swimmingly for Ravie Davie. Then Red Lightning decided to form an army basically dedicated to ruining his life. At the very least his eye sockets anyway.

The burd is long gone. Taking the role as Bram’s main squeeze, as the pair combined to tip a Davie off a ladder as he saw his Hydro dreams turn into nightmares. No matter if its singles, tag, or taking a leisurely stroll doon the street, some kind of big bastardin unit of a cunt somehow finds him and knocks his cunt in. His whole world was crumbling before his very eyes, but then hauners arrived. A cowboy rolled into the barras to save the day and for one night only, outlaw and king of the scheme weans would combine to put these Rudo boays in their place. Well that was the idea anyway. As the auld saying disnae go, its all fun and games till James Storm cracks the side of yer napper with a beer bottle and spits on the boss.

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It all started so well for intercontinental criminals. Davie coming out all guns blazing with all sorts of mad moonsaults and blockbusters. Iestyn and Bram are some statue looking big bastards though, and quickly took the match over after Bram blocked Davie’s moonsault with the double knees to the midriff. Wearing Davie down until he eventually got that roastin hot tag in to his future nemesis. Eh cowboy. Once they got a foothold in it, Davie and Storm actually worked well together. All part of the ruse for Storm I bet. Working out some slick double team stuff with Davie to throw him aff the “about tae get bottled a belter” scent. A wee backstabber from storm into a double stomp from Davie was particularly eye catching and they looked all set to win it all before Red got involved.

He hit Davie with a chair before Iestyn nearly speared him into another stratosphere for a two count. Storm continued the ruse by tossing Iestyn out only for Bram to clean him out with a popup powerbomb leaving just him and Davie to battle it out. It always seems to end up this way. Bram piling on the misery, one skull shattering piledriver at a time. Davie blocked the piledriver in one last act of heroism with a low blow. Making sure there’s nae chance of a Bram Jr popping up to avenge the death of his fathers baws. He unloaded on some revenge punches to the eye socket only for Red to break it up. Davie finally had enough and grabbed Red by the collar with some bad intentions my man. Real sinister stuff. With Red in hand, Davie presented him to James Storm to finish the job. Beer bottle to skull. Knock all the genius clean out and end Rudo’s reign of terrific pattrt for good. The odd couple overcome the odds to grab the win. A heartwarming tale really.

Then it happened, and fuck knows why it was surprising really. Outlaws aren’t good guys. Outlaws don’t get on well with authority figures. Outlaws bottle cunts for seemingly no reason. Outlaws feel nae need to explain their heinous actions. They scoop up the loot and its on to the next cunt daft enough to put their trust in him. Storm bottled Davie, Bram got the pin and that was that. Even Zander got a doing for daring to try to help his cousin before Storm dragged Davie back in to scud him over the heid with another bottle of beer followed by a superkick for good measure. Dallas appeared, obviously raging at the waste of beer, screaming at Storm for no recycling they bottles, which seemed to ramp Storms rage up a few notches, causing him to spit on a guy fae Glesga. Not a smart move ma man. Outlaw or no. 

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Must admit when James Storm was announced for ICW I never seen it being a long term affiliation but on this evidence it potentially could be very good. The aggression that came seeping out him after the initial beer bottle smash, and then the attacks on Zander and Davie that followed was some old school James Storm. Him at his best. If that’s what he’s bringing to the table then there’s good shit for him in ICW. Spitting on Dallas is some gallus behaviour. That’s like a hate crime where he’s fae. In fact it is pretty much everywhere in Scotland. My pal accidentally spat on me in primary school once and I send him a lollipop stick wae a big dug shite on it once a year as retribution. Spitting on folk is not on. 

Viper(c) vs Kasey – ICW Women’s Title Match

This one’s had as much praise as some of the other matches on the show but this was definitely one of the best matches on the night, and one of the best Women’s Title matches the company has had to date if ye ask me. Viper’s been charging roon the globe hoovering up any belt she gets within sniffing distance of, and while she’s been doing that Kasey has been carving out a reputation for bringing the noise on the big shows here. A win over Viper in Edinburgh last year definitely helped her along the way and that match was a belter as well. She can now call herself a two time ICW Women’s Champion and the winner of the first ever women’s cage match the company held. Hard fuckin work from both to get them to this point and they continue to solidify that hard work by killing it on the big shows.

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They kicked it off in high gear with Viper hitting an incredibly sare looking overhead belly to belly on the ramp. More matches should start with overhead belly to belly suplexes on hard surfaces. She set Kasey up against a barrier for a Cannonball but Kasey smartly dodged that. Probably anticipating its heavy sareness. Her attempted kick on the apron was blocked and she was swept face first on the apron. Embedding 3 or 4 teeth in what’s widely known in the biz/world as the hardest part of the ring. Ouch.

A powerbomb attempt was rolled into a two count of Kasey before she nailed a springboard crossbody before they flew into jabbing fuck out each other. It was intense and competitive from the start and I dunno why more folk aren’t talking about the quality of this match. Another belly to belly sent Kasey to the corner for a cannonball before she responded by launching aw sorts of knees at viper. Double, single, hauf…any way a knee can be launched in the direction of another human it happened. Somehow Kasey managed to kickout of a powerbomb off the top followed by the Viper driver and spurred on by her own resilience, she found it in herself to nail Viper with The Killing Joke but that didn’t get it done either.

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It would take another trip to the skies to finally put Kaseys bid for a third ICW Title away. Viper catching her before hitting a stoater of a Viper Driver off the top to bring an excellent match to an end. Fair play to Kasey for making herself such a solid fixture when it comes to shows like this. She continues to improve and show why she belongs in the company of globe-trotting stars like Kay Lee Ray and Viper and its only a matter of time before she ends up seeing similar opportunities come her way. As for Viper, sky is the limit right now. Impressive everywhere. Uniquely talented. Believable in any match against any living human being. A fine representative of both ICW and the country. Keep scooping up belts tae ye need a bigger hoose just so you’ve got somewhere to put them. 

BT Gunn(c) vs Mikey Whiplash – Death Match For The ICW Championship 

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Everybody dies. Everybody involved in wrestling probably loves it on some level. By that logic, wouldn’t a death match be the perfect way to go? Even those who have an aversion to this style of wrestling, surely when it comes time take the long sleep, a proper literal death match would be the way to go? Clearly both Mikey Whiplash and BT Gunn had decided this was their time, and this death match wasn’t some gimmick. It was a pair of certifiably insane guys 100% trying to kill each other for real. A fascinatingly brutal thing to watch with a jaw dropping finish. Although it really shouldn’t have been if you’ve paid attention. It should have been exactly what we were expecting. The ultimate heist.

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They eased us gently into the more harrowing stuff with some good old-fashioned strikes early on, before Whiplash kicked off the more brutal stuff with a death valley driver on some chairs set up in a way that kinda looked like how you’d position two chairs if you wanted to pretend they were shaggin. Even the stuff that might not necessarily leave permanent scars looked fucking brutal. A backdrop on the apron (hardest part of the ring don’t ye know) looked extremely painful, but what followed soon after will stay with me for a long long time. There was a wooden frame on the outside, only instead of the frame housing a nice painting, it housed barbed wire. Instead of that painting being on a nice canvas, it was barbed wire on top of more barbed wire. As BT Gunn set up a cluster of cinderblocks with Whiplash set up on the top rope, Whiplash decided blocking that would be a good idea. A wise move, but when the alternative is being launched into a barbed wire spiderweb it’s very much a no win situation yer in there. Honestly when he landed on it, it felt like it had formed an instant bond with his back and that would be his life now. Half man, half barbed wire. As it would turn out, that somehow wouldn’t be the most painful thing to happen to his back in this match. Fuckin…….somehow. A barbed wire spider web and they topped it. How.

BT then took to wrapping barbed wire round his leg and kicking Whiplash with it. As much as Whiplash wanted to bring this side of BT out, im sure that idea changes a wee bit when bringing that side of BT out means him trying to make you bleed to death via about 5 million tiny wee barbed wire induced puncture wounds. He then locked in a Texas Cloverleaf only for Aivil to come to Whiplash’s aid as she hit a bulldog on top of the aforementioned cinderblocks. Ye didnae think the cinderblocks weren’t getting burst at some point did ye? Come on now. Behave. That was the moment it turned in Whiplash’s favour and it really turned in his favour when he hit back to back piledrivers off the apron through tables. Aye…he done that twice. So if your opponent being clinically dead marks a wrestling match turning in someones favour, this was very much…that.

Such was the severity of the punishment these two had taken, it was like a lightbulb went off. Like everyone in the audience felt it at once. This could be it. Two men bawhairs from death. One of them the ICW World Heavyweight Champion. In a ring. With a ref. If ever there was a fullproof cash in plan, this was it. BT Gunn was set up beneath a ladder, covered in thumbtacks, ready for death because somehow the apron piledrivers didn’t do it, only to spring up and hit the Gunnshot off the ladder on the thumbtacks. Both men crestfallen. Gubbed. Then the music hit. The sirens. That bassline. It was happening. Stevie’s had arrived to steal the moment, and the ICW World Title.

9stevvvThe king of insanity was here to take his place at the mountaintop, and he came team handed. Kay Lee Raid laid Aivil out with a superkick and The Kings Of Catch provided additional hauners as Stevie strolled in to the Barrowlands to turn a dream in to reality, even if the way it happened was the stuff of nightmares. It was like he was in the pictures watching a stoater of a horror and decided to jump in and re-write the ending. Watching these two tear each other apart in all sorts of inventive ways only to swoop in at the last moment and stab them both in the neck and watch them bleed out. That actually isn’t as far away from how it actually happened as you’d maybe think.

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BT Gunn has never saw anyone kick out of the Technodrome DDT. When he does that move, titles stay round his waist. In what was almost an act of desperation he nailed Stevie with it but he got the shoulder up. Whiplash swooped in with the Zombie Maker before setting up the newest sinister room in this figurative house of horrors. Fuckin hell, no another glass panel. The one Whiplash put Jimmy Havoc through a few weeks earlier still haunts my dreams. That noise. Like the first bit of Stone Cold’s theme except instead of summoning an angry bald Texan it sends a goth from London to the hospital. This time it would be Whiplash going to hospital. Quite literally as BT Gunn powerbombed him through the glass, only for Stevie to dump BT out and swoop in for the pin and become the NEW ICW CHAMPION. 

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That last bit wasn’t hyperbole at all. Mikey Whiplash genuinely needed an operation after this match and is out of action for a while. Even if death matches aren’t your thing, the level of commitment to entertaining you and I that comes with being willing to do that has to be hugely respected. BT Gunn and Mikey Whiplash went all out to fucking very near kill each other and it was all to facilitate someone elses moment. The ultimate act of wrestling selflessness because at the end it wasn’t about them.. BT Gunn didn’t even get the big mutual respect handshake to commemorate his excellent reign as champion. He was mugged and it was perfect. Neither he nor Whiplash got to raise that shiny belt as reward for their labour.

Instead it was the endlessly wily Stevie, and by fuck was it richly deserved. In my 5+ years going to shows, no one has improved more than Stevie and he now leads the most influential stable in ICW as the motherfucking ICW World Heavyweight Champion. Sometimes life rewards the good cunts for their graft, and the look of pure joy on Kay Lee’s face when he climbed the ropes and raised the title was just lovely. A beautiful end to the violent tapestry that was the main event. Anyone not on the Stevie train, get to the next show and you’ll see what kind of champion this man will be. More than fit to lead this company into and new and exciting era. 

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Big thank you to David J.Wilson for the wonderful photos of per usual. He is a hero and everyone reading this should appreciate him a very great deal

 

 

 

 

 

 

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An Interview With Neil “The Wee Man” Bratchpiece

WMdWhen Neil “The Wee Man” Bratchpiece got involved in pro wrestling he was in the unusual position of already being recognisable for something else. A rare thing in wrestling generally and when it happens the person involved is often more interested in what wrestling can do for them than vice versa. As a lifelong fan of wrestling, Neil was never likely to fall into that bracket. We met in the bar of The Tron Theatre where Neil picked up a copy of “The List” that happened to have a drawing he’d done of Flight Of The Conchords in it along with a short quote from him. It wasn’t the first time his artistic skills had been on show, as he has made a yearly habit of somehow producing a drawing that has every single person on the ICW roster as part of it in the lead up to Fear and Loathing. A man of many talents indeed, one talent he does not possess however is being able to get chucked about a boxing ring without leaving the whole experience a very broken man, as he explained.

“My first involvement was I think in around 2010. I’d been to a show up at the Sports Bar on Sauchiehall Street. It wasnt ICW, it was like a pre Royal Rumble show they put on with some live wrestling. Off the back of that I made some enquiries about getting in to it. I knew Laura (formerly Lambrini in ICW) and I told her I was interested in gewummmtting involved in some way. From there I ended up training with Ross Watson (Kid Fite) at his old facility in East Kilbride. Me and my brother went and done a bit of training. A comedy promoter I knew had heard about that and was running a charity boxing night. He was trying to put together an undercard for this show, so he got in touch with me, knowing I was into the wrestling and asked if we could put together a match. So we put together a match where it was me and my brother against Fight Club. That was…eh *laughs* well we were chucked in at the deep end. They’re hard-hitting boys. I wouldn’t change that for the world of course. That’s the way it should be.”

When wrestling commentators gush about how the ring apron is the hardest part of the ring, imagine a ring made up entirely of ring apron, with a few ragged nails and a three-inch thick sheet of concrete on top. Then imagine every time you land face first on this surface, a swarm of bees appear from thin air and make a beeline for your right arse cheek. Each one stinging it at the exact same time. THAT’S how hard a boxing ring is. Kid Fite and Liam Thomson having the name “Fight Club” wasn’t some ironic thing either. They could fuckin fight.
“So not only was it in against them, it was also in a fucking boxing ring. I was the smallest in the match and also we were the heels so I was getting chucked aboot, sidewalk slams, snap suplexes and aw that. We brawled out to the bar and it had this stone cladding on the floor and he just snap suplexed me on to that. Nae holding back”

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“Every time I took a bump I thought I’d broke my ribs, but it’s just non stop. To the point where I literally crawled backstage after the finish. That wasn’t me putting it on at all. The ring was so hard even Ross said after taking maybe one or two moves on it “that ring was pretty hard eh” and I’m like “aye mate, a wee bit” I think Dallas got wind of that and got in touch about ICW from there”

His first ICW involvement wasn’t as the manager of champions. The term “Bucky Boys” didn’t even exist other than being the thing auld ladies said when they’re asked to describe the group of guys that just mugged her. Instead Neil was brought in to warm up the crowd a bit before getting his baws booted by Noam Dar and Rob Cage but it gained a level of interest that made Mark Dallas sit up and take notice and he was soon involved in the company on a more permanent basis “I actually rapped Renfrew’s ring entrance which was Shimmy Shimmy Ya by ODB. He had re-written the lyrics to make it more Glaswegian and gave me them but there was no chance I was learning it before show time so I done the original version. So I done a few things like that and got a bit of press off the back of it and I think at the time Dallas really appreciated that. Even at that stage Dallas was always thinking ahead. Telling us what venue we’d be running next and all that. At every stage I was like “Nah I’ll believe it when I see it” but I learned not to doubt him after a while when it kept coming true”

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From then on Neil was asked to link up with two up and coming wrestlers from the PBW Academy who would later be known as “Davey Boy” and “Stevie Boy” who joined forces to become “The Bucky Boys”. A team who would go on to have a huge hand in ICWs early development into one of the biggest and best independent companies in the UK. For Neil as much as their gimmick suited ICW perfectly at that time, how they meshed together ring was just as important as the catch phrases and the quality entrance music that gets ye jumping about like you’ve just tanned an eccie even if its been several hours since you actually did last tan an eccie.

“Right from day one, even though they were much smaller than they are now physically and stuff, they totally clicked as a tag team. That’s my favourite type of tag team as well. When you have the big power guy paired up with the smaller agile guy. Right from day one, even just observing from outside the ring it was amazing to see how well it worked. At that age, Stevie was naturally sort of taking the role as a ring general. He really knows what he’s doing in there man”

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As strange a concept as it may be to fans who weren’t around for those early days, Davey Boy and Stevie Boy actually didn’t come in to ICW together, and were presumably a wee bit perplexed when they were approached by a comedian telling them the trio were in fact all cousins, but whether it was the family bond or just the fact that they were three hard-working guys who really wanted to make this work, but as soon as they joined forces something just clicked, as Neil went on to explain.

“They were working separately when they first came into ICW. Probably way too young to be working in that venue at the time *laughs*. They were both really talented, but Dallas thought they needed some kind of hook to get them over with the audience. He came up with the idea to put us together and we sort of all developed the idea together. Dallas put it together, either him or Renfrew came up with the name, I came up with the cousins thing. I hope I’m not shattering anyones illusions here but to this day folk still believe that. I told them the character ideas I had. One being a mad criminal the other being a rampant shagger. Before I’d even finished the sentence Davey wanted to be the shagger and it just clicked that way. As brand new (Scottish for good) a guy as Stevie is, his work ethic is good if you give him anything like that he’ll just immerse himself in it”

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Any new fans of ICW who perhaps aren’t fully aware of how popular The Bucky Boys were should definitely go back and check out some of the earlier stuff they were involved in. A pair of died in the wool ruffians and the country’s best hype man who liked to have a laugh while they took care of the more serious business of tapping other tag team’s jaws and winning titles. Something they became so good at that other promotions made enquiries about booking them, but in a fashion that would see them embarrassed instead of championed.

“It was amazing to be a part of it. Especially to be a part of something that was so over. It was so popular with the fans. As soon as that music hit no matter the venue it always went mental. One of my favourite feuds was when The Sumerian Death Squad came over. Every time they came over it was unreal. As soon as I met them, I knew they were the real deal. They were tremendous professionals as well and it was just a pleasure to be involved in everything we done with them. They were a couple of big, scary boys as well but they were so easy to work with”

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All good things come to an end as they say and as wonderful as The Bucky Boys journey was, it was never for life. They were both young and hungry to carve their own paths and when the time came to blow the whole thing apart all parties seemed to know it was time. Although I don’t think any of the parties involved could have quite envisioned just HOW the whole thing came about as Stevie turned on his cousins to align himself with one of their moral enemies. The New Age Kliq. A moment that will go down as one of the most significant in ICW history “I knew myself that it was kinda winding down. Personally I felt like I was saying a lot of the same stuff in promos and it was getting to a stage where they had nothing left to prove as a tag team. When Stevie did turn, it was no sell job or anything like that, my reaction is genuine, I was fucking gutted. Evwee manen a bit angry. It was a natural time for it to happen and the feuds that have happened since have been some of the best things I’ve ever been involved in. Leading to Davey vs Stevie at the SECC”

The turn lead to the pair colliding in a singles match for the first time in ICW, with the Zero-G Title Stevie had won while still part of the Buckies on the line. It was the match trusted to set the tone on ICWs biggest show at that point, in front of an unprecedented 4000 people at the SECC. Quite a leap for a pair of “boys” too young to be in the nightclub they made their debut on. The significance of getting to go out there first wasn’t lost on Neil, who managed Davey Boy that night and cut a visceral promo on Stevie before Davey triumphed.

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“It was quite an honour to see the be trusted to go out there first. I had a wee promo that night as well, but the match itself was just brilliant. It really summed up the passion in ICW seeing that story come to an end on such a big stage and seeing the passion that went in to it and genuine emotion coming through in that. I think it was the perfect choice for the opener and set up the rest of what was a brilliant night for the company”

That led to a run with Neil managing Davie as almost the last Bucky Boy. It took a while before they evolved into something else and really hit their stride as a duo. Neil turning on Davey in disgust when Davey elected to join forces with Joe Hendry, before Davey saw the light and decided practicing the art of bad bastardry with The Wee Man was the path he wanted to go down on the way to ICW running The Hydro for the very first time.
“Working with Davey was great. It eventually clicked when we turned I reckon. After a wee while I felt like I was sort of doing the same thing, but cut in half *laughs*. When Davey turned, that’s when we really started enjoying it. That very quickly became the most fun I’ve had in ICW. You get to release so much pent-up shit as a baddie. You just kinda worry less about folk liking it, because they’re not meant to like it. That’s when I really felt we hit our stride as a wrestler and manager, leading in to the feud with Joe Hendry. I thought as a kinda duo, that was when we started to really work well”

For some reason we spent the next few minutes discussing Roman Reigns and why he hides what is undoubtedly an impressive chest under that body warmer. Maybe when exposed his nipples hide as some kind of defence mechanism and he doesn’t want school children who idolise him wondering why he’s nae nips. 

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That led to a singles match between Davey and Joe Hendry being the opener on ICWs biggest show a year later. This time packing over 6,000 into The Hydro a year after the SECC triumph, but one thing remained the same. Davey Boy in the opening contest with The Wee Man setting the tone on the mic, as Neil went on to explain “Two years in a row opening the big show. Me doing a promo first on the live show, after Billy of course. It was an honour. Full credit to Joe, we were out there to be the bastards and set up his big Bohemian Rhapsody entrance. Which he actually put together really quickly, so that’s a testament to the guys talent and work ethic. I watched the promo back and the fans start chanting shut the fuck up, and thats when I started doing the “EH?” thing. When I watched it back that was my favourite bit. Just that single guttural noise was my favourite bit of the whole thing and I thought to myself “I might just do that at the next show” It was a natural thing. It’s always the way it happens. You can plan stuff but the stuff that catches on quite often just happens when you’re out there.”

Fans of ICW in recent years will know exactly what that’s referring to. It’s hard to describe with words, but it’s essentially Steve Austin’s “What?” chant pumped full of Bucky and a wee bit of that flem ye get at the back of your throat if you’ve overdone the fags on a night out. It has on some mad level formed a connection with the ICW audience who were repeating it back to The Wee Man even when he was making a habit of calling them every name under the sun. Mostly some kind of variation of “virgin”.

“I figured after “What!” and “YES!” got over so much nothing was off-limits. It’s definitely more influenced by Steve Austin though. I’ve been watching that whole era back on the network a lot and he was so unhinged. It was almost like an unintentional thing. I’ll no lie, there’s a few things I’ve definitely lifted from that era of Austin. Even if it’s not intentional you can watch something back and think “I’ve just nicked something from Austin 2001″ *laughs* ”

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Neil being active as a standup and performing to comedy audiences as well as wrestling audiences leaves him with a bit of a unique perspective on the differences between the two. His enjoyment of wrestling audiences particularly almost serving as an insight as to why he continues to involve himself in a thing where big burly bastards can and will chuck you about at will. “Some of the bravado from speaking in front of wrestling crowd has definitely influenced some of my better moments doing comedy. I figured kinda recently, and I’ve thought this for a while, I’m actually much more at home in front of a wrestling crowd. I love doing comedian rap battles and all that as well, don’t get me wrong, im very relaxed and comfortable doing all that, but I almost enjoy performing to a wrestling crowd more. ”

In the early days it was certainly easy to understand why as The Wee Man’s job was essentially to come out and make near the bone jokes about news stories that were wide-open for ridicule. Something that sees like it would be endlessly fun “For a couple of years at least I was coming out, as a face, and coming out with topical gags that I would never dare to say on a standup comedy show. I mean just the shadiest chat. I think back to things I’ve said and notes I’ve had from shows years ago and I honestly wonder where this horrible shit came from *laughs*. I’ve just always thought, I’m not trying to be nasty or anything, ive always thought if you make light of fucking horrible things it helps you deal with them and I always felt wrestling crowds were more open to that sort of thing that standup crowds at that time. I’ve toned down a bit now with the topical stuff, but looking back I think it fitted better back then because at that time I was more playing to a live crowd as opposed to worrying too much how it comes across on demand and stuff. The more the company develops the more it becomes about how things look on the footage, and chat like that has a shelf life. You’d watch a show from even a few months ago and none of it would be relevant anymore”

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While the singles work with Davey did breed plenty of success, Neil has become known to be a bit of a mastermind with the auld tag teams. His recent work with the outstanding Rampage Brown and Ashton Smith has cemented them as a permanent fixture in ICW. A role their talent undoubtedly commands, but one they had struggled to find in the ultra competitive ICW roster. The Wee Man brought them out as surprise opponents for Polo Promotions merely 2 months ago and while it wasn’t their first ICW appearance, the impact they made that night and the impact since has left fans in doubt that they’ll be knocking the living shite out of tag teams for a long time. As evidence in the above photo where they leathered The Kinky Party AND their photographer while Neil decided to pick up his camera and take a few snaps of the destruction.

“They’re awesome. I was so chuffed to get to work with them. Rampage has been in and out at ICW, particularly on tour shows, and they’d been in as a tag team before. They came in and destroyed Pure Gangster at one point as well. It was that sort of thing where everytie they’d show up they would annihilate folk. There was very little reason why they shouldn’t be showing up and doing that all the time. You could tell by the crowd reaction when I introduced them in The Garage. Immediately you could tell the crowd sat up and took notice. They’re brilliant man. They’re both world-class. Even just looking at them you can tell they’re the real deal. A couple of very scary boys. I watched footage back from the last show and I’m very aware of my physical limitations but honestly, I have never looked tinier *laughs* They’re both huge. I think Ashton might have a slight edge height wise, but you don’t realise how big they are until you’re standing next to them and you look like a toddler with a wee suit on *laughs*. It’s not just how cool and intimidating they are, it’s that destructive style they have that really makes them stand out. I mean I said my favourite type of tag team is a bigger power guy with a more agile guy, but Rampage and Asthon can both do all of that. I wouldn’t want to arm wrestle or race either one of them, put it that way *laughs* ”

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Being the mouthpiece for a couple of the scariest bastards in wrestling (or indeed the world itself) will certainly be a time-consuming endeavour but Neil did leave the door open for potentially linking up with Davey Blaze one day in the future. At the very least Davey has a lifelong fan in his former manager.
“Davey’s had a wee bit of time off for various reasons but Davey’s brilliant. Particularly in the last feud we had with DCT and Coach. I can’t stress enough how brilliant Davey was in that feud. Some of his expressions and things like that told such a brilliant story. He’s so good at that type of thing, you almost get the story just from his expressions and all that. You don’t need my words or anything else. He’s so good at that and he leaves you in no doubt who you should be cheering in that much. I honestly think no one can touch him in that respect. He can be so funny but also scary at the same time and thats something he does so well. I’d hope to work with him again definitely. Hopefully one day. I’d definitely love to work with him in the future”

While the door to working with Davey again remains open it most likely won’t be in any sort of match against Davey as Neil discussed his dalliances with the in-ring side of the game. A side he consistently stresses is more difficult than anyone could imagine and something he never wants anyone to think you can just “do”.
“I’ve trained to the point where I know some of the basics. Since then I trained a bit with Wolfgang and learned a bit more. If im totally honest with myself I’d like to do more. I should do more. Just to drum in the fundamentals of it. Not in the sense that I’m going to try to be Will Ospreay *laughs* just more like I don’t want to be shambles and make anyone else look bad. I’m also hesitant to ever give anyone the impression that you can just step in the ring and do this. I’ll be the first one to tell you…..you cannae *laughs*. Trust me it fucking hurts. I’m getting on a bit if I want to make a career of it in the ring as well” *laughs*

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At that point I did remind Neil that DDP had set a precedent for older folk giving the wrestling a go and making a success of it but he reminded me DDP happened to be about a foot taller than him and I guess that’s fair enough. Being a big ride who already has a relationship with one of the biggest wrestling companies going is advantageous if you decide to embark on a wrestling career in your thirties, but whilst a full-time in ring career is likely never going to be his path, the flirtations he has enjoyed with that side it and just observing from ring side so much has given Neil a huge appreciation for the work pro wrestlers put in.

“At my size if you want to be a wrestler you need to really put the work in and you either need to be a mad high flyer or a technical wizard. The stamina and conditioning has always impressed me. You expect the smaller guys to have that, but right up to heavyweights they’re all well conditioned. It takes a lot to put together even a 10 minute match. The amount of conditioning it takes to even do that is unreal. Wolfgang defies the laws of physics. I don’t understand how he does the things he does”

Despite the physical limitations and limited training The Wee Man does have a decent record when it comes to stepping in to the ring. Somehow managing to tally up a 4-0 winning streak, “all clean wins”  as he put it, albeit with a bit of a knowing smirk,before a tag match that pitted him and Davey against DCT and Coach at last yeat’s Shugs House Party weekender brought it to an end. That streak included a singles bout with Coach, aka Adam Shame, which felt more like a series of Laurel and Hardy sketches than a wrestling match and Adam Shame is someone who Neil has a huge degree for respect for.

“I think I was 4-0 at one point eh? The Coach Trip match was a lot of fun. A few videos from that went viral. All credit to Shamer, who really made that great. He’s such a pioneer for Scottish Wrestling and really helped me through that. He’s one of the best guys to go to for advice and stuff. He’s one of the guys who built wrestling in this country and he goes out his way to help other people over. Even backstage and stuff, he’s a leader, and hes also a hilarious guy. One of the best guys in wrestling for sure. Even at the tail end of that match, for all it was, I was done. Honestly, I felt like I’d main evented mania or something so that tells a story of just how hard it is. ”

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Age is perhaps more of a secondary concern than many think in terms of the limitations involved however as Neil spoke of an accident he had before getting in to wrestling that left his hip held together with a steel plate.
“Besides age and size, I’ve got a steel plate holding my hip together so that’s not ideal. This was before I got involved in wrestling. I was in the Arches, and my pal was doing a one man theatre show. They had seating that went up 12-15 feet up and he was leading me up to the sound booth at the back and I kinda stepped out, thinking the platform went all the way down, but it didn’t, so I tumbled down. Shattered my hip, my wrist. I was in a wheelchair for a while. So that kinda hampered me a wee bit. When I got into it, maybe if I hadn’t had that injury I’d have given the training more of a proper go and done a bit more. I’m always hesitant to detract from what wrestlers do. I’m always reluctant to be that guy coming in as a non wrestler and making out like its easy. I never want to seem like im anywhere near on a par with the folk who do this for a living. Risking their health all year round. ”

As if there has ever been any need to make wrestlers seem any MORE intimidating but Neil went on to make a point that shook me and I’m sure will shake you. Wrestlers are not only likely to be far bigger and better than you when it comes to a fight, but they literally practice taking punishment over and over again. Almost to the point that it becomes….normal.
“Wrestlers can fight, but it’s how much punishment they can take is what you should be scared of. MMA boxers trained to dish out, but wrestlers are specifically trained to take punishment and still come up for more, thats a huge part of wrestling. Thats’s why id advise everyone not to get in a fight with a wrestler, even if you get a few digs in, they’ve had worse” *laughs*

Neil’s interest in becoming involved in wrestling at all of course stemmed from a childhood love of it. Introduced to it by his older brother David, also a comedian and the man who had the pleasure of stepping in to the ring with Neil to get flung aboot like wet washin in a boxing ring by Fight Club, he went on to follow it throughout his younger years.

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“My brother got me into wrestling. That was late 80s I guess. He was getting VHS or maybe even betamax tapes of shows. At the time wrestling wasn’t even on tv in britain and he had a pal in Wales that had cable tv. So they were one of the first folk in the country to be seeing wrestling shows. I specifically remember Royal Rumbles the best from when I was wee. Seeing all the different characters come out one after the other. I was the only one who had seen wrestling in my school. No hoagieone had seen it. It wasnt a thing back then. I was hooked back then I remember Gremlins 2 came out and it had a cameo from Hulk Hogan. He was such a big deal in America, but when it came out in Britain they’d actually edited that out and replaced it with archived footage of john Wayne with the gremlins *Laughs*. In every version now you see the Hulk Hogan bit but at the time wrestling was so not well-known that it was replaced with a mad bit from a western with Gremlins edited in *laughs* because no one in Britain knew who he was. I remember at the time being furious because I knew he was. By the time it came out on video they would have put the Hogan scene back in because at that point WWF was on Sky so people would have known who he was. By that time folk at school were doing Hogan and Warrior impression and im like “Guys, I’ve been into this for a year or two now!” and I was frustrated because it took them so long to get into it.”

While Neil grew up as one of earliest wrestling aficionado’s, long before the days of sweaty unibrows on the internet for some bizzarre reason feeling they’re the best authority to rate the physicality involved in wrestling, not everyone in his family seemed to “get” wrestling in the early days of his involvement, when venues like the SECC and The Hydro become the norm its hard to not sit up and take notice.

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“My Da, especially when I was a teenager, he’s just never got it. He’s a huge fitba guy and he trained my primary school fitba team when I was younger. He’s right into comedy and entertainment, but wrestling is this alien thing to him He just didn’t understand, and when I started getting involved in it I still thing he maybe didn’t take it seriously but the more it went on and the bigger the shows got the more he sort of took notice and started to take it more seriously. Then It got to a point where my mum and dad were asking when the next wrestling show is and that. My maw particularly still gets concerned. I sort of hide how much physicality is involved in it a wee bit from her. My maws always been wary since the accident. I’ve got a big sister as well who’s also very concerned although she appreciates the showmanship and the entertainment aspect of it. I’ve said to her to come to a show, as she lives in London, but I kinda get the feeling she’d be watching through her fingers a lot of the time”

Growing up around people involved in entertainment certainly saw Neil catch a bit of a bug for it all. One that’s been hard to shake. While other jobs have come and gone they served to be nothing more than time fillers for someone who just wanted to do what he was good at. Being the lead writer on BBCs Breaking The News,writing and performing in various online sketches for the BBC, as well as an appearance in the BBC show Scot Squad, have all provided excellent opportunities that have led to Neil finding himself in a situation where he makes his living from entertainment.

“It’s hard to make a consistent living out of just writing, so for the past wee while its been a combination of things that keep it going. I suppose they all kinda count as part-time jobs when you put them together. Being the lead writer on breaking the news and ive wrote for a couple of radio 4 things. I sort of justify it in a way that I’ve had a lot of jobs but working in comedy is probably the only job where I’ve experienced promotion in some sense*laughs* Just thinking of it logically there’s something significant in that.
It’s the only thing ive ever done I’ve really wanted any sort of promotion in either. I’ve worked in a bar but I’ve never wanted to be the bar manager. It was always just a time filler”

In terms of what’s coming in the very near future Neil was reticent to jinx it but by the sounds of it, a lot of exciting things are in the works. None more so than his most recent video that pits The Wee Man the character against Neil himself in a rap battle. Something he has much experience being involved in as the host of the Comedian Rap Battles. A monthly fixture at The Stand in Glasgow.

“I’m doing more videos. My most recent one is The Wee Man vs Neil Bratchpiece, that’s one im looking forward to a lot, its serving as a promo video gor the Glasgow Comedy Festival aswell. We’ve got a lot of shows coming up. As bullshit as it sounds, ive got stuff in development, but its all looking good. We’ll wait and see eh”

As it took me fuckin ages to get this done the video is actually out now. Have a swatch at it

A string of videos telling the story of “The Worlds Worst Paedo” went viral in 2016. In those videos, Neil played the part of the World Worst Paedo, who continually mistook his real life friend and fellow wrestling personality Chris Toal to be a child. seemingly never learning the lesson that he was in fact an adult, atlhigh Neil shed a different light on it. Painting him more as more of a misunderstood character who knew Chris wasn’t a child but was still in love with him anyway.

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“Toal gets recognised a lot more which im a wee bit relieved about. Younger folk recognise me from that. I appreciate that they can recognise me without all the Wee Man stuff. That came about I had the idea for the first one, it was just me mistaking him for a wean *laughs*. It was originally meant to be a vine or an idea for one anyway, so I spoke to Toal about it. It never happened on vine which probably worked out better. That’s part of a larger collection of sketches, there was more people involved in that, it was done as a taster sort of thing, but I always intended to put that character online as dodgy as it might be. A few folk were affronted but it was a bit knee jerk reaction to it. We came up with a few other sketches with those character, storyboarded them, Toal came up with one as well. A lot of people chipped in with ideas and it turned into this wee series.”

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Whilst it was undoubtedly odd to be recognised for playing The World Worst Paedo in a series of videos that went viral on Facebook, it represented a welcome change to being recognised for something that happened before Facebook was even a thing. Long before the days of yer maw being a fully fledged, commenting on all yer photies member. “I was chuffed but its such a strange thing to be recognised for. As potentially dodgy as the subject matter is. I’m still adamanat about this, justify it, joke anything, but also but if you pay attention he’s not actually a beast. He’s just a guy who really fancies Chris Toal and can’t come to terms with how he feels about it. When you think about it Chris is just a small man and he knows that but he just really fancies Chris Toal. He’s not like an evil character he’s just a bit confused *laughs* ”

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Even although he has his fingers in a lot of pies (dont laugh, you’re an adult for christ sake) when asked if he’s ever thought about wrestling becoming a full-time gig, it was something that raised a smile. A pipe dream

“Obviously that’d be awesome. Even in a manager role I’d need to work out the physical aspect because im guessing you’d still need to pass a physical before they’d employ you. I’d like to manage a bigger guy in that situation. I think that would work best You want to make your wrestler look as dominant as possible so that dynamic would work best. Even at my most enunciating and clear, I still think they’d be a bit confused as to what I’m saying over there. I widnae say naw, but it that way but im not holding my breath too much
Huge thank you to Neil for his time. Also to David J Wilson as usual for the photos and anyone else who’s photos ive used. If I’ve not given credit, give me a shout.

Like his Facebook page and keep up to date with what’s happening with him HERE

Follow him on Twitter HERE

Follow him on Instagram HERE

Comedian Rap Battles which Neil hosts happens on the first Wednesday of every month at The Stand in Glasgow.

Also get tickets for all the ICW shows Neil is involved in HERE

 

ICW Square Go 2018 Review

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The Square Go wasn’t in Glasgow last year which is a mad thing when ye think about it. Akin to having a street fight that never leaves the arena, or a falls count anywhere match where the finish happens in the ring, or having a Texas Bull-Rope match that isn’t in Texas and involves a rope that has never touched a bull. Ye know what, maybe its not that mad actually. People from Newcastle are a lot like us and probably are at least aware of what a Square Go actually is even if they might sound a bit daft saying the words. Point is, we were back in Glasgow this year and as great as the show was last year, I dunno. It just felt right. This isnae some American sport where someone can buy a team and move them wherever they want for the fuck of it, this is Glasgow and the Square Go belongs to Glasgow.

While it was a very good show in general the thing I found most enjoyable about it was how it shaped the future and planted so many seeds for what’s to come this year. A lot of talented folk are heading for some big time stuff and that’s just good for the soul is it not? Are we not all fans of this to see talented people succeed? Well, that and complaining. But its one of the top two reasons.

James Storm vs Jack Jester (Winner Faces The ICW Champion At Fight Club Taping The Following Night)

Upon entering the venue a wee bit late, I was greeted with Jack Jester’s music and in turn the front of my jeans was greeted with a stauner. Not a full on rager cause I’d had a few beers by this point and it was awfy cold in the queue, but man alive, yer a lying bastard if you can tell me Jester’s music doesn’t get the juices flowing in yer doonstairs no matter what way your sexual pendulum swings. If there’s some kind of award for entrance music suiting the wrestler down to a fuckin tee, this wrestler and tune combo is taking that award home and probably sticking in some orifice of some kind. Dirty shaggin masquerading as entrance music doesn’t get the job done in the ring right enough (unless “the ring” is what your calling the aforementioned orifice). Especially when you’re getting in amongst it with a legit TNA legend and bad motherfucker in ol Jimmy Storm.

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James Storm is the kind of ‘import’ who automatically connects with ICW for the pure and simple reason that he likes a fuckin’ fight. A wee bit that night at The Garage Hardcore Holly turned up and chopped the living shite out of Renfrew. There’s no pretence. He’s a mad beer tanning cowboy who will stab you with the sharp end of a broken beer bottle (ye see the joke there is….both ends would be…ach you get it) and use the other end to pick bits of his dinner out his teeth, and if you don’t like it, that’s your choice. He’s not going to be anything else. Ever.

Before it became a dirty bar room brawl they did wrestle about a bit. Jester clearly spurred on by getting his face right in amongst that mad strippers diddies at the start, he was busting out hiptosses and allsorts but that patter was never going to last. They were there to drink beer and throw each other into stuff and after a brief trip to the bar, where Jester called a halt to proceedings to order them a round, they tanned them quickly and suddenly the beer was all finished. All that was left to do was scrap as if the dirtiest lassie in the place was on the line and the only way to win her affections was to bring your opponents full set of front teeth to her. Preferably with the jaw still attached. After a suple on the steel ramp, Jester emerged with that big studded dildo that seems to get an inch bigger every time ye see it. A grower not a shower as they say, although he did show it to James Storm’s napper with no hesitation making it (probably) the first time in his long and illustrious career that he’s been skelped between the eyes with a big shiny dildo.

They knackered some poor guy’s crutches as they smashed each other in the crowd. Storm in particular going to town with what I have to admit was a heavy stylish crutch. As crutches go, this one was a sleek all black belter of a thing. Perfect to aid walking and perfect to aid its user in getting good lookin folk to touch their fun parts. Storm sent Jester heid first into a chair as they got back to the ring, before busting out all sorts of slick wrestling, ending in a gorgeous pouncing neckbreaker. Storm was showing everyone who might have doubted hi that he’s not done and he wasn’t showing up in ICW for a wee payday and a good time. He was there to make an impression, and what a mighty fine one he did. Ending an entertaining bit of hardcore fun with an Airplane Spin through a table to pin Jester and earn an ICW Undisputed Title shot the following night. 

Jester has very much wanted that title back ever since Drew Galloway ripped it from his grasp over three years ago so any opportunity to do that is a big deal. This wasn’t a wee bit of fun with a game as fuck “import”, this was a chance to get back to where he wants to be in ICW and in turn, wrestling in general. So when big Sha came out to console his Kinky brother and caught Jester by surprise, its nae big shock that he reacted…shall we say adversely. Mistakenly shoving Sha to the ground before they made their way to the back mid argument. Who knows where that one’s leading eh? A wait and see job if there ever was one. Storm rounded it off with an emotive promo telling the crowd he loved them, and that he still loves professional wrestling. Seemed to indicate he’ll be around for more than just the title match that was due to happen the next night.

Kasey (c) vs Martina – ICW Women’s Title Match

Martina is one of the most talked about wrestlers in the UK. Her character and style is unique and people either love it (most human people) or hate it (some very very lonely people who have never concealed a condom anywhere on their person or felt the pure joy that comes with possessing a bag of cans, in there clattering aboot, getting acclimated with each other before they join forces once again in yer body later on) but everyone has something to say about it. Everywhere else Martina is pure joy and if you don’t like it, she’ll probably ignore you, continue to tan cans and dance about like someone slipped a fistful of eccies in her cheerios. When she turned in to “Bad Moth” as part of Fear and Loathing X at The Hydro, turning on Ravie Davie and joining forces with Bram, it was bold. Both from the company and Martina herself. On the evidence of this match, the bold move has paid off. A wee bit like Sami Zayn since he turned into a baddie in WWE, she almost plays an embittered version of her usual character. The hallmarks are still there. There’s still a can, that can is still accompanied by dancing, but in true villainous fashion the can was a LIGHT BEER and the dancing was SUBDUED to the say the least. The crowd was aghast at the transformation as Martina The Moody Moth took to the ring to go after Kasey’s title.

Felt for Kasey because a big part of this match beingSQGOHSTRAND really fucking good was her being a tremendous wrestler and really bringing the very best out of Martina in the ring. Kasey is brilliant and if ICW done awards this year, she would undoubtedly be a massive shout for breakout star. It was a shame to see her second reign end so soon, and hopefully it’s not her last. Folk who think her character means Martina’s a shite wrestler are the same insufferable dafties who think the same about Grado. A wee Japanese Arm Drag took the crowd and Kasey by surprise as Martina took full advantage of being a right baddie to bust out some slick wrestling. Everything Kasey done was predictably flawless as she strung together a back elbow, a dropkick then a crossbody from the top rope to take control of the match but Martina nearly had it won when she drove both knees into Kasey’s chest followed by a Triangle Choke.

Kasey battled out of it before hitting the running knee she calls “The Killing Joke” to seemingly bring it to an end but it’s not that simple when Rudo’s about is it. Red Lightning rose up from his commentary position like a majestic meddling pheonix to pull referee Sean McLaughlin out the ring just long enough for Iestyn Rees to enter the ring and literally hauf Kasey in two with a spear. So brutal even if she did manage to retain the belt it would have been hard to fasten it with the champion’s waist no longer attached the rest of her body but Martina covered her after that and become ICW Women’s Champion. 

Red then held Kasey in position so Martin could clatter her with the belt, followed by a tombstone. Step one in Rudo’s new axis of evil’s attempt to take over. One night. Martina wins the Women’s Title. Bram wins the Undisputed. Iestyn wins the Square Go, and him and Bram pass the title about like a joint at a hoose party, both becoming 150 time ICW Champions with Red refereeing every match with that smug smile on his coupon as the feverishly raging paying audience are kept at bay by a pack of rabid German Shepherds wearing bandana’s that say “Rudo 4 lyf” on them. Point is, good match so it was. Just a wee defence against Viper to kick Martina’s reign off 24 hours later. Nice easy one to kick it off 😉

Below is a picture of said belt shot, which happened at the very same time as Red Lightning trying to heider an invisible bee

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Rampage Brown and Ashton Smith (c) vs The Purge – ICW Tag Team Title Match

I dunno what this says about me as a person or indeed a wrestling fan but in amongst a very good wrestling show The Wee Man referring to The Purge as “Biker Mice From Largs” was one of my favourite moments of the whole thing. No word of a lie, when The Wee Man first turned villain his promo’s used to grate on me a bit. There’s only so many times you can hear someone talk about all the sweaty virgins in attendance before you look at the sweaty virgin you are deep down inside and you look at that sweaty virgin with great shame. Scornfully judging all the moments where you have indeed been heavy sweaty and not giving a lady the business. Since Davey Blaze and DCT feuded last year however, Wee Man has found a cracking balance between being a fucking out and out bad bastard and also a heavy funny bastard at the same time. Even still when he stoated out at the last Fight Club taping and held Rampage Brown and Asthon Smith up as his newest clients a sceptical brow was raised. Would it work? and if it was gonnae, how? What could a guy like Wee Man add to a team like that to make them MORE frightening and the answer is simply this. Patter. Excellent patter.

The in ring stuff they have absolutely locked down so really all they’ve ever been missing is a liberal helping of gid patter. The Purge did offer decent resistance for the most part and had certainly earned the big match on the big show but they were never taking the titles. Not after Rampage and Asthon had won them so decisively just a few weeks earlier against the team who had made the tag divison their own over the previous 3 years. They did catch Rampage and Ashton cold early on when Stevie James floored them with a suicide dive before they made the smart decision to isolate Ashton as Rampage licked his wounds on the outside. A tranquilizer dart and big fucker of a fishing net was probably what was actually required to keep him out of the equation for longer than a couple of minutes but their gameplan was smart. Keep the guy who fully kills folk with his piledriver as a deadly weapon out of the equation and see what happens.

It was very much a 4 man scrap rather than your traditional tag match which suited the folk involved as both teams got a power of double team stuff in a short amount of time. The Purge with a nice wee combo where Stevie superkicks the opponent in the calf followed by a DDT from Krobar but nothing any tag team can do will ever be as effective as Ashton Smith picking the opponent up and placing him on Rampage’s shoulder as the big man waits on the middle rope ready to murder. A devastating powerslam off the middle rope got the job done. Rampage and Asthton had retained. At this rate you’ll need a firing squad to prize the belts off them. A firing squad who manage to successfully avoid making eye contact with Rampage because rumour has it that if you look directly into his eyes, he can actually piledriver ye with the power of thought alone.

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A hugely impressive team and The Wee Man adds that wee bit of swagger on the mic that might have been the only tool they didn’t previously have at their disposal so these two will be extremely difficult to stop. I mean, there’s nae denying Biker Mice From Largs is some of the finest patter ever dropped in an ICW ring. It was about 9 days ago now and its still raising a chuckle. Always wanted Rampage to have a full time role at ICW and if this is the gig that gets it done, long may it continue. A tremendous talent and a guy who just suits being a champion. The Purge will come again but this was never their night. Any team who can beat what is arguably the most decorated tag team in ICW history in about 3 minutes are a team that are staying at the top for a while. Especially if one of them needs to carry a license for his piledriver because its considered to be a deadly weapon. 

BT Gunn (c) vs Bram – ICW Undisputed Title Match

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No matter what you think of Bram as a human man a fact that has become hugely apparent in ICW of late is that hes a very good professional wrestler. One of the best villains in the world if ye ask me (wait, whit ye mean ye didnae ask? Rude) A lot of that comes from people genuinely hating him but that’s what wrestling is. A fantasy land driven by real emotions. So real hate is a very powerful thing to have on your side as a villain and Bram uses it wonderfully, usually to the benefit of his opponent more than him. BT Gunn was the perfect opponent to fire all sorts of crowd pleasing offence at the wall of bearded evil that was his foe for the night and the end result was a brilliant title match, as is tradition at the Square Go. It’s strange that a night where the title match isn’t supposed to be the main event is the night you are almost guaranteed a classic match with the shiny belt on the line. After an early piledriver attempt was reversed into a slick roll-up, Bram suddenly hit a big senton to the outside. A proper you have to see it to believe it moment, but as David J Wilsons wonderful work above shows us, we did indeed have a flying Bram.

That senton led to Bram taking chairs from the people sitting at ringside and tossing them on top of BT, although being the embodiment of all that is evil, he only took chair’s from people who looked like they might have some kind of disability, or at bestfolk who just had a bit of a stiff back from the day’s exertions. It’s the subtle touches that really makes you a proper baddie. Folk want to focus on the high-profile stuff, the destruction of Ravie Davie’s eye socket and all that jazz, but snatching a chair from someone with a bit of a sare knee is that underrated badness that really makes a villain. You could technically have cried it a TLC match early on as all 4 things (tables, ladder, chairs and healthy supply of moxy) required to make that a thing were involved. Bram set a ladder up with murder in mind only for BT to powerbomb him off the ladder through a table with merch on it causing an immediate 200% mark up on said merch cause it had been powerbombed on. Thats some shit ye could sell for a healthy profit on Ebay right there. BT then decided going up on the wee ledge bit Wolfgang once chucked him off was a good idea because the man clearly has a death wish. He fought so hard to become ICW Champion for a third time that he is literally willing to leap to his untimely death to keep a hold of it. He actually only caught Bram a wee bit with a big running cross body but the fear it installed in Bram will live with the man forever. Sitting up at night. Rocking back and forth. Crying uncontrollably as he recalls a human flying towards him at full speed as if it were a Bram seeking missile. Scary shit. SQGOBTDIVE

It’s almost as if Bram felt this platform was perfect for showing people who say he’s a shite wrestler exactly how wrong they are. He was outstanding from start to finish in this one. Chasing a piledriver, with a buckle bomb then a wee pop-up powerbomb for good measure but when that didn’t get the job done BT suddenly looked like he’d retained when he nailed the Technodrome DDT out of nowhere. A move that his become synonymous with BT Gunn winning big matches. That was surely that if Red Lightning hadn’t managed to take a break from chatting about how majestic Bram’s new gear was on commentary to once again pull the ref out the ring, as Iestyn Rees appeared with emphatic hauners once more, spearing BT Gunn in half. Inexplicably the mad bastard kicked out. With the option of timely Rudo hauners removed after the referee’s committee held an impromptu meeting (nae minutes were taken, so that tells ye just how under-prepared the boays were for this yin but sometimes needs must) and decided both Red and Iestyn must vanish from ringside. Even with the score levelled, BT could only manage a 2 after the Gunnshot and a sexy brainbuster, and Bram once again took over. Doing that thing he does where he dishes out piledrivers until the recipient either can’t get married or ye know….dies.

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A run of the mill skull splitter of a piledriver was followed by the very same move on to a chair to surely seal the title and give ICW a champion that could cause riots for the first time since Rudo himself held the belt and made making fans want to fight him in to some kind of sport, but Bram got cocky and decided to lord it over BT which is never a wise move. He grabbed both titles and hoisted them skyward while he placed one foot on BT for the pin, but BT quickly rolled his man up for the 3 count and made a swift exit STILL your Undisputed Champion.

BT chucked the middle fingers up in defiance as Bram lost the plot in the ring. Having an absolute ragey. He was rightly irate with himself because until that moment he’d played the match almost perfectly but never assume you’ve got BT Gunn beat. You could set that man on fire and put the fire out with auld Fila gutties and he’d somehow emerge without a mark on him. He lives a charmed life and if you’re judging him on belts accumulated it seems to be working out not too shabbily at all. Man’s got mare gold than Mr T’s neck these days. He now had the luury of being able to sit back and watch The Square Go unfold to find out who the next contender might be. 

The 2018 Square Go Match

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The Square Go is always brilliant fun but this year everything felt like it mattered. As well as ending the night with a clear view on how the title picture is shaping up, it planted  numerous seeds for quality future stuff and perhaps gave a few feuds their final chapters at the same time. Entrant number one was revealed to be Chris Renfrew quickly followed by entrant number two, his nemesis Mikey Whiplash with the kendo stick that should really trigger some severe PTSD in both men when they both see it. They’ve nearly killed each other and countless other tortured souls with that fucking thing and Whiplash quickly had huge kendo shaped indents in his back at the Square Go kicked off with….well, a square go eh. Along with planting a lot of future seeds, this Square Go was also a right good fuckin scrap at times. A very square-go-ey Square Go you could call it. Renfrew and Whiplash chucked each other about every corner of the building before entrant number three Lewis Girvan appeared, deciding to bodyswerve the two guys trying to murder each other in favour of waiting to see who number four might be. To his delight he heard that glorious Filthy Generation tune boom through the building once again as he was joined by his stable mate, but which one was it to be? Only his tag partner and BFF Aspen Faith.

They shook hands and seemed to be agreeing to fight for some ridiculous reason only to reveal their ruse as they ran the ropes a bit, avoiding harming each other at all costs, before breaking up all the wrestling with a hearty big hug between pals. Just pals being pals really. It would harm yer heart unless you happened to be their opponents in a wrestling match. Whiplash and Renfrew managed to put their mutual desire to attend the other’s funeral to one side long enough to actually team up and offer some resistance but then it was time for entrant number 5, that music again. A treat for everyone in attendance because they got to hear a bonafide tune three times in the space of 10 minutes but bad news for Whiplash and Renfrew. With both Kings in the ring, it had to be Stevie. An earlier number than he would have liked but a chance to strategize with his team and get the gameplan going. Unless…..sqgofilth

Kay Lee ‘fuckin Ray.  For some reason I was under the impression she was still in Japan for this show but when the wee graphic turned red after the music hit, we knew it wasn’t time for Stevie yet. It was time for someone equally dangerous. Perhaps even more so because she came with a pair of leather straps and already had two pals in the ring. Whiplash and Renfrew offered some resistance before the Filthy trio stomped them down and Kay Lee whipped them like they each owed her upwards of a score and they’d been duckin her for a while, instead spending their money on fake moustaches and other disguises to avoid her meeting their gaze in the street. Imagine Kay Lee Ray actually ran a money lending service and came to collect with a leather strap in hand, you’d gie her everything ye owe, plus interest, plus everything else you own and maybe some stuff other people own. Enough stuff to get her to back the fuck aff.

The Filthy Generation missed a trick when there was three of them and two others. They had the numbers and could have tossed Whiplash and Renfrew out. Giving them a three on one advantage against whoever entered from then on. Tossing them out at will until Stevie Boy entered to make it a full on party. The minute and a half flew by in a heartbeat however, with Jokey levelling the playing field a bit and almost tossing Kay Lee out. Suddenly number six was upon us. With Jack Jesters big studded dildo, it was none other than his Kinky bredren Sha SamuelsShaSha refused to touch the dildo, even though it was statistically the most effective weapon ever seen in the match based on the amount of bodies it had done damage to in the past. I’m not sure if he feared it or feared what he might catch from it but he held it about 100 feet from his body with his scarf before tossing it aside. Bounding into the ring dishing out mad jabs on his opponents instead of shuddering orgasms. Sha was there to win a Square Go mate, not the MVP at an orgy.

It wouldn’t be a Square Go without a liberal spattering of hilarity as entrant number 7 was revealed to be Kez Evans. As good a young wrestler as he is, he was the odd one out. A rookie in a sea of somedys. He knew if he was to last any longer than time it took to make his entrance he needed to form an alliance with someone but everyone he tried either laughed in his face or told him to get fucked before all 6 had a shot at tannin the poor boy’s jaw before allowing Sha to toss him out. Maybe next year mate eh.

Next to enter the fray was Kid Fite flanked by Krieger and Lou King Sharp who surprisingly weren’t actually entered in the match. I enjoy that they just don’t give a fuck. ICW is meant to be nae DQ all the time so why not just charge in team handed all the time? Who’s stopping it? Jack Tunney? He’s deid mate. They made a beeline for Sha before Kenny Williams became entrant number 9 and provided timely hauners to his big pal. A lot of potential winners in amongst it early meant elimination were scarce for the first part. Instead wee pockets of folk were peeling off and battering each other all over the place before we came to the big guy section of the whole affair. That’s not to detract from the big bastards already involved in the match but this was the proper gigantic, wake up in the morning and high-five god cause yer up there anyway, type of big guy section. Kicked off with Wolfgang at number 10, who had been in the final two of both of the last two Square Go’s and holds the most eliminations in the 7 year history of the match. He came face to face with Kid Fite again before picking Lou King Sharp up and launching him into the crowd. As brutal as that sounds it was actually quite merciful because at first he was going to chuck him at the opposite side where only big Krieger was present to stop oor Lou from suffering from an acute case of deidness. The Purge emerged to eliminate Lou and Krieger from the equation, before next in the procession of giant dudes emerged. A wee surprise entrance at number 11. MOOSE.

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Moose is a big fucking dude. Proper huge. Remarkably athletic for a guy who must be a bawhair off 8 feet tall. Put it this way, big Tor is being billed as this Swedish wrecking machine who eats “enhancement talent” for breakfast and shits oot nuhin but their broken dreams and probably their kneepads as I doubt the human body can actually consume such things. Look at that photo above. Big Moose is actually very slightly taller than the tree wae a beard. He squared up to Wolfgang looking for a battle of the big hoss’s only for the pair to instead focus their energies on the Kings Of Catch. Setting both members up in opposite corners in the tree of woe position before taking turns to run at the full pelt with splashes, elbows, forearms and all that sare stuff. The big man section had a brief intermission for both Wild Boar and Mike Bird to enter, with a slice of Jordan Devlin in the middle. A wee Celtic sandwich we’ll call it. Bird decided if Sha wasn’t using it he would bring the big shiny dildo into the equation and upon seeing it Sha got what can only be described as some kind of flashback. As if he had fought some kind of war alongside this dildo and the memories were just….just……too much man. A distracted Sha became just the second guy to be eliminated and him and when Jester came out to console his big besto, Sha was not for it. Listen troops, less of this falling out patter awrite. You’s are the joyous odd couple. Joyous odd couples don’t bicker. They get a big disney prince in a kilt to re-unite them and eventually live happily ever after with a pair of tag belts they’ve somehow customised to make them dispense beer. Or in Jester’s case, probably lube.

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Bird and Boar’s joy was short lived when Iestyn Rees entered next as we resumed the heavy massive guy section of this year’s Square Go. Although he did help Bird and Boar set about The Kings Of Catch, before eliminating them by throwing Kay Lee Ray at them. I’m no sure if that officially counts as eliminations for Iestyn or Kay Lee gets the credit. Although in Kay Lee’s case “credit” for something like that is a wee bit like being credited for an OG in fitba. Naecunt wants that credit. If those two eliminations weren’t Iestyn’s, the next two were as he tossed Bird and Boar out. Bringing their alliance to an official end it would seem as Iestyn plans for a future under Rudo where he’ll shine brighter than his own heavily oiled midriff.

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Tor Atterhagen was next and for some reason while everyone else played dead, it was Kid Fite who decided to square up to what can only be described as a sentient Swedish fridge freezer, before the big man tossed him out. Quite enjoyed Kid Fite pretending that he wanted back in, as if anyone would ever come back for a second go at that big bastard but Fito is a true Glasgow boy and he at least needs to appear as if he wants to fight the big bully before deciding it just isn’t worth his valuable time. Tor inevitably ended up squaring up the big Moose. Utterly raging that Moose to be about half an inch bigger than him. They chopped the living shite out each other before Tor eliminated Moose. He seemed to be taking the competitors out biggest first which is a decent strategy. More likely to be knackered the longer you’re involved so if all the big guys are gone and it’s just you and Leyton Buzzard left at the end, you’ve planned well. Next up was Wolfgang, but Wolfy was having none of his Swedish shite. Brass knucks were utilised to daze the big fucker, much like you’d shoot a tranquilizer dart into a bear’s neck before you’d ever consider going within 10 mile of it, and with the big yin dazed Wolfy dumped him out. Tor’s not the type of guy to cut his losses and fuck off after a disappointment of that nature and he came to hit all sorts of chokeslams on Wolfy. Weakening him enough for Jordan Devlin to superkick him right out of there. No third year in a row in the final two for big Wolfy but he did make himself a powerful enemy.

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Next up was The Sam Barbour Experience one of the most exciting talents to emerge from the GPWA school and one who maybe needed something like a decent stint in the Square Go to proper kickstart his ICW career. Big Grizzly entered next in a fashion that you could only describe as both big and grizzly. Having a quick scrap with his countryman Iestyn Rees before we were honoured and privileged to see the return of CAPTAIN JAAAAAAAAAACK. Jackie Polo wearing the exact attire he had on the night he beat Lionheart at the Barras. Does that mean something?  The seed was there, and after some lovely wrestling from Scotlands BEEEEEEST, and the eliminations of Sam Barbour and Jordan Devlin, Jackie Polo stood in the middle of the ring and waited for the adulation from the masses. In the very building he captivated for a shade under 3 hours with that This Is Your Life segment. With all the memories of that feud rushing to the forefront once again, the next entrant could only be one. Number 20. Lionheart.

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Even after years of both men becoming something quite different to what they were when they had that match 3 years ago. Jackie conquering the tag divison with his best pal Mark Coffey, while Lionheart re-invented himself with a brilliant reign with the Zero-G when they came face to face again it was as if they’d never been apart. A deep seeded hatred that both display very differently. Polo decided to roll out of the ring and wore that dismissive smile on his face, as if Lionheart was a nobody. Not worth his time. Something that serves to wind up not only Lionheart himself, but the audience who were gasping to see them leather each other. Lionheart eliminated Kay Lee Ray (who had been cutting about on the outside for a while now getting sly digs in, somehow still holding that leather strap) and Big Grizz before the next entrant was revealed to be Ravie Davie. 

Davie came in all guns blazing, chucking big fists at Iestyn and mad kicks at Jackie Polo but Ravie Davie is preoccupied to say the least. Constantly tormented by the image of his burd turning on him and joining forces with his nemesis while he plummets from 20 feet in the air through a table. In a way Bram stealing her kinda makes him destroying their wedding a bit romantic eh. This one wasn’t just because he heavy loves piledriving burds on to cakes, this one was for love. This one was for the noble pursuit of winning the fair maiden’s heart and perhaps seeing if she can take more than 3 and a hauf fing….I mean eh….dates….he’s gonnae take her out on nice dates. Point is, Bram showed up, closely followed by Martina and they decided to sit at the entrance and winch, providing enough of a distraction for Iestyn Rees to pap Davie out before he set off to immediately attack the happy couple. I mean if ye think about it that makes them even does it not? Bram broke their wedding up and Davie broke up their Square Go winching sesh. Call it even and move on? No. Nae worries. Next up, with the crate of lager was Aaron Echo.

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Upon drinking the last one and a half cans of lager in the crate Simon Cassidy revealed that “Aaron Echo’s weapon had been eliminated” which could either be referring to the lager or Yamaguchi San fae Kai-en-tai making his long-awaited return to wrestling to relieve Echo of his manhood (if ye don’t get that reference, google Val Venis and “choppy choppy your pee pee”) filled with the kind of bravado only a full crate of lager can give a man, Echo leaned in to plant on one his best pal Kenny Williams but after getting the knockback that a man with a crate of lager in him will get almost all of the time, he decided to pick his pal up and spin him about instead. Knocking down everyone within a 10 mile radius in the process.

Mark Coffey entered net and at number 23 you could see The Power Forward winning it all. If this Square Go was all about planting future seeds and setting things in motion for the year, Mark Coffey in main event situations should be a seed that’s very much getting planted. Him and Jackie came face to face in what was briefly a tense moment before they joined forces to eliminate big Iestyn. Polo Promotions are best fuckin pals. In real life, in wrestling, probably in the afterlife if there is one. Although I imagine if there is, it’s just a bunch of folk watching Larsson’s chip from the 6-2 game on a loop and going “fuckin some finish eh!” enthusiastically. They were never going to have a big fall out and split traditionally although all signs indicate that they’ll be doing their singles things for a while. That fact became very apparent when Lionheart floored Coffey with a superkick and suddenly, Polo had no quick escape. It was finally happening. Renfrew and Whiplash had other ideas and once again the big showdown was postponed. Long enough for Viper to enter next.

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She made short work of pretty much everyone. Chucking them about in the form of a variety of suplexes and splashes before almost tossing Mikey Whiplash out. Whiplash eventually did see his involvement by the next entrant a certain Jody Fleisch who’d he’d be wrestling in a singles match the very next night. Fleisch was then faced with a moral quandary as he stood face to face with Viper, seemingly with nae choice but to throw hands at her despite his definite reluctance to do so. Someone who had absolutely no reluctance to do so was Joseph Conners, who set about everyone with a chair leaving him one on one with Viper right up until DCT entered to be the knight in a polka-dotted singlet that every girl dreams of marrying one day. Her knight did save her, but Conners used his sheer rage against him, as he chucked Viper in to his path when he was getting ready to hit Conners with the chair. In the momentary daze of confusion, Conners papped DCT out a lot quicker than he would have envisioned, although Viper did gain a degree of vengeance for her man by dumping Conners out quickly after,leading to DCT chasing Conners to the back after he’d jumped back in to crack his wife with a chair. Understandable reaction to a man who’s last three actions in ICW have been spitting in your face, dumping you out the Square Go a minute after entering, and smacking your missus over the back with a big slate of steel.

Next up was Leyton Buzzard who is one of the most entertaining new talents in ICW today. His undying allegiance to Joe Hendry and all the hilarity that comes from it is some of the best shit going in the company right now. With Chris Renfrew set up in the corner there was only one way for Buzzard to make his entrance. Coast to coast styleeeee…..he called it and went for it, but he landed barely halfway across the ring before Renfrew picked him up and suddenly it was time for the second last entrant to make him (or her) self known. It was STEEEEEEVIE BOOOOOOY. The man with all the momentum and one pundits were calling a heavy favourite to win the whole thing 😉

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Stevie might have expected a wee bit of a clearer ring when he entered but sometimes dealing with a dirty ring is part and parcel of the job innit. He set out to clear it a bit when he shoved Viper out, before ducking a big boot from Echo and watching him fly over the top rope in what could only be described as a self elimination. It had been over 20 minutes since the big man’s last can so understandably he felt it was time to bail out. That left the picture a wee bit clearer for the man with the ultimate advantage. Entrant number 30, Joe Hendry. Who furthered his advantage by setting up a chair on the stage and deciding only to enter when the time was right. He only slid in there when Jody Fleisch was in a precarious position. Easing him out the equation before dishing out Fallaway Slam’s to everyone in his path. Literally everyone in the ring had taken one, until Lionheart reversed it and tossed Hendry out. Ultimate advantage, but ultimately he ended up out on his arse.

Jackie Polo eliminated Renfrew shortly after that, although he had lasted over an hour in what was a titanic effort. Suddenly we had a final 5 made up of guys who had not only never won the Square Go before, but guys who had never won the ICW World Title either. This was a Square Go not only about setting things in motion for the present but also a nod towards how the future was going to play out. All 5 were ICW guys, some of whom had literally grown up in the company and one of them was going to win it all, but before that was decided it finally happened. This time there was no one to stop them and for the first time since one of the most bitterly contested wrestling matches in British wrestling history, Jackie Polo and Lionheart were about to fight.

SqGoLhJpolo.jpgIt was brief but beautiful. They flung hands at each other with reckless abandon, each punch marginally stiffer than the one before it. Polo nailed a scoop slam, Hearto a superkick. More jabs. More hatred trickling from every pore. They still fucking hate each other make nae mistake about that.  Sometimes in life there are people you just don’t take to. Some people just aren’t your kind of people and that’s fine. We can’t all like everyone, but these two can’t just comfortably dislike one and other from afar. Not forever anyway. It was always going to happen again and IF it is a match at Barramania it will blow the previous one out the water. They are both just far too good at this for it to be anything but brilliant and its a match that needs to happen to close that chapter of their careers. It has always felt like unfinished business, although their business for the night was swiftly finished as Mark Coffey and Stevie Boy took advantage of a brief lull in their fist fight to chuck them both out. Coffey obviously throwing Lionheart out and Stevie throwing Polo out because that being the other way about would be the end of the world as we knew it.

That brought us to the final three of Mark Coffey, Kenny Williams and Stevie Boy. All outstanding wrestlers who have conquered so many other areas that this was the only one left.  The pursuit of the big one. All three absolutely have valid claims for a spot at the very top and for my money (I’ve nane but lets kid on) all three WILL get there in the not so distant future but there could be only one, and only one had the troops as his disposal to lend a helping hand.

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The Grand Finale

Kenny and Mark looked like they’d formed a brief alliance to toss Stevie out but Stevie was wise to it and got out the road fast. A near elimination for Kenny was thwarted when he jumped back in to the ring in the form of a spear before him and Mark shook hands and laid into each other with a flurry of forearms. Despite their eliminations earlier in the night, the rest of The Filthy Generation had their say in the final moments. There’s nae rules at the end of the day and if you’ve got a team at your disposal in a situation like this, use it. Kenny found himself on the apron and Kay Lee Ray rushed out with a steel chair in hand, chucking it right at his coupon and sending him crashing out.

Three of the very best young talents this country has ever produced had become two and it was a beautiful sight. Two guys who have been long overdue this ascension to the top finally getting their time. Kenny’s time will come, and the chip on his shoulder that will come from this injustice will add a bit of edge to his character so overall as much as it wont have felt like it at the time that steel chair rung his bell, it was a good night for him and he lasted over an hour in the match. It looked like Coffey had won it when he tossed Stevie over the top ropes but the Kings Of Catch still had their role to play. Grabbing Stevie’s legs and helping him back in the ring before all three were banished from ringside to leave it a fair fight to the finish. Power Forward vs King Of Insanity. Two future icons if they aren’t already. Here we fuckin go.

They battered each other on the apron, both swaying like they felt stone cold sober in the pub but as soon as they got outside they had suddenly become the most steaming guy on planet earth. After a brief but pulsating battle Stevie lifted Mark Coffey over the top rope on to the apron before throwing everything but the kitchen sink at the solid big cunt. Nothing would do the job. Flying kick, drop kick, Stevie’s internal screams of “gonna just fuckin get oot!” finally a steel chair shot to the napper got the job done and STEVIE BOY had become your 2018 Square Go winner. 

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If the Square Go is any sort of indicator as to how the year is going to go for ICW its going to be a fuckin stormer. Polo and Lionheart back at it. All of the guys who’ve been talked about as potential stars of the future turning that potential into some real tangible success. The final stages said it all. Full of ICW guys who have worked the hardest and longest to get to the top, getting their just rewards. Mark Coffey will be a top guy this year and hopefully has some belting matches with Stevie as a result of how this wound up but as of right now, to put it in his own words, Stevie has one of the biggest independent wrestling companies in the world “by the fucking balls” and its a buzz to see where its all going to go. The immediate future appears to be a showdown with a guy he’s been in many battles with before, both as a team-mate and opponent. His former NAK brother in arms and the current top dog. A certain mental case named BT Gunn who popped out to show Stevie he’s no feart. Any match between these two is bound to be brilliant but for the Undisputed Title? Aff the scale mate. Glasgow will burn to the ground in the wake of the brand of super violence they bring to the table. 

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Massive thank you to David J Wilson for the wonderful photos as per usual

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Top 20 Folk Who Might Win The 2018 Square Go

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The data’s been analysed. Theories have been organised from most likely to least likely. Win percentages cross referenced with height and age, and all of that thrown in a pot to produce this here article. I can now reveal the 13 men most statistically likely to win the 2018 Square Go.

Or this is a lot of speculative shite about a wrestling show. Ye know. Either/or. Who really gives a fuck? Why 20 guys? Why no just do all 30? Why anything?

Mikey Whiplash

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Won the first Square Go I seen with my own two eyes after a helluva battle in the final two with Jack Jester and went on to become the man to usurp Red Lightning as ICW Champion. Had a stormer of a match with Jordan Devlin recently as well. One of the best matches I’ve seen live in a long time. That would make it seem like hes hot on form, but wrestling is pre-determined and form is of little consequence. I predict he’ll enter early and be in it a long time. Or maybe he’ll enter late and be in it a short time. Its aw guesswork.

Odds – 30-1

Ravie Davie 

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If Bram wins the title in his match with BT Gunn we could very well see Davie boy do it. Had a gallant effort in their last year and definitely isnae a stranger to a bit of a Square Go so you never know. If him and Zander are both in it they need to form an alliance quick and avoid aw the big bastards that will no doubt be in it but Divers won it one year mate. Anything’s possible.

Odds – 30-1

Iestyn Rees

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An absolute Adonis of a man and now he has the first ever Square Go winner and former ICW Champion Red Lightning behind him, he could be the dark horse to win the whole thing. Tall muscular dudes tend to be favourites for battle royales going in after all. I mind watching the 94 Rumble and commentators heavy bigging Adam Bomb up then he got papped out within 2 minutes of going in so aye. Adam Bomb wont win it, but big Iestyn might. At the very least he’ll pap a few folk out and establish himself as a big time factor in the new year.

Odds – 30-1

Kenny Williams

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Beat Rey Mysterio at The Hydro in a five-star performance and has conquered the Zero-G Division so a serious push at the big belt has to be on the horizon for the bollocks. Also has his big pal Aaron Echo in there and they might team up to eliminate aw sorts of cunts Diesel and Shawn Michaels style. He’s definitely due a re-match with BT Gunn after losing the Zero-G to him but Kenny winning it makes sense and making sense is important in wrestling. It’s no like anyones ever gave birth to a hand or any mad shit like that. All serious business so it is.

Odds – 30-1

Mark Coffey

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Seeing Mark Coffey win the Square Go would be an unmatched buzz but there a huge dose of the fear about this since Rampage and Asthon won they belts. Right before the Square Go. A match where its every man for themselves and both members of Polo Promotions will most likely enter? Aw nut. Please no. I’m not ready to see them fight. It was hard enough seeing Mark and Joe fight each other, but not the Polo Promotions brethren. I hope they both enter early, work together to eliminate everyone and when it comes down to they two, they simultaneously eliminate themselves and BOTH win the Square Go. Like Lex Luger and Bret Hart both winning the 94 Rumble because they completely avoided the camera angle that showed whose feet touched the ground first.

Odds – 60-2

Jackie Polo

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Polo Promotions have become such a fixture in the tag division that folk seem to forget how much of a big deal they were as individuals. Jackie Polo vs Lionheart sold out the Barrowlands before anything else was announced. Jackie Polo vs Mark Dallas had the whole Garage captivated, watching Jackie turn battering his boss into some kind of artform. Not quite in the Stone Cold mould of bedpans over but he brutally dissected the ICW owner before a string of hauners helped Dallas overcome. Point is, Polo Promotions are wonderful and should never split, but don’t write off the possibility of one of them winning it. If that can happen without any friction between the two occurring its a win-win.

Odds – 60-2

Chris Renfrew

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Won it twice before (sorta, he won Divers briefcase so it’s basically the same thing) and he’s not under anyone’s spell anymore so why the fuck no Renfrew? His two Square Go cash-ins were two of the most memorable matches in ICW history after all. One big obstacle standing in front of him winning it is being Santa Claus cause that’s a full time concern really. Sorting out presents for literally every living being in the world. That’s no a job ye can phone in is it. His promo after knocking 70 shades of shite out of Leyton Buzzard was his best work on the mic for a long time. The fire still burns. He wants that shiny belt back.

Odds – 30-1

Stevie Boy

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I read a thing earlier that really convinced me he might win it. Guy seemed to know what he was on about. Really done his homework. Definitely a favourite.  😉

Odds – 30-1

Lewis Girvan

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Lewis Girvan is very good. Good enough to be beating the likes of recent WWE signee Ricochet at the Hydro a year and a bit ago. That win should have been the launching pad for him to be a big time factor as a singles wrestler but the path he’s gone down since is something else. Something different. Part of a brilliant tag team who seem to improve with every match and also part of a stable running riot through ICW right now and it suits him. He wears that wee nasty streak well. Don’t see him or Aspen actually winning it but they may very well be very big factors in someone else winning it.

Odds – 30-1

Aspen Faith

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Love this photo cause they all look heavy raging at whoever’s taking it. Like how dare you photograph us when we’ve aw just got our hair heavy wet and pulled it over our faces? The very cheek of it. Aspen was another who flitted in and out a bit of ICW on the Spacebaws shows and whatnot so undoubtedly its his career that’s benefited the most from the emergence of the Kings Of Catch and them joining up with Stevie and Kay Lee. Very good wrestler, nae doubt him and Lewig Girvan will scoop up the tag titles at some point down the line if they keep going the way they are. He probably won’t win this but if him and Lewis Girvan draw numbers close together they’ll be hard to shift.

Odds – 30-1

Tor Atterhagen

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An absolute unit of a boay. Has done nothing but wreck cunts since his debut. That would suggest he has a good chance. Know what else him being a big baldy tree wae a beard would suggest? Fuck getting on the wrong side of him. Fuck doing things like calling him a big baldy tree wae a beard. That’s just asking for bother so it is. Might not actually win it but he seems magnetically drawn to throwing Divers about like wet washin so he may at the very least eliminate Divers in a hugely inventive, really sare fashion. His elimination will probably be all the folk he battered at the end of the last Fight Club taping teaming up and high fiving after he goes out while he mentally assassinates them all.

Odds – 120-4

Wolfgang

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Lost the title at this event last year in a brilliant match with Trent Seven then entered the Square Go and made it to the final two. that’s what’s known in pro wrestling as “an absolute cunt ae a shift” Had the year of his career last year and it couldn’t have happened to a better guy really. He’s also a guy who’s been at the very highest level for a long time, its just that more folk are starting to notice. That’s what happens when yer moonsaulting, powerbombing and swan-tonning all over yer WWE Network.

Odds – 30-1

Aaron Echo

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If he’s gonnae win it all he can’t be doing shit like the mad behaviour pictured above. Being able to clear the top rope isnae actually an advantage in this situation but big echo has been knocking down the door for ages and a match like this is where a man like him has his career made. Even if he doesn’t win it a solid shift that has the commentator reminding how long he’s been in every 5 minutes is what you’re after. Carving out a wee niche for himself as the guy who turns up a wee bit late so he might draw an early number and just saunter out last no giving a monkeys. Where in the rules does it state that the performer actually has to come out when his number’s called? Naeplace. I personally read the rulebook cover to cover to make sure this is indeed a fact.

Odds – 30-1

Sha Samuels

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As with big Echo, if Sha takes the photo above as some kind of instruction manual rather than a cautionary tale, big man’s got nae chance. He’ll have Sha-saulted himself clean out the picture. Keep that weapon in the holster for this yin big yin. He’s stated that his intention if he wins is to bend the rules a bit (mind ive just read the rulebook, so this is coming from a place of great knowledge) and cash in for a shot at the tag titles with Jaaaaaaack but what if Jaaaaaaaaack beats Jimmy Storm and goes on to win the belt on Monday night? Well the Kinky Party throw hands? Do kinky parties usually involve folk doing stuff to each other with their hands? I dunno mate. Never been to one, but I hear there’s a lot of slappin involved. As much as I think Stevie’s the favourite and all that, I promise ye, if Sha is the last man standing I’ll tan a ten deck of Tennents Lager in the one go and go streaking down Sauchiehall Street screamin “EAST!” in everycunts face. Thats a promise.

Odds – 30-1

DCT

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Recently scooped up his first main singles belt when he won the Reckless Intent Title and that’s fucking superb so it is. DCT is one of our own. A wee secret almost. Tucked away up here doing his thing very very well. Winning the Square Go would almost be like revealing him to the world. Look at this mad charismatic bastard. You can keep yer mad choreographed dance routine flip contests. Give me DCT going to war with the likes of Joseph Conners and Renfrew aw day long. Is that a way of saying DCT is better than Will Ospreay? You can draw your own conclusions as the reader but ask yourself this, can Will Ospreay even grow a tache? Probably not. DCT has to shave every 45 minutes to keep the tache from re-emerging on his glorious coupon to go with that glorious singlet. Know what other accessory would go nice with both tache and singlet? A wee briefcase with a very important contract in it.

Odds – 30-1

Kid Fite

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Much like the Filthy Generation the Fite Network are a squad. A unit. A team that understands teamwork above all else will help them prevail. The thing is, every team has a captain. A snarling leader on and off the pitch who represents the team’s interests. Someone who leads the charge. That leader in this case is Kid Fite. Had a cracking feud with Wolfgang after Wolfys feud with Liam Thomson was unfortunately cut short due to the bold yin’s injury. Really good matches while they both used the platform to elevate the up and coming tag teams who came from their respective schools.

Odds – 30-1

Lou King Sharp

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I think it was the 2015 Square Go he had a cracking run? He was in it for a while and when he was tossed out at one point the crowd caught him and sent him back in. It was all very lovely but that was back when he was giving it the underdog patter. Now? Yer man’s a thug. Making up for his size disadvantage by giving off the air of man who would stab ye for the rest of yer McChicken Sandwich. If he’s stab ye for fast food, just think what he might do to win the Square Go. Him, Fito and Kreiger will be hoping to draw numbers close together so they can make the dream work via some top quality team work. Might not actually win it but he’ll be heavy entertaining as he always is. Good to see him back in amongst it at least after a couple of years of dipping in at out of ICW.

Odds – 30-1

Krieger

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Love big Krieger. Very likeable big guy. I know that’s not what the Fite Network are going for but charisma is charisma mate. Can’t be contained. Self proclaimed as having the most underrated arse in Scottish Wrestling. Know what helps get peoples arses the respect and admiration they deserve? Winning the Square Go. Winning the ICW World Title. Becoming one of the most recogniseable arses in wrestling. He might not do it this year but he’s a guy ye could easily see doing it one day. Lazer sharp focus. Eye of the Krieger locked in. It’s all there for the big man. Feel like I’m just saying words now so I’ll end it by calling him a big ride. So aye. Krieger’s a big ride.

Odds – 30-1

Joe Hendry

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When he revealed the WCPW Title on an ICW show and declared “I’m the Prestigious One!” it was such an emphatic, bold move. I never saw it going down the road it has. It’s brilliantly entertaining and his alliance with Leyton Buzzard has brought a very talented young performer into sharp focus so that’s good but in Joe’s case, he needs something like this. If he’s still dead set of taking all the titles, he needs a strong Square Go. A winning Square Go. One strategy that might work is him tossing Clayton as anyone who comes near him but I imagine chucking him at big Tor will be akin to a fly landing on you and me.

Odds – 30-1

Lionheart

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Lionheart’s seemingly a full-blown good guy now. Imagine someone told ye that just over a year ago. You’d think they’d taken some heavy good gear and you’d immediately enquire as to where you can source some of said gear, but since the Joe Hendry feud folk have slowly but surely came around to the idea the Hearto’s the fuckin man. His work over the past two years certainly warrants him winning this and it would be a buzz if he did. The ICW Title is the only one missing from his own Grand Slam bid (of Scottish heavyweight titles, not the ICW grand slam) and beating the only current grand slam holder to get it would be a poetic sorta thing. Goes in full of belief, so if you’re the owner of one of they taps he had with “Believe” on it and you believe in Lionheart’s bid to win it all, wear the tap mate. Represent. There’s no need to hide you’re allegiances now. Big man is and out and proud good yin and 2018 might be Mad Leon’s time.

Odds – 30-1

So in conclusion, everycunt might win it. It’s a battle royal. Maybe it’ll be none of these cunts? Joe Coffey could come from nowhere and make his big comeback to win it for the second year running. Grado might blow the roof aff the joint and win it all. Finally avenging Renfrew snatching the 2014 Square Go from his clutches. Its aw guesswork. Get a high stakes sweep on the go with yer pals where everyone chucks their car keys in and the winner wins everycunts motor. 30 motors. One for every day of the month. Any months wae 31 days ye take the bus on the 31st. Enjoy the show. Square Go is always a belter.

 

(PS…Stevie’s winnin it but xxxxooooxxx)

Stevie Boy – The King Who Would Be Champ

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When Simon Cassidy blew the proverbial half-time whistle at the last ICW Fight Club taping, nothing significant was supposed to happen for the next 15 minutes or so. It was time for a pish, maybe a fag, even a drink at the bar, a wee catch-up with a fellow wrestling loving pal. It wasn’t time for someone to officially take the mantle as the undisputed Da. That’s exactly what Stevie Boy done at that show when he sauntered out with his stablemates Aspen Faith and Lewis Girvan in tow and told the crowd the meet and greet with a hardcore icon they were promised at the last show would finally be delivered. The last show was the scene of Stevie Boy’s win over ECW legend and when he took to the mic afterwards, he (for the lack of a more accurate term) heavy wound the mad cunt up. To the point that he was chucking chairs with reckless abandon and wondering what one of these almost identical hairy deviants had dared to call him a “piece of shit”. It was Stevie mate, and what of it? What Sabu didn’t know when he was taking a mad ragey was that he was living up to his lofty reputation and being homicidal, suicidal and death-defying all at once by taking on the don. The leader of The Filthy Generation. Stevie ‘effin Boay.

I’m not entirely sure if Stevie’s intention that night was to have Sabu thirsting to legitimately murder him, but how he handled it is a big part of the reason he’s correctly no longer seen as someone who might be ready for the top one of these days. Instead he’s now seen as someone who can get there now. He’s mixed it with the very best in the ring and produced stunning wrestling matches but we’ve known he can do that part for a long time. He’s gradually gone from someone who had never been near a mic to a guy who is one of the very best in the country on it. The only ingredient missing to make a champion is belief. Swagger. Knowing that you are one of the best, and carrying yourself like you are THE best. The one and only. When Stevie pissed off a legend to the point that he basically flushed money down the pan by refusing to do his meet and greet that took baws. Big ol cojones. But to come out at the next show and tell the crowd they WOULD get their opportunity to meet a hardcore legend and that legend was HIM. Basically scooping up Sabu’s potential earnings from his meet and greet and sticking them in his own back pocket. That’s the very definition of swagger. That’s how a hardcore icon handles his business. That’s how a CHAMPION handles his business. That’s a man who can and very well might win a certain over the top rope battle royal happening on Sunday. The show is named after his favourite hobby after all. A right good Square Go.

The King Of Insanity

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The King Of Insanity match at The Hydro might not have been a style to everyone in the world’s taste but any wrestling fan with a basic understanding of ICW and wrestling in general would have got just what a monumental thing it was for Stevie to win that. In there with three men more experienced and accomplished in that style of match. Two former ICW Champions in Mikey Whiplash and Chris Renfrew and the longest reigning Progress Champion ever in Jimmy Havoc. Esteemed company and not only did he win the match, he done it by taking all three of the men in it out one by one. There was no sneaky pin after someone else had done the body-ing, yer man straight up bodied all three of them on his own. Renfrew put through the stage. Havoc incapacitated by being tied to the ropes and Mikey Whiplash Canadian destroyer off a fucking ladder all the way to hell. Last year’s Hydro show was excellent from end to end, but the fact that Stevie Boy and BT Gunn both had career defining nights made it feel a bit more special. A pair who have been seen as almost undervalued in the past, on a collision course to the very top. Now BT Gunn has all the belts and his former stablemate/best mate/protege is on a homicidal rampage, it seems like only a matter of time before they face each other again in an ICW ring. Sunday night may dictate both the circumstances of that face off and what’s at stake when it happens.

As much as Stevie most likely took great pride in winning the King Of Insanity match in the fashion he did, he is the leader of The Filthy Generation mate. None of them are lo-rider driving technical wizards called Eddie but they will lie, cheat and steal at any opportunity and having a shot at the big one to be cashed in any time he fuckin likes will be something hugely appealing to a violent opportunist like Stevie Boy. He’s probably already pricing shotguns right now so he can shoot whoever holds the gold right in the belly. Keeping them breathing just long enough for the 1,2,3 before watching the life slowly drain from their eyes. The Square Go being on the horizon is almost poetic. With an army at his disposal now and the prospect of entering the match with a weapon (perhaps the aforementioned shotgun), on the hot streak of his career. The stars seem to be aligning for the former Bucky Boy to become the Bucky MAN. I mean eh….the former ned to kill the competion DED. I mean eh……Stevie’s gonnae win the fuckin Square Go mate. Deal with it.

Teamwork makes the dream work

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While Stevie definitely has all the tools to add his name to the illustrious list of Square Go winners, that doesn’t necessarily make him the favourite on its own. Not when Lionheart, Mikey Whiplash, Kenny Williams, Aaron Echo, Mark Coffey, Jackie Polo, Chris Renfrew, Iestyn Rees, Sha Samuels and the like are involved and have their own very particular set of skills. Skills they’ve gathered over many years in wrestling. One thing that very well might edge Stevie in front of the competition is the troops. The team. His own personal squadron of scumbags. His chances of winning it greatly increase when Lewis Girvan and Aspen Faith are on his side and more importantly, understand their roles. They are both very good and would be more than capable of becoming ICW Champion in their own right if they won the Square Go, but when they aligned with Stevie and accepted filth as a lifestyle, they bought into something bigger than themselves. Their involvement and potential alliance with Stevie within the match isn’t just an advantage for Stevie himself. It’s an advantage for The Filthy Generation as a unit. Kay Lee might even be involved too (not completely sure if she’s still in Japan or not) and if that’s the case, try stopping the mad cunts, but for Lewis Girvan and Aspen Faiths part, they need to understand that helping Stevie win is helping The Filthy Generation take over. Stevie with the Square Go briefcase. The Kings going after the tag titles. Kay Lee Ray no doubt having her eye on the womens title. The Square Go isn’t about self-interest on this occasion. Buying in to the “every man for himself” mentality is counter productive. Team up, pap cunts out, and you hold the keys to the castle. A licence to ambush and batter fuck out of whoever might hold the title at any given time. The lunatics literally running the Asylum. Fuck.

The Best Laid Plans Of Mice And Filthy Bastards

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While Stevie’s hot on form and everything seems just right for him going in. It’s the fuckin Square Go. Unpredictability is what makes it my personal favourite show of the year and one of the highlights on the UK wrestling calendar, so even if there’s a plan in place, Stevie still might not win the Square Go. That’s the nature of the beast and a testament to the strength of the field going in to the match but one thing that’s absolutely certain is that the man is ready. The apprenticeship has been served. He is no longer under the learning tree of anycunt. Now folk look up to him and rightly so. He has been one of the best wrestlers in Scotland for several years, but the evidence of the last few months of 2017 and the first few months of 2018 would suggest that Stevie himself believes that now. He is no longer a prospect. No longer a good tag wrestler with potential. No longer talented but maybe not imposing enough to be a top guy. Any fault you could possibly find in his arsenal is gone and all that remains is a maniac with the biggest set of baws in the company. Maybe the world. In a match that requires you to be more than a wee bit mental to win it all, surely that gives him a fighting chance at the very least. Then again who needs a fighting chance when you have a whole generation of mad murderous bastards at your disposal?

Thanks to David j Wilson as usual for the wonderful photos

A Review Of ICW Fear And Loathing AT THE HYDRO

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To run The Hydro once is quite a feat. I mean its big int it. Proper big. Big enough that if you fired some grass in the middle, Nottingham Forest could use it for home games. That’s big time right there. They filmed RAW in there last year for god sake! A real episode of RAW where we had all our Noam’s well and truly Darred. Prince had a gig in there. Even the Mrs Browns Boys team had a wee look before deeming it too small to contain the amount of dribbling numpties that would pay to see that shite but they’re ta cheats so fuck them. To run it once as a Scottish wrestling company is the stuff dreams are made of, but to run it twice? That’s making it. That’s showing it wasn’t some mad fluke, and it didnae just happen because Dallas rubbed a lamp really hard and got three wishes. It happened because a lot of hard work went in to building something that could run a venue like this. Whether you love, hate or are completely indifferent to ICW that has to earn respect. ICW made dreams come true, then a year later they made them come true again. Next year the dream gets bigger. Fuck Hampden, Ibrox and Celtic Park. ICW’s runnin the Nou Camp! 110k, and the rest can watch ootside on a big screen. A wee holiday into the bargain. Nah? Too far??

We opened with Dallas, Sweeney, Toal and Scott Reid introducing us to the show. Dallas giving us a wee history lesson of ICW before introducing none other than Kevin Nash to the ring. Big Nash is the coolest wrestler to ever exist if he’s nothing else, and still stoats about like he has not a care in the world. When you’re 7 feet tall and sexier than a bag of Chris Hemsworths in yer 50s, there’s really not a lot to be worried about. He was buzzin that he could say fuck, and told anyone who fancies getting out of line that they’d get smacked with a steel chair. Anyone unhappy with him being announced as the commissioner for this year’s show surely must have been placated by this declaration because that’s the job in a nutshell really. Anyone starts acting up. Chair to the napper. Job’s a good yin.

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The show blew last year’s out the water, but don’t take my word for it, take my several words about it that will appear below. Or you could watch it on demand I suppose, but who has 3 hours to watch a show when you could spend 5 hours reading a review about it. Aye ok…here’s a link for on demand. Sorry for wasting yer time. https://icwondemand.pivotshare.com/

To those still with us, welcome. First up, everyone’s two favourite things, ladders and Bram!

Aaron Echo vs Kid Fite vs Bram vs Joe Hendry vs Jodie Fleisch vs Ravie Davie vs DCT (Ladder match for the ICW Undisputed Title Number One contendership)

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Ravie Davie secured his place in the match by being the most mental bastard in Glesga on Saturday night and doing a blockbuster off the balcony in The Garage on his way to beating Bram. A lot of people vocally don’t like Bram, and fair enough, if its Bram the wrestler you protest against that’s your opinion, but he’s very good at his job (that’s my opinon). Folk like DCT and Davie have had career shaping moments because of the red hoat fire Bram brings to the ring with him. His evil brings the best version of their good to the forefront. Ravie Davie was last to enter and met by an angered Bram, who at this point had an 0-2 record against a wee guy fae Govan chasing a dream. Raging so he was. They battled about a bit, and Aaron Echo done a beautiful big Undertaker dive, much like the dive him and big Iestyn performed in stereo last year. With that, the ladder match was off and…eh…climbing I guess. Cause ladders.dctjodie

DCT (as seen above having the fuckin time of his life clearly) plonked a ladder on his heid and spun around to take all other competitors out the game, before him and Davie took shots each of jabbing their mutual foe Bram, as Bram spat literal fire in frustration, burning both their eyebrows off in the process. Hunners of low blows followed, including one from the formerly wholesome Joe Hendry. Fully embracing his role as a bad yin and rounding off a succession of fallaway slams with one on a ladder to Kid Fite. Jody Fleisch hit a fucking beautiful moonsault off a massive ladder on to everyone, reminding everyone he’s still stupidly good at wrestling and apparently suicidal moonsaults off big massive ladders.

With bodies scattered about, Fear and Loathing’s most prolific performer saw his plan shoot into action. Lou King Sharp and Krieger emerged to tip the odds in Fito’s favour and got a few digs in before The Purge followed to take them out the equation. The Purge had nae dug in this race so god knows whit their ploblem was but the whole thing not working out sadly meant the end of Kid Fite’s attempt to make his 10th Fear and Loathing his most successful one. A shame, him winning would have been a well deserved feat for a man who has been a big part of ICW as a performer and nurturer of talent for the entirety of its existence but the story of who wins this yin was never meant to be a fairytale. It wasn’t going to be DCT with a career making win on the big stage. Jody Fleisch wasn’t going to do it for the old school warriors who do it better than the whole generation they inspired. Aaron Echo wasn’t going to achieve an accolade that matches his boundless potential. Joe Hendry wasn’t going to take a significant step in becoming a prestigious champ who won’t say fuck or bugger. But maybe it could be Ravie Davie. Maybe he just had the level of mental it would take to out mental the rest. Maybe the boy fae the scheme could achieve that dream. The big one. A title shoat on a big show.

He battled up a big ladder with Bram on a nearby ladder, and decided jumping aff a balcony the night before wasn’t enough. Big spear off the ladder. A move that Edge will tell ye is an entirely regrettable decision on everyone’s part, but still looks mighty impressive.That gave Hendry the opening to win the belt but instead of climbing the ladder, he sent Leyton Buzzard up to get it, only for him to get unceremoniously skanted by Coach Trip. That left DCT with the opening, only to be thwarted by Jody Fleisch and with everyone else taken out, up went Davie for his destiny. Davie for the absolute moment of his career. 2-0 against Bram and the number one contender, thats whits happnin troops! Until it wisnae what was happenin at all troops. It took a turn. Martina and Davie’s cousin Zander burst out to help their man get there. Knowing a lot of good is required to counteract the face melting evil known as Bram.

One of them was up to nae good though. One of them had come to the dark side. Martina took a character defining can and smashed it over Zander’s head, before helping Bram ease a shattered Davie off the top of a ladder, all the way to a table on the outside. Breaking his heart, and probably his entire body in the one go. Bram sauntered up the ladder to grab the briefcase and earn himself a tile shot while his manager Red Lightning celebrated in his own special way. Jumping out with reckless abandon like a Da who’s just watched his team score the winner against their biggest rivals in the last minute. No one does wild celebrations quite like Red. Unbridled jubliation. Fuck-in-YASSSS.

Bram’s yer number one contender. Took Davie’s title shot and his missus in the process. Now despite having a 2-0 singles record against Bram, you want to see Davie smash him more than ever before right? Exactly.

Bird and Boar (w/Iestyn Rees) vs Polo Promotions – ICW Tag Team Title Match

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When Bird and Boar first took the tag titles from Polo Promotions it felt….eerie. There was almost a stunned silence in Newcastle that night, as if folk were looking at eachother wondering if it had actually happened. At that point they were still building a reputation in ICW and that win for the patriarchs of the ICW tag division was so vital in them being where they were heading in to this one. That win made them go from decent contenders you could count on for a good match to ruthless champions. Holding on to the titles for 8 months, growing more menacing and more Welsh as fuck with each passing month. Getting to The Hydro as champions was an achievement all on its own but this wasn’t for them. They weren’t the home team at The Hydro. They played a huge part in this being a brilliant feud and this match alone being a very good wrestling match, but this wasn’t their night. This was every single bit of that frustration that has been bubbling in Jackie and Mark since they lost those titles all those months ago coming out in the form of wrestling moves. Wrestling moves that would be combined in a fashion with one goal in mind. Get what they consider to be their property back, and become the THREE TIME tag team champions. Legends.

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Iestyn Rees was immediately banned from ringside, and while he was getting super raging about it, got hit with the best 3D The Hydro has ever seen 😉 For fans of big Iestyn, its sound. He’d have his moment. Despite the 3D start, it was Bird and Boar who dominated early. Isolating Mark Coffey and scudding him with all sorts of forearms. That’s proved an effective tactic, as they’ve clearly recognised the only guy who can stop Mark Coffey is two guys. They fired in with all that lovely double team stuff they do, Bird whipping Boar into the corner in the former of a cannonball before Jackie got in to take the Welshies to Scooplex City. More scoops than that Celtic Christmas party where Bobby Petta got the jail for flahsin a waitress in Jumpin Jaks. He followed the scoops up with a gorgeous bridging Northern Lights suplex, before the boaysies combined for a double back suplex. Poetry in best pal tag team motion. In about it.

Coffey had Bird and Boar where he wanted them as he unleashed mad jabs and chops, but you don’t get to be champions for the better part of a year without being a bit good. They hit one of the best double team moves out there today in Mrs Pattersons Revenge, a move that has put away everyone who’s taken it before but not the Polos. Not on this night. Up went Coffey’s shoulder to everyones astonishment, and the game continued. Next goal wins. They all jabbed, chopped and forearmed each other daft, before Bird and Boar got on top again. This time when Bird sent boar into the corner towards Polo, Jackie moved and the opening was there. Polo has the Rings of Saturn locked in on Bird but had spotted Boar going up top to break it up and moved just in time to see Boar splash Bird. It was time. The Old Man Of Hoy was hit moments later and your favourite, ma favourite, evdy’s favourite tag team had scooped up the gold for a third time.

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Iestyn Rees didn’t give them even a millisecond to enjoy it though. Out he came to leather the champs like a big greetin faced baby because his besties couldn’t get it done without his statuesque hauners. Big Kev told yees earlier he wasn’t having it and out he came to drive that point home by smacking fire out of big Iestyn and sending him packing before he handed Jackie and Mark their titles at long last. Re-united and it feels so goooood. Mark Coffey’s face when Kevin Nash put that belt in his hands was one of the purest most heart warming things I’ve ever seen in wrestling so it was. He was in awe of both the achievement and of the sexy big legend raising him and his best pals hand. A beautiful way to end a tremendous feud. If it is indeed the end. What else is there for Bird and Boar other than coming back for another shot? They’ve been the champs for so long, they’ll not like the feeling of walking in to the next show without the shiny belts but for now and maybe forever, they are back where they belong. Round the waists of one of Europe’s beat tag teams. 589 combined days as champions and counting. The team who beat the legendary Dudley Boyz with a simple scoop slam. The most effective, not to mention devastatingly handsome best pal tag team on this planet we call earth. Polo Promotions.

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Kenny Williams vs Rey Mysterio Jr

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Wee Rey is some boy int he. Built like a brick shithouse these days yet still flies about the ring like he’s that skinny wee guy Kevin Nash chucked like like a scrucnhed up Greggs wrapper. Kenny Williams had to wait a while for the wee legend, as he allowed his music to play for about 15 minutes while he finished off his pre match ritual of a good long shite while smoking a cigar. When Rey eventually arrived to a chorus of “where the fuckin hell were you” much to his rampant confusuon, it was high octane good shit. Blink and you’ll miss it type stuff. Fast and Furious 47 – The Wan Wae The Aw The Back Elba’s. The wan where the bollocks continued his legacy on the big stage. Kenny is undefeated at Fear and Loathing ye see. An Undertaker-esque streak in the making here. Although if he makes it to 21-0 Brock Lesnar will probably be about 60 odds and maybe not the streakbuster he once was. To Kenny’s great relief I’m sure, although a 60 year old Brock Lesnar could probably still chuck a cruiserweight over his napper without breaking a sweat.

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They dived about a bit before Rey teased the 619 (most commonly pronounced as the six hunner n nineteen) on both sides of the ring. He followed that up with a baseball slide into a splash on the outside which was lovely stuff. Backed that up with one of the classics in the form of the auld slingshot legdrop. Rey isn’t what he once was, but he’s adapted to his age and more muscular frame and still churns out a helluva wrestling match when he wants to let me tell ye. Thankfully for us this was one of those times he really wanted to. The A-Game was brought and Kenny would have to bring the bollocks or eh…be the bollocks. Something related to bollocks is the point here. He’s The Bollocks, have you heard?

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Kenny got going with a back elbow on the apron, before hitting a pair of crackin dives. The biggest compliment you could pay Kenny is that he never looked out-of-place in there with arguably the greatest to ever wrestle in his style and that’s a nice thing. A cool thing. A thing made even cooler when Rey blocked Kenny’s attempts at his own move, before he hit a perfect 619, followed by a frog splash only for Kenny to roll through and sneak the pin.

If its not the moment of his career to date, it has to at least be the biggest name he’s pinned for the uno, dos, tres. Love a wee roll through finish as well. Take the opponents momentum and use it against him. Tidy stuff. The stunned reaction he had when he won was similar to the one he had when he first beat BT Gunn a couple of years ago and that’s some neat continuity right there. He understands the level of talent he needs to beat to be where he wants to be and he’s out to prove he’s the man for that big occasion. He’ll lose sometimes but he’s never anything less than game for the next fight when he does. This could be a win that propels him to new heights and he never did get that rematch with BT Gunn for the Zero-G. Might be time to cash that one in considering the extra shinies BT has added to his collection lately eh.

Chris Renfrew vs Stevie Boy vs Jimmy Havoc vs Mikey Whiplash – King Of Insanity Match

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Murder and suicide are two things that quite often go hand in hand. A person can be so racked with guilt by a murder they’ve just committed that they decide the only escape is to take their own life. Sometimes its pre-meditated in an attempt to avoid the jail for a murder. Basically like having a straight choice between hell and the jail and choosing hell. When four people try to murder each other and kill themselves all at the one time, it’s not called a murder/suicide though. When its four people, it’s called the King Of Insanity match. I assume the winner is anyone who has any semblance of blood in their body by the time it’s over. The winner is anyone who hasn’t gone blind. The winner is anyone who can still feel all their extremities when it’s all said and done. The winner probably won’t feel like a winner, but they might not be dead, and that in itself is some sort of victory when you step into something like this. All four of these man really hate each other in some sort of way, and there was cinder-blocks in the ring, so we were at least seeing someone’s skull being cracked in half and the other three men having a kick about with his brain. Mikey Whiplash entered in a coffin, perhaps a precursor for how he and the other three men in this match would be leaving the ring. Deid.

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People look down their noses at this style of wrestling but when its done correctly its stupidly engaging. This wasn’t just done correctly, it was done in such a fashion that it arguably stole the show. It certainly was at least on par with a wonderful main event. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, if you weren’t drawn in by this, there’s no hope. Beautiful, poetic violence isn’t for you. They started out jabbing fuck out each other in what proved to be the mildest pain any of them would feel over the course of the night. You ever been punched in the face and been able to describe the pain as mild? Exactly. Stevie was sent into a barbed wire chair and bust open early doors before Renfrew and Havoc dodged a slingshot crossbody from Whiplash and simultaneously called him a wanker. Stevie came crashing down on all of them, before subjecting Renfrew to what would prove to be only the third sorest barbed wire based hit he’s take on the night when he landed on a barbed wire board after a superkick from Stevie. Socarpetmehow all 4 of them got a hold of staple guns and blocked each other’s finishers by…well, stapling each other to fuck. Did you not see where that one was going naw? Havoc then started giving out paper cuts and it was one of those rare times that the pain you see in wrestling is actually something you can relate to as a fan. Paper cuts are the bump we’ve all taken, and the bump none of us would thank you to take again…brotherrr.

Renfrew impaled Whiplash on a cross lined with carpet tacks. I assume he needed all of the skin on Whiplash’s back for some kind of winter duvet for a serial killer and that was the quickest way to get it. Stevie hit a coast to coast via a bin and Renfrew’s face, before Havoc put him through a table lined with barbed wire and wee liquid capsules of the drug they use to put elephants to sleep. Whiplash then pulled out a barbed wire board covered in some of the streamers the fans chucked in the ring for the Polo Promotions match, proceeded to wipe his arse with them, before Renfew hit him with a Death Valley Driver on to the board and the fucking thing would not yield. The only thing more painful looking then being put through a barbed wire board is being launched at one and the fucking thing refusing to break. Like being whipped into the ropes, but instead of ropes its stanley blades, and instead of bouncing off, your back gets cut up to fuck…because stanley blades.

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Thumbtacks got involved soon after that, because is it really a deathmatch if at least one person involved disnae end up with enough holes in their back for a dot to dot? A superplex from Renfrew sent Whiplash straight to the tacks not long after he’d T-Virus’d mad Jokey who had taken leave of her senses and actually got herself involved in what at this point you could only assume was some form of 4 way suicide pact. Havoc then took everyone’s finisher in some kind of brutal way, yet he wouldn’t die. A T-Virus on fuckin concrete blocks didnt kill him. You could tuck a live grenade up this cunts arse and he’d probably stand up and smile at you, while he scoops up his insides and eats them. The man’s not what you’d call “stable”. Stevie Boy had somehow hatched a plan amongst all these near death experiences. He spoke to god when Havoc put him through a table earlier in the night and god told him, Stevie my son, to win the prize you must kill the other guys. And kill them he did.

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First up was Renfrew. Backdropped through a barbed wire board on the stage and all the way through the stage. While this was happening Havoc had Whiplash covered and Stevie came bursting down, colouring the walkway with about a pint and a half of his blood before he took the next one out. Havoc duct taped to the bottom rope. Screaming at folk to give him a knife, or set a German Shephard on his to chew his hands off. Anything to get free. He would never get free though, and with a ladder set up with a table lurking below, Stevie hit the most destructive Destroyer of his, or anyone’s career. Off the ladder, through the table, for a truly brutal victory. 

Hardcore stuff gets a bad rap sometimes but like every form of wrestling out there, when it’s executed well it has the capacity to be fucking unreal. If it’s not for you, that’s sound. Each to their own in wrestling and indeed life in general, but we all love this and its important not to close your mind off to different kinds of wrestling. It’s important that the I in ICW still stands for something and if matches likes this are commonplace folk wont soon forget what the I stands for. Even if there’s not much of a roster left to take part in said matches since they often lead to multiple casualties. Plus what a fucking night for Stevie Boy. This wasn’t just him winning a match, it was him getting the better of three of the maddest bastards in British Wrestling at the one time. He looked every bit the top guy he is well on the way to becoming and having this win under his belt could be the thing that takes him from the next big thing to the main man right now. The 2017 King Of Insanity is coming for belts. Aw the fuckin belts. Clearly he’ll do absolutely anything required of him to make the belts his, so if you’ve got a belt, locks yer doors. Board up the windaes. 1,2….Stevie’s coming for you.

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Kay Lee Ray vs Kasey vs Viper – ICW Women’s Title Match inside a steel cage

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With Carmel as special guest enforcer we would see the never-ending story continue. Kay Lee Ray and Carmel are STILL fighting each other and one of them atually retired. That’s a story that truly stands the test of time. When one of them dies, you’re gonnae see segments with the other one backstage covered in muck, aiming right hooks at a coffin they just dug up. Kay Lee might never have a rival quite like Carmel but Viper and Kasey are proving to be just as troublesome in the sense that they keep trying, and occasionally succeeding in taking her belt. So much so that the only way to properly settle it is chucking the three of them in a cage and telling them to have at it. Kay Lee Ray kicked things off by superkicking the taste of Carmel’s gub and we were off. Well not quite. All three women had to be in the cage for the match to officially kick off, and upon seeing that superkick out came Kasey and Viper. Making the total count of wrestlers in the ring a cool 0.

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Kay Lee chucked Viper in the ring and locked Kasey out. A smart strategy, eliminating the chaotic element of a three way dance for a short while to focus on murdering one foe, but still. That made the wrestler in the ring tally stand at 2. A full one wrestlers short of the required amount. klrFinally Kasey climbed her way in and the bell rang. All sorts of madness ensued. Viper chucked Kay Lee like a lawn-dart into Kasey in the corner. Before they all got a shot each of their finishers. Viper Drivers, Killing Jokes and of course Gory Bombs for days. It was a cracking scrap when it got going as we watched all three exchange brutal jabs before those pesky Kings Of Catch got involved! In they came to literally pull Kay Lee towards her escape, but they were subjected to a brutal double baw hit at the hands of Kasey. Low blows neutralise foes as they (probably dont) say. All 5 folk in the ring then combined for a super charged tower of doom, before Viper looked to be free and clear to climb out, only to patch that winning the match patter in favour of nailing a topper for a crossbody off the cage.

Viper’s momentum was derailed not long after that by Kay Lee Ray heidbutting her through a table. Seen a lot of things in the wrestling but never someone get heidbutted through a table. It’s always good when something familiar breeds something entirely unfamiliar eh. Especially when it involves folk going through tables and heidbutts. With Viper out the game and Kasey down, up went Kay Lee to retain and continue her reign as the top burd, but Kasey is a different sort of animal now. Kasey went from ring crew on this show last year, to bearer of shiny belts on it this year. An amazing turnaround and one that happened because she worked her arse off to make it happen. Two wins over Kay Lee in consecutive nights, a main event of a Garage show in a losing effort to Kay Lee a few months ago and now a career defining feat, beating two of the top women’s wrestlers in the fuckin world in the one match. She tied Kay Lee’s legs up in the cage before fending off Aspen Faith to drop to the floor. Becoming the two time ICW Women’s Champion.

Amazing what can be done in the space of a year if you graft at it. From ring crew to winning a fucking steel cage match at The Hydro to become a two time Women’s Champion is remarkable stuff from Kasey, and her performances merit all the success she’s enjoying right now. To step in with two of the finest female wrestlers in the world and not look out of place is a feat in itself. All three adapted to the cage like they were auld pro’s at it, diving aff it and into it with reckless abandon.  Jimmy Snuka style without the murder. She said it’s a one night only thing but having Carmel back permanently would be a buzz. She added something to the match without detracting from the three women in it. Maybe a wee shot in the cage might persuade her to come back for another wee visit. I mean look how fun it looks, if your idea of fun is getting chucked in and around a literal death trap. As for Kay Lee and Viper I hope they’re still with us for years to come but they’re on the radar of the big boys so hopefully their defeat doesn’t mean they’re leaving us anaw. Its nice to see talented folk make career progression and that, but stop stealing ma favourite wrestlers ya bastards! Or at least let Noam visit every time ye sign someone. Fair is fair.

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Zack Gibson vs Rob Van Dam Vs Lionheart

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This was supposed to be Lionheart’s redemption, in there with one of his personal heroes, ready for the big win on the big show, two years after he’d been told there really wasn’t a lot of room for him on the big show. Maybe his time for the big occasion had past. He said fuck that, you’re wrong. Fuck you, am right. Shut yer mooth and let me frog splash the worlds greatest frog splasher. Then came stupit big brilliant baddie Zack Gibson with all the patter. Giving nothing beginning to resemble a fuck about Lionheart, ICW or even Rob Van Dam. It’s about making an impression for him, and the only way to do that is being a factor on the big show. He took to the mic to tell us all exactly why we were shite and he was better, and why we’d SOOOOOON be recognising those things as facts, before a bit of the wrestling broke out.

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Gibson was subjected to a two-man attack at the start. Taking a superkick off Lionheart and a mad spinny legdrop off RvD to kick it off. That’s the problem with being the baddest baddie on badstreet and being in there with a pair of goodies. Even with Lionheart eternally being known as a fanny, their combined good still outweighed his bad. Gibson would have his moments though. Not content with being a superb villain, he’s fucking great at wrestling into the bargain. Hitting a beauty of a leaping codebreaker on RvD before nailing Lionheart with a suicide dive, and jumping back in to lock in Shankly’s Gates on Van Dam. Shortly after that he was eliminated and that was the only lowlight of the show for me. Not enough Gibson. Rob Van Dam hit the 5 star Frog Splash to put Gibson down for 3, but it was Lionheart who got the pin and that set us up for the originally scheduled match before Gibson forced his way into it. The Whole Fuckin Fanny looking to open up and swallow The Whole Fuckin Show.

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RVD hit a whole selection of spinny kicks, followed by a bit of rolling thunder. Its good when wrestling happens from all sorts of mad angles eh. Thats why RVD will always be a personal favourite and why it was brilliant just to see him doing his thing at all. He does his thing differently from the way everyone else does it and that’s just a fuckload of fun to watch. Even when it’s getting on a bit, it’s still cracking. Lionheart looked focused as fuck despite taking all of the RVD back catalogue. The hits kept on coming, including the multi platinum selling split legged moonsault, until Hearto hit a topper of a DDT followed by his very own Frog Splash to secure a big time win. 

I liked the match, but as an unashamed big time RvD fan it was never likely to be a let down. Lionheart was right up for it and looked at his very best throughout. He’s taken a lot of stick, called a fanny by the majority of crowds up and down the UK, but when he turns it on there’s few better than him in the UK. He deserved his moment and you have to wonder where this places him now. Surely he must be looking at that world title. Two years after being told he was expendable, what better way to show them you aren’t than by holding all the gold. He looks like he’s having the absolute time of his life when he’s in that ring right now and more often than not when someone gives off that vibe, their work is of the very highest standard because that’s what its all about int it. Its supposed to be fun. Wrestling is a big daft patomime and if you lose sight of that it becomes like any other job. Shite.

The Kinky Party vs The Kings Of Catch

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Speaking of shite. The dirtiest match in wrestling history literally started with a shite. Talk about living up its billing eh. The shite didn’t take place in the ring thankfully, but in The Kinky Party’s dressing room (its not as bad as ye think right) as Sha was caught bawdeep in The Metro while finishing off his traditional pre match jobby, when the boaysies had a chap at the door telling them the match was about to start. Jester made time to give Prince a wee kiss as they hoofed it to the ring for a wrestle against the King Of Catch. If this match was announced a couple of months back you’d be like “Hydro? whit?” but both teams have been brilliant in the run up to the show. The Kings Of Catch were always very good at the wrestling and Girvan arguably stole the show at The Hydro last year, but their alliance with Stevie Boy and Kay Lee Ray has taken them up a level as a tag team. They’ve proper thrown themselves into it and something that might not have worked has instead elevated everyone involved. The same could be said for The Kinky Party, who have been cracking entertainment since their unlikely alliance began after Shug’s House Party. The dynamic has brought the best out in both character wise and has brought some of the funniest segments ICW has had in recent years. This match proved that it wasn’t just a big laugh though. They focused up and looked every bit the vastly experienced duo that they are. jester

The two teams battled up the ramp a bit, The Kings seemingly raging about being kept waiting by the Kinky Party’s mad shenanigans. Sha bust out the Fatsault (he calls it that, am no body shaming awrite, big is beautiful, everyone is beautiful) early on, before Jester went up top and hit a once in a lifetime cannonball captured spectacularly by David J.Wilson. All yer mad high flying Will Ospreay shit insnae usually Jester’s bag, but its The Hydro, and if there’s ever a time to jump on folk as if you’re sitting on a big comfortable armchair in mid-air, its when you’re wrestling at The Hydro. The Kings were in about some of that slick double team patter they’re good at, with The Kinkys busting out the double elbow drop as a retort. Sha took a beauty of a double superkick from Girvan and Faith, before that big dildo ominously got involved. Where does Jester even get that from these days. Not seen him carry it to the ring in ages. It’s like Aladdin summoning the genie by rubbing a lamp, but instead of rubbing a lamp, he rubs his or someone elses (with consent of course, we’re no starting a scandal here) fun parts.

The Kings were looking good for the win after Girvan hit that lovely rolling neckbreaker followed by a moonsault from Aspen but The Kinky Party are for real. They’re no JUST here to get steamin and get in situations that gives Sha that wide eyed “whit the fuck have I got myself into here?” look. Sometimes its about racking up W’s before ye get mad wae it and get one or both nipples pierced, and The Kinky Party done just that. Blocking The Kings Attempt at The Apter Burner before hitting a Spike Tombstone of their own for the win. 

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They celebrated with a bit of crowdsurfing as ye do. Cunts in the crowd need to stop dropping Sha but. I mean he’s nae crusierweight but a team of grown adults should be able to support his weight surely. Don’t be feart. He (probably) doesn’t bite. The Wee Man came out before the match and said he’d be offering his services to the winners so who knows where that’ll go. He’ll probably be subject to some form of initiation in a dungeon where Sha bails out early because he got spooked and took a mannequin a square go for looking at him funny. A hugely entertaining match that could easily have been forgettable considering all the good shit on the show. The fact that there was two straight up tag matches on the show and both were excellent shows you how good the tag division is right now. Kinky Party forever and ever but. For a team that came together without much of a plan, they’ve been tremendous entertainment and have been a big factor in the fun being injected back into ICW this year.

Joe Coffey vs BT Gunn – ICW Undisputed Title Match

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Its cool seeing the likes of Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio in ICW. Even cooler to see homegrown guys chalk up career defining wins over them when they do pay a visit. Matching up with Angle and beating him in the main event last year felt like the culmination of a lot of hard work for Joe Coffey and that night will live with him for his whole career, but this was something else. This was two of the guys who have been at the absolute heart of this company as its grown. Integral every single step of the way. It’s only right that on the biggest night of the year, its them who have pride of place at the very top of the card. The two champions and two standout wrestlers of the past 4 or 5 years, Joe Coffey and BT Gunn. What a stoater of a battle it was when it got going as well. For me anyway, a standard only those two could produce on that stage.

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They blocked each others finishers right at the start as both looked to catch the other cold. Sometimes its not good to land a big shot early on right enough. Just ask the Celtic team when they went a goal up in Paris the other week. Sometimes its better to bide your time when faced with a big bastard devil dug instead of sticking a thumb in its eye right away. Or the devil dug might just eat ye. BT whipped out a succession of tit melting chops, before both men locked in their signature submission moves  with both making it to the ropes to force a break. It was like watching two heavyweight boxers feel each other out. Giving each other warnings before the telling blows really start to land. They scrapped a bit on the outside, Joe easing BT into the crowd before hitting a big running dive. As it was under Save Pro Wrestling rules, the referee was counting them out but Joe wrote that rulebook mate. He kens it inside out. Breaking the count before the two of them leathered each other all the way to a second count of 9, which saw them sprint back into the ring before continuing to wail on each other. BT hit a pouncing facebuster before Joe got the upper hand, forcing BT into the corner and hitting mad splashes. Nothing would work. Nothing was putting BT Gunn down. He entered the Hydro with both his alter ego’s at either side of him, but this BT Gunn almost felt like all three personas rolled in to one frightening ball. A ball that’s heavy good at the wrestling.

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BT hit a codebreaker off the top, before someone made the ill advised devision to make Big Sexy put down his beer and sort some dafties out. That someone was Joe Coffey, after BT mistakenly hit referee Sean McLaughlin with the Gunnshot, Joe saw an opening and after flooring BT with a good old fashioned headbutt, he urged Red Lightning (who was fuckin brilliant on commentary throughout the match btw) to chuck him a steel chair. Primed and ready to knock BT out, big Nash wasn’t having it. For all the cunt’s that were indifferent and even booed him being announced, I get it right, but he was every bit the authority figure you need yer commissioner to be in that situation. An absolute giant who commands respect. It takes a brave or perhaps a really fuckin stupit man to try to rebel against a guy that size, but god bless Joe for having a swing eh. It widnae be me mate, but you decided to go for it and that’s admirable in a strange way. After Nash patching Joe’s offer for a too sweet, Joe cracked him full force with the chair originally intended for BT. The look Nash shot him told Joe it wasn’t his brightest idea, but the whole saga gave BT a chance to get up and nail Joe with a superkick, before accepting Nash’s offer of a Too Sweet. A lovely moment before BT picked up the chair now complete with a big Diesel shaped dent in it to swing it at Joe. Joe ducked and hit the first of several discus clotheslines as Thomas Kearins entered the fray to count two.

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BT’s finisher the TechnoDrome DDT has a 100% success rate in ICW and is the only move that’s earned anyone a pinfall victory over Joe this year, so Joe kicking out of that told the story of what it was going to take to keep either of these mad bastards down for a three. So many lariats. BT went for the Gunnshot and Joe caught him German Suplex style. It was all happening let me tell ye. Joe was sick and fuckin tired of Thomas Kearins only counting to two, so tired he hit HIM with a German as well, and that left us with precisely nae refs. Sean McLaughlin was either deid at this point or he’d rolled under the ring to play Candy Crush on his phone, but either way, Red Lightning dragged him back in and literally counted with his cold deid hand only for BT to get the shoulder up again. Not tonight Joe ma man. Moose might have fallen. Keith Lee was put down for the 1,2,3. Every challenger with a set of baws and a set of boots has fallen at the feet of the Iron King but for once on the big stage, this was not to be his night.

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The lights went out and suddenly there was three BT Gunns in the ring. I dunno if it counts as three superkicks or one big massive one but either way, Joe took three crackin kicks to the jaw before BT hit all the classics. Gunnshot, that Technodrome Joe kicked out off, followed by a crossface that seemed like it was getting the job done. Joe looked on the cusp of tapping but Rudo isnae just a manager. He’s not just a world class agent. He’s a get out of jail free card in a fetching grey suit. If Joe was drowning the bottom rope was his lifeboat and Red pushed it towards him, urging him to fight to keep that World Title, but there was nae fight left and after Red was superkicked out of the equation by BT 2 and BT 3, Joe could fight no more and he tapped out. BT Gunn securing the only title that’s eluded him as both his ICW Title reigns came before it was a World Title. Every fuckin honour you could think of has been BT Gunns at one point and its nice to see someone who for a long time was criminally underrated across the UK get the recognition he richly deserves. Both of them deserved that platform and produced a match well worth the spot it had. 

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Joe has hinted that this is the end of the road for him in ICW for now and if that’s the case, I think folk will only truly start to appreciate how good he is in his absence. No matter where he was on the card or what he was given to work with, the level of performance has never wavered and he done an admirable job as champion. Decisively beating everyone chucked in his path which have him an air of infallibility that made BT’s win over him even more significant. It’s all well and good beating a champion, but to beat one who’s been a real life superhero for years is another thing altogether. A wonderful feat and one that will hopefully be just a wee chapter in both of their stories. I sincerely hope if Joe is done its temporary and he’s just recharging the auld batteries, but if that’s really it and he’s off to pastures new, its been an absolute pleasure to see him do his thing to such a brilliant standard for so many years. From the best of 5 with Noam Dar, to the thankless struggle to get to the mountain top, all the way to a very strong title reign. BT has big boots to fill but something tells me he has more than enough to do the job. All the goodies jumped in the ring to celebrate with the new champ as they ended the Hydro the same way France 98 had ended the night before. In a mad taps aff party. Tits oot for the Hydro.

Overall a top quality show. From top to bottom a better show than the year before, and when it comes to running a venue the size of The Hydro, improvement is all ye can ask for. The crowd might have been a bit down from the previous year, but the quality of the show and ICW shows in general this year would say it wont be down again next year. Considering the stars that ICW have lost over the past year, to still get 4,000 folk to a British Wrestling show is a massive achievement. These mad bastards are only getting started.

Big thank you to David J Wilson as usual for the liberal use of his wonderful photos, and of course Warrior Fight Photography. 

 

An Interview With Kay Lee Ray And Stevie Boy Xavier

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“There’s been a good few times where we’ve been the last line of defence for each other before we do something daft in wrestling. I don’t care what kinda problems you’ll have, I’m the one that has to deal with it on the Monday when you’re in a bad mood and I’m taking the brunt of it *laughs* but I think we both deal with that and help each other out.” – Stevie Boy

“I’m just putting it oot there, Season 3 of Rick and Morty was f****n shite”

It had all started so well tae. I walked in to The Howlin’ Wolf pub on Bath Street in Glasgow a wee bit late, having walked past it maybe 4 times in a shocking attempt to find it as I quikcly realised I only recognised the name because its what Wolfgang calls his Swanton these days. When I eventually did get there, I was greeted by Stevie Boy and Kay Lee Ray sitting with a dug. A real life dug they had brought along to this apparently dug friendly pub. When conducting interviews its important to be professional you see. Show up on time, don’t get lost, don’t ask anyone if they’ll do one of they delayed vertical suplexes on you like The British Bulldog used to. Be very journalism I guess is the point here, and that duty of responsibility is the only thing that stopped me running right out the back door and shouting “A FUCKIN DUG!? YASSS” when I seen Berty the Pug. Giver of life and more importantly paws. A good boy. The good will that came from the dug’s appearance vanished entirely when my man Stevie started giving Season 3 of Rick and Morty a bit of stick. It was different mate. Not all highlights, but shite? Mon noo. Ease up on the accelerator before this misguided opinion takes off. A bit like his career has done over the past year.

A fine way to segway into wrestling stuff eh. That’s what this interview was initially about before we got all caught up in the land of dugs and Rick and Morty. The wrestling. Kay Lee Ray and Stevie are not only a couple, but a couple of brilliant wrestlers. The uniqueness that comes with them going through the trials and tribulations wrestling throws at them as a unit made this interview one of my favourites to conduct, but at the same time, they brought a dug, so they could have spent an hour calling my beard shite and I’d have walked away thinking it went well. Because dugs are life. Well, wrestling then dugs. Or more specifically, wrestling at The Hydro….then dugs. As Stevie explained when he spoke about his match. A fatal four-way death match for the “King Of Insanity” crown which may or may not see people die in a pool of their own blood and snotters when the big show takes place on Sunday. Some eerie promo’s from the competitors as they had their psychological state assessed ahead of it properly set the tone for what’s to come

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Stevie “It was something different. They just told me they wanted me in to film something, I showed up and had no idea what it was. They laid it out. It’s loosely based on The Joker Diaries. I’d never seen it but they fired on the computer and I was like “Aye…I am so down with this” there’s a wee bit I keep telling people because it just makes me laugh. In the promo my hand is completely white, because the wall behind me had just been painted. So I grabbed the chair and chucked it off the wall and when I turned it round I realised my full hand was white. That’s how my hand’s down at my side the whole time. I pull it up to spark the fag and it goes right back in the pocket *laughs*. The promos have added something extra to the match. People keep asking me if I’m looking forward to it and I keep saying I’m looking forward to the Monday morning. See if I can wake up and go “its done man” and I’m in one piece, I’ll be happy. I think its going to be a yearly thing. I don’t get why they wouldn’t want to capitalise on the interest in it so I assume it will be something they build on. Another reason I’m glad its come about is that I think we lost the insanity a wee bit of a while in ICW. We lost that edge. We used to be the company doing all this mad stuff, and as much as I’m not a death match wrestler and its so far from what I want to do long-term, I want us to bring that back, so I’m excited to do this”

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While Stevie will be trying to avoid three of the maddest bastards in the UK trying to end his life, Kay Lee has the simple task of defending her ICW Women’s Title inside a steel cage. Against two women. Who also happen to hate her. It’s a match that’s been built up perfectly to come to this potentially brutal conclusion. As Kay Lee went on to explain

“That main event match with Kasey was a really good match. I think we played the match perfectly. I wanted people to forget it was a Women’s main event and just focus on the match we produced. There was a lot of pressure, and it was nice to see that Kasey CAN step up. Its nice to see that because it’s always been just a few women in ICW who are trusted like that. Its nice to have a variety of people, and we can all work together and do different stuff. Hopefully next year there will be even more. I’m sure they’ll all be coming for my belt, but it’ll be nice for some of the attention to be on other people. There’s a lot of hype around us going in and I think if there’s anybody who can pull it off it’s the three of us. The matches I have with Viper are always good as well, so we have chemistry. It feels like we’ve been going against each other forever. Maybe one day we can be pals *laughs*, but it’s not today, It won’t be Sunday, and it probably won’t be Monday either”

The chance of duelling cage swantons had both Stevie and Kay Lee buzzing. As Kay Lee will look to emulate her big pal and steel cage veteran Wolfgang who Stevie remarked has made jumping off the cage a bit of a hobby “You could ask Wolfie what he’s upto this week, and he’d hit out with ‘Nuhin much, just gonnae set the cage up and jump aff it” Kay Lee tantalisingly chimed in with what I took to be a promise rather than a clue “Wonder who can do the Swanton off the cage better? We’ll maybe find out eh”

Balls to maybe. After that if there’s not at least one Swanton off the cage, a lawyer will be consulted. While the big one at The Hydro has always been on the horizon, it was only after a tough couple of weeks that the duo could really bring it in to sharp focus. “I feel like we’re good at keeping it in perspective. The hydro is happening, but we’re good at focusing on whats happening in the here now. Even if it’s always building towards The Hydro. This weekend for Pro Wrestling Eve, I wrestled Charli Morgan, Nina Samuels and Nicole Matthews. Three tough matches that definitely sharpened me up for this. It’s always been the focus, but its only now that we really think about it. The Hydro’s really crept up on us this year”

Stevie and Kay Lee have always been at least loosely affiliated in ICW. On a permanent basis since Kay Lee’s short stint as Davey’s replacement after an injury stopped him defending the ICW Tag Titles he held with Stevie, but over the past year they’ve really carved out an identity as a team with The Filthy Generation. A stable which recently took on new recruits in Lewis Girvan and Aspen Faith. Talks of expansion had always been in the works, as Stevie explained

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“It had been spoke about since the start. Like we need more members. It needs to be a generation, there was names floated but it got to a point where we thought, we need to pull the trigger on this before it dies”

Kay Lee “There was a chance taken with this. It could have been almost too similar, to the point that we clashed instead of gelling, but I think it stuck very quickly. There was a few wee kinks to work out but we instantly thought “this works”. There’s wee things, but with a team coming together that’s always going to happen. We’d never really done anything together before either, and we all came from different training schools, but there’s wee things the boys do that pop me and I think we’ve come together well”

While the lineup is a bit younger and a good bit hairier than the NAK days, that thirst for carnage that exists in Stevie and Kay Lee made this setup perfect, and early signs show that the newly formed group has the potential to wreak havoc on the card in a similar way “The Kliq” did in his heyday, as Stevie explained.

“Its nice to be causing a bit of carnage again. It reminds me of the Kliq with hunners of cunts runnin aboot causing it. Even backstage as much as we hadn’t worked together, I knew Aspen from working him at Wrestlezone years ago and I’ve known Lewis a long time. We all knew each other but we had different groups socially, so we were almost strangers going in. So it took a wee second to get to know each other. Now when we go backstage they’re the first people we speak to. We’re having fun with it”

Kay Lee “We have merch now so its official! Buy our merch! *laughs* I was sick of getting battered as well so its nice to have a wee bit of extra hauners. We still get battered but at least now there’s people getting battered with us”

Buy this t-shirt btw. Right now. click these words, follow the link and get it bought.

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While this venture has given Stevie and Kay Lee the platform to build something of their own, their involvement in the NAK gave them the template for team handed anarchy. A period they both look back in with a great deal of fondness. If a slight bit of regret over what was seen as a slightly premature end

“We were resident arseholes. We were the bastards”

Kay Lee “How annoying did that music get for you though? Everybody said that at one point. That the music had played too many times, and I was like “Its never enough!” *laughs* The more it plays the more they’ll hate it. I wanted people to be like “fuck off!”

Stevie “We caused some riots. There was one time in Newcastle I remember we ran in on someones match, I cant remember what match it was, but that night in Newcastle we had people throwing drinks at us. People asking to take us a square go. I remember knocking a drink out of a guy’s hand at ringside, and him kinda gesturing to go for me, and I look up and see BT hanging over the ropes going “Fuckin go for itttt!” *laughs* It was chaos at times. The night we split nearly turned into a riot as well. That was a proper tense atmosphere”

Kay Lee “I think that was because it wasnt just one person leaving or something like that, it was the whole thing blowing apart. I fuckin loved it!”
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Kay Lee “I feel like I was always the one in the vicinity, to be able to grab somebody before they done something daft, but at the same time I was also the one egging them on *laughs*. I’d be in BT’s ear just winding it up, telling him “he said yer maws a bitch, go!”

It was a time where having a lot of fun and bringing a lot of violence went hand in hand. Stevie remarked when he recalled a segment for Chris Renfrew’s birthday that involved water pistols, a lot of stunners, and the now defunct Gzrs.

“One of my favourite segments was Renfrew’s birthday bash with The Gzrs. It was just a pure shambles. It was such a laugh. ICW has a no drinking policy backstage but we weren’t doing anything on the show apart from that segment and getting battered, so I thought “Fuck it, I’m going out there for a laugh and getting steamin’, why not?”

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“People say it ended prematurely, and I think all of us kind of felt the same. We had the problem of being so over as heels, it was turning us face. A bit like what happened with DX. I think we could easily have had another year in us as faces if we turned. Like it could have been us vs The Black Label at The Hydro. In hindsight now, when you look back it, you think maybe that was the best way to end it. We’ve all gone on from it and done so much good things. Its one of those things, where you can never rule it out (a reunion) even if its 5 years down the line”

KLR “If Triple H showed up in an independent ring, anything can happen!”

Stevie “We tend to think of the NAK being that five man group, so to us it ended prematurely, but the NAK have been around for a long time. Even before ICW. There’s been different versions throughout. So even though we were only the NAK for about a year, its been around for a long time. I think it kinda launched all of us individually and gave us a lot of attention. Something that we craved individually and as a stable. ”

One of the biggest positives from that time for Stevie was the emergence of a new side to him that has since become a big strength. The art of the promo. An art that was passed down by one of the best promo guys in the UK in Chris Renfrew. Something Stevie never really had to deal with in his days as a Bucky Boy, as The Wee Man acted as their resident mouthpiece.
“I wasn’t hiding behind wee man as such. He was there to do that job. So I’d never say he took the spotlight from us or anything like that. He was doing his job perfectly. I don’t hesitate to say without The Wee Man, The Bucky Boys would have been nothing. He gave us that extra dimension. Renfrew was one of the first ones who encouraged me on the mic. When I broke away from the Buckies he was the one that pushed me on. I have to thank him for that, because that was another platform for me to make an impression”

Learning his promo craft has certainly helped Stevie get to that next level, but it was never something he prioritized in a big way. Always busy with trivial side projects, like making history as part of the Bucky Boys. Daft shit like that keeps you busy it seems.

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“It was never a thing I gave a second thought to if im honest. I’ve never really felt like it was needed because since I came in to ICW there’s always been something. It’s never felt like something was missing. Its only when I split from Davey and with Renfrew’s encouragement that I ever really thought about it. It got to a point where I’d show up and they’d tell me “you’re no wrestling tonight, you’re doing this promo” and I’d be like “thank fuck man, I’ve been in this company 5 year and never had a night aff ” *laughs*

Nerves did set in before Stevie went out to cut his very first promo in an ICW ring but that nervous energy and the support of Renfrew propelled him to produce something remarkably good, particularly for a first try.
“I was 10 times more nervous for that first promo than I have been for any wrestling match. That’s why Renfrew was there. In case I tripped up over anything, he was there to make the save. He was always going to come out with me I think, but I also encouraged it and I think him being there helped it become the promo it did because I had that comfort blanket there.  It turns out I’ve got a natural instinct for being a wee arsehole. I seem to have a talent for it”

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While Stevie prides himself on his talent for being a wee arsehole, his other half prides herself on well…being heavy talented. They both are but we’re doing a slick transition here. One thing running in to another so its an easier read eh. Kay Lee has built a reputation around the world as one of the best female wrestlers out there. Nah actually, just one of the best wrestlers full stop. Before we got to talking about Japan, The USA and everything in between, we had to start at dogs. Because dogs are life

“We are pro dogs. I actually tried to get a dog to be our tag team partner this week. There’s a wee pug at Pro Wrestling Eve, and I asked if I could take him in the ring. He’s used to it all, so they said aye as long as you’re careful. If he was ever uncomfortable I was ready to take him away from it all, but he fuckin loved it. He was getting “hes a good boy” chanted at him and I could feel his wee tail wagging. He loved it”

That allowed Berty the pug to once again take centre stage. The true subject of this interview if we’re all being honest with ourselves and a man who at the tender age of 1 almost made his own wrestling debut recently as Stevie told us
“He nearly made his Lucha Forver debut the other week but he’s still quite young. He watched the show and he seemed keen, so he’s in about it”

Kay Lee “Life’s about dugs. He’ll no let me have a dug. This is his sisters dug, but she works a lot so we’ve kinda adopted him. I understand why because of how much we travel and all that.”

The travel is undoubtedly one of the more strenuous parts of the wrestling game, but one that Kay Lee and Stevie accept and make the best of. Getting to travel together a lot of the time being a big selling point. Living in close proximity to Kay Lee’s family recently has allowed them to gain better insight and understand as to what the couple go through and how much hard graft they put in, as Kay Lee explained.
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“My mum and dad realised recently how much we do now I’m a bit closer to home. We live just across the road from them and they see the car coming in at 2-3am and stuff like that, and by the next morning we’re away again to the next show.”

Stevie “When people say they want to be a wrestler, I don’t think they really know what it is. They don’t know how much of a hard graft it can be.”

Kay Lee “TNA was the first thing I done where my mum and dad realised. That was when they realised this wasnt just a hobby. This wasn’t something daft. This isn’t a dingy wee town hall. This is real. Not that I’m downplaying that kind of thing. Some of the best times I’ve had have been working in that environment and we still do those shows. Stevie had a brilliant match with Wolfy in a wee pub in Dennistoun for GPWA. ”

Stevie “You’re an international jet setter now so that kinda convinces them as well”

International jet setting is all good when you go to places like Japan and America and wrestle in front of crowds absolutely ganting for that sweet wrestling action, but it’s not always like that as Kay Lee recalled on a recent trip to Germany for a show that was a wee bit surreal to say the least.

“I done a show in Germany recently. One of the most professional shows I’ve ever done. Pyro and everything. And it was full of business men who didn’t have a clue what they were watching. No one was into anything. I was valeting for one of the wrestlers, Bad Bones and once I realised the situation I just had fun with it. I was trying to steal pints off folk and everything. I feel like I made it fun for myself anyway since no one was into anything. It was so professional as well. it was so odd to be part of it. By the end of it there was a lot of people taking photos and stuff. I just think they didn’t really know what you’re supposed to do at a wrestling show so that’s why they were so quiet”

Before Kay Lee went on to chat about more exciting jet setting experiences, we somehow got on to bigging up Sha Samuels. Context wise I have no idea how, but its going in because Sha Samuels, much like dugs, Rick and Morty, and the wrestling in general, is life (Sha Life)

Stevie “Sha is just an all round good cunt man. I’ve only wrestled him once and honestly, I fuckin loved it. It was brilliant. Naw in fact it was twice. Me and Grado foguht him and Martin Stone in Edinburgh just before Stoney left, but that was the first singles match we’ve had at ICW recently, and aw mate, what a buzz. The Canadian Destroyer was the only bit we actually had planned. The rest was just us having fun. Like we both knew we just had it. Everything was built round that destroyer”
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Stevie “The first time you went it was horrible man. I hated having you away”

Perhaps the one drawback to both giving your lives to something as all-consuming as wrestling is the separation when one half ends up somewhere else. In Kay Lee Ray’s case that has been regular trips to Japan and the USA. Her love affair with Japan starting as far back as 7 years ago, before going on to make her trips more regular over the past 4 or 5 years.
“I’ve been going to Japan for 7 years. First time I went to japan I was 18. I didn’t go for 2 years after that but still, that’s amazing to think that. It was hard because I was on my own. There was this journalist who worked with the company that helped me a bit. Showing me about and stuff, but I was basically on my own. I think more recently I’ve been getting to know Japan, and a lot of it is what you make of it. A big part of enjoying it is who you’re with and I’m always out there with my best pals. People like Viper, Toni Storm and of course Nixon before she got signed”

“That’s not a slight on the Japanese girls at all, but if you’re out there without friends it can be very very difficult. I’ve been lucky to have my pals with me every time. Every time I’ve been to Japan there’s been great nights out and moments I’ve enjoyed. Toni Storm kind of has to do it on her own sometimes because she’s got a big commitment with Stardom. I kinda like the agreement I’ve got with them right now, I go in January, I go in May and if I can keep that the way it is I’d be very happy. I think they’re happy with that as well. We spoke about it a wee bit and it was a bit of a co-incidence with the way the dates worked out, but its got to the stage now where companies here have kinda got used to that. They expect me to not be available at these points and cater to that so it works out well. ”

Having familiar faces makes it a bit easier on Kay Lee, but knowing how much these trips are helping her progress as a person and wrestler is a fine way to soften the blow.

“I do miss home. I miss Stevie. But having that familiarity being with pals helps a lot.”
“it depends how hard the schedule is. January we have more training days. Its nklrnixonot mandatory but it is at the same time. Me and Viper go them a lot. I always love the pop when she does something they don’t expect her to be able to do. She’s a great example for me, in terms of adapting to situations they throw at her. If they give her something she can’t do she wont just down tools and tell them she can’t do it, she’ll do something that’s at least close to what they’re asking and they go mad for it every time”

While the two Scots have made a huge impression in Japan, it is not without its tough moments, or indeed moments of true inspiration with a hint of envy when it comes to learning from one of the best in Io Shirai “Training is hard over there though. Maybe not as hard as some of the horror stories you hear, but still very hard . There’s one drill in particular everyone hates. Its handstands. You need to do it for 2 minutes then drop into a headstand for 1 minute. This is Io Shirai and she’s one of the very best. If shes there I’ll be at training every day. I’d love to see her in ICW one day because she’s just amazing. She used to be a gymnast so she can do all that nae bother. After the handstand you’re already feeling a bit sick, then you have to drop into a headstand for a further minute and if you get through that good. Well done. You’re gallus. Then you do drills where the person opposite you either does punches or kicks, and they go down the line until they’ve got everyone. Its hard work. Io is so good, I hate her but I love her. Ye cannae be jealous because shes just so good. She’ll do it all, and while everyone else is dying, she started doing push ups. Still in the handstand. I was like “You can get tae fuck”. I fuckin hate you. Why are you so good. I want to be you”

Her experiences in training with talents like Io Shirai have no doubt helped Kay Lee get to a level where she can hang with people like that, although she was never too far from that level in the first place, being genuinely inspired by talents must be a special thing when you’ve been doing a job for as long as her and Stevie have done it.

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“I’ll watch my matches back with Io and it always leaves me with ideas. It sparks me like that which is nice. She speaks great English as well which helps. I didnt exactly come in as a trainee either. I had that bit of step about me so that made it easier”

While matches with Io are highlights, Kay Lee is also fond of her battles with one of her best pals. Mae Young Classic semi finalist and current Progress Women’s Champion, the very talented Toni Storm. Even if one of those matches ended up three times as long as originally planned.
“I’ve had great ones with Toni Storm. Its funny sometimes because they do things a bit differently over there. Over here there’s a bit more creative freedom, but they do it differently in Japan. Me and Toni had this 12 minute match planned once, and the promoter comes up right before it and tells us “I’ve changed my mind for the finish, time limit draw, 30 minutes” and we’re like “for fuck saaaaaake” We’ve got this 12 minute match planned and now we need to somehow stretch that out over half an hour. It was good, but it was difficult because we didnt have the time to prepare and get in the mindset for a match like that. We had one a Korauken Hall recently, but it was part of a tournament so you knew one of us would have another match that night. It felt like it had come full circle because we’d wrestled each other all over the world and now we had the chance to do it a Korauken so it was a wee bit disappointing because neither of us wanted to do anything that would hurt the other, knowing whoever won would go on to the finals that night”

While battles with familiar foes and pals like Storm make the whole culture shock easier, its battles with the homegrown talent that have been really eye-opening. As Kay Lee explained when she spoke of taking on Mayu Iwatani. One of the smallest people she’s ever come across in wrestling who dropkicked her haufway back to Glesga Airport.

“Mayu’s very quiet but I’ve had some great matches with her. Hell of a wrestler. She kicks fuck oot ye. I remember my first impression being reluctant to hit her because she’s so small. Then she dropkicked me and I was like “naw, fuck this” she doesn’t just dropkick you, she tries to send you out the ring. The first time I took that I thought to myself, naw, never again”
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Regular trips to Japan have been paired with regular trips to the USA for Kay Lee, working with Shimmer against many of the competitors that made up the field for the Mae Young Classic, which Kay Lee herself exited in the first round but made a strong impression. Although her first trip to the states led to an experience that might have needed a bit of therapy to get over. Her first WWE show being The Undertakers first Wrestlemania defeat
“First time I was over there was for New Orleans during Mania 30, where The Undertaker lost to Brock Lesnar. That was my first WWE show. So that was me. I’m never coming back to a wrestling show”

Stevie “I was fuckin raging about that because the bookies were taking bets. I thought to myself, if any cunts gonnae dae it’ll be Brock Lesnar and I was so angry with myself. Thats one I’ll take to the grave.”

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A bit of vocal support from a fellow globetrotter in Wolfgang helped any pre match nerves when Kay Lee made her Shimmer debut in front of an enthusiastic crowd. None more enthusiastic than the big man himself.
“Big Wolfgang came to watch me in Shimmer. He was over there on holiday with his mum and dad and he told me he was coming to see me at the show. So that was nice. A few people reacted when I came out, but hearing that big roar from Wolfie was nice. Especially in a company like Shimmer, it was a big deal. Since then its been most April’s then in the Autumn for a wee jaunt. America’s fun”

As fun as America undoubtedly is, Kay Lee has never seemed more in her element than when she goes up against her former perennial foe. A rival who was so good as an enemy, she became a pal. Leading to a poignant finale when Carmel ended her career at last year’s Hydro after the match where Kay Lee first captured the ICW Women’s Title. From the first match they had together, to that finale and the countless battles in between, their feud became one of the most notorious in ICW, as Kay Lee spoke about passionately.
“The death match was meant to be the end of our feud essentially, but then it just ended up that we never, ever stopped *laughs* We’ve wrestled everywhere from Glasgow to Denmark. I knew nothing about the retirement. I remember being a wee bit annoyed the night before because I wasn’t getting my own way. I didn’t want to win at The Hydro the way I did, but I kept getting told no to how I wanted to do it. So I thought “fine, yous want me to be a face, I’ll hit oot wae aw the fuckin gory bombs then” and it turns out it worked out really really well. Then she done her speech and it made more sense. There was a reason for it, they just didn’t want to tell me the reason. She wanted it to be a surprise and I’ve took that wrong way. So when you see me sitting on the ramp crying, that was genuine because I had no idea she was going to do it”

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Kay Lee certainly has more battles with Carmel under her belt than anyone on planet earth, but she also crossed Stevie’s path during the all couples feud between them and Carmel paired with her other half, Liam Thomson. A massively entertaining bit of inter gender goodness that led Stevie to experience something Kay Lee had a lot of experience dealing with. Carmel’s exceedingly sare kicks.

Stevie “It was good humoured, and again thats because of the couples thing. There’s freedom to do things you wouldnt normally be able to do with someone else. Some of the tour matches were a wee bit mad, but they were always a lot of fun. Working them was just effortless. They’re both so good. You get that quite a lot, Kay Lee probably more than me but ive noticed it with travelling about a lot recently. Sometimes you can walk into a locker room and folk are reluctant with ideas. With them it was just effortless. They didn’t even need to ask, one of them would find you and just tell you ideas they had for the match and usually we’d say aye ”

KLR “Carmel was the easiest person to work”

Stevie “She kicked like a motherfucker though. I thought she’d broke my ribs the first time she kicked me. It was the stomps. Then the penalty kicks, when she punted ye man. She knew how to kick”

KLR “Aye see ye learned. Ye learned not to feed. I’d take any move in the world off Carmel, but as soon as I seen that boot coming I was like ‘noooo’ ”

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In ICW intergender matches aren’t restricted. Both genders being allowed to freely scud each other stupid, as Stevie’s horror stories about Carmel’s kicks can attest. Kay Lee has plenty of experience in that area, as she almost perished thanks to a dangerous spot in the crowd during a match with Mikey Whiplash, which to use her words saw the venue “attack” her. The venue in question being the legendary Studio 24 in Edinburgh. A place where the walls had actual real human sweat glands somehow embedded into them

Stevie “I prefer the inter-gender stuff when its me and Kay Lee against two other guys. I feel that really pushes Kay Lee to bring out something different”

“We done inter-gender on the all-star tour recently and its a different ball game there. I wasn’t on any terms allowed to hit the female on the other team. We were in with a guy called Little Legs. Who’s a little person as well. I fuckin loved that. Would honestly do it every day of the week. I worked him for about 5 days in a row and it was the most fun I’ve ever had. Seriously, look up his stuff, he was in Harry Potter and all that. He’s so good”

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Both Kay Lee and Stevie were at the recent ICW show where none other than the man himself showed up. The beak. Big Hunter. Paul to his pals. Triple fuckin H”. A nerve racking experience but one that showed them both just how much of a special time in wrestling they exist in.

Kay Lee “When Triple H showed up everyone was nervous. I knew I had to cut a promo, and I thought theres nae way I can cut a promo in ICW without swearing. Luckily he hadn’t showed up yet, but cheers for dropping that on us on the day  anyway Dallas” *laughs*

Stevie “I could write anything down on a piece of paper right now. Anything wrestling, and it could legit happen in ICW. Thats how it is right now. We had Balor, Triple H. Anything can happen. Triple H showed up right before the interval, so a 20 minute interval became a 5 minute interval. He apologised because he couldn’t stick about as WWE were running just down the road that night but he didn’t need to come at all. It was nice of him to do even that. He was sitting backstage and you realised this is the first time he’s EVER appeared on an independent wrestling show. So we must be doing something right. We’re definitely still on the right course”

A unique accolade the pair hold is being a couple who have held the same singles title. Southside’s “Speed King” Title which Kay Lee Captured in 2014. Not unusual for a mainstay in the company who had made a habit of toeing the guy’s baws, but Stevie winning the same title this year proved to be a huge moment for him in his attempts to become a regular fixture in promotions down south. Although the fact that he isn’t everywhere already is a fuckin travesty.

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Kay Lee “I won it against Martin Kirby and for me that was some of my best stuff. He came to me with all these ideas and asked if I’d be up for them and I just said aye right away. I had so much fun working with him. Martin Kirby is one of my favourites. Great wrestler. He could wrestle a brush and it would be good. I think it would have been great no matter who I won it from, but working with him made it brilliant”

Stevie “I think he’s one of our joint favourites, he’s so good. It’s not really worked out for him in ICW yet, but thats not a slight on the company at all. I think they just need to let Kirby come in and be Kirby”

Stevie’s moment came as the title had been vacated due to Davey Richards inability to make it to a show. As much of a huge moment as it was for him, he had very little time to think about it due to the hectic schedule he and Kay Lee had undertaken that week.

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Stevie “Davey Richards had the title but couldn’t get to the show because of some kind of visa issue. So it was me and Chris Tyler, with the belt vacant. We were first on. 10 minute match. They told me I was going over.It was my first title in England so I was buzzin about that as well. It was one of they things that I didn’t really have time to think about it. We were on the Fight Club Pro show the night before and travelled there right after that so I didn’t really have time to even get nervous about it. ”

KLR “It’s strange that it never really occurred to me that we’ve both held that belt, because I remember saying to you when you won “Its heavy” ” *laughs*
“It is that. The promoter asked me if I wanted to take it home, and I was like “Mate, I don’t think my shoulder could even cope with that”

While that was his first piece of significant singles gold down south, Stevie has been vying for big time singles titles for a while now. A match with Red Lightning in 2013 with his ICW Title on the line proving to be another career favourite during Red’s brilliant title run where he really set the blueprint for villains in ICW.

Stevie “Andy still says its his favourite title defence. I loved it. Initially I panicked because of how big a match at was. Me used to being in a tag team and if I fuck up, some of the blame goes on other people, but this was all me. I don’t think there’s anyone better I could have been in the ring with in that situation than Andy. See if I can finish my career and they say I was half the heel that Andy was during that run, I’d be happy. He was like an EastEnders bad guy. So witty on the mic. See even now because he’s a Dad, and that transfers to his work, he’s unbelievable. Any segment Red Lightning is on you can guarantee I’m on the other side of the curtain watching. There was no one else that could have made that as good as it was. I think anyone else being the head of the company at the time might have dictated to me, wheras Andy was so open to everything. A lot of the ideas were my ideas and he was so receptive to it. As nervous as I was, I was eager to impress. I was madly in love with wrestling and wanted to go out there and do everything I could and instead of holding that back he encouraged. I’ll always look back on that as one of my favourites. Looking back on it now I could have been at the time like aye i can do this on my own, but i was very focused on the Buckies at that point.

Red Lightning isn’t the only veteran who has had an impact on Stevie. Kid Fite has also been a huge part of both Stevie and Kay Lee’s careers. Both of them citing the PBW promoter and ICW resident hardnut as a big part of the reason they’re still even involved in wrestling, never mind both of them being on WWE’s radar. While they started at Source Wrestling School, they both feel they were fine tuned under Kid Fite aka Ross Watson’s tutelage.

fito17Stevie “Ross is the reason I stuck at this. We were ready to leave wrestling, and Ross told us to come to training with PBW”

Kay Lee “We were 17 and we’d just moved into a flat, so we didn’t know where we were finding the money either, and Ross just goes “Know whit? Don’t worry about it, just come along” He started getting us bookings to get experience. We don’t give him enough credit. We’d done training but we needed the experience and he got us that experience”

Stevie “We knew how to wrestle. We had an idea of what it was, but he really fine tuned that”

Kay Lee “We did try and help him out a bit. Doing training sessions for him and stuff. But we were happy to do that because without him we might not still be doing this”

Stevie “He’s a gem of the guy. It might be a bit cheesy but he’s one of our guardian angels. He’s looked after us. He’s been brilliant in the ring lately as well. He done his shoulder around the same time as me, but he REALLY done himself and I think only now he’s really starting to get the confidence back and its showing. I wrestled him a few times since the injury and before there was definitely mental barriers there. He wasn’t the Kid Fite I met all those years ago, but he’s back to being that same guy now. I think the world of the guy. We argue and bump heids a lot but to me that just shows how close we are. That just means we are actually pals. He’s a master of getting on my nerves but I love him to bits for it”

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The Bucky Boys made up so much of Stevie’s early career, and with so much happening since their ultimate demise its important to never lose sight of how huge they were in building the ICW tag division, and launching the singles careers of its two members. A journey coloured with major moments, including the duo’s two ICW Tag Title reigns and that mesmerizing moment where Stevie attacked his best pal and ended the group for good. The destroyer that literally destroyed Davey

“Man. I mind me and Davey having to do a walking tour of London on the day of the first ICW show there and it was the worst day of my life man. We’d stayed up all night drinking the night before, and we had to go from the venue all through London. We got the belts that night as well in the triple threat with the SDS and The NAK”

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The night where it all ended was one that will go down in ICW folklore, as it signalled the beginning of the new NAK, and the beginning of a reign of terror Stevie hasn’t stopped since “Its mental. I’m getting the anniversary stuff coming up on Facebook since its Fear and Loathing time and some of the stuff is from 5, 6 years ago. I’m like no way man. I’m actually getting auld. I was a wean when I first started, and I’ve got grey hairs in my beard. I get asked about it a lot. Obviously I was young at the time and worked different jobs and everywhere I went there would be someone who knew me from The Bucky Boys. I wouldn’t change a second of it. Blaze is one of my best pals in the world. I love Neil to bits. Even the way it ended was brilliant. It was a story coming to a perfect ending. Blaze takes the destroyer brilliantly. For so long he was the one I couldn’t ever do it to, and when I finally did it was like “Maaaaaaate, that was amazin. You’ve got a natural talent for landing on yer heid”

The feud between the two ended up being centred around the ICW Zero-G Title as Stevie captured it in London not long before turning on Davey. His first singles title in ICW and a moment he will never forget. “Danny Hope won it the night before. It was something else I never really go the chance to think about, because I was told on the Friday and I wrestled every night from then to theat show on the Sunday. Literally until we walked into Koko and seen that we were all set up that it set in. This is actually happening then? I was overwhelmed a bit. It was a cool experience. Having a bit of support there made it special as well. I didn’t expect a reaction like that. The reception I got was amazing. BT Gunn got me a framed photo of it recently. After I won the title, David Wilson’s took a photo of me and I’m giving the finger. It’s up on my wall now. We’ve got a wall full of wee things from wrestling and that’s up there. It was just an epic experience. The reaction I got and even the messages afterwards was amazing. This all eyes on me. My first singles title in ICW. ”

That led to the former best pals having the huge accolade of opening the show when ICW sold out the famous SECC. A venue that could hold 3,000 more fans than their previous record attendance. The magnitude of that moment wasn’t lost on Stevie or his stomach, but a moment that a roaming camera got a bit too close too took none of the shine off what was an excellent match on a career changing stage.

“I wish we had a bit more interaction, but I liked the feud a lot aye. I think that SECC match was the only one we had so it would have been good to maybe have had one in the build up or something. They did do well to quite us quite separate, and most the times we came face to face it was more being involved with run ins and stuff. It was amazing to face him in the first match at the SECC. Considering where the company had came from, and where we had came from personally, to be out there in front of 4,000, wrestling my best mate, the guy I started with, was such a special feeling. Then I spewed ma ring in front of 4,000 people *laughs* ”

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Time must have stopped for Stevie in that moment, but there’s nothing to be ashamed of there. Anycunt who tells you wrestling in front of 4,000 wouldn’t  be never racking is a liar of the highest degree and should not be trusted. It was more the collision the former tag partner made when Davey went for a big dive that caused the moment, which Stevie recalled upon with good humour.

“I was really nervous beforehand and with us being on first, you’re anticipating going out. Waiting on it. They kept delaying it and that made it worse. You’re jumping from 1,200 people to 4,00 so its a big thing. I dump bottles of water over myself before going out, so there’s always water there. Out of nerves I kept picking up a bottle of water, taking a sip, putting it back down, and doing the same seconds later”

KLR “I remember coming up to him and telling him to stop drinking so much water before going out”

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Stevie “They kept  putting the start off so I kept drinking more and more. The match starts and I go out after Wee Man, Davey is supposed to hit me with the big Undertaker dive, but he clipped the top rope, so instead of catching him I just moved under him to give him something to land on. All of a sudden I find myself scudding off the barrier behind me and I said to Blaze ‘I’m gonnae be sick’ but I thought I could hold it. Two seconds later I’m having to lean over the side of the barrier to spew, and I just heard 4,000 collectively groan *laughs* and I’ve looked up to see the roaming camera zooming in on my face. ”

If time stopped for Stevie, his other half watching back stage was more concerned with saving her man’s blushes. Irate that the camera had zoomed in on him in his moment of vulnerability. Only calming words from the bold Mick Foley helped calm her in that moment. Tap hauners fae big Mick.
“I was going mental back stage. I could see he was going to spew so I’m screaming at the monitor backstage to get the fucking camera off him. It was actually Mick Foley who had to calm me down and tell me it was awrite”

Hitting a bad yin took none of the shine off that moment though. One that Stevie beams with pride when he speaks about. A genuine fondness for not just the match, but the moment where he was beaten and Davey got to soak in the adulation of a 4,000 strong crowd. Truly The Bucky Boys story coming full circle.

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“Even with that happening its one of my all time favourites. I loved every second of it. To hear the pop that Blaze got when he beat me with my own move. It was amazing that me and my mate got to go out and tear it up in the opening match of such a huge show. Another thing I remember is Duncan telling us not to touch the barriers when you come out. They were the venues so we’d need to pay for them. First thing Blaze does is fire me into one of them and we both fell through *laughs* the match has barely even started and I’m thinking ‘I’m already in debt!” I owe this company money and I’ve just walked out the curtain”

The Bucky Boys did briefly re-unite in ICW for some marquee matches. As two of the top villains in the company it made sense for them to come together, and it also made plenty of sense for it to not become a permanent arrangement. With both parties already off on their own directions as singles wrestlers.

“We had a few matches recently and its one of those things. We clicked again right away, but at the same time I never wanted it to be full-time again. I feel like I’m till only getting started with the solo stuff. As cool as it was, I never wanted us being back together to be the end of that. It turns out it wasn’t and it was just a part of the story”

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The trials and tribulations of road life for Stevie and Kay Lee will certainly stand them in good stead if WWE ever do come calling. A thought that does cross both of their minds with Kay Lee recently making an impact as part of the Mae Young Classic as well as Stevie taking part in a WWE tryout recently. As tough as life on the road can be, finding enjoyment in the time spent together and with pals helps, and keeps the enthusiasm for doing it permanently one day strong.

Kay Lee “I feel like i was kind of just on autopilot with all the travelling we’ve done recently, so WWE would be the same on a bigger scale. I cant moan about it because this is what we’re meant to do”

Stevie “When you think about it, we could be doing anything else, sitting in an office getting screamed at, so that makes all the travel and stuff much easier. Especially doing it with each other. ”

Kay Lee “I was booked down in Manchester and I asked if he wanted to come with me recently. We went a wee jaunt, had a rerr day, I done a wrestle, and we came hame. It was lovely. You’ve got to count your blessings and enjoy it. If it becomes a grind and you stop enjoying it, that’s when it really becomes work. We would much rather be doing this even with all the travel than doing absolutely anything else. ”

That being said, if the opportunity arose for one or both, they are more than willing to jump at it. As Stevie said, if Vinny Mac comes through the door with that contract, it’s getting signed. Although hopefully Berty the Pug’s name would be on there too.

Kay Lee “I’ve never turned down any opportunities in wrestling. I think its silly to do that. People can be reluctant. People can even be reluctant about WWE. Thinking it means they need to go back to training every day and all that. You know what I’d actually really like that. Especially if I was earning good money into the bargain. It would be nice to have that structure. We do all the same things as signing with WWE would entail, but it would be nice to have a bit more of a structure about it. I’d definitely love to end up there, but its not everything”

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Stevie “That’s obviously the main goal. It’s the reason we all do this. I’ve got other goals for now that I’m focused on but it’s always in the back of my mind. They’re aware of me, I’m aware of them. I’ve always wanted to travel the world while doing this, and I can do that without WWE, but see if Vinnie Mac walked in one day, handed me a contract and said “right Stevie, stick yer signature on that” I’d be like “hand it over”. Its Viper that keeps you positive man. She keeps saying it “life is good” and great having that positivity. We travel with her quite a lot and its great to have that. You can be in the car after tour. Everyones seizing up. You’re sore, and she turns and goes “Aye but, think about what we’re doing right now” and it makes you think of it in a more positive light again. Its taken a long time to get here, I’ve been doing this for 12 years but its getting to a point where I feel like aye. Its happening. I’ve started to travel a bit more around the rest of the UK, so thats my goal for now. Winning the speed king and debuting for Fight Club, I think that’s broke down a bit of a barrier for me when it comes to doing that. Going back to the tryout, the only slightly disappointing aspect was that they don’t give feedback. Iwent in with the mindset that they’d tell you what you needed to be doing, but they don’t do feedback. As long as I know I’m going forward, I’m happy. I’m making my own name”

KLR “Its a situation that I’d love it to happen but if it never did, I’d be very happy with what I’ve done in my career. ”

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One thing the pair will perhaps want to tick off the bucket list is something neither have done yet. The grand finale for this interview. Usually I don’t really structure them to come to a particular conclusion but this was special. This was a rare moment in time where it was absolutely acceptable to ask a couple if they wanted to fight each other and I had to cash in on that. So far we’d petted a dug, chatted about Rick and Morty, shattered any illusions about Stevie being actually filthy by discussing a mutual love of staying in the shower for fuckin ages and I even got offered a bit of Haggis Pakora. The rules were oot the windae long before we got to the grand finale, but when I dropped that question in, the buzz that came from them both secured it as a sure fire winner. A slam dunk as they say in baseball. Do you ever want to feud with each other?

Kay Lee “Actually since the FSM thing, we have actually been in a match together. It was a multi man thing for Fight Club Pro. We had a wee kiss at the start, done a wee tag move, then he tried to chuck me out the ring to steal the win.

Stevie  “I tried to do ma burd and win the match *laughs*. I didn’t though. I lost. But the intention was there. If any booker is willing to book it I would happily punch lumps out my burd”

Kay Lee “Ye know what, I’m probably the only burd you could say that about and people would say ‘Aye I’d quite like to see that actually’ *laughs*. I like the fact that nobody will go ‘Ooh that shouldnae be happening”. I do appreciate that, as much as it usually comes with me getting kicked in the face”

Stevie “One thing I liked at Fight Club was that we came out to same music, so hers had played and then when I’m coming out they start giving it ‘You fucked up’ before they realised *laughs* but yeah. I’d relish getting the chance to punch lumps out my burd”

Kay Lee “I think it would be a great match as well. It would just be a case of getting us against each other somehow, but we’d both do it in a heartbeat”

Stevie “If anyone emailed me tomorrow saying I want to book you vs Kay Lee Ray, I’d be like ‘send me the date!” its something we’re definitely up for doing”

So there you have it troops. They’re enagaged to be married yet want to batter each other in a wrestling ring, and if that doesn’t make them extra endearing to you, I’m afraid there’s little hope for you as a fan of this wrestling carry on.

Oh aye btw. They’re engaged. They just casually dropped that in there somewhere along the way. Brought a dug, great news, and a fuckin top interview. Stevie Boy and Kay Lee Ray. Certified good cunts.

Was a pleasure chatting to Stevie, Kay Lee, and of course Berty. They brought a fuckin dug. Other wrestling people I interview need to somehow top that. Maybe a bear? Aye. Next wrestler I interview needs to bring a bear or at least a wolf or the interview does not go ahead. 

Huge thank you to David J.Wilson and Warrior for the pictures used. And anyone else who’s pictures I might have used. If you would like credited and I’ve no done it, send me a message and I’ll rectify that heinous error. 

See the t-shirt pictured way at the start there. BUY IT HERE